Back to the dream

by JaneB

A different path for JR and SE on the Dream Season

5. Chapter 5

"Momma" JR said

Miss Ellie turned around to see her eldest son standing before her…a look of confusion on his face.

Miss Ellie didn't know what to say….this was the secret she had planned to take to her grave…she knew the truth would destroy JR.

"Momma, what did you mean?" JR said

Miss Ellie looked at JR "I'm sorry JR you were never supposed to hear that" she said

"Is it true…was Jock not my father" JR said

Miss Ellie sighed "I'm sorry JR" she said

"Then who?" JR said

Sue Ellen looked at JR "Sweetheart it's late….let's go to bed and talk about this in the morning" she said

"No dammit…I want to know now" JR said "Momma has just admitted that the man I worshipped all my life is not my father…so I want to know who is"

Miss Ellie closed her eyes "Okay…JR sit down" she said

JR and Sue Ellen sat on the sofa; Sue Ellen gripped JR's hand tightly. The room went silent for what seemed like eternity…Miss Ellie didn't even know where to begin.

"Momma" JR said

Miss Ellie looked at her son…she really didn't know where to start "JR I was very young…."

"Momma, who is my father?" JR interrupted

"JR your father was a good man…someone I loved very much but he was unreliable. What I did I did for you…to give you a secure future" Miss Ellie said

JR remained quiet…his mind was racing with thoughts…he glanced at Sue Ellen and tightened his grip on her hand.

"This is really hard…and I know you're going to hate me for this which is why I planned on keeping it a secret forever" Miss Ellie said

"Momma go on" JR said

"This was a long time ago…a time when it was considered improper to have a baby outside of wedlock. At that point I was……I was involved with Digger Barnes….we've been going together since we were teenagers and one day I knew I would marry him. However there was one problem…he was totally unreliable…he would say he would do things and then forget….go out to some bar and get completely drunk. He formed a partnership with Jock Ewing; both of them wanted to create America's greatest Oil Company. Jock had the brains…he knew what he needed to do to build up a secure business on the other hand Digger knew how to find oil…he could smell the stuff even if it was miles away from him. The only problem with him was that he loved to drink…every single time they found oil Digger would go off for days on end celebrating until finally one of his buddies decided to bring him home." Miss Ellie said

Sue Ellen closed her eyes fearing what was about to be said. She looked at JR but he was expressionless; she knew he was in pain…all she wanted to do was take him in her arms and comfort him.

"Anyway I found out I was pregnant…..at first I was scare; I mean I was twenty one years old barely an adult myself but then once I got used to the idea I was happy. A few days later I decided that I needed to tell Digger so I told him that I was arranging a special dinner at Southfork…just the two of us" Miss Ellie said "However he told me that he and Jock were going to one of the oilfields as they were expecting an oilstrike….but he promised me he would be back by 7pm. I stressed that it was important that I talked to him and he told me he'd be there. I spent ages preparing a meal…then sat down and waited for him to appear. I waited all night for him to appear but he didn't. That night I cried myself to sleep; I knew our relationship was doomed…that I needed someone that I could rely on….if I had stayed with Digger I would have lost everything including Southfork; so I made a decision. Digger finally turned up at noon the next day with the smell of alcohol on his breath…I told him that it was over between us"

JR closed his eyes "Are you telling me that Digger Barnes was my father" he said

"JR your father was Jock Ewing…he was the one who brought you up" Miss Ellie said "But he wasn't your biological father"

"Ellie where does Jock fit into this story?" Clayton asked

"Jock was forever telling me that if I ever got tired of being let down by Digger that he would be waiting for me. At the time I wasn't interested…even then he was a hard man…he didn't have the warmth that Digger had. However I knew that if I married Jock that I would secure the future for me and my baby. Things were bad at Southfork; money was short but I knew I could solve that problem…so the day after I broke up with Digger I went to see Jock at Ewing Oil…I knew Digger wouldn't be there…he'd be drowning his sorrows somewhere. I invited Jock to dinner that night. I remember feeling terrible that afternoon while I prepared a meal for us. I was in love with Digger, I wanted him…he was the father of my child and I loved him but I knew that to do the best for my baby I had go to Jock. That evening Jock stayed the night….I needed to sleep with him so that he wouldn't suspect that he wasn't the father of my child. I felt dirty and cheap….as though I was selling myself. Anyway a month later we were married and a couple of weeks later I told him I was pregnant" she said

"Are you telling me that neither of them knew" JR said

"No…JR you were born two weeks late…which meant the baby Jock thought was his was premature but he failed to realize that premature babies are small and usually sickly" Miss Ellie said "I worried that he might pick up on the fact that you were surprisingly healthy for a premature baby but he didn't…as for Digger; once I married Jock I never saw him again until Bobby married Pam"

"Is there anyway you were mistaken that you were pregnant…maybe it was a false alarm and you actually fell pregnant the night you slept with Jock" JR asked, desperately trying to cling on to hope that he was Jock Ewing's son

"I'm sorry JR…I was already pregnant although I had already worked it out I had it confirmed a few days before I was going to tell Digger" Miss Ellie replied "Which is why I can't let you take this blood test…we don't know for sure that this isn't Jock and while there's a slightest chance that it could be….I don't want you to take the test"

JR closed his eyes trying to take in everything that his mother had told him. He wished this was a nightmare he could wake up from but he knew it wasn't. He felt Sue Ellen's hand tightly entangled with his….never in his life had he felt so relieved to have her by his side. He didn't know what he was feeling…hurt, anger, despair….so many emotions were running through him. All his life he had worshipped Jock Ewing…wanting to be like him…everything he had done was for his father's approval…now he found out his whole life was a lie. He opened his eyes and looked around him; his world was falling apart…the room felt as though it was closing in around him…he needed air…he needed to get out of the room. Suddenly he let go of Sue Ellen's hand and stood up.

"I've…I've got to get out of here" he said moving towards the door. Sue Ellen went to join him.

"Sue Ellen….please I need some time alone" JR said

"JR…don't shut me out" Sue Ellen said

JR turned to face her, Sue Ellen saw the pain in his eyes "Please" He said "I need to sort this out on my own"

Sue Ellen stood at the doorway and watched JR leave. Suddenly everything she had said to JR these past few months seemed pointless. She told him that she didn't want him bottling things up, that she would always be there for him, to listen to him when he needed someone. However tonight when she knew he was in pain and wanted to comfort him, he had rejected her preferring to deal with his pain on his own. She felt tears in her own eyes…she knew JR didn't trust her enough to allow her to help him through this. She felt helpless not really knowing what to do next. She was deep in thought when she heard the sound of Miss Ellie's voice.

"Sue Ellen, he'll be okay" Miss Ellie said "When have you ever known JR to be defeated"

Sue Ellen remained silent; she thought back to the time shortly after their divorce when Jock had gone missing….JR's world had been shattered, that time she couldn't help him but this time she could.

"Sue Ellen it's getting late and you need to rest" Clayton said "I'm sure JR will be okay"

Sue Ellen knew that JR was going to be anything but okay; the thought of having Digger Barnes as his father would destroy him.

"I think I'll wait up for him" she replied

"Goodnight" Miss Ellie said "Don't stay up too long"

Sue Ellen watched Miss Ellie and Clayton walked upstairs to their room. She realized how little Miss Ellie knew JR…she honestly thought that JR would be able to deal with this; did noone understand that JR was human just like anyone else; capable of feeling human emotions. She sat down on the sofa for a while…knowing she would never be able to rest until JR was safely back by her side.

The Treehouse

JR sat alone in the treehouse…he felt numb after hearing what his mother had told him. He didn't know what to do….nothing mattered anymore he wished he was in the grave with Bobby; noone would really care if he was dead anyway. He realized now why his parents didn't love him; he was an outsider not really a Ewing…not really part of their family. His thoughts went to his son; he loved John Ross more than anything in this world but even he would be better off without him. His thoughts next turned to Sue Ellen, the love of his life, the one person who never rejected him no matter what he did to her. He didn't deserve her love…he wished he had been able to open to her tonight and let her comfort him but he was afraid that if he let her see him like this she would think him less of a man. He needed her more than anything. Finally JR couldn't take anymore and for the first time in a long time he cried.

Southfork

Sue Ellen went upstairs to her room. She knew where JR would be but also realized t hat she couldn't climb up into the treehouse in the clothes she was wearing she had to change. The treehouse was the one place JR felt safe..the one place he would go to when he needed to escape. She looked out of the window at the dark surrounding Southfork; she didn't want to go out there alone but she needed to get to JR. There was no way that she was going to let him go through this alone. After getting changed she grabbed a torch and made her way outside. The night was silent a warm breeze still hung in the air; she sadly remembered how happy her and JR had been earlier. As quickly as possible she made her way. On reaching the treehouse she looked up at it; she hadn't been up there in ages. She remembered all the good times she had spent with JR up there. Slowly and carefully she began to climb. Breathing a sigh of relief at reaching the top she climbed into the house. JR was sat on the floor with his head in his hand sobbing; her heart went out to him…at this moment all she wanted to do was protect him. She crawled gently towards him.

"JR" she gently said

JR looked at her…his eyes red with crying "What are you doing here?" he said "You shouldn't be up here in your condition"

"Do you really think I'd leave you to cope with this alone" she said, she moved closer to him until finally she took him in her arms. JR clung to her and sobbed. Sue Ellen gently rubbed his back and reassured him telling him over and over again that she loved him; for twenty minutes he cried. Finally he began to relax, Sue Ellen held him tightly.

"I don't believe her" JR said

Sue Ellen looked at him waiting for him to go on.

"I think daddy knew I wasn't his; he didn't love me I was only his business partner" JR said

"Sweetheart I'm sure that's not true" Sue Ellen said

"I never had a birthday party not like Gary and Bobby; I never had friends as I always had to be helping him at Ewing Oil. Maybe that's why neither momma or daddy love me because they knew I wasn't theirs" JR said "I was Digger's son not Jock's so I wasn't really part of their family"

"Miss Ellie loves you JR; people just don't see you like I do, I don't think she realized that you needed her as much as Gary did" Sue Ellen said

"Momma always protected Gary from daddy but she never considered that I felt threatened by him too. I guess she thought that as long as daddy was bullying me Gary was safe"

"JR, Jock gave you his name; he even named our son…I honestly don't think he knew" Sue Ellen said

"Maybe daddy thought that he could make things right with Digger by taking his son into Ewing Oil and making him his business partner" JR said "You know part of me wishes I was in that grave with Bobby…I feel my whole life has been a lie. I wasn't a Ewing I was an imposter God I remember how I treated John Ross after he was born before we had the blood test"

"JR look at me" Sue Ellen said

JR looked at her and she saw the pain inside his eyes.

"Sweetheart your life hasn't been a lie….what about me, what about our son. We love you JR and we always will regardless of who your father is. What happened tonight doesn't change anything….you are still the only man I will ever truly love…the only one I want to be with" Sue Ellen said "John Ross adores you….after the custody he wanted to stay here with you; he loves being with you whether it's playing in the pool or doing homework…you're his daddy and he loves you"

"What do you think would have happened if momma had stayed with Digger?" JR asked

"I don't know sweetheart….I guess your momma was worried about the future and Southfork….she didn't trust Digger not to waste any money that Ewing Oil made for them and if they didn't have any money then they might lose Southfork" Sue Ellen said

"So you don't think she loved him" JR said

Sue Ellen smiled "She loved him even after she went to Jock she still wanted him…she told me that a few days ago… she didn't love Jock when she married him; she just needed him to believe she did" she said

"Do you think Digger would have loved me if he had known the truth…if momma had stayed with him" JR asked

"I asked Miss Ellie what Digger was like when we found that photograph on the grave and she said he was the opposite of Jock; warm and gentle. I think he would have loved you in the same way that you love John Ross" Sue Ellen replied

"He loved Pam even though he knew she wasn't his daughter even after her mother left them" JR said

"Thinking about things now….I can understand why Digger hated Jock so much and what that hate did to him. I think he drank to ease the pain of what he had lost…after all it wasn't just Ewing Oil that Jock took from him…it was the woman he loved." Sue Ellen said "I don't know what he would have thought if he knew that Jock raised his son as well"

"I remember the paternity test….we had to retake it as Cliff and I had the same blood group" JR said "I wonder what momma thought about that time…she knew the truth…John Ross was Digger's grandson"

Sue Ellen closed her eyes…just at this moment she hated Jock. Hated him for his treatment of JR….never acknowledging when JR had done something good but always finding fault when JR had done something wrong. Jock was a bully…not only to Gary but also JR, the only son who hadn't suffered at his hands was Bobby. She also felt sympathy for Digger…being denied the family that was rightfully his. Never knowing his son or grandson.

"Where do I go from here?" JR asked breaking into Sue Ellen's thoughts.

Sue Ellen smiled "We move forward….I promise you nothing has changed. We plan for this new baby…..decorate the nursery and you can spoil me throughout this pregnancy. We also cherish our son….make sure that every day of his life he knows how much we love him" she said "Also we cherish each other; we renew our wedding vows and build a stronger relationship. With all my heart I will make sure you know how much I love you"

"I promise the same" JR said "Tonight I felt so alone; after momma told me the truth I was devastated and I couldn't let you see me like that….I thought if you saw me like that I wouldn't be the man you thought I was…so I told you I wanted to be alone but all I wanted was you…to feel your arms around me…comforting me"

"JR….you are the man of my dreams…nothing could ever change that. I have to admit I was disappointed tonight as I've told you so many times that I wanted to be there for you when you needed me and you rejected me. However I couldn't let you go through this alone, I knew I couldn't go to bed not knowing what was happening with you and I wouldn't be able to sleep until you were safely in my arms…so I decided to find you. You have to trust me…if there's one person in this world that you can trust…it's me" she said

"I can't take this blood test can I" JR said "The only problem is I've already phoned Gary and he's going to let me know when he's coming to Dallas"

"No but it doesn't mean that Ray or Gary can't take it" Sue Ellen said "We could say that you've already taken the test…for everyone's sake we need to know whether Ben Stivers is telling the truth"

"What if he is?" JR said

"Miss Ellie wont take him back" Sue Ellen said "She told me that…I just hope he's lying"

"This changes so much" JR said "For a start Barnes happens to be my half-brother; the Barnes-Ewing feud…God I even understand now why Digger hated daddy so much."

"JR; what Miss Ellie told you stays with the four people in that room" Sue Ellen said "Miss Ellie will never say anything and I'm sure Clayton wont either, so it will still remain a secret…for the rest of the world you are Jock Ewing's son"

JR held Sue Ellen tightly and kissed her "Thank you" he said

"What for?" she replied

"For being here…for listening to me and also for loving me" JR said

"Hey that's what I'm here for" She replied "I love you so very much and when you hurt I hurt"

"We should get back" JR said "It's getting late"

Sue Ellen smiled "Are you ready?" she asked

"Has momma and Clayton gone to bed?" he asked

"Yes…they went upstairs shortly after you left" Sue Ellen replied

"Okay let's go" JR sighed

JR helped Sue Ellen down from the treehouse and hand in hand they wandered back to the house.

Sue Ellen and JR walked back into the house. Everything was quiet.

"Fancy a nightcap?" Sue Ellen said leading him towards the kitchen.

JR looked at her and smiled, taking her in his arms he kissed her "Actually a coffee would be good" he said

They walked into kitchen; JR sat down and watched Sue Ellen make the coffee.

"Sue Ellen I don't know if I can face momma tomorrow" JR said "I don't know what to say to her"

Sue Ellen put the coffee cups on the table and went and sat in JR's lap.

"Sweetheart this is hard for her as well…I suspect that she wanted this secret never to come out and now that it has she probably doesn't know what to say or do" Sue Ellen said

"Do you think she did the right thing?" JR asked

Sue Ellen didn't know what to say "It was a difficult decision to make….stay with a man that was totally unreliable and risk losing your home or leave him for someone who could give you security…I don't want to judge her JR" she said

JR looked at her Okay…put yourself in her position what would you have done…I know what your mother would have done" he said

Sue Ellen playfully slapped his arm "I know what my mother would have got me to do!" she said "However I'm not sure I could have married a man I didn't love knowing that I was actually carrying the baby of the man I loved. I can't imagine what she went through"

"How did you feel being married to me when you thought you were carrying Cliff's baby?" JR said

"In the beginning I didn't think about it much….although I remember phoning him one day from town and asking him what color I should decorate the nursery but then as time went by and you constantly kept cheating on me, I knew I had to get out of the sham that was our marriage. After I left you I went to Cliff and told him I wanted to be with him, that I was prepared to give up everything if he thought we had a chance…but you put a stop to that by making him choose between me and his career" she said

"So you're saying you would have given up the Ewing name, the money…everything to be with the father of your child" JR said

Sue Ellen kissed him "At that time yes and if you hadn't done what you did…maybe Cliff and I would have been raising John Ross"

"Thank God I did" JR laughed "The whole family, including myself always thought that the reason you married me was for the Ewing name and money…but we were wrong. However now I see that my own mother married for money and not love"

"Like I said she did what she thought was best" Sue Ellen said

"Maybe Cliff is the lucky one….he never had to wonder whether his father loved him or not" JR said

"Sweetheart we can't turn back time; .but you know now that you are loved…not just by me but by our son" Sue Ellen said

"Sue Ellen if Ben Stivers is Jock I don't want him anywhere near John Ross…I don't want to let him do to my son what he did to me" JR said

"That is going to be difficult especially if he stays in Dallas; however we don't know that he is Jock" Sue Ellen said

"If I told you that I wanted to move away from Southfork…sell Ewing Oil and start somewhere else…would you come with me?" JR asked

"Of course I would…but let's not make any decisions yet…you're still in shock" Sue Ellen said

"Let's take John Ross out of school and go on this holiday as soon as possible" JR said "I can't wait to get away from here and just have some time alone to be a real family"

"Okay….do you still want Christopher to come" Sue Ellen asked

"Yes" JR said "Do you think he's okay with Mark?"

"Mark's fine…they spend quite a bit of time together" Sue Ellen said "Don't worry Mark….."

"Isn't Jock" JR finished her sentence for her.

"No" Sue Ellen said "I'm sorry JR……"

"Sue Ellen…for the whole of my life that man was my hero; hell if he had told me to jump of the Ewing Oil building I would have done it just to please him…but now I know that everything I did was in vain….I would never be good enough I wasn't a Ewing" JR said

Sue Ellen hugged him tightly and kissed him "Sweetheart….it's been a long day, you're tired and upset and you need some rest, why don't we go to bed?" she said

JR felt the tears form again…he didn't hold back he let them fall. For the first time ever he felt safe crying in front of someone. At last he found someone who he could trust and confide in….if only he had trusted her sooner. Sue Ellen held him and let him cry knowing that it was better to get his emotions out then bottling them up. Finally he began to relax; he looked up at Sue Ellen and she gently wiped his tears away.

"Why did momma do it….why couldn't she have given Digger a chance. All my life I thought I was unlovable…I mean try as hard as I could I never got any affection from either of my parents and now I know why…I wasn't part of their family" he said

"JR…listen to me….you have a family of your own now which you are very much a part of. And as for you being unlovable….JR there have been times when I could have killed you….times when I hated you but through everything I have always, always loved you" Sue Ellen said

"How can you hate someone yet love them at the same time?" JR asked

Sue Ellen laughed "It's hard to explain!" she said "Love is why I'm still here despite everything that you put me through…hate is how I felt when you cheated on me…when you made me feel worthless. I remember the time that you were shot…things had been really bad between us…you wanted to send me back to the sanitarium….the afternoon before you were shot I had the gun in my handbag and I was prepared to kill you, I felt I needed to take charge and not rely on Bobby or anyone else to help me. The morning afterwards when Kristin told me what had happened I felt so guilty then when I saw you lying there in hospital I melted….you looked so helpless that all I wanted to do was love you and make you better….every feeling of hate that I had for you was gone. I know that you're going through hell at the moment but I promise you that I'm here whenever you need me…and if Ben Stivers really is Jock I will never let him make you feel worthless again"

JR kissed her "Thank you…I really don't deserve you" he said

"JR we'll get through this together…now are you ready for bed or not" she smiled

"Okay" JR said

The following morning Sue Ellen woke before JR; they were both locked in a tight embrace. She looked at JR who was sleeping peacefully after having a restless night; watching him sleep she was reminded of how much John Ross looked like him even the fact that John Ross bit down on his bottom lip when he slept just as JR was doing now. She lay still not wanting to disturb him. After ten minutes he opened his eyes. Sue Ellen smiled at him and kissed his forehead.

"Hi sweetheart…how are you feeling" she asked

JR sighed "I don't know….I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel…part of me feels angry with momma for what she did…..part of me hates daddy for making me hate the man who was my real father…I just feel so confused"

"Just take it one step at a time" Sue Ellen said

"What time is it?" JR asked

It's just after 8" Sue Ellen replied

"We should get up….but I don't want to face them yet" JR said

"You have to face them sometime and I'll be right here by your side. We'll do this together" Sue Ellen said

"Okay….as we'll doing this together….do you want to join me in the shower?" JR said

Sue Ellen laughed to see the mischievous look in JR's eyes "That's the best invitation I've heard all day" she said

After showering they got dressed and prepared for the day ahead. JR took Sue Ellen in his arms and kissed her.

"Do we have to leave this room today?" He said "I'd much sooner stay up here all day making love to you then go downstairs"

"JR as much as I would love to do that, you're going to have to face your mother at some point" she said "Beside I didn't think JR Ewing was afraid of anything"

JR held her even closer to him "Give me five more minutes with just you" he said, gently he pushed her towards the bed. Sue Ellen found herself giving in to him. Showering him with kisses she pulled him closer to her wanting to wipe away all the hurt and pain she knew he was feeling, she felt JR's hand go to the buttons of her blouse.

"JR we should get up" she said gently

"Just a few more minutes" JR said "Let me love you"

Sue Ellen smiled; the truth was she wanted him as much as he needed her; slowly they began to make love, tenderly they caressed each other, until they reached the heights of their passion and united in one body. As they began to relax Sue Ellen smiled at JR.

"I love you so much...you have no idea" she said

JR laughed "I think I do" He said "I've seen a different side to you tonight…when I felt my world was falling apart you came to my rescue…..I came close to wishing I was dead but you reminded me that there were people around who cared for me…that loved me, without you I don't think I would have survived last night. When I think about how I've treated you over the years you would be within your rights to think that what happened to me were just desserts"

"Hey…listen to me…you always forgive the ones you love no matter how horrible they are to you….I never want to see you the way you were last night. I can't make things right…I mean I know how you feel about your childhood….but what I can do is make sure that from this moment on you know how much you are loved" she said "Your family needs you JR…we need you to love and protect us"

"I am going to do everything in my power to make up for the bad times; I'm going to spoil both you and John Ross" he said

Sue Ellen laughed "I'm going to hold you to that; especially after this baby is born and it wakes up at three in the morning" she said

JR kissed her "I guess we should go downstairs" he said

Sue Ellen frowned "Let's not put this off any longer" she said

Hand in hand they walked downstairs together as they reached the bottom step Sue Ellen squeezed JR's hand…JR looked at her and smiled weakly. They walked into the dining room to find Miss Ellie sitting alone.

"Hi Miss Ellie" Sue Ellen said "Has Clayton left already?"

"Hi…yes he wanted to get an early start on the ranch" Miss Ellie replied "Good morning JR"

JR didn't reply…he went over and got himself something to eat before sitting down.

"I'm sorry about last night JR…it was something…you were never supposed to find out about" Miss Ellie said

"Obviously not" JR said "Why momma, why did you do it"

"JR I told you last night….I did what was best for you, for me and for Southfork" she said "I knew what Digger was like and that if we stayed with him we'd end up losing Southfork, money was already tight….we were finding it difficult to make ends meet and I didn't want to lose this place….it's been in my family for generations"

"So you got married to a man you didn't love because he had the money you needed to save Southfork" JR said

"Not just Southfork….Jock could provide a better security for you and me" Miss Ellie said

"And what about Digger….was it fair on him" JR said

"Digger didn't know anything….for all he knew Jock and I could have been carrying on behind his back" Miss Ellie said

"And were you?" JR asked "Is there a chance that Jock's my father"

"No" Miss Ellie said quietly "Digger is your father"

JR closed his eyes, Sue Ellen reached for his hand and he held it tightly.

"Momma how could you do it to me or him" JR said

"JR I gave you the best in life….you never had to worry about money or where your next meal was coming from" Miss Ellie said "Would you honestly change places with Cliff Barnes"

JR went silent…would he change places with Cliff? If it meant that he'd have a father who actually loved him yes he would have.

"Didn't think you would JR" Miss Ellie said "Jock is your father…he's the one who loved you…picked you up when you fell over….taught you the family business and made you the man you are today not Digger"

JR fought against the tears in his eyes. He thought about what his mother had said. His father never picked him up when he fell over…thinking about the time he was bolted from the horse..Jock had told him to grow up and then went looking for the horse not bothering whether JR was hurt or not, then there was the time that he wanted to go to Gary's birthday party but wasn't allowed and had to go to work. That wasn't being a loving father. He thought to how many times he had picked up John Ross after he had fallen over when he was learning to walk and cuddled him close to him soothing his tears, read him bedtime stories at night and watched while he slept. He hoped John Ross never felt the insecurity that he felt…that he knew how much he was loved.

"The Ewing/Barnes feud isn't just about Ewing Oil is it?" JR asked

"No, Digger felt that he had lost everything…that your father had stolen everything from him including me" Miss Ellie replied

JR laughed "He was right wasn't he" he said "The night the paternity test came through…Jock told everyone that John Ross was my son and his grandson…how wrong could he be….and how could you just stand there knowing the truth…knowing how bad things had been for Digger after Pam lost her baby…how much he wanted a grandchild. He had one…John Ross Ewing III my son his grandson"

"JR John Ross is not his grandson….I did what was right" Miss Ellie said "Jock was a good man, Digger was a waster…God knows what life would have been like if I stayed with him"

"But Digger knew how to find the oil…without that Ewing Oil would never have been" JR said

"JR don't even try to pretend you care about what Digger was cheated out off….you don't care about anyone….for years you've cheated on Sue Ellen, treated her like dirt….you're incapable of love…you use people to your own advantage….you will destroy anyone to get what you want…let's not forget that you drove Cliff to suicide a few years back" Miss Ellie said

JR looked at her knowing most of what she said was true "Don't turn this on me" JR said "Do you think it's fair that I was brought up to hate my father….to be constantly told what a lowlife he was"

"JR I'm sorry but this is in the past…it's over and there's no point discussing it" Miss Ellie said

"Tell me about Digger" JR said

"No JR..this discussion is closed" Miss Ellie said

"Momma I have a right to know what my real father was like" JR said

"JR I told you…I don't want to discuss it" Miss Ellie replied "Please just drop it"

JR looked at his mother…he knew by the look on her face that there was little point in going on with this conversation. Silently he got up from the table and walked out of the room. Sue Ellen watched him go….her heart was breaking…she knew he was in pain. After a minute she got up and went to him, seeing him by his car she called his name…JR turned around. Sue Ellen walked up to him and wiped the tears from his face.

"Sue Ellen she doesn't understand, daddy never loved me. I can't recall a single time that he read me a bedtime story…picked me up when I fell over…helped me with my homework. He didn't love me neither of them did not really" he said

"Ssssshhhh" Sue Ellen said "Let's take my car and get out of here for a while"

Hand in hand they walked over to Sue Ellen's car and got in, Sue Ellen pulled him closer to her and for the third time in 24 hours held him while he sobbed.

Sue Ellen drove the car out of the gates of Southfork; she wanted to get them as far away as possible. For ten minutes she had held JR while he cried, she hated seeing him like that; she was also aware of the fact that Miss Ellie hadn't bothered to come out and check that JR was alright. Sue Ellen thought about what Miss Ellie had said to him and although she knew a lot of what was said was true it wasn't what a loving mother should have said to her son. She now understood why JR behaved the way he did…..he was deprived of love from both parents. She looked over at him…he seemed calmer.

"Hey where do you want to go" she said

JR looked at her "I don't care as long as it's away from this place" he said

"I promised Mark that I would go into Grayson's at some point today but until then I'm all yours" she smiled

JR grinned a wicked grin "Hmmm now there's an offer I can't refuse" he said "How about we find somewhere very, very private"

She looked at him and smiled "Glad to see you've cheered up a bit" she said

"Hey the thought of having you all to myself and thinking about what I'd like to do to you definitely put a smile on my face" he said "Let's go and find somewhere nice and quiet"

"You mean outside or back at the Condo?" Sue Ellen asked

"Hmmm, let's go for a walk around the park" JR said

Sue Ellen drove to the park and they got out of the car. "Place looks deserted" JR said

Hand in hand they walked along the path.

"Everything momma said this morning was true" JR said "I am incapable of love; I've cheated and abused you so many times, drove Cliff to attempt suicide and will destroy people who get in the way of what I want"

"JR…..look at the way you were brought up; how many times did Jock or Miss Ellie cuddle you or tell you they loved you? How often did they calm your fears after a bad nightmare?" Sue Ellen said "I saw it this morning….Miss Ellie's prime concern should have been making sure that you were okay but she didn't she was almost cold and I didn't like what she said to you"

"But she was only telling the truth" JR said

"Darling she may have been however she must have known that you were upset…god she just told you that the man you adored was not your father and yet she couldn't find a way to comfort you, tell you what you wanted to know" Sue Ellen said

JR began to speak but Sue Ellen placed her finger to his lips.

"Sweetheart we were in the car parked outside Southfork for ten minutes but she never even came outside to make sure you were okay…I just can't get over how cold and uncaring she was" she said

"Maybe it's my fault…perhaps I'm unworthy of love" JR said

Sue Ellen smiled "Don't even go there" she said "Everyone is worthy of love including you; and I know you are capable of love I only have to watch you with our son"

They walked further along the park before deciding to take a rest by a tree.

"Hey you getting old on me" JR smiled as Sue Ellen rested her head on his shoulder

Sue Ellen gently punched him "No….just feel a bit tired…I guess it's the baby" she said

"Hey it's so beautiful out here today…it's really, really warm, so much nicer than being stuck in an office" JR said

Sue Ellen looked at him shocked "I don't believe I've just heard the great JR Ewing, business man, say that he's sooner be here than in his office working on another deal" she said

"Maybe since last night Ewing Oil doesn't seem that important…hey what do you think Cliff would say if I offered him half of it" JR said

Sue Ellen laughed "I think he'd wonder what you were up to" she said

"I don't see the point in the Barnes-Ewing feud anymore…for the first time in my life I can see things from Digger's point of view" JR said "I mean it must have been painful watching momma and Jock…I mean I hated seeing you with Dusty at the Southern Cross ranch. Then to make matters worse Jock swindles him out of Ewing Oil…no wonder he became bitter"

Sue Ellen stroked his cheek and kissed him.

"What was that for?" JR asked

"Nothing…I just love you" she replied

"Sue Ellen, I'll tell you something else………I understand how Pam felt when she found out she wasn't Digger's daughter. It must have destroyed her…I remember how I ridiculed her for being the illegitimate daughter of a ranch hand…now I know how she feels" JR said

Sue Ellen held his hand tightly "JR…nothing has really changed. I do know what Miss Ellie meant when she said Jock was your father…he's the only father you've known" she said "However having said that I wished she hadn't done what she did because I know Digger would have treated you better than Jock ever did…you only have to look at his relationship with Cliff and Pam to see that. I know there were times when he wasn't around for them but they knew he loved them. Maybe if things had been different for you….I don't know just maybe you wouldn't find it so hard to show your feelings"

"I remember being four years old…shortly before Gary was born. Momma was really tired so Grandpa Southworth looked after me as Daddy was away a lot. Even then I was terrified of him. Anyway Grandpa used to let me help him when he was working on the ranch…I used to hold the tools for him while he mended the fence or something…silly little things like that. He taught me how to ride…I had my own pony even at that age and I loved being on the ranch with him….it wasn't until I was thrown from the horse while out with daddy that I developed a hatred for the animals. We used to get up early in the morning and ride out all morning checking on the cattle then in the afternoon he took me down to the lake and taught me how to fish. That was the only time I ever remember anyone taking an interest in me showing any affection. However when I was six things changed I was no longer allowed to go out with Grandpa..daddy said I had to learn the oil business" JR said "A short time after that Grandpa died….I remember when momma told me…I went upstairs to my room and cried….I knew I couldn't have cried in front of them as daddy would have told me real men don't cry"

"I can't imagine you working on the ranch…I mean I always thought it was Bobby who loved the ranch" Sue Ellen said

"I wasn't allowed to...the happiest time of my childhood was when Grandpa was alive and we'd do things together….he was big, strong but I was never afraid of him." JR said

"He loved you" Sue Ellen said "Did he ever read you bedtime stories?"

"Yeah….I used to ask him to read me scary stories…I remember one summer I think it was my fifth birthday…Grandpa and I had been out all day on the ranch and I begged him to let me camp out all night by the lake" JR said "Well Gary was only a few weeks old so momma was glad not to have a five year old running around the place…so she agreed. Grandpa and I set up camp by the lake….we had the campfire where we cooked the fish we caught and he taught me campfire songs then that night before I went to sleep he told me ghost stories. Anyway afterwards I settled down to sleep and everything was fine until I heard noises in the night… I remembered feeling scared so I woke Grandpa and he moved his sleeping bag closer to me and let me snuggle up against him…he talked to me, told me there was nothing to be afraid of and soon I was asleep"

"I know another little boy who would love to do that" Sue Ellen said

"Yeah…I'm hoping to take him fishing this summer and maybe we can go camping by the lake" JR said "How do you think he'll remember me in twenty years time?"

Sue Ellen thought for a moment; "As the father who loved him….helped him with his homework; read him stories…played with him in the pool" she said "Also the father who refused to let him leave school at six years old" she laughed

"He's not going to hate me for that is he?" JR asked

"No sweetheart…he's not, he only thinks he wants to leave school but I bet if you let him do that within six months he'd be wanting to go back" she replied

Sue Ellen looked over to the children's playground, it was empty, and looking at JR she said "Fancy a ride on the roundabout"

JR looked at her and grinned "Fancy a different sort of ride actually but the roundabout sounds good for now" he replied

JR stood up and taking Sue Ellen's hands pulled her up towards him. Arm in arm they walked over to the playground.

Southfork

Miss Ellie sat alone on the patio….she looked around her; seeing Southfork so empty made her sad. She remembered the days when Jock and Bobby were alive and how Southfork had been filled with people. Her mind went back to her conversation earlier with JR. She wished JR hadn't heard her confession to Clayton….it was a secret that she wanted so desperately to keep from him as she knew how much it would hurt him. However she couldn't understand why she had reacted the way she had towards him….he needed comforting; reassurance but she had pushed him away….told him that it was in the past and that he had no right to know about his father. What was it inside her that made her stop comforting JR…she knew that if it had been Gary she wouldn't have had any problem comforting him but JR was different. She didn't know what she felt for JR but she knew it wasn't the same as what she felt for Gary or Bobby….JR had never been an easy person to love. Her thoughts were interrupted by Clayton.

"Ellie…where is everyone?" he asked

"Sue Ellen and JR left shortly after breakfast….its been really quiet around here" she replied

"Was JR okay?" Clayton asked

Miss Ellie looked at him "We had an argument" she said

"What happened?" Clayton asked

"He…he wanted to know why I left Digger knowing I was pregnant with his child, and did I ever consider how he would feel. I told him it was in the past and Jock was his father…the only father he's ever known. JR got upset demanding to know about his real father" Miss Ellie replied

"Ellie it's only natural that he wants to know….this has been a shock for him" Clayton said

"Anyway I told him not to pretend to care about Digger's feeling…that he didn't care about anyone…he was incapable of love and used people to his own advantage" she said "He left soon afterwards…Sue Ellen followed him"

Clayton remained quiet listening to what she had to say.

"Clayton…I let him go knowing how much he was hurting. Sue Ellen was the one who went to comfort him not me. I should have been the one but I couldn't." she said "I'm not sure what I feel for him but its not the same as I feel for Bobby or Gary…if it had been one of them I would have reacted differently"

"JR isn't an easy person to like" Clayton said "Do you resent him because he's Digger's son and not Jock's; because Digger let you down"

"I've never really thought about it…but I've been sitting here thinking about his childhood and how I let Jock raise him….Clayton, Jock was hard on him…but I let him because I knew that while he was bullying JR he would leave Gary alone" Miss Ellie said "What sort of mother does that…I should have been more protective to JR"

"Ellie this is in the past….I'm sure once JR has got over the shock he will come to terms with things…everything will be okay" Clayton said

""I'm not so sure….after the way I treated him this morning I wouldn't blame him if he hated me" Miss Ellie said

A Dallas Park

After playing on the Roundabout and swings for a while; JR and Sue Ellen strolled around the park. JR held Sue Ellen close to him

"Hey that was fun!" he laughed

"I know" she said

"That's something else I have never really done…been allowed to play at the park. I remember how John Ross used to love the swings when he was tiny…in fact he'd scream the playground down if I removed him from them before he was ready. He's got a mind of his own that boy" JR said

"Like father; like son" Sue Ellen laughed

"Do you remember the day we took him to the adventure playground…I rode the roundabout with him…then let him chase me through the maze" JR said

"I remember…it was a perfect family day…even though we were divorced" she said

"I was just so happy that the three of us were together even if it was for only a short time" JR said

"You wanted me to go back to Southfork with you but I couldn't…part of me was so scared that I might start falling in love with you again" she said "So what do you want to do now?"

JR laughed "You should know never to ask me that question….I've got the most beautiful girl in the world standing before me and you ask what I want to do" he said "What do you think?"

Sue Ellen laughed "So glad you're feeling better" she said "How about we get some lunch and then go over to Grayson's'"

JR pulled her towards him and kissed her passionately, holding her tightly. If the truth was know she wanted him as much as he wanted her…she wanted to wipe away the pain of earlier…but she wasn't sure how far she could go out in the open, where they might get caught.

"Sue Ellen I need you" JR moaned

"Let's go somewhere else" Sue Ellen replied

JR took her hand and put it against his crotch "There's no time….I want you now?"

"God JR where?" she said "We're in a children's playground"

JR looked around him desperately searching for somewhere private. He spied some trees in the distance surrounded by a few bushes…it looked reasonably safe and private.

"Come on" He said as he took her hand

They ran across the park into the area; JR looked around him; he thought it looked safe enough. Taking Sue Ellen in his arms he kissed her, with one hand he began to move his way down her body finding her skirt his hand reached underneath it to where her panties were. He heard Sue Ellen's breathing increased…he knew he was getting to her. He pushed her panties aside and slid two fingers between her folds, finding her love button he gently stroked it. Suddenly Sue Ellen gently pushed him away.

"JR I'm sorry I can't not here" she said. Looking in his eyes she saw a look of hurt "Sweetheart I love you I just can't do this out here; it's a children's playground for God's sake"

JR pulled her to him "Later then" He said

She smiled "You better believe it" she said

Hand in hand they walked back to the car. JR opened the car door for Sue Ellen and before she got in she kissed him. They drove into town to have some lunch before going into Grayson's Research. They spent a couple of hours looking over arrangements for a Charity Ball which would be held during the fall. JR suggested using his contacts to get funding. Finally it was time to pick up John Ross from school and go home.

"I don't want to go home yet" JR said as they sat in the car waiting for John Ross

Sue Ellen reached for his hand "We have to go back sometime" she smiled

"I know but why don't we have dinner in town" he replied

"Okay!" she said

After enjoying dinner in town and a movie the family returned to the ranch. Sue Ellen glanced at JR and knew by the look on his face that he was nervous about going home. She reached over and squeezed his hand. They had finally booked their holiday and would be leaving Dallas at the weekend; Mark had said he would speak to Pam about Christopher and he invited them to dinner the following evening to make arrangements. She knew JR would be pleased to get away from Southfork. As they parked the car Sue Ellen noticed Clayton sitting out on the patio on his own. The three of them got out of the car.

"Sweetheart why don't you and daddy go upstairs…I just want to talk to Clayton" she said to John Ross

"Okay momma….daddy I'll race you upstairs" he said

"No you walk upstairs young man" His mother replied

Sue Ellen looked at JR and kissed him "It will be okay"

JR and John Ross said 'Hello' to Clayton before going inside. Sue Ellen went and sat opposite him.

"Hey" she said "Is everything okay?"

Clayton nodded "How's JR?" he asked

Sue Ellen looked towards the house before answering "He's okay…still a bit upset" she said

"He doesn't know how lucky he is to have you" Clayton said

"Where's Miss Ellie?" Sue Ellen said

"She had a migraine so she went to bed early" Clayton replied

"Have you two had an argument?" Sue Ellen asked

"Not as such….she told me what happened this morning….how she wouldn't tell JR anything about Digger" Clayton said "Sue Ellen she practically told me she didn't love her own son"

"What" Sue Ellen said

"She told me that when she saw how upset JR was she felt nothing and yet if it had been either Bobby or Gary instead of JR she wouldn't have hesitated going to comfort them. She also told me that she allowed Jock to bully JR because she knew Jock would leave Gary alone" Clayton said "I can't believe she feels nothing for her own son"

"Clayton JR's always known that he's second best….I think he grew up feeling unloved which is why he is the way he is" Sue Ellen said

"But he's her son…he's deserves her love however he behaves but he doesn't have that" Clayton said

"JR is okay…he has a wife and son who love him and will never stop loving him" she said "We spent the whole day together, mostly talking…then we picked up John Ross from school and had dinner and a movie. John Ross sat on his daddy's lap the entire movie…he knows something's wrong with JR and he wanted to comfort him"

"I couldn't imagine not loving my child" Clayton said "Even after Dusty decided he wanted to live a life of a cowboy I still loved him"

Sue Ellen placed her hand on Clayton "I know" she said "Things will be okay….I will help JR through this even if his mother wont"

Clayton sighed "I don't think she wanted to face JR tonight" he said

Sue Ellen smiled "I'm going upstairs to check on my husband and son…don't stay up to late" she said

Kissing him on the cheek, she made her way inside the house. She walked upstairs to John Ross' room and smiled when she saw JR and his son curled up on the bed reading a book. She went over and kissed John Ross' forehead.

"Hey it's time to go to sleep" she said

"Momma do I have to" John Ross complained

"Yes you do" JR replied "Don't forget we're going on holiday at the weekend"

"Yeah….I get to finish school early" John Ross shouted

"But now it's time for bed…goodnight sweetheart…I love you" Sue Ellen said

"I love you too" John Ross said

"Night partner…love you" JR said

"Love you too daddy" His son replied

JR and Sue Ellen joined hands and walked out of their son's room turning off the light as they went. On entering their room Sue Ellen threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"Hey what's that for" JR laughed

"I love you" she said "Never ever forget that"

"Momma wasn't downstairs…is everything okay with her and Clayton?" JR asked

"I think so…she just has a migraine" Sue Ellen replied

"Oh" JR said

"Fancy a shower" Sue Ellen said "And then we can finish what we almost started in the park"

JR smiled "That is a very good idea!"

After finishing their shower they climbed into bed together. JR pulled her closer and kissed her. Sue Ellen smiled and began kissing her way down his body…making sure that she left no part untouched. Finally she found what she wanted she took him in her mouth, JR sighed and closed his eyes.

"I love it when you do that" he said

Sue Ellen carried on with what she was doing; she wanted to make him happy tonight she was going to do everything in her power to make him feel loved. Feeling him harden in her mouth she worked her way back up his body and slipped him inside her. Moving slowly they began to make love. Finding their rhythm they increased the speed of their action until they reached the height of their passion. Finally they began to relax holding each other in a tight embrace. JR looked at Sue Ellen and was concerned to see tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong" he asked

"Nothing….I'm just happy….I love you so much" she said "This is all I ever wanted…you are all I ever wanted" she said

JR smiled "I love you too" he said "And I've finally got what I've always wanted…you"

Sue Ellen smiled and held him tightly. She thought back to what Clayton has said Miss Ellie had told him. Part of her felt sad that Miss Ellie had actually admitted not caring about JR the way she cared about Gary or Bobby, however she also knew that she was going to make things right for JR and give him all the love that he was deprived of as a child. She was going to build the perfect future for them.

JR woke early the next morning; he turned towards the window to see the sun shining through the curtains, he then looked at the bedside clock, it was 6.30am. He turned back to Sue Ellen and watched her sleep; gently he ran his hands down her body, stopping at her stomach and smiling at the thought of the new life growing inside her. He pulled her closer to him. He thought back to yesterday and how she had comforted him, held him while he cried and sat listening to him reminisce about his childhood; never once did she appeared bored or get annoyed with him. He felt her move slightly and kissed her; she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Good morning" she said

JR smiled and kissed her "Good morning" he replied

"Are you okay?" she asked kissing him

"I think so" he said

Sue Ellen looked into his eyes "What's going on in that head of yours?" she asked

"I was just thinking about yesterday" JR said "I don't think I could have made it without you"

Sue Ellen smiled "That's what I'm here for" she said

"I'm so lucky to have you" he said "I don't know anyone else who would sit and listen to me like you do."

Sue Ellen laughed "Clayton said the same thing to me last night!" she said

"What was wrong last night, Clayton didn't seem very happy" JR said

"Miss Ellie had a migraine….I think he was just worried about her" Sue Ellen said

JR looked at her….he knew she was keeping something from him.

"Sue Ellen, what did he really say?" JR asked

Sue Ellen kissed him "Sweetheart…I told you he's just worried about Miss Ellie" she said

She looked into his eyes; she didn't want to tell him what Clayton had really said; she knew how much it would hurt him.

"Did momma tell him about Digger?" JR asked

"No" Sue Ellen said

"But they had an argument…I could tell by the look on his face. He wasn't happy about something" JR said "Tell me what he told you"

"Some things are better left unsaid" she replied

JR sighed Tell me" he said

"Okay" she said "Clayton found her sitting alone after we left….she……….."

"What happened?" JR asked

"She told him that she knew she should have told you about Digger and found a way to comfort you but she couldn't" Sue Ellen said

"And let me guess the rest….she told him that she'd have had no problem if it had been Bobby or Gary instead of me" JR said

"JR I'm sorry" Sue Ellen said

"Hey, it's not your fault" JR smiled "Let's face it we both know that I have always been second best"

"I think Clayton was just shocked by her attitude" Sue Ellen said

"I remember how she used to protect Gary….if daddy yelled at him or anything she would always put herself in the middle of them and yet when it came to me she let him do whatever he wanted…..he was allowed to bully me…make me look small and she never came to my defense" JR said "I guess that's one of the reasons I don't like Gary because although he was terrified of daddy he always had momma's protection whereas I had nowhere to hide"

"What about Bobby?" Sue Ellen asked

"Bobby was the youngest. The blue-eyed boy; I can't recall daddy raising his voice to him once even after he married Pam. Although he had a temper like daddy. I remember when I was about seventeen I pinched his diary and took it to the treehouse to read. I mean it couldn't be that secret…he was seven years old, however when he realized what I'd done he threatened to kill me if I didn't give it him back. I mean I was twice the size of him" JR said

"Sweetheart if you ever read my diary I will kill you!" she laughed

"I didn't know you kept a diary" JR replied "Where do you keep it and what have you got written in it"

"Wouldn't you like to know" she said "A lot of things; emotions, thoughts, experiences…you name it I've got it written down"

"Why do people do that?" JR asked

"I don't know" Sue Ellen replied "Maybe it's about history…I mean one day my granddaughter could find it hidden in an attic and learn more about her grandparents"

"JR grimaced "I hope not, I dread to think what you've got in there about me" he said

Sue Ellen laughed "Don't worry some of it is good" she said

JR looked at her "Everything was perfect wasn't it; just when you think you've finally got everything you wanted something comes along and destroys it" he said

Sue Ellen cuddled closer to him "JR everything is perfect, we've got each other, our son and a new baby on the way and in a few days we're going on holiday together for the first time in ages" she said

"We should have left the children home" JR joked "There wont be much chance for romance"

"I never realized you were a romantic" she replied "However we'll have to make sure we tire them out so they have to go to bed early each night…then we will have time to ourselves"

"John Ross seems so happy lately…I look at him and all the sadness that used to be in his eyes has gone….he's even looking forward to the baby" JR said

"He has what he's always wanted….two parents who love each other" Sue Ellen said "I was watching him last night while we were at the movies….he knew you were upset about something…he sat on your lap all night long, stroking your face and occasionally kissing your cheek"

"Oh was that him, I thought it was you" JR said

JR I'm shocked…you mean to tell me that you can't tell the difference between when I kiss you and our son kisses you!" she said

"Mmmm I think I need a little bit of a reminder" JR said pulling Sue Ellen closer to him.

"JR we need to get up" she laughed

JR planted soft kisses on her face, His hands worked there way down her body stopping at her stomach. Gently he caressed it. Sue Ellen watched him and placed her hand on top of his. She noticed he had tears in his eyes

"What's wrong?" she asked

"This is what I have wanted for so long…..another baby with you I can't believe we did it" he replied

Sue Ellen smiled "We sure did….by Christmas we'll have two children to look after" she said

"Are you still suffering with morning sickness" He asked

"No; funnily enough I'm not…I just feel hungry most of the time" she said "This is so different from when I was expecting John Ross…I think I was sick every morning for about five months"

JR looked at the clock and sighed "I guess we should get up and have breakfast. I'm hoping to get to work before momma's up" he said

"And I thought you wanted to spend some more time with me" Sue Ellen laughed "See it's not even 7.30 am and you're thinking about Ewing Oil"

"Ahem, Ewing Oil is the last thing on my mind but I just don't want another confrontation like yesterday. Let's face it she's not going to tell me anything about Digger." He said

"I know….I was joking beside I've got to go into Grayson's today…I feel guilty because I haven't been around much for a few weeks and now we're going on holiday" she said

"Do you think Mark will let me help you organize the next ball….I could use my contacts and see if we can't find a way to get a venue for free!" JR said

"I'm sure he will" Sue Ellen said

They got up; showered and went to get John Ross. As they walked out onto the patio JR noticed that his mother and Clayton were already eating breakfast.

"Great" JR whispered to Sue Ellen

She gripped his hand tightly "Just relax" she said

They walked out onto the patio hand in hand, John Ross ran in front of them. After fixing themselves something to eat they went and sat down.

"Hi Miss Ellie, Clayton How are you today" Sue Ellen asked

"Fine" Miss Ellie replied

JR didn't say a word he just continued eating his breakfast.

"Daddy will you take me to school today" John Ross asked

JR looked at his son and smiled "Of course I can…hurry up and eat your breakfast then we'll make a move"

"In a hurry to get to the office JR" Miss Ellie asked

"Yeah well I have a few things to sort out before we go on holiday" he replied

"When are you going?" Miss Ellie asked "And how long are you going for"

"We're leaving on Sunday for three weeks" JR said

"That's great" Miss Ellie said "Gary phoned me last night saying that he was going to come down to Dallas to take the blood test…I think I'll phone him and tell him to bring the family down for a couple of weeks"

Sue Ellen felt anger welling up inside her. Did Miss Ellie really have to make it so obvious how much she preferred Gary? She glanced at JR who was busy looking at his breakfast.

Suddenly JR got up from the table "I'm not really hungry I'm going to get ready for work" he said "John Ross we leave in ten minutes okay buddy"

"Yes daddy" John Ross replied

Sue Ellen watched JR walk away; there was so much she wanted to say but now was not the time, not with John Ross at the table. She quietly got up and went inside the house.

"What's wrong with those two?" Miss Ellie asked Clayton. Clayton looked at her and shook his head; he really didn't have an answer for her.

Sue Ellen found JR in the den piling some papers into his briefcase, his back turned towards her. She walked up to him putting her arms around his waist and kissing his neck. JR turned to face her and kissed her.

"Are you nearly ready to go?" JR asked

"Listen sweetheart….why don't you take John Ross and I'll take my car, there are a few things I would like to discuss with you mother" Sue Ellen replied

"Sue Ellen don't start an argument it's not worth it" JR said "She'll probably throw us both of the ranch"

"I'm not going to start anything" Sue Ellen replied "I just want to let her know a few home truths"

JR laughed "It must be the pregnancy you're like a lioness protecting her cubs" he said

"No, I'm a wife who doesn't like seeing her husband hurt" she replied "I love you so much"

"I love you too" He said

"So do you want meet me for lunch" Sue Ellen asked

"I'd sooner have you for lunch" JR laughed

Sue Ellen smiled at him; she knew he was still hurting but today he seemed more in control of his emotions.

"How about I make us a picnic lunch and we find somewhere private to eat it in the park" Sue Ellen said

"Sounds good to me as long as I can have you for dessert" he replied

Sue Ellen kissed him…at this precise moment she wanted him so badly but she knew they had to get their son to school.

"Let me go and get our son ready" she said

Letting go off him she wandered back outside, telling John Ross to get ready for school. Clayton looked at her and said

"What are your plans for today?"

"I'm going into work, then meeting JR for lunch and then tonight we're having dinner with Pam and Mark" she replied

Clayton stood up and went to kiss her on the cheek "Well have a good day" he said

"You too" she replied

Ten minutes later JR and John Ross had left in his car leaving Miss Ellie and Sue Ellen alone on the patio.

"Sue Ellen I honestly don't know what JR's problem is" she said

Sue Ellen closed her eyes and counted to ten before she said anything. "He's slightly upset with what you said to him yesterday" she replied

"I told him the truth…as far as I'm concerned Digger is in the past…….." she said

"And you don't think that JR has a right to know about his father" Sue Ellen said

"No Jock was his father….a better father than Digger would ever have been" Miss Ellie replied

"You never gave Digger a chance" Sue Ellen said

"Sue Ellen…after all the things JR has done to you why do you still care about him" Miss Ellie asked

"Because I love him more than anything…because he's the father of my child and because I can understand why he behaves like he does" she replied

Miss Ellie laughed "You're deluding yourself, five months from now he will have found someone else" she said "He's incapable of love and commitment; I gave up on him a long time ago"

"I know you did….you let Jock bring him up; bully him knowing that while JR was being bullied by his father Gary was safe. Neither Jock or you showed JR any affection as a child and you wonder why he turned out the way he did" Sue Ellen said

"Jock was a good father, he taught him everything he knows" Miss Ellie said

"Sure he did but he never loved him; he never hugged him; told him stories, comforted him when he was hurt… JR told me of the day he went riding with Jock…how his horse got scared and he was thrown off it. He was hurt pretty bad but Jock told him to grow up and went after the horse. Have you seen JR with his son; the way he plays with him; helps him with his homework…reads him stories. JR is doing everything he can to ensure that John Ross has the father he wanted to have…that his son knows that he is loved" Sue Ellen said

"We both know that Jock was never any good at showing his feelings" Miss Ellie said

"Please…..he never had any problems where Bobby was concerned…He built the treehouse for him. I never heard him bully Bobby or call him a 'Jackass' almost everyday the way he did JR" Sue Ellen said "He told me yesterday about his grandfather, how he used to follow him around when he was little…how much he cried when he died"

"JR has never cried over anyone in his life!" Miss Ellie said

"How do you know…were you ever there to wipe away his tears or were you just too busy attending to Gary's needs" Sue Ellen said

"Gary needed me more than JR" Miss Ellie replied

Sue Ellen felt her anger rising. JR needed her as much as Gary did but she failed to see that. How could a mother fail to see her child's needs?

"JR was always second best he knew that and he lived with it and I couldn't believe what you did this morning. You knew that JR was upset this morning but you sounded delighted at the fact that we were going away and you could have your precious Gary home again" Sue Ellen said

"I hardly ever see him thanks to JR" Miss Ellie said

Sue Ellen stood up. "Don't worry about JR, I'll look after him; I'll give him all the love he's been denied over the years and we'll both make sure that our children know how special they are" she said "Goodbye Miss Ellie I've got to get to work"

Miss Ellie watched her go. Sue Ellen was so wrong; she knew her son and JR was incapable of having emotions; it wouldn't be long before he was cheating on Sue Ellen again.

Ben Stiver's room

Ben lay on his bed staring at the ceiling; for the past few days he had been stuck watching these four walls unable to go out; not wanting another confrontation with either JR or Clayton. Finally he made a decision; he had to get out of this place, leave Southfork and Dallas for good; he should never have come back…it wasn't as if he had a family here anymore but first he needed to leave a letter for Miss Ellie.

Grayson's Research

Sue Ellen sat at her desk trying to organize dates for the next fundraiser; she wanted another ball, that always seemed the best way to fundraise; people loved to eat and dance. She also needed to get companies to donate items which she could auction. Her mind was set on an late August/Early September date and with her holiday looming she didn't have much time left. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Sue Ellen, welcome back" Mark said as he closed the door.

"Hi…I'm not here for long. I'm off on holiday on Sunday" she laughed

"And taking my stepson with you" Mark said "Are you two sure you want two boys running around"

"Well we're not leaving John Ross at home and we thought Christopher would keep him company" Sue Ellen said "Beside it will give you and Pam some time alone"

"How does JR feel about leaving Ewing Oil for so long" Mark asked "I mean I thought that man was married to the company"

"We both feel that time away would be good….there are things going on at the moment that we need a break from" Sue Ellen replied

"Everything is okay between you" Mark asked

"We're fine" she replied "Do you still want us to come over for dinner tonight"

"Well Pam wants you to come over but she's not sure about JR" Mark said "Her and JR don't exactly get on and she's worried that he might try and spoil what could be a nice evening"

"I can promise you he will be on his best behavior" she said

"I'll believe you" Mark laughed "I'll let you get on with your work..how is it going?"

"Fine…I figured we could hold the fundraiser late August/early September" she said

"Okay" Mark said as he got up from his chair and walked towards the door.

Five minutes later the telephone rang. Sue Ellen sighed and picked it up

"Sue Ellen!" she heard her mother's voice say

"Momma, hi where are you?" she asked

"I've just moved back to Dallas" she said "I hope it's alright phoning you here, I didn't want to call Southfork"

"Yes momma its fine…when did you finish your cruise?" Sue Ellen asked

"Last night…I got back late" her mother replied "I was wondering if you and John Ross could come over for dinner. Its ages since I've seen you"

"Momma…we'd love to but we're going to Pam and Mark's tonight and on Sunday we're going on holiday" Sue Ellen said

"How about tomorrow" she said

"That sounds okay….momma is it alright if JR comes too" Sue Ellen said

"Are you two back together" Her mother asked

"Yes" Sue Ellen said "And this time it's for good. We've got some good news for you too"

"Okay…I'll see you tomorrow and you can give me all the details of what's been happening while I've been away" Her mother said "Goodbye darling"

"Bye momma" Sue Ellen said

Southfork

Clayton had been working on the ranch alone all day long; Ray had gone to a cattle auction which Clayton should have gone to but with things the way they were with Ben Stivers he didn't want to leave Southfork at this present time. He walked up to the house for some lunch and found Miss Ellie sitting alone.

"Hello" He said

"Hello Clayton..you look tired" she said

"Yeah, it's hot out there, I've just come to get some lunch" he said

"I phone Gary and he's coming to stay for three weeks while JR and Sue Ellen are away; so maybe he can help you on the ranch" Miss Ellie said

"I wish you hadn't done that" Clayton said

"He's my son…..I want to see him; I haven't even seen the twins since they were born" Miss Ellie said

"But did you have to make it sound so obvious that you were pleased that JR and Sue Ellen were going away" Clayton said

"I did not" Miss Ellie replied

"You did" Clayton said

"Clayton JR will get over this" Miss Ellie said

"He's hurting even I can see that and just for once it would be nice to see you show some concern for him. For god's sake you've just told him that Jock wasn't his father. Do you really think that doesn't bother him" Clayton said "It's about time you concentrated on your eldest son for once."

Miss Ellie sighed "I'm fed up hearing about JR's needs. We all know that he's selfish and arrogant. Look at what he's done to people who get in his way. Believe me he has no feelings and don't let this little act of playing at being happily in love with Sue Ellen fool you because it wont last" she said

"What if he decided to move away" Clayton said

"He wont…he enjoys living at Southfork too much" Miss Ellie said

"Aren't you worried about losing your son" Clayton asked

"I let go off JR years ago. I told you yesterday I don't have the same feelings for him as I did for Bobby or Gary. If he does decide to leave Southfork than maybe Gary would come back and live here" she replied

Clayton shook his head; there was no used talking to Miss Ellie the mood she was in.

"I'm going into the kitchen to make a sandwich…do you want anything" He asked

"No thank you" she replied

A Dallas Park

JR and Sue Ellen found a secluded area to have their private picnic.

"How was your morning?" Sue Ellen asked

"Fine" JR said "Wondering whether to get out of Dallas and relocate"

Sue Ellen looked at him "Don't do anything to hasty" she said "Beside my mother phoned me earlier and she's moved back to Dallas"

"That's it I'm definitely moving" JR laughed

"She's invited us to dinner tomorrow" Sue Ellen said

JR groaned "What the three of us or just you and John Ross" he said

Sue Ellen laughed "You don't get out of it that easily" she said "Beside you've got a choice…have dinner with your mother or mine"

"I think momma's going to be busy…killing the fatted calf as the prodigal son's coming home" JR said

"I had a chat with her this morning. I tried to get her to see things from your point of view but she just wasn't interested. She told me I was deluding myself in thinking that you would remain faithful to me" Sue Ellen said "she can't see that her and Jock may have been responsible for the way you turned out; she doesn't think you have any feelings at all"

"Sue Ellen that's why I was thinking maybe a new start somewhere else would be good for us. I mean I could try and talk Clayton into selling me the Southern Cross, we could relocate Ewing Oil up there" JR said

"Are you going to keep Ewing Oil, I mean you were talking about letting Cliff come in with you" Sue Ellen said

JR laughed "I can't see that working, but the war between the Barnes Ewings is over as far as I'm concerned. I will leave him alone if he leaves me alone" he said "I might even consider changing the name of Ewing Oil"

"What to" Sue Ellen asked

"I don't know but I was thinking about it this morning. I've put so much work into that company and I want to leave it as a legacy to my children" he said

"Okay let's talk about this later…right now I'm hungry" Sue Ellen said

"You've just eaten" JR laughed

Sue Ellen kissed him "For you" she said

"Sue Ellen we're in a children's playground" JR laughed reminding her of her words from yesterday.

Sue Ellen's hand went down to his crotch "So you don't want me" she said as she stroked him.

JR kissed her passionately. "You know I do" he said

Sue Ellen stood up and looked around; everything seemed quiet there appeared to be noone around.

"What are you waiting for" she said

JR undid the belt of his trousers and lowered them and his boxers. He then pulled Sue Ellen on top of him. Sue Ellen kissed him as his hand went under her skirt trying to find her panties. Sue Ellen let him remove them and looked at him.

"I love you" she said as she began to undo his shirt buttons, she then began kissing his chest. Sue Ellen gasped as JR entered her, loving the feel of him inside of her; connecting with her so that they were one body. Together they move, first slowly and gently, their mouths finding each other their tongues connecting. As their passion became stronger they increased their rhythmn until both of them reached the point of ecstacy, their hearts beating fast but in time with each other. Finally they began to relax. JR held her close to him. Sue Ellen's hand found it's way back to his manhood and she gently stroked him.

"I can't wait to do that to you on a beach" JR said

Sue Ellen laughed "Laying underneath the stars while the children are sleeping peacefully in the beach house. This holiday is going to be perfect…only four more days" she said

"I could stay here all day long having you do that to me" JR said as she continued stroking him.

Sue Ellen kissed him "Unfortunately we both have to go back to work" she said

"Sue Ellen one more time please" JR said

"I love it when you beg" she said as she climbed on top of him and guided him inside her. They made love again; each time felt better than the last and each time deepened their love for each other. When they had finished they lay silent for a couple of minutes before getting dressed. Sue Ellen had brought her car so she dropped JR back at Ewing Oil; JR told her he would pick up John Ross and be back at Southfork by 4.30pm. They were both looking forward to spending an evening away from Southfork.

Southfork

Sue Ellen arrived back at Southfork at 4pm to find JR and John Ross playing in the pool. Getting out of the car she walked over to them.

"Hey you two….what are you doing home so early" she said

"Well I was going to take John Ross back to Ewing Oil but we decided to come home and play in the pool" he said

"Anyone else around?" she asked

"Clayton's inside somewhere…but haven't seen momma" JR replied

"Don't stay in there too long" she said "We're going out tonight"

Sue Ellen watched them for a while then went inside to find Clayton.; she found him sitting in the kitchen nursing what looked like a cold cup of coffee.

"Hey, do you want a refill?" she asked

Clayton turned and looked at her "I didn't hear you come in" he replied

"You were deep in thought….no prizes for guessing what's on your mind" she said as she went about making some more coffee. After making the coffee she went and sat opposite Clayton.

"Miss Ellie not around?" she asked

"Haven't seen her since lunch time" Clayton said "I did go to see if she was at Bobby's grave but she isn't…….I feel I'm losing her, I can't seem to connect with her these days. I find myself increasingly unable to understand her actions."

"I tried to talk to her this morning but she just put the barriers up when I tried talking about JR" Sue Ellen said

"This family is falling apart and there's not a damn thing I can do about it" Clayton said "JR asked me if I would sell him the Southern Cross"

"I knew that was coming up…he asked my opinion on it today" Sue Ellen said "He feels that maybe that what Miss Ellie wants….him off Southfork and Gary back here where he belong,. What did you tell him?"

"I told him that I'd think about it and for him to do the same while he was on holiday and if at the end of that time he still wanted to buy it then I'd consider it" Clayton said "But I'd sooner have you nearby especially with the baby….I want to make sure you're okay"

"Clayton I'm fine" she said "At the moment I'm more concerned about you and JR"

"I'm fine" Clayton said "Mind you I was concerned about JR this afternoon. When John Ross saw me this afternoon he called me 'Granpa' and JR never corrected him."

"Clayton…you're the nearest thing he has to a grandfather" Sue Ellen said "You've known him since he was two years old. You're married to his grandmother which makes you his grandfather"

"I was just surprised that JR didn't make a comment" Clayton said "I told Ellie this morning that I thought she was wrong when she told JR that she was inviting Gary here while you two were away. She made it so obvious that she'd sooner have him here"

"I know I told her that myself but she told me that it was because of JR that she never sees Gary" Sue Ellen said

"I asked her if she resented JR because she knew he was Digger's and Digger had let her down" Clayton said "But she didn't reply"

"I wish she had made a go of it with Digger; I think JR would have turned out differently. I mean from the age of six JR's life has been nothing but Ewing Oil. JR told me about a time when Gary was having a birthday party and he wanted to stay with the other children but Jock told him he had to work. Also there was a time when he fell of his horse while out riding with Jock; he hurt himself badly but Jock just told him to grow up and went after the horse. Miss Ellie told me he was arrogant, selfish and unloveable but what does she expect given the childhood he had. I think the only person who showed him any affection was his grandfather and he died when JR was six" Sue Ellen said "If someone has never been shown love how can they ever give love to anyone"

"JR loves you" Clayton said "And John Ross"

"He's learning" Sue Ellen said "We've come so far this last year and finally I think we can make this marriage work"

"I hope so….you've been hurt too many times by that man" Clayton said "I've been watching you with him these past few days; when Ellie told him about Digger and this morning at breakfast and it reminded me of how you supported Dusty when you came to the Southern Cross."

"When JR is vulnerable I tend to melt….I don't know why I just do. At the moment I just feel the need to protect him. With regard to Dusty it drove him mad when I used to fuss over him. I sometimes wonder if that's why he started doing the rodeo circuit again to prove that he didn't need me; that he was capable of being the man he was" Sue Ellen said "Have you heard from him lately?"

Clayton laughed "Not since he left here" he replied "We just seem so far apart….I know he loves the rodeo and will never settle down which is why I need to consider what I'm going to do about the Southern Cross as I know he wont want it"

"It's good to hear you talk like that….it means you consider this your home" Sue Ellen said

"I'm not sure for how long though" Clayton said "I'm still not convinced that if Ben Stivers is Jock, Ellie wont take him back"

Sue Ellen frowned "I sincerely hope she doesn't. I mean the man walked out of her life four years ago without a word, I know how heartbroken she was when he 'died'" she said

"What was Jock Ewing like?" Clayton asked

Sue Ellen thought for a moment "Where do I start?" she said "I supposed he loved his family in his own way…which is why I can't see Ben Stivers as Jock. However he could be arrogant…overbearing. He didn't believe that the Ewing Women should work…when Pam said she wanted to work in a store he nearly had a heart attack. Mostly what I remember is his treatment of JR. He bullied him, JR never stood up to him..it was always 'Yes sir, no sir'. Jock created a monster to be honest….at one time there would be nothing JR wouldn't do to get what he wanted….that includes destroying people…Jock told him the most important things in life was power and money..without them you were worthless."

"Do you think JR's change or has he still got that drive in him" Clayton asked

Sue Ellen sighed "I hope so….I don't think he's got the ambition he did when he was trying to prove himself to Jock, now he'll do stupid things like get involved with Angelica Nero but I think…I hope he's past destroying people to get what he wants" she said "I'm hoping that when this new baby comes he'll want to spend more time with us than Ewing Oil"

"He seems to be enjoying John Ross' company" Clayton said "I was surprised when they arrived home at 3.30pm"

"I knew JR was going to pick him up but I presumed he was going to go back to the office with him" Sue Ellen said "The one thing I've always know is that JR loves his son; and he will do anything for him"

"I wish we could sort out this problem between him and Ellie….she's just being so stubborn, not wanting to discuss it with anyone and I'm not convinced she doesn't feel anything for JR" Clayton said

"What makes you say that?" Sue Ellen asked

"Last night when I went up to bed, she was still awake looking through old pictures….the ones I noticed were all of JR as a baby" He replied

"You sure it was JR" Sue Ellen said

"I picked some up to have a look and took a glance at the back, it was his name written on them" Clayton said "I don't understand why she's saying she doesn't love him when she does…I can understand that perhaps she doesn't like him at times but I can't believe that she doesn't love him"

"Maybe this holiday will be good for her and for JR; it will give them some time apart and it will also give her a chance to see Gary and his family; then when we come back maybe I can talk to her again" Sue Ellen said

"I'm going the Southern Cross next week…I need to check the place over" Clayton said

"Have you told her?" Sue Ellen asked

Clayton laughed "No, figured she'd be too busy with Gary to care" he said

Sue Ellen put her hand over his "Clayton we'll get through this somehow…I don't want to lose you" she said "You're the nearest thing I have to a father…you've been there for me so many times….after the divorce…through the drinking you've been the one constant thing I know I could rely on..I love you"

Clayton smiled "Thanks, I know I have your support" he said

"Damn I wish we weren't going to Pam and Mark's tonight…I hate leaving you like this" Sue Ellen said

"Don't worry about me I'll be fine beside Ellie should be back at some point" Clayton replied "And I've got a crib to make for my new grandchild"

"That reminds me I've got a pre-natal check up tomorrow which I haven't told JR about yet" Sue Ellen said

"Will he go with you?" Clayton asked

Sue Ellen smiled "I should think so; this time he wants to take an active part in this pregnancy…..last time we made so many mistakes…I don't think there was a day I was sober throughout the pregnancy and John Ross was two months premature…we were so lucky he was okay we could have lost him" she said

"He seems fine now…he's growing so fast" Clayton said "It doesn't seem that long ago that you brought him to the Southern Cross; he was so tiny back then"

"I know which reminds me I better go and get those boys out of the pool and ready for dinner" she laughed, she stood up and went to kiss Clayton on the cheek

"See you soon" she said

"Bye…go and enjoy yourself" he replied

Sue Ellen walked out onto the patio, she smiled seeing JR and John Ross in the pool.

"Hey guys it's time to get ready for dinner" she said

"Mom it's not five o'clock yet….please give us some more time" John Ross said

Sue Ellen rolled her eyes and looked at JR; both of them could wrap her round their fingers "Okay half an hour but no more" she said

A Dallas cemetery

Miss Ellie sat on a bench quietly reflecting on the events of the past few days. She knew she had been hard on JR….in fact she had been downright cruel to him if she was honest with herself but she didn't know what to do to correct that. Both JR and Sue Ellen hated her at this moment….she had seen look of disgust in Sue Ellen's eyes this morning. Slowly she walked over to the gravestone and knelt before it. She hadn't been here for years….not since the funeral but something compelled her to come here today. For some reason she needed to be here. Gently she placed her hand on the gravestone running her fingers along the nameplate. Lowering her head she began to weep….weep for her one true love…the man she would have dearly loved to have spent the rest of her life with…..the man who kept letting her down time after time…the man she had deprived of knowing his own son. Her thoughts turned to JR….why had she lied to Clayton telling him that she didn't feel for JR what she felt for Bobby and Gary….maybe because part of it had been true but not the way she made it sound. She loved JR more than anything but something inside her had made her distant towards him….she couldn't let Jock see her favor him more than Bobby or Gary, so she had favored Gary instead; surrendering the upbringing of JR to Jock, letting him take care of Digger's son. Part of her had been so scared that Jock might one day learn the truth that she rejected her own son. Sue Ellen had reminded her of the day her father died; telling her how JR had cried but there had been noone there to comfort him; that wasn't true….Ellie had been outside his door for ten minutes listening to his sobs but something stopped her going to comfort him. She had tried to protect JR by being a distant mother….it didn't make sense but she thought it was for the best. She wished she had done things differently….she hated what Jock had turned JR into……a cold unfeeling man that would stop at nothing to get what he wanted….in the beginning that was how she had seen Jock…now it was how she saw her son; and yet lately she had seen something else in him...a gentler more human side to him the way he was lovingly looking after Sue Ellen during this pregnancy….the gentle way he touched her….the look of love shining in his eyes when he spoke to her….she was in no doubt that JR would make their marriage work this time. Her thoughts turned to John Ross as she remembered the day they spent at the adventure playground…..JR going on all the rides with John Ross even though by the end of it he was feeling ill……it almost reminded her of the gentle side of Digger. The tears fell faster now….she loved JR he was all she had of Digger and she didn't want to lose him but these past few days she had pushed him away; rejected him and hurt him. She needed to put things right, she knew that. She put her face closer to the gravestone and kissed the nameplate. For the first time in years she felt close to Digger again. Finally she got up….she needed to go home…she needed to talk to Clayton.

Southfork

An hour later Sue Ellen had got John Ross bathed and into his clothes ready for dinner. He was now playing downstairs with his grandfather. She then went into her bedroom to get ready herself. As she walked into the room JR walked towards her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Hey you" she said "I'm supposed to be getting ready"

JR kissed her "I know but I can't resist you" he said

Sue Ellen pulled away from him "I'm going to take a shower okay" she smiled kissing him.

JR got himself changed and sat on the bed waiting for Sue Ellen to come out of the bathroom. He laughed as he heard her singing in the shower..one day he was going to tape her and play it back to her when she was least expecting it. Finally she walked back into the bedroom wearing a towel. JR moved closer to her and pulled her onto the bed.

"Behave" she laughed as he began to tickle her.

"I love you" he said

"I love you too" she said

"How was Clayton?" JR asked

"He's okay….he was worried about you though….said you didn't correct John Ross when he called him 'Grandpa'" she smiled

"Well he's the nearest thing he has to one" JR said

"JR what's going to happen if Ben Stivers is Jock…where does that leave Clayton" Sue Ellen said "He's hurting…he doesn't want to lose this family"

"He's not going to" JR said "I don't believe Stivers is Jock and if he is then I hope that momma gets the quickest divorce she can"

"I forgot to tell you I've got a pre natal appointment tomorrow at 1pm do you want to come" Sue Ellen asked

JR smiled "Of course" he said "There's nothing wrong is there?"

Sue Ellen smiled "No…it's just routine"

"Okay" JR said "Maybe it's a good idea to get checked out before you go on holiday"

Sue Ellen kissed him "You know what I love you looking after me" she said

"These past few days it's been you looking after me" he replied

Pam and Mark's House

After enjoying a relaxing dinner Pam and Sue Ellen went outside to watch Mark and JR play football with the boys.

"Thanks for the dinner" Sue Ellen said "It was lovely"

"You're welcome" Pam said "What's going on at Southfork?"

Sue Ellen sighed "Nothing much…it's just nice to get away from there at times"

The two remained quiet as they watched the boys play football; suddenly Sue Ellen broke the silence.

"Pam what was Digger like as a father" She asked

"What brought that up" Pam asked

"Nothing..his name came up recently…guess I'm just curious" she said

"Digger was a good father he brought me up when momma left even though I wasn't his" Pam said

"Did he act differently towards you" Sue Ellen said

"No….when he was sober he was a warm and loving father; the problem was he was often drunk….but we always had Aunt Maggie; he always made sure we were safe" Pam said

"Do you miss him" Sue Ellen asked

"Yes I do and so does Cliff" Pam said

"I wonder what would have happened if Digger had married Miss Ellie" Sue Ellen said

"He never got over her" Pam said "I think even when he married momma he was still very much in love with Miss Ellie"

"Maybe JR may have turned out differently if he had Digger as a father" Sue Ellen said

"I was watching him tonight and I'm impressed with how loving he is towards you…so different from the last time you were pregnant" Pam said

"This time we're enjoying this pregnancy" Sue Ellen said "He's also enjoying spending time with John Ross, in fact we both are"

"That's good…I just hope it lasts" Pam said

"It will" Sue Ellen said "Trust me I'm not letting anyone get between us now"

Dallas Memorial Hospital

Sue Ellen and JR locked hands as they walked into the doctor's office. Dr Wilson carefully looked over the notes, then looked at Sue Ellen.

"How are you feeling?" she asked

"Fine" Sue Ellen said "Except constantly hungry"

"What about morning sickness" The doctor asked

"At first I was a bit sick but these past few weeks have been fine" Sue Ellen replied

"I'd like to do a ultra sound while you're here and check that everything is normal" Dr Wilson said

"Is everything okay doctor" JR asked

"This is just routine…nothing at all to worry about" Dr Wilson replied "Now if you would just like to get on the bed"

Sue Ellen gripped JR's hand as he sat beside her. The doctor smeared jelly onto Sue Ellen's abdomen and began the ultra sound. She turned the monitor towards Sue Ellen and JR so that they could see what was happening. Suddenly she stopped what she was doing, looking at the monitor closely she began to move the ultra sound scanner over Sue Ellen's abdomen.

"Is there a problem" JR asked looking concerned, he gripped Sue Ellen's hand tighter

"No" the doctor said "it's just there appears to be three heartbeats and looking at the screen I can see three babies"

"What" Sue Ellen said

"Sue Ellen, it looks like you're expecting triplets" Dr Wilson said

Sue Ellen and JR looked at each other…both not believing what they had just heard.

After leaving the doctor's surgery; they returned to JR's car and sat in silent for a few minutes.

"What are you thinking?" Sue Ellen asked

JR looked at her and gently took her hand in his "I'm scared" he said "Scared of something going wrong and losing you just like I almost did after John Ross' birth"

"JR the doctor assured us that everything will be fine; women have multiple births all the time" she replied "I'm healthier now than I was when I was pregnant with John Ross, it just means that the doctor will monitor the pregnancy more closely"

"She said they can do a c-section early if they need to but wouldn't that be dangerous both to you and the babies?" JR asked

"I was only seven months pregnant when John Ross was born…and he's fine" Sue Ellen said

"If it's a choice between losing you or the babies…I'd sooner lose them" JR said "I don't think I could live without you"

Sue Ellen kissed him "Don't talk like that please….we will get through this pregnancy together and at the end of it we will have three healthy babies" she said

"Okay….but we play it by my rules" JR said "Which means that you take things easy…you let me look after you and when work gets too much you finish"

Sue Ellen smiled "That's not a problem….I mean I'm going to love having you look after me" she said

"We should cancel the holiday" JR said

"JR we can't…we promised John Ross and I don't want to let him down. Sweetheart nothing has changed, the doctor says I'm fine and that the holiday shouldn't be a problem" she said "Beside I think we both need some time away from Southfork and I want a family holiday. Do you realize it's the one thing we've never done….had a holiday with John Ross"

"Speaking of Southfork….I think we should try and talk Clayton into selling us the Southern Cross….it would be good to be in there before the babies arrive" JR said

"You're still determined to buy it from him?" Sue Ellen said

"Sue Ellen I want somewhere we can call our own….let's face it when momma's gone Southfork will belong to Gary and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of throwing me and my family off the ranch" JR said

"Sweetheart your mother is strong….she's not going anywhere for a long, long time…and anyway who's to say that Gary is going to want the ranch" Sue Ellen said

"Part of me wants to take my family away from her……you saw how eager she was for us to go on holiday so that she could have Gary and his family visit….I've played second best all my life there's no way I'm allowing my children to do it" JR said

"Okay" Sue Ellen said

"Oh god…I can't believe we're going to have three babies…how the hell did we manage that" JR laughed

Sue Ellen smiled "I don't know" she said "But one thing I do know is that our children are going to have the best of everything and know how much we love them"

JR pulled her towards him and kissed her "I love you" he said

"I love you too" she replied "Come on let's go home…it will soon be time to pick John Ross up from school"

JR put the car into drive and they began the journey back to Southfork. JR's mind was racing…he was overjoyed at the thought of having more children but at the same time apprehensive….this pregnancy was going to be difficult for Sue Ellen and he wanted to be there for her every step of the way…he needed to find a partner for Ewing Oil; he didn't want that taking up all of his time…Sue Ellen was more important than anything. Sue Ellen laid her head against the headrest and closed her eyes. She felt tired and slightly apprehensive about the future….she thought back to her pregnancy with John Ross….that time she had been on her own but this time things would be so different. This time she had JR to look after her. As they drove through the gates of Southfork JR gently put his hand on her leg.

"Hey we're home" He smiled

Sue Ellen opened her eyes and rested her head on JR's shoulder.

"Are you tired?" he asked

"A little bit" she replied "Maybe I'll have a rest before we go to momma's tonight"

"Ahhhh I forgot about that" JR said

They got out of the car and walked over to the patio where Clayton was sat alone.

"Hey" Sue Ellen said she said as she walked over to him

"Where's momma?" JR asked

"She went out shopping to get some things for the twins and Gary" Clayton said "We don't seem to speak that often these days"

Sue Ellen and JR sat down at the table.

"So what have you two been up to?" Clayton asked

"We had a doctor's appointment…just to check on the baby" Sue Ellen said

"Is everything okay?" Clayton asked

Sue Ellen looked at JR, wanting to tell Clayton the news but also aware that JR may not want him to know yet. JR sensed what she was thinking and winked at her.

Yeah everything's fine" JR said "Although we had a bit of a surprise when the doctor did a scan"

"What happened?" Clayton asked

JR laughed "Eh well you know that crib you're making us?" JR said "Would it be possible for you to make two more just like it"

"What" Clayton said

"We're expecting triplets" Sue Ellen said

"Congratulations…you are happy about this?" Clayton asked

"Of course" JR said "But I was thinking I would really appreciate it if you would sell me the Southern Cross so that we can move up there before the babies are born"

"JR….I told you I would think about it but is that really a wise move to make now….triplets are going to be hard work and there's also John Ross to look after. You're going to need your family around you, wouldn't it be best to stay here" Clayton said

"I hear what you're saying Clayton and in a perfect world that would be the ideal situation however I'm thinking more about the future and what happens when anything happens to momma….she's probably left Southfork to Gary and I'd sooner move out now then stay here and at some point in the future be thrown out of our home by my brother" JR said

"I'm sure that would never happen" Clayton said

"Clayton I love this ranch but it will never be mine." JR said "I mean let's face it if I moved out tomorrow momma would have Gary moved in by the weekend"

"I do understand JR….but I just don't like the idea of you two being so far away" Clayton said

"Clayton you could always come and visit us at the Southern Cross" Sue Ellen said

"Okay I told you I'd think about it and I promise I will but please JR I want you also think about this….don't do anything to hasty….you've just had the biggest shock of your life" Clayton said "I'm sure your momma doesn't want you to leave"

Sue Ellen looked at JR "I'm going to get changed before we pick up John Ross" she said "See you shortly"

JR and Clayton watched her go inside.

"She looks incredibly healthy for someone expecting triplets" Clayton said

JR laughed "I know…things are going to be so much better than last time for her" he said

"You still want me to make the cribs for you?" Clayton asked

"Sure" JR said "You can even help me decorate the nursery"

"What Sue Ellen's old room?" Clayton asked

"Well that's the room she wants as the nursery" JR said "I'm not sure if it isn't a little small for three cribs though"

"But JR ten minutes ago you were trying to talk me into selling you the Southern Cross" Clayton said

"I know….part of me wants to move out of here; get as far away from momma as I can. However the most important person in this is Sue Ellen and I know she'd prefer to stay here. Her mother's moving back to Dallas and Pam and Mark are close by so I guess she feels secure here." He said

"Look talk about it while you're on holiday and if when you both come back you decide that you want the ranch then you can have it" Clayton said "In the meantime when I come back next week I'll ask Ray to help me move the furniture out of Sue Ellen's room and we can see how much space there is in there"

"I forgot you were going to the Southern Cross next week..have you told momma yet" JR asked

"No, I haven't I keep meaning to but never get around to it" Clayton replied "I'm sure it won't be a problem as she'll have Gary to keep her company"

"Clayton please don't tell her about the triplets." JR said "Just at the moment I don't want her to know

"I wish you two could just talk this through" Clayton said

"I've tried but she just shuts me out. Guess she doesn't feel my feelings are important" JR said "Another thing you could do for me"

"Go on…" Clayton said

"Could you keep an eye on Ewing Oil for me" JR said

Clayton laughed "I never thought I would hear you ask me to do that"

"I know. The only thing I ever wanted apart from Sue Ellen was Ewing Oil and now that I have it…it just doesn't seem that important anymore. I really need to find a partner to help me run it as I don't want it taking over my life anymore…I guess my priorities have changed" JR said

"That is good to hear and of course I'll keep an eye on things" Clayton said

"Thank you, well I'm going to check on my wife" JR said "Make sure she's not doing anything she shouldn't be"

"Okay….I might just go to the hardware store and see if I can pick up some wood to make these cribs from" Clayton said "By the way would you like me to pick up John Ross from school?"

"Okay….that would be great….Sue Ellen could do with the rest especially as we've got to have dinner with her mother tonight!"

JR walked into the house and went upstairs to his and Sue Ellen's room. He found her lying on the bed and walked over to her. He sat on the edge of the bed.

"Are you okay?" he asked

Sue Ellen smiled "Yes I'm fine...I just felt a bit tired"

"Clayton said he'd pick up John Ross for us" JR said "Push up and let me lie beside you"

Sue Ellen let JR lay down and then snuggled up close to him. "Mmm this feels so good" she said

JR kissed her forehead "Listen…will you be absolutely honest with me" he said

"JR when have I ever not been honest with you" she laughed

"Do you want to stay at Southfork and have the babies here" he said

"Darlin' I want to be where you're happiest" she said "But if you want the truth…part of me wants to stay here. Momma's moving back to Dallas, Pam's here and this is our home. We're going to need all the help we can get with these babies and I just feel that if we move to the Southern Cross then we'll be isolating ourselves"

JR sighed as Sue Ellen rested her head on his shoulder "Okay….you are the most important person to me and I will do anything for you….so if you really want to stay, we'll stay" he said

Sue Ellen kissed him "I love you and I promise everything will be okay. I just think Miss Ellie has kept this secret for so long that she's finding it hard to communicate with you…doesn't know what to say. Perhaps when we come back from holiday things will be different…maybe it will give her time to think and see things in a different light" she said

"I think that I've finally accepted that my parents didn't love me and that's fine as long as I have you and our children; as long as I know that you love me" JR said

"You know I do" Sue Ellen said "So does John Ross. Thinking about it we don't need to stay at Southfork to stay in Dallas….we could find somewhere else to live in Dallas"

"Maybe" JR said as he placed his hand on her stomach "How soon before I can feel these three moving" he asked

Sue Ellen smiled and placed her hand over his "Not for a while….." she said "I just hope they're not as bad as John Ross was. He had such a strong kick….he used to wake up in the middle of the night and start to play football with my inside. I knew it had to be a boy"

JR laughed

"You can laugh…but it's not your inside that they'll be using as a playground" Sue Ellen said

"I asked Clayton not to tell momma about the babies" JR said

"Why?" Sue Ellen asked

"I don't know…I guess I don't want her to know yet. I doubt she'd be interested anyway" JR said

"Hey…come on that's not entirely fair….I mean she loves John Ross" Sue Ellen said "What about my mother do we tell her?"

"If you want to" JR said

"Sweetheart we need to find a way around this problem….I want my children to know both their grandparents" Sue Ellen said

"You know we've talked so much about my family lately but we've never discussed yours" JR said

"What do you want me to tell you?" Sue Ellen asked

"Everything" JR said "The only members of your family I know about are you mother and Kristin, what was your father like"

"JR…my father died shortly after Kristin was born. What I remember about him most was the arguments he used to have with my mother about money. We weren't rich and she wanted the best for her girls and he couldn't provide. Sometimes I lay in bed listening to them argue and then the baby would cry and the next thing you heard was the door slam….daddy would go out and not come back until the following morning." Sue Ellen said

"Were things always like that?" JR asked

Sue Ellen smiled "When I was little I was daddy's little girl….I remember he actually taught me to swim….one very rare family holiday when I was five years old…we went down to Florida and spent some time on the beach. We'd play for hours, building sandcastles….checking out rockpools while momma would sunbathe. I remember him teaching me to swim that year. Another time I was about three years old and he had to go away for work anyway when he came back he brought with him this enormous teddy bear for me. In fact it was almost as big as me" she said

"So he wasn't all that bad….what was his line of work?" JR asked

"He was in the building trade and would often spend time away from us. He had to travel to where the work was" Sue Ellen said "However he always used to bring me presents when he came home"

"What happened to him?" JR asked

"He left…one day I guess he had enough of all the arguments and just walked out. It wasn't until about a year later that momma heard that he was dead. Apparentely he go into a fight at a bar and was beaten up so badly that he never recovered…or that's what momma told me" she replied

"Why do you think he's still alive?" JR asked

Sue Ellen looked at him "No…I just had this fantasy that one day he would walk back into my life." She said

"That's why you mother was obsessed with having you marry someone rich" JR said

"She wanted us to have what she didn't. I mean when she came back last time her reaction to our marriage was that I should divorce you, take John Ross and find another millionaire to marry" Sue Ellen said "If only life was that simple. It took her a long time to understand my decision to let John Ross stay at Southfork and then to move back in there"

JR pulled Sue Ellen closer to him and kissed her.

"Of course you do realize I knew all along what your game was. You wanted me back at Southfork so that I lost my right of custody over John Ross" Sue Ellen said

"Then why did you move back?" JR asked

"To give my son what he deserve…two parents even if they no longer loved each other…but I can tell you it was hard…very hard" Sue Ellen said "I no longer felt I belonged here and I felt bad that we were deceiving John Ross….he thought that me living back at Southfork meant we were back together as a family but I knew we weren't"

"I remember that night after you arrived back…we had dinner then we went upstairs and put John Ross to bed…for five minutes we were a normal happy family and then once our son's door was closed I left. I think that if you had asked me to stay I would have" JR said

"It's easy to say that now!" Sue Ellen laughed

"I'm serious…I remember watching you at dinner while you were talking to John Ross and Clayton….hearing the warmth of your voice and watching you tenderly touch our son's cheek as you spoke to him….I think I knew then that divorce was out of the question that somewhere down the line Mandy and I would finish and I would try and get you back. In my own way I loved you then and I have always loved you" JR said "Hey we're getting off the subject we were talking about you and your childhood"

"There really isn't much to say" Sue Ellen said

"What about grandparents?" JR asked

"Well both my grandfathers were dead by the time I was born so was my momma's mother but I remember my daddy's mom…now she was the total opposite of momma. She died when I was twelve but I think if she had been alive she would have stopped momma putting me in all the beauty paegents" Sue Ellen said "I remember I used to go and stay with her when I was about 6 or 7, we used to spend time baking, making chocolate cakes or flapjacks. One thing I always remember is that I used to love to lick the bowl out afterwards"

"That's disgusting" JR said

"No, I used to love uncooked cake mix. I hope one of these babies is a girl just so that I can enjoy doing things like that with her. She also taught me to sew when I was about 10. She also used to like to do tapestry and embroidery and taught me how to do that. In fact when we were first married I used to still do embroidery so nights when you were off on your travels" Sue Ellen said "She also gave me a love of books…we would spend hours looking at books in bookshops when we went shopping….every night I stayed with her she would read to me or listen while I read to her.

"And I thought the only shopping you like to do was for clothes and shoes" JR laughed

"When grandma died and it was just momma, me and Kristin I would sometimes walk to the park and find somewhere quiet to sit and read. Something I haven't done in a long time" Sue Ellen said "Grandma never put too much importance into money….she always told me there were more important things in life and I think after eight years of marriage to you I realized that. I remember shortly after our seven wedding anniversary…that was a great night….we went out to dinner…came home then you left me for someone else. I knew there had to be more to life than this…I wanted to be loved even if it meant having no money at all. I tell you this JR if you lost Ewing Oil tomorrow I wouldn't care as long as I have you and know that you love me then I'm happy."

"I'm sorry…guess I'm pretty lousy husband material aren't I" He said

Sue Ellen kissed him "No…you're not, you just needed to learn what was important and I think you've finally found out" she said

"Definitely" JR said "I can say that I definitely married the right Sheppard girl" he laughed

"Momma did a better job on her than on me…I think she had momma's ruthless streak in her" Sue Ellen said "I wonder what would have happened if daddy had still be alive"

"Do you regret doing the beauty paegents then?" JR asked

Sue Ellen sighed "Not my favourite thing to do…and if we ever do have a daughter I can tell you now that there is no way I'm putting her through that!" she said "It just felt as though you were part of a human cattle market…every inch of you being scrutinized." She said "I think momma was so upset when I didn't go in for Miss America….but I just felt that I've done all the beauty pagents I wanted to"

"If you hadn't we wouldn't have met" JR said "I feel so guilty over the past….all the nights I left you alone…..the other women….the comments I made at times and then I think you're still here and I know that the only reason you're here is because you're the only person who ever truly loved me"

"I can't imagine life without you" she laughed "I fell in love with you the night of the Miss Texas contest and I think I knew at that point that I would love you for the rest of my life. I know how much you're hurting now….but that has made you finally open up to me in the way that I've been hoping you would for years"

"I always believed it was a form of weakness to cry in front of a woman but I remember that morning in the car after I spoke to momma and she just dismissed my feelings as unimportant…I couldn't hold back the tears and you just took me in your arms and let me cry, comforted me and never once made me feel weak or foolish" JR said

Sue Ellen looked at him "That's what I'm here for" she said "To look after my two favourite men"

"Yeah but from now on we're going to have to look after you" JR said "This pregnancy is going to be tough on you"

"JR I promise everything will be fine….this time I'm not going to risk anything that might harm these babies." Sue Ellen said "I'm also hoping that things will change with Miss Ellie; I really do want her to be part of these babies' life….maybe while we're gone Clayton can talk to her again"

"He's not so bad is he" JR said

Sue Ellen smiled "He's the best substitute father anyone could have" she said "JR I know how you felt about Jock but I really want these children brought up with Clayton as their grandfather…to let them call him grandpa"

"I think I can live with that" JR said "By the way I asked him to keep an eye on Ewing Oil for me"

Sue Ellen laughed "I'd love to have seen the expression on his face when you asked him that" she said

"Well I guess someone has to keep an eye on it and he was the best person for the job" JR replied "Maybe when we come back I'll ask him to help me out on a permanent basis, it's either that all asking Cliff Banes to consider a partnership in Ewing Oil"

"You wouldn't!" Sue Ellen laughed

"Let's just say I need some help!" JR said "I don't want Ewing Oil consuming me like it used to and with you pregnant I want to devote my time to you and John Ross; I mean once these babies are born we're going to be busy"

"I need to talk to Mark about Grayson's Foundation….there's no way I can still work and look after three babies and John Ross but I still want to be involved in it" Sue Ellen said "Even if it's only as part of the support team"

"I know how much this means to you and we'll find a way around it….you wont be alone in looking after these babies I promise you I want to help you in everyway I can" JR said "Which is why I need to find a way of getting help in Ewing Oil"

"Maybe we could meet up with Mark and Pam for lunch tomorrow" Sue Ellen said

"Okay" JR said "I can't believe in two days time it will be just you, me and the boys"

"I hope you don't get too bored…I mean you've never taken time off work for a holiday before" Sue Ellen said

"What about our second honeymoon" JR said

Sue Ellen laughed "That wasn't for very long….and I always had a sneaky feeling that you were doing deals" she said "Beside if I can recall we spent most of the time doing your favourite activity"

JR laughed and kissed her "It was pretty good wasn't it" he said

"I had such high hopes for our second marriage….I wanted to be the only woman you made love to…to be your confidant but it didn't work out that way" she said

"I'm sorry……Holly Harwood was one of the biggest mistakes of my life" JR said

"But why…..what did she have that I didn't, what did she do to you that I didn't" Sue Ellen said, feeling tears fill her eyes. Even after all this time the sight of JR and Holly in bed still got to her.

JR looked into her eyes and kissed her forehead "Absolutely nothing….she set me up…gave me a challenge and I fell for it. I felt so guilty about what I did to you" he said

Sue Ellen sighed and smiled "Why are we talking about this?" she said "Finally I have what I've wanted all my life….you, that night of the fundraiser we made a commitment to each other to wipe out the bad times and start again and I know we're going to succeed"

"But the pain is still there isn't it?" JR asked

"It hurts to think that I wasn't enough for you….that you needed other women…but I think we've turned the corner and I hope that the only woman you'll ever need is me" she said

JR smiled "I promise" he said, suddenly they were disturbed by a knock on the door. JR looked at the bedside clock and smiled

"Come in" He said

John Ross opened the door and looked at his parents lying on the bed "Momma! Daddy!" he said as he jumped on the bed and pushed his way in between them.

Sue Ellen kissed him "Have you had a good day at school" she said

"Yeah…it was okay….I had a maths test" he said

"How did you do" JR asked

"I got 18 out of 20" his son replied

"That's my boy" JR said kissing him.

"Grandpa took me to the hardware store…he got some wood and said I can watch him make the crib for the baby" John Ross said

"That's nice" Sue Ellen said "Sweetheart we need to talk to you about the baby"

"Why" John Ross said

"John Ross…there are three babies" JR said

"How did that happen?" John Ross asked

"I asked the same question" JR laughed

"Sometimes these things happen" Sue Ellen said "But that doesn't mean that we wont want you anymore. You are still my precious baby and we love you…beside now you've got to be a real big brother and help us look after them…do you think you can do that?"

"Sure" John Ross said

"And when they're asleep we will make sure that you get lots of our attention" Sue Ellen said "We'll always make time for you…..I promise you nothing will change"

John Ross hugged his parents "I'm going to go and find grandpa" he said

"Okay but get changed first" Sue Ellen said kissing him on the forehead

After John Ross had left the room, Sue Ellen looked at JR who was deep in thought

"What's wrong?" she said

"I was just thinking….part of me is scared for him; that we might get so caught up in looking after the babies we forget him….I don't want him to feel like I do" JR said

"It's not going to happen….sure we're going to have a lot of work to do looking after the triplets but we will find time for our son; he's the one thing that has always brought us back together. We will still read to him, play with him and make him feel special….because that is what he is. He's the baby we waited so long for….I think whatever problems we've had in the past we were always united in our love for him. Nothing is going to change that" Sue Ellen said

"When we get back from holiday I want to take him fishing and camping….maybe go horse riding with him and Clayton on the ranch…see if I can feel safe riding a horse again" JR said

Sue Ellen smiled "Hey let's go and find our son" she said

Meanwhile Miss Ellie sat in her bedroom alone….she had come home from shopping to find everything quiet and Clayton's car missing. She'd decided to go upstairs and sort through some old pictures that were in shoe boxes kept in her closet. She picked up one of Digger, a smile formed on her lips when she remembered how close they had once been…although her and Jock had a close relationship it wasn't the same as what she had shared with Digger. Tears fell on the picture as she thought about how she had treated her and Digger's son over the years….letting Jock take him into the business….not protecting him when Jock forced him to work with him instead of letting him enjoy a childhood. She loved JR, she truly loved him but she could never show it but she knew she had to find away unless she'd lose him. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of laughter coming from the patio…she stood up and walked to the window and looked down. She saw Sue Ellen and JR walking towards the barn….hand in hand, laughing and talking. She watched as the couple stop, JR pulling Sue Ellen closer to him and kissing her; then lifting her off her feet and swinging her around, then as he gently lowered her to her feet he kissed her again. She thought about how things had been between last year but now they looked so happy and so in love. Maybe Sue Ellen could help JR discover the true meaning of love. As Ellie watched them her thoughts turned to Gary, she was pleased that he was coming to stay but she secretly knew that she would be glad to have JR and Sue Ellen back of holiday….she wanted to share this pregnancy with them but most of all she wanted to talk to her son and tell him how much she loved him. She made up her mind that when they returned from holiday the first thing she was going to do was put things right with JR.

JR and Sue Ellen's room

JR lay on the bed dressed only in his robe waiting for Sue Ellen to come out of the shower. Suddenly an evil thought crossed his mind, he got up and walked into the bathroom. Opening the door of the shower he watched Sue Ellen for a moment.

"Hey do you mind if I join you?" he asked

Sue Ellen turned around and smiled "What are you waiting for" she said

JR removed his robe and stepped into the shower, wrapping his arms around Sue Ellen's waist he tenderly kissed her "Here, let me scrub your back for you" he said as he took the loofar from her. Sue Ellen sighed as he gently began to soap her back.

Happy?" JR asked

"Yes" Sue Ellen replied "More than I ever thought I could be"

She turned to face him; tenderly she stroked his face "Everything is going to be okay JR…I just know it. By Christmas we will have three more healthy children….nothing is ever going to hurt us again" she said

"Aren't you nervous?" JR asked

"Not really; but the more I think about it the more I want these babies….I felt the same with John Ross. It was never just about having the firstborn boy…the heir to the Ewing fortune…it was about having a connection to you….something that no other woman would have…a bond that would bind us forever and now that connection is stronger" she replied

"I always did want a big family" JR laughed

Sue Ellen looked at him "That is something that you've kept well hidden over the years" she said

"Darlin' there's a side to me that only you and our children will know" He said "I guess I wanted to feel like I belonged. Growing up there were times that I felt I didn't have anyone; after grandpa died there was noone there in the middle of the night when my nightmares got scary….noone ever praised me when I did anything good but I was sure reprimanded when I did something bad. Having a family of your own means that you belong to someone and noone can take that away from you"

Sue Ellen kissed him "You've always belonged to me from the moment I first saw you" she said "From the moment you first kissed me I gave you my heart and no other man has ever really been able to take it away from you."

JR laughed "I keep thinking that I'm dreaming….that someday I'll wake up to find you not there" he said "I've never felt so happy or so loved. I'm just contented to spend the rest of my life in your arms. Half the time I'm at work I'm thinking about you and not how I can make Ewing Oil better. The minute you walk into the room you take my breath away and I can feel my heart jump"

"Sweetheart you're not dreaming….this is real" she said placing his hand on her stomach

"God I've been such a fool and we've wasted so much time" JR said "The only thing I need in my life is you and our children; as long as I have that the rest of the world can disappear"

"JR…this is a new start…a new adventure which we've only just began. Every step we take together whether its looking after John Ross or experiencing this pregnancy. The past is dead…its in another time and dimension what we have now is all that matters. I love you and you love me and as long as we hold onto that then we can conquer anything" Sue Ellen replied

"Even momma throwing us off this ranch" JR laughed

Sue Ellen shook her head "That's not going to happen" she said "Beside the minute she sees her three new grandchildren she is going to love them"

"But she doesn't love me" JR said

Sue Ellen kissed him "I think she loves you…perhaps she was scared to love you" she said

"How can you be scared to love your own child?" JR said

"I was in the beginning…I thought that if I loved John Ross he would hurt me just like you and Cliff had done…I remember after he was kidnapped….I was on sedatives but I got up and walked into his room…I vowed that I would never let anyone hurt me again including him and from that moment I couldn't go near him" Sue Ellen said "As for your mother….look at it this way, she was living a lie…she had to make sure Jock believe that you were his, so she distanced herself from you and let him take charge of your life. Maybe Clayton will be able to get through to her"

"But I still needed her just as much as Bobby and Gary did….there were times I felt bullied by daddy….forced to do things I didn't want to but there was noone on my side" JR said "I look at you with John Ross and I wish I had that sort of relationship with my mother. When he was learning to walk and he fell over…you'd pick him up and comfort him. When he was tired and grumpy…you'd cuddle him close to you and stroke his forehead until he fell asleep. Even now, when you were not able to read him stories at night you made tapes for him just so that he can go to sleep hearing your voice."

"He's my baby…he always will be even when he's grown up" Sue Ellen said "Maybe one day you'll hear the truth from Miss Ellie but I think it's too soon at the moment. Just don't hate her"

JR kissed her "You sure we have to go to your mother's tonight" He asked

Sue Ellen laughed as the water from the shower splashed them "Yes we do and we should get out of here….not the ideal place to have a deep and meaningful conversation" she said

"Hmmm, we've been having a lot of those lately" JR said "But you're right I can think of something much more interesting to do here"

Sue Ellen kissed him "I know" she said, knowing that she wanted him as much as he wanted her "However we really have to get dressed"

JR held her tightly and kissed her passionately; Sue Ellen found herself wanting to give in to him; wanting to let him love her in the way that only he could. Finally she broke away from him and looked into his eyes; realizing that for the first time in days they were sparkling, she smiled "I love you" she said "And trust me you are not alone…I will always be on your side"

"I love you too" He said "Just knowing that you love me and will always be here for me makes life work living"

"Hey come on let's get dressed" Sue Ellen said as she turned off the shower. Taking JR's hand she led him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Reluctantly they began to get ready to go out. Half an hour later they walked downstairs and found John Ross in the living room with Miss Ellie.

"Where are you two going?" Miss Ellie asked

"My mother's" Sue Ellen said "She's moving back to Dallas and we're going to see her tonight before we go on holiday"

"Hey buddy, are you ready to go?" JR asked

"Do I have to?" John Ross asked

"Yes you do" Sue Ellen laughed "You haven't seen Grandma Sheppard in nearly a year"

"But last time I saw her she tried to make me leave Southfork and live with her and you" John Ross remarked

"Don't worry…that's not going to happen this time" JR said

"JR…I was wondering if I could have a word with you" Miss Ellie said

JR looked at Sue Ellen…he didn't want a confrontation with his mother again "Sorry momma, we're running late" he said

"Okay…..maybe we can chat later" Miss Ellie said

"I don't know….I'm really busy at the moment trying to get Ewing Oil sorted for while I'm on holiday….maybe we could talk when I come back from holiday….beside I guess you're busy getting things ready for Gary" JR said

"Bye Miss Ellie…come on John Ross we're leaving" Sue Ellen said

"Bye….have fun" Miss Ellie said

They walked outside to JR's car…John Ross got into the back while JR opened the door for Sue Ellen. Sue Ellen kissed him "You're going to have to talk to her one day" she said

"But not now….." JR said "Maybe when we come back off holiday things will have cooled down"

Meanwhile Ben Stivers stood in his room. In his hand he held the envelope containing the letter he wrote to Miss Ellie explaining why he had come back to Dallas. He walked outside and took one last look at Southfork before deciding that now was the time to leave. He left thinking of the old Southfork when Aaron Southworth was still alive…he and Miss Ellie had been close….she had confiding in him told him things that he knew she would have kept secret for all these years until now…..he knew that part of her believed he was Jock and that he had forced her to tell the one secret that he knew she wanted to take to her grave. He thought about Jock Ewing…..he hated him….the man was arrogant and didn't deserve Miss Ellie….from the moment Jock moved into Southfork things changed; he knew that he could no longer work there as Jock's employee; Jock had set him up…didn't like the way he spent time with Miss Ellie….he planted money in Ben's room then accused him of stealing only to search his room finding the money under his mattress. Ben had tried to prove his innocence but Jock threw him off the ranch; not only that he had made it impossible for Ben to find employment in Dallas forcing him to leave his home. He made a new life for himself in South America…got married and had three children….that was until a fatal car crash had killed his wife and children fifteen years ago leaving him alone and lost. He thought he was beginning to get back on his feet until he saw Jock Ewing walk into the bar where he was living; he had followed Jock that night and found out where he was staying; then the next day he broke into his hotel room, he didn't know why he had done that but something inside him cracked when he saw Jock…looking around the hotel he found letters that Ellie had written to them..without thinking he put them in his pocket then looked through the drawers in the room finding Jock's watch and his belt. After a few years and on hearing about the death of Bobby Ewing he decided it was time to return to Dallas and face the ghosts of long ago….only he knew Miss Ellie's secret and part of him wanted revenge for her not supporting him when Jock fired him. He didn't realize how easy it would be for him to make her believe he was Jock Ewing….but she had and because of that revealed the secret that had been hidden for years. They say that revenge is a dish best served cold however this particular dish left him with a sour taste in his mouth. It seemed a lifetime ago but there was a time when he would have done anything for Ellie but she had let him down. Sadly he turned back and walked into his room, holding the letter he sat down on his bed and felt tears spring to his eyes; Southfork had once been his home now he didn't feel anything just a sense of numbness. Standing up he pick up his bag, taking one last look around his room he left the letter on the bed and walked towards the door, this time he didn't look back as he walked out into the still cool Texas evening. Closing the door behind him he made his way out of Southfork and the Ewings' lives forever.

Clayton walked into the living room to find Miss Ellie sitting alone reading a book.

"Hi" he said "I've just seen JR and Sue Ellen leave….JR doesn't look to impressed with having to spend the evening with Sue Ellen's mother"

Miss Ellie laughed "Well after the last time they met I'm not surprised" she said "However I don't think I've ever seen those two look so happy and contented. Sue Ellen looks radiant…this pregnancy seems to have brought out a glow in her that I don't remember seeing when she was pregnant with John Ross"

"I spoke to them earlier…they had a doctor's appointment and saw the first pictures of the baby" Clayton said

"They didn't tell me that…in fact JR didn't say anything much to me at all" Ellie said "I think he actually hates me"

"I think he feels that you just don't love him…that you would prefer Gary to be living here rather than him" Clayton said "I get the impression he feels that as he's not Jock's son you don't love him"

"That's not true" Ellie said

"Ellie….you told me that you don't feel for JR what you feel for Gary and Bobby" Clayton said

"I can't explain how I feel….I don't know if I can put my feelings into words. It's complicated" Ellie said

"You're going to have to talk to him….or else you'll lose him and your grandchildren" Clayton said "Is that what you want?"

"Of course not…I want to put this right but I don't know if I can" she replied

"Wait until they come back off holiday" Clayton said "But you have to open up to JR. By the way I'm going up to the Southern Cross on Sunday for a few days. There are things I need to do up there…also Dusty is going be up there and I want to talk to him"

"Do you have to go now?" Ellie said

"You'll have Gary and the children. I just thought that this would be a good time" he replied

"I guess you'll right…..things will be really hectic here with the twins "Ellie said" When will you be back"

Clayton smiled, good grief if she thought that having the twins would be hectic….heaven help her when Sue Ellen gave birth, he thought.

"Probably Friday next week" Clayton said

Patricia Sheppard's House

JR and Sue Ellen sat in the car outside her mother's house. Sue Ellen looked at JR knowing exactly what he was thinking, she took his hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Come on, I'm hungry" she said

"Into the lion's den" JR said "I just remember the last time I saw your mother. There was a good deal of hostility between us"

"She knows we're back together. She'll be okay as long as I'm happy" Sue Ellen said

"Did you tell her about the baby?" JR asked

"No…we're do that together" Sue Ellen smiled

Reluctantly they got out of the car and walked towards the door, John Ross running in front of them. Patricia Sheppard had seen the car pull up and opened the door as they approached.

"Hi grandma…what's for dinner…I'm starving" John Ross said

"Now who does he take after" Sue Ellen laughed looking at JR

"Hello John Ross" Patricia Shepard said "My…you have grown" she said kissing his head

"Hi momma" Sue Ellen said

"Hi darlin'" she said "JR…how nice to see you again"

"Hello Patricia…Sue Ellen tells me you're back in Dallas for good" he said

"Well I've had enough of traveling for a while" Patricia replied

They went inside the house, and Sue Ellen helped her mother bring the dinner out to the table. During dinner they chatted about what had happened since Patricia had been away.

"So how is Grayson's research?" Patricia asked

"Brilliant" Sue Ellen replied "For the first time in my life I feel like I'm making a difference"

JR looked at her and smiled "She's quite good at making money as well as spending it" he said

"What about you JR…how's the oil business?" Patricia asked

"Fine" JR said

"How long are you going to be away?" Patricia asked

"About three weeks" Sue Ellen said "We're going to go to Orlando for two weeks then spend a week at the Seychelles relaxing"

"JR…I'm surprised you can leave the oil business for that long" Patricia said "I thought you were married to Ewing Oil…..and what was the name of that woman you were hanging around with last time I was here"

"Momma, please" Sue Ellen said looking at John Ross

"Sue Ellen…I saw how he nearly destroyed you the last time I was here….how do I know it wont happen again" Patricia said

JR looked at John Ross "Say buddy why don't you go and watch some television" he said

"Can I take my ice cream in there too" John Ross said

"Of course" his grandmother said

John Ross left the dinning room and went into the living room, after he had left Sue Ellen got up and gently closed the door.

"Mother whatever you think of JR…he is John Ross' father please don't bad mouth him in front of his son" Sue Ellen said

"Sue Ellen I'm wasn't happy about you moving back to Southfork and I can tell you that I'm not happy that you two seem to be back together at the moment" Patricia replied

"Momma…this time is for good…." Sue Ellen said

"Sue Ellen how many times have you said that only to find JR cheating on you behind your back" Patricia said

JR was silent he knew what Patricia was saying was true but that was in the past. This time nothing could take him away from Sue Ellen. He loved her with all of his heart.

"Patricia I know what you think of me….and I don't blame you but I promise you that I will never hurt your daughter again. When she took me back I promised her a total commitment and I intend to keep that promise. With every beat of my heart I love her" he said

Patricia looked JR in the eye. Suddenly she saw something different about him. In his eyes she saw that he was telling the truth…she looked down at the table and saw JR and Sue Ellen's hands entwined as one. She looked again at JR and saw in him a look of contentment.

"I don't want to see her hurt" Patricia said "And what about the other woman"

"Patricia…there was never any other woman….not really I was just fooling myself thinking that I could love someone else; but at the end of the day I knew that the woman I wanted was the one I was married to" JR said

"Then why did you cheat on her" Patricia asked

"I've been a fool….but these past few months with Sue Ellen I found out what love really means and I'm not prepared to lose that" he said

"Momma we have some news for you" Sue Ellen said

"What" she asked

Sue Ellen looked at JR and smiled "I'm pregnant" Sue Ellen replied

Patricia's eyes lit up "Really….how long" she asked

"About three months….it's due in November just before Christmas" Sue Ellen replied "Although this pregnancy is going to be different"

"In what way" Patricia said

Sue Ellen looked at JR "So are you going to tell her or am I" she said

JR winked at her "I think you better" he said

Sue Ellen laughed, she couldn't believe how happy she felt at the thought of having three babies "Momma….we're having triplets" she said

Patricia looked shocked "My god….I don't believe it" she said

"It's true" JR said

"But this is going to put a strain on Sue Ellen…what about the holiday….should she really be traveling in her condition" Patricia said

"Momma I'm fine….I'm doing better than I was when I was pregnant with John Ross." Sue Ellen said

"Patricia…I promise you I'm going to look after her and as for the holiday…I'll make sure she doesn't overdo things" JR said

"And you're both happy about this" Patricia asked

"Yes" JR and Sue Ellen said in unison

Patricia got up and hugged the couple; desperately wanting to believe JR when he promised to look after Sue Ellen. She was all she had left now. They continued talking for a while then at 9.30pm they decided they better get John Ross home to bed.

Southfork

JR carried a sleeping John Ross upstairs to bed; as Sue Ellen put him in his pajamas her son woke up.

"Momma I'm not tired" he yawned

Sue Ellen laughed "Oh yes you are sweetheart…it's late" she said

"Can I have a story?" John Ross asked

"Buddy it's time to go to sleep" JR said

"Just one" John Ross pleaded

Sue Ellen took one look into her son's eyes….the same eyes as her husband's and melted.

"Okay" she said "Just one"

JR and Sue Ellen cuddled up to their son and read him a story afterwards they kissed him and he snuggled down to sleep. Having said goodnight they turned off the light and went into their own room. JR pulled Sue Ellen into an embrace and kissed her.

"Sorry about my mother" she said

"Hey it wasn't your fault and I guess she has a right to be worried….I mean I haven't exactly got a good track record" he said

"At least she's pleased about the babies…which got me thinking that we really ought to tell Miss Ellie…especially as both Clayton and my mother know" Sue Ellen said

"We will but let's leave it until after the holiday" JR said "She's more interested in having her other family around"

"She did try to talk to you tonight" Sue Ellen said

"I know….hey are you tired" JR asked

Sue Ellen smiled "Not really"

JR kissed her passionately "Neither am I…..you know what I really would love" he said

"What" Sue Ellen asked

"You" he smiled

JR pushed her back onto the bed and kissed her, feeling for the zip at the back of her dress he undid it and began pushing it off her shoulders. Tenderly he kissed her shoulders.

"JR" Sue Ellen said. Her hand wandered to the zip of his trousers…JR sighed as he felt her hand make contact with his manhood.

"God have I told you how much I love you" JR said

Sue Ellen smiled "Show me"

Slowly they undressed each other and began to make love. JR worked his way down Sue Ellen's body leaving no place unkissed; as he reached her stomach he tenderly stroked it longing to feel the kick of his unborn children. Finally he worked his way back up her body and found her mouth. Together they found their rhythm and let their love making take them to the heights of ectasy. Afterwards they relaxed in each others arms. JR holding Sue Ellen tightly as she drifted off to sleep.

"I love you" he said kissing her

The next day JR took John Ross to school before dropping Sue Ellen off at work.

"Don't work too hard" he said as he kissed her goodbye

"See you at lunchtime" she said

JR walked into his office at Ewing Oil and sat down in his chair looking out of the window. He had work on his desk to do but somehow he couldn't concentrate…his mind was filled with Sue Ellen and his children. He wanted to be the best husband and father ever. He was so looking forward to sharing this pregnancy with Sue Ellen and also spending some time with his son. He turned his chair around and looked around his office…somehow this place didn't hold the same attraction to him now…..there was a time when Ewing Oil was the most important thing. Building the company to make his daddy proud of him but that had been a joke. Trying to shake himself out of his dream world he looked at the pile of papers on his desk….there were letters to sign and some deals that he had to look at before he went away. He really was looking forward to this holiday….he felt that he deserved it after all the years of hard work he had put in for the company. He was determined that during this holiday his only thoughts would be about his family…Ewing Oil would not enter his mind. He began to get on with the work in front of him.

Sue Ellen sat in her office busily organizing the next charity event for Graysons'. Her mind too was on JR and her mother's words the night before. She understood why her mother was concerned about her but Sue Ellen felt strong and certain that JR and her would succeed this time. She didn't understand it but her and JR were mean't to be together. No matter what they did to each other somehow they always found their way back to each other despite the pain and heartache. She knew they were just meant to be together…soulmates forever…apart they were only half complete. She didn't realize how quickly time was passing until she heard a knock on her door and looked up to find JR standing there.

"Hey, not working too hard are you" JR asked

Sue Ellen's eyes lit up at the sight of him and she smiled "Not anymore I'm not…I'm starving" she said

"I've just spoken to Mark…Pam is going to meet us at the resturarant" JR said

She walked around her desk to where JR was standing and pulled into a kiss.

"Hell…if I had thought I'd get that kind of reception I would have arrived earlier" he said

"I've missed you" she said

They walked out of the office hand in hand and drove to the restaurant. Pam was already waiting for them when they walked in.

"Hey Pam" Sue Ellen said

Pam hugged Sue Ellen "Hey, how are you…you look wonderful" she said "Pregnancy agrees with you"

"So do you" Sue Ellen said

They sat talking while waiting for Mark and once he arrived they ordered their meals.

"So what did you two want to talk to us about" Mark said "Don't tell me you're not going on holiday"

"No, it's nothing like that" Sue Ellen said "We wouldn't disappoint the boys like that"

"Is everything alright?" Pam said looking concerned.

"Everything's fine" Sue Ellen said "But I'm going to have to give up work sooner than I thought"

"Is there a problem with the pregnancy?" Mark asked

Sue Ellen looked at JR "Well…yes and no" she said "I'm expecting triplets"

"What!" Pam said

"You heard" Sue Ellen laughed

"Oh my god…how do you feel" Pam asked

"Wonderful…I'm looking forward to it" Sue Ellen said "But it means that I'm going to get tired easily during this pregnancy so Mark I don't think I can carry on with Graysons' for much longer"

"That's fine…I mean I'm going to miss you as PR but you can still support us" Mark said

"Of course" Sue Ellen said

"Mark I've sorted out your venue and I guarantee that this event will cost you nothing" JR said

"What have you done?" Mark asked

"Nothing…just called in a few favours" JR said

"JR how do you feel about this pregnancy" Pam said

"Well I'm excited but also worried how this is going to affect Sue Ellen so I intend on keeping an eye on her and making sure she doesn't overdo things" JR replied

"Pam….this time everything is going to be perfect" Sue Ellen said

"You look so happy" Pam said

"I am" Sue Ellen replied taking JR's hand in hers and squeezing it. JR tenderly kissed her on the cheek.

"Pam I promise you…I'm going to take care of her" JR said

Pam looked at him and for a moment she saw a different JR from the one she recognized. Something in his eyes had changed…suddenly she found herself believing him when he told her that he was going to take care of Sue Ellen. She truly believed that he loved his wife.

After finishing their meal Mark told Sue Ellen to take the rest of the day off work, after getting into JR's car Sue Ellen turned to JR and said.

"Are you going back to work?"

JR smiled "Mark has given you the rest of the day off work and there's no place I'd rather be than lying in the arms of my wonderful, gorgeous, beautiful pregnant wife. So in reply to you question I'm not going back to work"

Sue Ellen snuggled up to him "I do love you" she said

"I love you too" JR said kissing her on the forehead "And thank you for trusting me enough to give me another chance. I will never do anything to hurt you again…I love you and our children too much to risk losing you"

Sue Ellen looked at him and smiled "I know" she said kissing him