Both sat in silence for a while as the sun crept over the horizon and rose in the sky.
"This is perfect…everything is so peaceful this time of morning…do you know I could stay here forever….I know I've said it before but I've never felt so safe, loved or wanted as I do now" JR said
Sue Ellen gently stroked his face "Darlin' nothing's going to change when we get home, I'll still love you and want you and so will our son" she said
JR smiled and pulled her closer to him "I know…hey do you still want to renew our wedding vows?" he said
"Of course…maybe we could do it on New Year's Eve" she said "That way we start a new year making a new and lasting commitment to each other"
"I'm committed to you now!" JR laughed
"I know but we make our vows in front of friend and family and let them know that this time nothing is ever going to separate us" Sue Ellen said
"Sounds good to me" JR said
"Let's get back…I'm sure the monsters will be up now" Sue Ellen said
Hand in hand they walked back to the beach house, they walked into the living room to find John Ross and Christopher sat in front of the television.
"Are you two hungry…it's time for breakfast" Sue Ellen called to them
The two boys got up from where they were sitting and walked into the kitchen.
"Where have you been?" John Ross asked
"Watching the sunrise on the beach" JR replied "You were asleep"
"When are we going home?" Christopher asked
"The day after tomorrow" Sue Ellen replied "Why don't you like it here with us"
"Yes….but I miss momma….and daddy but he's never coming back is he" Christopher replied
Sue Ellen walked over to Christopher and crouched down in front of him, pulling him towards her she held him tightly.
"No sweetheart but you still have your momma and Mark and you still have us" she said "We're not going anywhere for a long, long time"
"Come on you two let's have something to eat then we can go and make some more sandcastles" JR said
After breakfast the family made their way down onto the beach with a picnic lunch that Sue Ellen had prepared. JR took the boys to explore the rock pools while Sue Ellen rested on the beach. Her thoughts were filled with the prospect of going home and what would happen once they were back in Dallas. Christopher and JR, one wanted to go home to his momma while the other wanted to stay away. Somehow she had to get Miss Ellie and JR to talk but she didn't know how..there seemed to be a distant between them almost as wide as the Atlantic Ocean. Although she was relieved to see that JR had managed to accept the fact that Jock wasn't his father…he may not like it but at least it didn't seem to upset him like it had in the beginning. Realizing that she could no longer see JR or the children she decided to go back into the house to lie down for a bit. Walking into the house she sat down on the sofa then looking at the phone decided to pick it up and phone Southfork. Clayton answered on the third ring.
"Hey Clayton…how are you?" Sue Ellen said
"Fine" Clayton replied "How's the holiday going?"
"Nearly over unfortunately but we've had a great time" Sue Ellen said
"How's JR?" Clayton asked
"He's okay….but he's not looking forward to going home…especially since Gary didn't turn up" Sue Ellen said "He thinks Miss Ellie's going to blame him"
"She won't" Clayton said "We had a long chat when I came back from the Southern Cross. I think things will be okay"
"I hope so….I don't really want to leave Dallas or Southfork" Sue Ellen said
"We cleared out your old room the other day" Clayton said "I think we might me able to get three cribs in there"
Sue Ellen laughed "Yeah but there wont be much room for anything else" she said
"Miss Ellie did suggest we create another nursery or even knock two rooms into one" Clayton said
"hmmm….let's see what happens when we get home. Is Miss Ellie there" Sue Ellen asked
"No….she went out a while ago to do some shopping" Clayton replied
"That's a shame….I wanted to have a chat with her….see if I can break through the barriers that seem to be dividing her and JR" Sue Ellen said
"I know she's looking forward to you coming home and sharing this pregnancy with you" Clayton said
"Yes but don't forget that three weeks ago she was please we were going away so that she could have her precious Gary there, then when he doesn't turn up she's pleased to have us back. Is that because she wants at least one of her sons on Southfork even if it is only JR or because she really does love JR." Sue Ellen said
"What Ellie is feeling is complicated…I don't know if I understand why she behaved the way she did but I really think she's ready to talk to JR… I think they can work this out" Clayton said
"I hope so…I'll see you in a couple of days" Sue Ellen said
"Looking forward to it…say hello to JR and the boys for me" Clayton said
"Bye Clayton and tell Miss Ellie I called" Sue Ellen replied
After getting off the phone Sue Ellen went to make herself a cup of coffee, she walked out of the living room to find JR standing in the kitchen.
"How long have you been there?" she laughed "And where are the children?"
"I just walked in" JR replied "We came back from exploring the rock pools to find you gone so I told the boys I would look for you. What are you doing?"
"I just phoned Southfork and spoke to Clayton, I was hoping to speak to Miss Ellie" Sue Ellen said
"Why?" JR said
Sue Ellen sighed "Because I want to try and put things right. JR you're my husband and I love you so much….I hate to see you hurting and I know you're hurting even though you put on a brave face" she said "Maybe I can get through to her…..make her see the other side of you, show her that you do have feelings"
JR placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes "Darlin' I'm fine and as long as I have you then I'm happy. I faced up to the fact that momma and daddy didn't love me years ago and what has happened over the past few months have proved that" he said "All I need to know is that you and John Ross love me"
Sue Ellen smiled "We do" she said "Clayton seems to think that Miss Ellie is ready to talk to you….he has a feeling that she wants to put things right. She's even talking about knocking two rooms into one so we have a big nursery for the triplets. He thinks she wants us to stay"
"Well we're find out in two days' time" JR said "Come on let's go and get something to eat before those two monsters find the picnic basket and eat all the food"
Hand in hand they walked down onto the beach "So how many fish did you catch?" Sue Ellen asked
"Well….we caught a few little ones in the rockpools along with a couple of crabs but we put them back!" JR replied
"You know I remember once I went to the beach with Mamma and Kristin and we went fishing in the rockpools. Kristin caught a crab, mamma told her to put it back which she did after she tore the legs of it. She was only six at the time!" Sue Ellen said
"So you're sister's always had a vicious nature" JR laughed
Sue Ellen shook her head, hoping her son would not turn out the same. After having lunch the family played on the beach, making sandcastles decorating them with shells and seaweed. Later JR and Sue Ellen took them swimming in the sea. Sue Ellen watched as JR swam with back and forth with John Ross and Christopher taking turns riding on his back. Time went by too quickly, the family stayed on the beach still sunset and sat watching the sun turn red and disappear below the horizon.
"Where does the sun go to?" Christopher asked
Sue Ellen laughed "Australia" she replied "They're getting up just as we're going to bed"
"They're on other side of the world aren't they" John Ross said
"Yes" His father replied
"Does that mean they walk upside down?" Christopher asked
"No" Sue Ellen replied "But they have their summer when we have our winter, so they have hot Christmases and spend them on the beach"
"Wow that would be cool" John Ross said
"I don't know I prefer Christmas to be cold…it seems unnatural for it to be hot" JR said
"But then if you were Australian it would seem funny for Christmas to be cold. Guess it works both ways" Sue Ellen said
Christopher looked up at the sky and watched as the colours changed from red to pink with shades of orange and gold "The sky looks so pretty" he said
After the sun had set the family went back indoors for supper before Sue Ellen and JR read the two boys a bedtime story. Having settled them down for the night the couple went in to the living room and sat curled up on the sofa for a while reliving their holiday memories and looking forward to the future. The next couple of days passed quickly, JR realized he had never felt more relaxed than he did during this holiday. The Disney holiday had been exhausting at times whereas the beach he found relaxing. All his life he had wanted to feel that he belonged and now he felt like he did. He loved Sue Ellen and John Ross with all his heart and finally felt that he understood how much they loved him. The family prepared for their journey home. As their plane took off for Dallas Sue Ellen looked at JR, seeing the tension in his eyes she squeezed his hand and lay her head on his shoulder. JR tenderly kissed her head.
"I love you" she said "And as long as you hold on to that nothing else matters"
"I love you too" JR replied
Southfork
Miss Ellie sat nervously on the patio, knowing in a few hours time her son would be home but not knowing how he would feel about her. Something told her that he would hate her forever; she'd destroyed his life by telling him that the father he adored was not his father and then afterwards had refused to tell him anything about his real father. She feared it was too late to put things right. She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear Clayton come up behind her.
"Miss Ellie" he said
She jumped and turned around "Sorry…I was miles away" she said
"JR and Sue Ellen will be home shortly" Clayton said "I guess the peace will be shattered" he laughed
Miss Ellie stood up "I have to go" she said
"Go where….don't you want to be here when they come back" Clayton asked
Miss Ellie looked at him with tears in her eyes "I…I can't….I know JR hates me and I don't know if I can handle that" she said
"You need to talk to him" Clayton said "If you're not here when he gets back he's going to think that you don't care"
"Clayton…it's no good….don't you see I've destroyed him; all his life, everything he did was for Jock now he knows that that was in vain; Jock wasn't his father" Miss Ellie said
"If you don't stay and talk to him…you'll lose him forever…is that what you want?" Clayton said
"No." she said "I'm going for a walk"
Clayton watched her walk away from him knowing he could do nothing he decided to go to the barn and do some more work on the cribs. An hour or so later he heard a car drive up the driveway. Walking out of the barn he noticed that it was Pam so hurriedly went back to the house to meet her. After welcoming Sue Ellen and JR home Clayton helped JR lift the suitcases out of Pam's car, Pam and Sue Ellen chatted for a while as JR and Clayton took the suitcases into the house, Pam then left to take Christopher home saying that they would be back for dinner later as Miss Ellie had invited them. Standing on the patio watching Pam drive away JR turned to Clayton and said.
"Where's momma?"
Clayton didn't really know what to say "Ahm, she went for a walk…she'll be back soon" he said "Why don't you come to the barn and look at the work I've done on the cribs. I hope you'll be pleased"
"JR, you and John Ross go with Clayton….I'm going to see if I can find Miss Ellie" Sue Ellen said
"You're supposed to be resting" JR said
"I'm fine….I rested on the plane" she said as she kissed his lips "Now do as you're told"
"Daddy I'll race you to the barn" John Ross said
Sue Ellen watched the three men go off in the direction of the barn before setting off along the pastures. Finding Miss Ellie was going to be easy but talking to her was going to be the difficult part. She finally saw Miss Ellie sitting against the treehouse' tree opposite Bobby's grave. Quietly she walked towards her.
"Miss Ellie" she said as she stood in front of her
Miss Ellie looked up and smiled "Hi" she said
Sue Ellen sat down by her "How are you?" she said
"I'm fine…how are you" she said "And JR and John Ross"
"We're fine….JR and John Ross are with Clayton in the barn. Why don't we go back up to the house…I could do with a coffee" Sue Ellen replied
"Okay" Miss Ellie said standing up.
They walked back to the house in silence, neither woman knowing quite what to say. Finally after making some coffee they went into the living room.
"How is JR?" Miss Ellie said
"He's fine…..I think he's a little disappointed that you weren't here to meet him but I think he expected that" Sue Ellen said
"I couldn't face him….looking into his eyes and seeing hate" Miss Ellie said "I know he hates me and I don't blame him"
Sue Ellen looked at the other woman and saw the tears in her eyes "Miss Ellie please tell me what you're thinking. I want to help but I can't do that if you wont talk to me" she said
"It's complicated…I don't even know where to start" Miss Ellie said "The truth is I was too scared to love my own son"
"Why" Sue Ellen asked
" I was twenty years old….and I had just conned a man who I didn't particularly like into marrying me knowing that I was pregnant by the man I love. The day JR was born was the happiest day of my life…he was beautiful but I saw Digger in his eyes. I think I knew then I had to be careful; I needed to draw back from him and create a firm bond between him and Jock which is why I left his upbringing to Jock. It scared me to think of what would happen if Jock ever found out the truth" she said "I don't know how I could be so scared to love my own child"
"But do you love JR?" Sue Ellen said "Or is he second best to Gary and Bobby"
Miss Ellie looked at Sue Ellen as she spoke "I have put up so many barriers between me and JR…to keep us both safe but yes I love him more than anything possibly more than Gary or Bobby, because he was Digger's son and Digger was my first love. I hated the way Jock bullied him but I was too scared to do anything about it….I needed to keep out of JR's life for his own sake" she said
"JR has talked a lot about his grandfather" Sue Ellen said "They seemed to have had a close relationship"
"They did" Miss Ellie said "JR would follow him everywhere; daddy called him 'his little shadow'. I know I told you that JR had never cried over anyone but I remember the night daddy died. For twenty minutes I stayed outside JR's door listening to him cry wanting desperately to hold him in my arms but knowing I couldn't"
"I think JR felt unlovable; in fact I don't think he understood the concept of love until now. These past few months when he's opened up to me completely has brought us closer together; it's taken me almost eighteen years but I finally understand him" Sue Ellen said "How do you feel about him now?"
"I love him; he's the one part of Digger that I could never lose but he must hate me for what I've done to him" Miss Ellie replied
" I don't think he does…he just thinks that you don't love him as much as you did the other two, that you're going to blame him for Gary not being here" Sue Ellen said
"Sue Ellen I've spent the last three weeks wishing you were back here….to be able to talk to JR and explain things. Only today I couldn't face seeing him and having him telling me that he no longer wanted me in his life that he was going to move away" Ellie said
"JR only wants what's best for his family…he doesn't want you looking at his children and wishing that it was Gary's children here instead" Sue Ellen said "He's also thinking ahead to when you're no longer around and Gary inherits Southfork…he doesn't want to be thrown off his own home by his brother. That's the only reason he's considering leaving Southfork" Sue Ellen said
"Southfork belongs to JR…it always has and it always will. My daddy made me promise that it would go to him. And as for JR and his children they're not second best. Like I said I love JR more than anything but I was just too afraid to show him" Miss Ellie said
"Miss Ellie you're going to have to talk to him" Sue Ellen said "He needs to hear how you feel"
"I don't know how to" Miss Ellie "I've always kept my distance from him"
"Just tell him what you told me" Sue Ellen replied "Speaking of JR I think I can hear him now"
JR appeared at the living room door; Sue Ellen got up and walk to him, kissing him lovingly on the lips.
"Where's my son" she said
"Clayton needed to check something in one of the pastures so John Ross has gone with him, I decided to come and check on you" JR replied
"Well I'm going upstairs to have a rest…I think your momma would like a word with you" Sue Ellen said
Sue Ellen went to walk past him but JR pulled her back "Sue Ellen, stay" he said his eyes pleading with her "Please"
Sue Ellen looked at Miss Ellie and back at JR "It's okay" she said stroking his face
"Don't go" JR said "There's nothing momma can say to me that you can't hear"
Sue Ellen hesitated before taking JR's hand, leading him into the living room. Both of them sat opposite Miss Ellie on the sofa, Sue Ellen snuggling into JR and leaning her head on his shoulder.
"Momma what is this about" JR asked
"I think it's time you knew the truth" Miss Ellie said "There have been too many lies and misunderstandings for too long"
JR gripped Sue Ellen's hand as Miss Ellie started to speak "First of all you have never been second best to me" Miss Ellie began "I have always loved you in some ways more than Bobby and Gary but I was also scared to love you"
"Why" JR said
"JR, I was just twenty years old when I married Jock and I didn't love him, worse than that was that I convinced him that I was carrying his baby when I knew that it wasn't. The day you were born was the happiest day of my life but it was also the scariest. When I looked into your eyes I saw Digger and was so scared that Jock would see the same. You were the child of my first love and I had an overpowering feeling of love for you but I knew I had to hide that and try and forge a bond between you and Jock. I hated to think what would have happened had Jock ever found out the truth so I let go of you and let him bring you up. I hated the way he brought you up and the way he bullied you but I felt helpless, I didn't know what to do but I wasn't happy about it. Over the years I hated what you became so it was easy for me to withdraw from you and put all my energy into looking after Gary, but to be honest I didn't love him anymore than I did you."
"Did you love Digger" JR asked
"Yes, very much and if things had been different and Southfork had been safe and not in debt I would have married him. I remember him coming to the hospital after I had the mastectomy, he was so gentle and loving; I felt awful as though I was no longer a complete woman but he told me I was just as beautiful then as I was when he first knew me. He was the complete opposite of Jock; his only flaw was his drinking" Miss Ellie said "I don't think I have ever stopped loving him although I began to love Jock it wasn't in the same way"
"So why did you let me feel so unloved" JR said
"I can't answer that because I don't know" Miss Ellie said "But I do know I was wrong to treat you the way I did over the years and I hope you can forgive me. At the end of the day I was scared of Jock finding out the truth"
"I always felt the only person who ever loved me as a child was grandpa…I cried buckets when he died I felt so alone" JR said
"I know" Miss Ellie said "Believe it or not I was standing outside your bedroom door listening to you cry that night your grandfather died, but I couldn't do anything"
"So you don't hate me" JR said
Sue Ellen looked into his eyes and seeing the tears form snuggled up closer to him.
"NO…JR I love you so much and I'm sorry for the way I treated you as a child and for the way I treated you when you found out about Digger being your father" Miss Ellie said "The question is where do we go from here. Are you still planning on moving away from Southfork"
"Momma I don't know…I want to do what's best for Sue Ellen and my children but I also need to think of the future and what happens when you're no longer here. I know Gary will inherit Southfork and I don't want my family thrown off the ranch they've lived on all their lives by him" JR said
"JR you don't know anything" Miss Ellie smiled "Southfork belongs to you. When your grandfather died he made me promise that you would inherit Southfork when anything happened to me. He worshipped you JR"
JR felt his tears flow "Momma do you really want us to stay or are you just upset because you know you'll never see Gary's children on this ranch" he said
Miss Ellie stood up and walked over to him, crouching in front of him she took his hand "No JR, I want you to stay because I love you and I've missed you three so much" she said
JR looked at Sue Ellen "What do you think?" he asked her
"You know I will do whatever you want" she said
"Momma you honestly don't mind having three babies in the house" he said "It could get very noisy"
"No" Miss Ellie replied
JR sighed "Okay…we'll stay" he said
Miss Ellie hugged her son knowing that they may have a long way to go to put right the wrongs of the past but at least they made a start. JR felt the tears in his eyes but this time they weren't for sorrow; they were tears of relief that at least one of his parents did love him.
JR sat outside on one of the patio chairs enjoying the peace of the early evening at Southfork. Pam and Mark were due for dinner within the hour and Sue Ellen was resting. He didn't hear Miss Ellie come up behind him.
"JR" she said quietly
JR turned around to face her "Hello" he said "I forgot how much I loved the evenings out here"
Miss Ellie laughed "I never figured you were that interested in the outdoors" she said "I thought your main interest was Ewing Oil"
"How do you feel about grandpa leaving this to me?" he asked
"I promised him that you would inherit it…I didn't think anymore about it until now. Let's face it Gary wouldn't want it anyway and I remember seeing you follow your grandfather all around this land when you were little so I guess it was only right that you should inherit Southfork" she replied
"Sue Ellen and I have been talking a lot about the past and we were talking a couple of days ago about when I mortgaged Southfork to pay for the Asian fields. Grandpa would have disowned me especially as we nearly had to drill for oil on Southfork land. I feel so guilty about the things I've done, the people I hurt especially Sue Ellen" JR said
"That was the side of you I didn't like and it….it made it so easy for me to not allow myself to feel anything for you." Miss Ellie said
"It's not a side of me I liked either" JR said "It's taken me a long time to realize that the things I've done are nothing to be proud of….I know grandpa would have hated me"
Miss Ellie sighed "Perhaps if your grandfather had been alive when you were growing up things would have been different" she said "He wouldn't have let Jock bring you up and push you into the oil business"
"So what was Digger really like….daddy always said he was a drunk and a loser who couldn't take the fact that he lost Ewing Oil and you" JR said
"Like I told you before he was loving, gentle and compassionate something Jock wasn't. He always saw people as his equal and never looked down on anyone or thought he was better. It's funny but I was watching you before you left on holiday. I was looking through old photographs and heard laughter so I went to the window and saw you and Sue Ellen on the patio. You were walking hand and hand towards the barn, laughing and joking then you stopped and picked her up in your arms and swung her round and for a minute I saw Digger and me, there was gentleness about you that Digger had. We used to spend hours walking around the ranch sometimes talking and sometimes in silence but just enjoying each others company" Miss Ellie said "I think the hardest thing I ever did was choose Jock over him"
"What do you think he would have done if you had told him?" JR said
"He would have stood by me, I know that but the problem was we wouldn't have had any security and I don't think we would have been able to keep this place. Digger was just so unreliable….he could find oil anywhere but he just wasn't any good with anything to do with the business side of things. His attitude was live for the day and tomorrow will take care of itself. Every time he struck oil he'd go out and celebrate for at least five days" she replied
"Don't you think knowing that you were pregnant would have given him a different aspect on things" JR said
"I really don't know…..I think he would have made an excellent father but something inside me told me that Jock would make the better husband" she said "I went to Jock to give us both security"
"You told me Jock loved me….but he didn't. All my life….everything I did was for his approval but I never really got it. I think he knew I wasn't his son." JR said
"JR…there's nothing we can do about the past, we have to move forward into the future" Miss Ellie said "Are you willing to try"
JR looked at her still feeling unsure of what she really felt about him "I don't know….I….I know I said we'd stay here but I'm scared…scared that in a few years you're going to look at me and my children with disappointment in your eyes because I'm not Gary or Bobby for that matter" he said
Miss Ellie walked closer to him "JR….I love you but I've always been too scared of the truth to let myself love you properly but now there's no secrets…no more lies everything has changed….I don't have to hide how I feel about you anymore. From the moment I first held you in my arms I loved you….you are Digger's son the only connection I have to him…believe me I never loved Gary more than you" she said "In fact I've never loved anyone as much as I love you….but you made it difficult"
"But momma…you never stood up for me against daddy. I can remember being seven years old and wanting to stay home and go to the movies with you, Gary and his friends as part of his birthday party and I was told I had to go into Ewing Oil….you could have told him that you wanted me to go with you. I also remember the time out in the pastures when something scared the horse I was riding…it threw me off it…I was hurt pretty bad but daddy told me to grow up and stop crying and went off to find the horse. I always felt that there was noone on my side"
"I'm sorry….if I could turn back time I would do things differently but I can't….but please stay, Southfork belongs to you and noone can take that from you"
JR smiled "You do realize that by Christmas this place will have four children in it…three of which will be under a month old" he said "You sure you want us to stay"
"Yes" Miss Ellie said "Beside you're going to need as much help as you can get"
"This time is going to be different though, last time Sue Ellen went through the pregnancy alone but I want to enjoy this with her" JR said "I'm going to make you proud of me"
"How is Sue Ellen?" Miss Ellie asked
JR laughed "She's fine….these past few weeks we've reached a new level of understanding. I know I can trust her with anything. The night you told me about Digger I felt devastated and I shut her out because I couldn't let her see me upset…but then she found me and took me in her arms while I cried. She didn't make me feel any less of a man because I showed my emotions. I don't think I've ever felt so close to anyone as I do to her. I think both of us have put the past behind us and are looking forward to the future with our children" he said "She's my strength with her I can do anything. She believes in me and she gives me so much"
"She loves you JR, she always has" Miss Ellie said "I'm so glad you've finally realized that. Did you have a look at her old room…I was thinking we could make two rooms into one for a bigger nursery"
"I don't know….as long as we have enough room for three cots we'll be okay. I don't want to knock holes in Southfork if I can help it" JR said "But I never realized that the guest room was so big"
"Clayton would love it if you asked him to help you decorate" Miss Ellie said
"Yeah…I was planning on it as I have very little decorating skills" JR said
"He told me you haven't asked him how things are at Ewing Oil"
"Ahh" JR said "Well I knew he'd take good care of it and I've got other things on my mind. I was going to ask him if he'd consider helping me out full time….I just don't want it taking over my life again"
"I'm sure he will" Miss Ellie said
Their conversation was interrupted by the sounds of footsteps coming onto the patio, they both turned to see Sue Ellen coming towards them.
JR smiled "Hey…I thought you were resting"
"I was….but I knew it would be dinner time soon and I'm hungry" she replied "When will Pam and Mark be here"
Miss Ellie looked at her watch "In about half an hour" she said "Which reminds me I better get ready"
She walked away leaving JR and Sue Ellen on the patio. JR put his hands around Sue Ellen's waist and held her tightly; she leant her head back against him. He kissed her forehead.
"I've missed this place" she said "No matter how many people are around it always manages to be so peaceful at night"
"Peaceful" JR laughed "With us here….do you remember some of the arguments we've had. The wine stain on the wall by the stairs; the $200 a gram perfume bottle you decided to throw at me once. The slamming of doors when one of us would storm out of a room after a row. Hardly peaceful darlin'"
Sue Ellen smiled "I also remember the good times….the times we were so good together"
"We are good together" JR said "There was always a kind of magic between us whether we were hating or loving each other and even now it's still there"
"I know I could never truly leave you….part of me would always belong to you" Sue Ellen said "Now whatever it is that draws us together is even stronger"
"So are we going to stay here or not?"
Sue Ellen laughed "You know my views on that….but it's entirely up to you"
JR turned her to face him and looked deep into her eyes "It's the perfect place to bring up children; we're surrounded by family so I think we'll stay put. You should see what Clayton's done with the cribs…he's managed to paint the same scene on them that's on the wallpaper…I never thought he was so talented"
"I noticed all the furniture has gone from my old room…it seems bigger than what I thought it was"
"Momma said we could knock through into the next room but I don't think that there's any need to maybe when they're older we can have two rooms for them"
"We could have the girls sharing one room and Aaron having his own room or he could go in with John Ross" Sue Ellen said
"Are you sure about calling our son Aaron" JR said
"Of course….if we have a son he's going to be called Aaron Southworth Ewing…I promise. Now we've just got to find the girls some names"
JR laughed "You've got it all worked out. How can you be sure we wont have three boys or three girls"
"We don't know but its fun just trying to imagine what they'll be like, beside I like the idea of two girls and a boy that means we've got two of each" Sue Ellen replied
"Then for your next pregnancy we could have twins, one girl and one boy or even quads and have two girls and two boys"
"Don't push your luck JR!"
"Come on let's get ready for dinner and find our son" JR said
At seven o'clock Pam and Mark arrived with Christopher, after dinner they sat in the living room chatting.
"So how was your holiday" Pam asked "Christopher hasn't stopped talking about it all afternoon"
"It was fun wasn't it John Ross" Christopher piped up
"Yeah….daddy got wet on 'splash mountain'" John Ross said
"I still can't see what the attraction is of getting plunged into freezing cold water then having to walk around the place soaking wet" JR said
"You enjoyed it JR….how many times did you go on it….I think twenty is about right" Sue Ellen laughed
"I didn't have much choice seeing as you wouldn't" JR said
"In my condition!" Sue Ellen laughed
"Momma got lots of pictures" John Ross said
"Yeah…em… well son, I'm going to have to negotiate with your momma about those" JR said "I can't have my reputation ruined"
"I was thinking of going into town next week and getting them developed" Sue Ellen laughed
"Not if I find them first" JR said
"Good job, I've got them well hidden!" Sue Ellen smiled
"I think we did all the rides in the magic kingdom" John Ross said "Then we went and had fun on the beach"
"Yeah…we dug a great big hole and buried Uncle JR" Christopher piped up
"I bet he enjoyed that" Mark said
"We also went swimming, built sandcastles and went fishing in the rockpools…it was so cool" John Ross said
"Not exactly a relaxing holiday" Clayton said
"I don't know about that" Sue Ellen replied "JR did all the hard work, I managed to relax and just watched him get on with it"
"I think the best part was the evening….curling up with the boys on the bed and reading them a story…it just felt comfortable after a busy day" JR said
"So JR…you're going back to work for a rest" Clayton laughed
"Well I was going to talk to you about that" JR said "I was wondering if you would be interested in helping me out full time with the business. I need some time with my family and I don't want to have to devote all my time to Ewing Oil. I done that too often in the past and neglected what was important"
Clayton looked surprised "Well….if I can find someone to help Ray with the ranch… I don't mind helping out, it's been kind of good getting back into the working a company after being away from that environment for so long"
"Okay…and I also need help decorating the nursery…if you're up to it" JR said
"Now that I would love to see the great oil man JR Ewing trying to hang wallpaper" Pam laughed
"There's a first time for everything" Sue Ellen said "Mark how are the preparations going for the next Grayson's fundraiser?"
"There's fine….everything is booked for two weeks on Saturday" Mark replied
"I thought Ewing Oil could pay for all the cost of the fundraiser that way Grayson's research would get all the money without having to pay anything out" JR said
"I can't ask you to do that" Mark said
"You're not…I'm offering" JR said "You've got one hell of a PR who's very persuasive where getting sponsors is concerned"
"Too bad I'm going to lose her in a few months" Mark said
"So you'll let Ewing Oil pick up the bill then?" JR said
"If you're sure" Mark replied
The family continued talking until Pam and Mark decided it was time to take Christopher home as he was beginning to get tired. After settling John Ross in bed Sue Ellen and JR retired to their own room.
"So how do you feel" Sue Ellen asked, knowing how unsettled JR was at the prospect of having to return home after the holiday.
"Okay…I had a chat to momma…but there are still a few things I don't understand" JR said
"Like what?"
"How can you love your child so much yet be so scared to show it affection?"
"We've talked about this before….I was the same way with John Ross for the first few months of his life…..what I remember most is the feeling when I touched him….it was like touching an electric wire…. I couldn't bear it" Sue Ellen said
"But you got over it….momma couldn't bear to show me she loved me throughout my childhood" JR said
"I had help….regardless of what you think of Dr Elby…he helped me see that I needed to trust again….not just for my sake but for my baby's" Sue Ellen said "When you were born Miss Ellie was totally on her own with her secret…there wasn't anyone she could turn to…she must have felt so alone…and I guess her fear of the secret she was hiding being discovered made her distant towards you…I supposed she felt that if she displayed you more affection than the other two Jock might wonder why"
"It doesn't make sense though does it? I mean showing that she loved me didn't mean that her secret would be discovered"
"I know….but she did what she thought she had to do to protect her and you" Sue Ellen said "Only problem was I don't think it did protect you….it just alienated you from the warmth and love of family life. However considering how you were brought up I'm always amazed at your relationship with John Ross…..even though you were deprived of parental love you instinctively know what our son needs….watching you these past few months, your relationship with him has grown"
"I have the relationship with him that I needed from my father. He is not and never will be my business partner….even in 12 years time when I think he's ready to come into Ewing Oil, he will first and foremost be my son. It is just so important to me that he knows that I love him…the one thing I would hate to lose is my family….you and him; that's what kept me going these past few months" JR said
"We're not going anywhere" Sue Ellen said
"There's still that nagging feeling that momma only wants us to stay because she knows she'll never have Gary here" JR said
"Darlin' this is a fresh start….there are no more secrets and no more lies….Miss Ellie has tried to explain how she feels and I think you have to meet her half way. Let her and the rest of the family see the man I see; the man who cares about his family, who will do anything for them. Don't think I didn't notice how you looked out for Christopher while we were on holiday" Sue Ellen said
"Christopher is Bobby's son and I didn't want him to feel left out because his daddy's not around to play with him like I do with John Ross. I've also decided to make sure that Christopher inherits Bobby's share of Ewing Oil"
"I thought Pam gave you that back" Sue Ellen said
"She did but I'm holding in trust for him. Our children will get my shares of Ewing Oil and he will inherit Bobby's" JR said "I want to try and put things right, first with you and John Ross and then with the rest of the family"
"JR you've proved that you want a real commitment with me. I now feel I have what I've always wanted…you…nothing more, nothing less. And you're making a start with the rest of the family including finally letting Clayton be part of us. I think he's always felt like an outside where the Ewings are concerned but with you asking him to make the cribs and work with you in Ewing Oil he finally feels like he belongs" Sue Ellen said "I also think that Mark was surprised by your offer of having Ewing Oil pay for the next fundraiser….it was a generous offer"
"Maybe it's time for Ewing Oil to put something back into the community" JR said "Beside you bring out the best in me"
"Are you still interested in coming with me to my next pre-natal check up" Sue Ellen said
"Sure….when is it"
"Next Wednesday at 2.pm"
"Will we be able to see what's going on in there?" JR asked
Sue Ellen laughed "Hopefully"
"You need to get some rest" JR said "It's been a long day"
The following morning JR got up early and had a shower trying hard not to wake Sue Ellen up. He had something he wanted to do…he wasn't sure it was a good idea but it was something he felt he needed to do. Sue Ellen got up ten minutes later as he was coming back from the bathroom after having his shower.
"Why are you up so early?" she asked
"Couldn't sleep….I'm going for a drive into Dallas….care to join me" JR said
"Sure" Sue Ellen said
After getting dressed they walked downstairs and found Miss Ellie, Clayton and John Ross enjoying breakfast on the patio.
"Hey I thought I was up early" JR laughed
"Daddy….can I go with grandpa and help him on the ranch" John Ross asked
JR looked at Clayton "Is that okay with you?"
"Of course….he can help me paint the cribs; then I'm going up into the pastures and check the cattle then after that if we have time we might strip the wallpaper off the walls in the nursery" Clayton said
"Be good" JR said to his son, as he walked over to him and kissed his head
"Aren't I always" John Ross smiled
"What are you doing today" Miss Ellie asked
"Sue Ellen and I are going to take a drive into Dallas and then we'll be back around lunchtime" JR said "There's something I want to do"
"You're not going into the office?" Miss Ellie asked
"It's Sunday…no I'm not going anywhere near Ewing Oil" JR said
After breakfast Clayton and John Ross headed off towards the barn while Miss Ellie went to the den to catch up with some correspondence. Sue Ellen went upstairs to get ready to go out leaving JR alone on the patio. Going over towards his mother's flower bed, he gently picked a yellow rose.
"Where are we going?" Sue Ellen asked as she got into the car
"Just something I need to do" JR said
They drove in silence into Dallas, Sue Ellen trying to decipher what was going on in JR's brain. Sensing her watching him he took her hand and squeezed it. They stopped outside a cemetery. Sue Ellen looked at JR.
"Why are we here" she asked
"I just want to go up to the grave" JR said "I don't know why but it's something I have to do"
"Is this a good idea…what if Cliff's here" Sue Ellen said
"I don't know….if he's there I'll walk away but it's something I want to do. You don't have to come you can wait here" JR said
Sue Ellen looked at him "Hey….I love you…of course I'm coming with you" she smiled
JR got the yellow rose from the back seat and they walked hand in hand up the cemetery path. Finding the gravestone they wanted Sue Ellen stood while JR placed the rose on the grave. JR took out a bottle of water he had brought with him and picked up the empty vase that lay on the grave. He then placed the rose in the vase.
"Yellow Rose….the sign of forgiveness" Sue Ellen said
"Among other things" JR said "I don't know what to feel but I need him to know that I'm sorry about everything. My whole life Daddy told me he was a drunk and a loser but I never really knew him and now I find out he was my father someone I should have looked up to, someone I should have loved but I didn't"
"You didn't know, JR" Sue Ellen said
"I wish I had…I wish it had been him who brought me up and not Jock; at least I would have known that he loved me….in the same way that Cliff knew that he loved him even Pam, even though she wasn't his daughter he loved her more than anything" JR said
Sue Ellen felt an over powering sense of love for her husband, she crouched down behind him and put her arms around his neck, gently pulling him towards her.
"I just needed to come down here" JR said "I don't know why…I just did"
"It's okay" Sue Ellen replied
JR stood up and pulled Sue Ellen up "I love you" he said "With you I don't have to prove anything….with you I feel strong and able to cope with anything. Noone has ever loved me the way you have…..noone has ever made me feel safe the way you do. From this moment on everything I do is for you…to give you the life you deserve and to make you happy"
Sue Ellen smiled "I am happy….as long as I have you and our children I'm happy" she said
"Let's go home" JR said
They stood silent looking at the grave one more time then hand in hand they walked back to the car. Both content in knowing that whatever life threw at them they would face it together, united in their love and trust for one another.
JR lay in bed watching and listening to Sue Ellen sleeping beside him. He turned and looked at his alarm clock; it was a little after 7 am, time to get up, he thought. However he knew that he'd have to go into work today and wasn't really in the mood so he lay back down and snuggled up to his wife. Sue Ellen's eyes opened as she felt JR move closer to her, turning towards him she looked up and smiled at him.
"Hey, what time is it?"
"A little after 7 am" JR replied "I guess we should think about getting up!"
"Are you going into the office today?" Sue Ellen asked
"Yeah" JR said "It's been over three weeks, I better go and check everything's okay….make sure my children's inheritance isn't going bankrupt"
Sue Ellen laughed
"However" JR said "I have a much better idea of how to spend today"
"JR….I have to go to work, the fundraiser is in two weeks and I promised to meet Pam for lunch" Sue Ellen said
"What time will you be home tonight then?" JR asked
Sue Ellen smiled "Well John Ross is still on holiday so I'm hoping to be finished work by 3"
"Good, I'll make sure I get out of the office early then" JR said
"Okay…so are we going to get up now?"
JR looked at her and a wicked grin formed on his face "No" he said "Not yet"
Sue Ellen laughed as she felt JR move even closer to her. Slowly he kissed his way down her body removing her nightdress as he went, Sue Ellen sighed contently as she reveled in his kisses. Working his way back up her body his mouth found hers and his tongue pushed its way inside, slowly they began making love, moving as one, enjoying the sensations their union gave to them. Afterwards they lay cuddled together as their breathing slowed.
"Hey what are you thinking?" Sue Ellen said
"Just about how happy I am; this just keeps getting better and better. I can honestly say I that I never want this to end. I really don't want to be with anyone else but you" he said
"JR….we were made to be together. You're the other half of me, I've always felt like that but……."
"I never gave you a chance" JR said
"You never gave us a chance, sweetheart….you just kept getting bored with being with one woman" she said
"I'm sorry"
"Hey…we made a pact…..from now on to be true to each other" Sue Ellen said
JR's hand went to Sue Ellen's stomach and he gently rubbed it "Hey I think you're starting to show" He laughed "I can see a little bump"
"Well I've got my fifteen week check up later this week, I think by now they probably can tell the sex of the babies" Sue Ellen said
"Do you want to know" JR said
"Well…I guess it would be more practical…I mean if we know they are all girls we can shop for that but to be honest I'd sooner wait until they're born" Sue Ellen replied "What about you?"
"Don't know….I guess a surprise would be nice" JR replied
"I wonder what would have happened if John Ross had been a girl…I mean everyone just took it for granted that it was going to be a boy" Sue Ellen said
"I think daddy would have been disappointed, but…they would have loved him just the same if he had been a girl" JR said "Only problem would have been the fact that John Ross Ewing III isn't really appropriate for a girl"
Sue Ellen laughed "He's becoming more and more like you…he's picking up your mannerism and he has your wicked grin as well as your sparkling eyes."
"I thought he was more like you" JR said "I can't see me in him"
"I can and so can everyone else" Sue Ellen said "He's a miniature you"
JR kissed her again, Sue Ellen tried to gently pull away knowing that they really did have to get up but part of her didn't want to reject JR's advances she wanted him as much as he wanted her. She was so deeply in love with him. Once again their passion took over and they began to make love to each other, this time with more urgency both feeling a sense of hunger for each other. Finally together they reached the point of no return and relaxed, JR rolling over and pulling Sue Ellen on top of him while she curled up on him, her head on her chest listening to the steady beat of his heart, a heart which beat full of love for her and only her. Ten minutes later they decided it was time to get up and face the world. After eating breakfast and making sure that their son was okay to stay with Clayton and Miss Ellie JR drove Sue Ellen to work. JR stopped at the pavement to Grayson's reaseach and leaned over and kissed her.
"JR….I better go, if I stay much longer we could get arrested for lewd conduct in a public place" she laughed
"Hey what's rude about making love to the one you love" JR said
"Nothing except my momma always told me that it wasn't appropriate to do things like that in a public place" she replied
JR roared with laughter "I see….well don't work too hard and I'll pick you up at 3" he said
"Miss you already" Sue Ellen said as she opened the car door. "You do realize this will be the first time we spent apart in ages"
JR kept watching her as she walked into the building. At the door she turned and waved to him and he stayed put until he could see her no longer. Finally he put the car into drive and drove to Ewing Oil.
Sue Ellen opened the door of her office to find a bunch of yellow roses waiting for her. She smiled as she read the card attached wondering how JR found the time to order them. Mind you JR was a man of many talents, she smiled to herself as she reminded herself of some of those talents. A few minutes later Mark knocked on the door.
"Hi" he said "Welcome back"
"Thanks…we've got a busy few weeks coming up preparing for this fundraiser. I forgot it was so close…I guess we stayed too long on holiday" Sue Ellen said
"Don't worry…everything is sorted and paid for, thanks to your husband. What have you done to him" Mark said
Sue Ellen laughed "I haven't done anything to him. Maybe he's mellowing in old age" she said
"JR said that Ewing Oil will even pay for the decorations to decorate the Oil Baron's" Mark said
"Yes…I want to be able to get into there on the Friday morning before the fundraiser so that we can start to decorate the place….I'm hoping I can get Pam and Miss Ellie to help me" Sue Ellen said
"You needn't do that…we can find someone to do the decorating. You need to relax" Mark said
"Mark…I've been relaxing for he last three weeks…I'm fine beside I love doing things like that…planning the way I want it to look and how the tables are going to be set out"
"Pam said she'll pick you up at 12" Mark said "She's taking Christopher to Southfork"
"That's good…he can help Clayton and John Ross paint the cribs"
"Poor Clayton….I pity him having both those two tearaways to look after" Mark said
"They've been so good while we were on holiday. JR told me that even though Pam gave him back Bobby's share of Ewing Oil, he's keeping it in trust for Christopher" Sue Ellen said
"I thought JR always wanted control of Ewing Oil" Mark said
"Once upon a time" Sue Ellen said
"But not now….what's changed" Mark asked
Sue Ellen sighed "It's complicated"
"Well I'm not going to turn down his generosity…no matter what I think of the man…it means that Grayson's Foundation will get 100 of the profits" Mark said
After discussing their plans for the fundraiser a bit longer, Mark returned to his office, seeing the roses on her desk Sue Ellen picked up the telephone and dialed JR's private line. He answered on the second ring.
"Hi Sweetheart" she said
JR smiled at the sound of your voice "And to what do I owe this pleasure"
"I just wanted to say thanks for the flowers" she said "How did you find the time to order them"
"I'm JR Ewing, nothing is impossible" he replied
Sue Ellen laughed "Pam's taking Christopher to Southfork before meeting me for lunch so that he can spend the afternoon there"
"Poor momma and Clayton having to put up with those two monsters" JR said "Speaking of Pam, I re-opened Ewing23 today"
"The oilfields which profits gets splits between the heirs of both Digger and Jock" Sue Ellen asked
"Yes" JR said
"How does that affect Pam…she isn't Digger's daughter" Sue Ellen said
"Just as I'm not Jock's son…he brought her up as his so she's entitled to a share of the profits as is Ray" JR said "It will be split five ways"
Sue Ellen thought for a moment "I'm just wondering what's Cliff going to think" she said
JR laughed "Probably that I've got a motive and he's going to try damn hard to find out what it is" he said
"I love you so much JR" she said
JR looked at the photograph he kept of her on his desk. His heart filled with pride and longing to be holding her in his arms.
"I love you too" he said "More than life itself"
"I better let you go back to work…see you at three" she said
"You better believe it darlin'" JR said "Love you"
Sue Ellen smiled, she had heard those words from JR's lips so many times over the years, especially when he wanted something but finally she knew that what he said came from the heart, she knew he loved her "Love you too" she replied
Sue Ellen carried on working, busying herself with telephone calls and letters which needed writing to various people who were offering support to the foundation. She hadn't noticed the time until Pam appeared at her door.
"Hey…are you ready to go to lunch" Pam said
Sue Ellen looked up and smiled "Of course" she said
They walked down to the carpark and Pam's car. After getting to the restaurant and giving their order to one of the waiters they began to chat happily.
"So how are you" Pam said "We didn't really get a chance to talk last night"
"I'm fine" Sue Ellen replied "How about you"
"I'm fine…I found out something last week though" Pam said
"What?"
"I'm pregnant" Pam replied
"Wow…that's great…how long" Sue Ellen asked "What did Mark say"
"Hold on" Pam said "First of all I'm only 6 weeks but I haven't told Mark yet"
"Why not" Sue Ellen said
"Mainly because I'm scared that the moment I tell him something will happen and I'll lose the baby just like I did with Bobby's children. After my last miscarriage the doctor said that even though the miscarriage was caused by an accident there was a chance that I could never carry a child to full term" Pam said
"But medical science has come a long way since then…there are things that can be done to prevent you from miscarrying. It doesn't mean that the same thing will happen again" Sue Ellen said
"I know….it's just I prefer to keep it to myself until I know that everything is okay. You're the only person I've told" Pam said "Please don't say anything….not even to JR…especially not JR"
Sue Ellen laughed "Okay…but don't leave it too long before telling Mark" she said
"How's JR" Pam asked "Did Miss Ellie manage to talk to him"
"Yes she did….and JR's okay….the worst time was when he found out. I've never seen him so devastated" Sue Ellen said
"When did all this happen?" Pam said
"About a month before we went on holiday. Strange things had been happening at Southfork…first of all Jock's watch being placed on Bobby's grave, then the picture of Miss Ellie and Digger and finally Ben Stivers revelation that he was Jock. JR wanted to have a blood test done but Miss Ellie was adamant that she didn't" Sue Ellen said
"She wanted to protect him" Pam said
"Yes…but at the time we didn't know that. There was a bad atmosphere in the house for a while, both of them being stubborn but Miss Ellie not giving any reason for her not wanting the test done. Then one night we went out to the movies, when we got back Miss Ellie and Clayton were talking about things as we walked in so we stayed hidden away and listened, we then heard her tell Clayton that Jock wasn't JR's father" Sue Ellen said "Of course JR wanted to know the truth so she had to tell him"
"That night you came to dinner, you asked about what Digger was like as a father…you knew then" Pam said
"JR asked Miss Ellie about Digger and she refused to talk to him about him, told him he wasn't interested in his real father he didn't care about anyone, so I just wanted to know what sort of father he was and you were the only person I could ask" Sue Ellen said
"Miss Ellie told me how she had been so horrible to JR, turning him against her and pushing him away. She also told me how much she loved him but always kept her distance, fearing Jock finding out the truth. I can't believe she chose Southfork over Digger" Pam said
"She did what she thought was right for her son but I don't think I could have done it" Sue Ellen said
"Do you think she did the right thing?" Pam said
"In all honesty no….JR may have been different if he had had two parents who loved him, as it was Jock treated him like a business partner and Miss Ellie always made it look like she preferred Gary. Pam…if you're not brought up with love how can you hope to show it or feel it when you're older. I know if Digger had been allowed to be his father he would have known what love was. JR told me that there have only ever been two people in his life who have shown him love one of them is me and the other was his grandfather who died when he was six years old" Sue Ellen replied
"How is he taking the news now?" Pam asked
"He's okay…I mean I've told him over and over again that it changes nothing….he's still is the man I love and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. We went to Digger's grave yesterday morning and he put a yellow rose down. I also spoke to him earlier and he's opened up Ewing23 again so that all the heirs of both Digger and Jock will get a share of the profits. I think there's a part of him that would love Digger to be here so that he could talk to him, after all the only thing he knows about him is what Jock told him."
"After everything he's done to him you truly do love him why?" Pam asked
"Because I know a side of him that noone else does. The side of him that loves his son, and loves me….there are times when he can be so protective, these past few weeks with the boys he has spent so much time looking after them, taking them on rides on his own and never complained. Every night we sat with the boys before they went to sleep and read them a story. He allowed them to dig a hole and then bury him to his neck in sand, he took them swimming and explored the rock pools with them. Pam there's a secret side to JR that he only reveals to his family and for that holiday Christopher was part of his family" Sue Ellen replied "Speaking of Christopher JR told me a few days ago that he has put Bobby's share of Ewing Oil in trust for him"
Pam looked astonished "I gave it him back…that's what he wanted all of Ewing Oil to himself"
"At the end of the day it's no longer that important…he wants a legacy to hand down to his children but he's not spending every minute of his life working for Ewing Oil anymore" Sue Ellen said "He's lost too much already to Ewing Oil. Did you know that JR never had a birthday party or that he wasn't allowed to go to his brothers' because he had to work, once JR fell of a horse when he was younger and hurt himself quite badly Jock told him to grow up and went after the horse. There is so much I want to do to put the past right for JR…to make sure that he never feels unloved or second best again"
"I just don't want you to get hurt" Pam said
"Trust me, it's not going to happen" Sue Ellen replied
"How long before the triplets appear" Pam asked
"I don't know I've got a check up in a few days time. They're due in January but I don't think I'll last until then…they're probably be delivered early" Sue Ellen said
"Is JR going to be there, at the birth" Pam asked
"He said he is but I know for a fact he's got a weak stomach" Sue Ellen laughed
"Miss Ellie asked us to spend Thanksgiving this year up at the ranch. Mark feels a bit uncomfortable but I know she'll make him feel uncomfortable. However I think JR may feel a bit on edge"
"Why?"
"Because I was speaking to Clayton a few days ago and apparently Dusty is coming to Dallas around that time. I also get the impression that Clayton has spoken to Dusty about JR and Digger" Pam said "I guess things were going badly between him and Miss Ellie he needed someone to talk to"
Sue Ellen sighed and smiled "JR hasn't got anything to worry about…beside I'm either going to be heavily pregnant around that time or we'll have three newborn children to look after." She said "I wish Clayton hadn't said anything to Dusty…I know he's his son but Dusty isn't the person I would have told. He's got one up on JR now hasn't he"
"I think Dusty just wants you to be happy" Pam said
"I am happy, very happy" Sue Ellen said "And so will Mark be when you tell him about that baby"
Pam laughed "Okay, I will but just not yet" she said
After finishing their meal Pam dropped Sue Ellen back at the office before going shopping. Pam agreed to help Sue Ellen with the decoration of the Oil Barons. The afternoon dragged on for Sue Ellen, for some reason she longed to see JR, today she had really missed him. At three o'clock she looked up from her desk to find his smiling face looking at her. She got up from her chair and going over to him wrapped her arms around him.
"I have missed you so much" she said
"Hmmm, I've missed you too" JR replied
On the way home they chatted about their day. Sue Ellen told JR about her lunch with Pam and what Pam had told her about Thanksgiving. JR wasn't happy with the fact that Dusty might be there but Sue Ellen reassured him that everything would be okay although she didn't tell him that Dusty may know about his father. On arriving back at Southfork they found Clayton and the boys in the nursery tearing the paper off the walls. JR remarked on what a good job they were doing then the couple went to get changed.
"I hope Christopher doesn't take after me" Sue Ellen laughed
"Why?" JR said
"I remember helping daddy take some paper of the walls for the room he was decorating anyway later on he caught me tearing the paper of my bedroom walls. He asked me what I was doing and I told him I was getting the room ready for him to decorate" Sue Ellen said
"He must have been really angry" JR said
"No he wasn't…the funny thing was he never got angry with me….momma did but not him; it was as though his little girl could do no wrong" Sue Ellen said
"He was right there…you are so perfect……warm, loving, tender, beautiful….god I love you" JR said
Sue Ellen kissed him "You're not so bad yourself" she said "JR…I've got an AA meeting tonight….will you go with me"
"I didn't think you were still going to those" JR said
"Only once every two months but it's good to keep in touch…in some ways it helps" she said
JR smiled "Of course I'll come….I want to support you anyway I can just like you've done for me"
"Hey we've got a couple of hours before dinner…our son is being entertained by his grandfather..do you know what I want to do" Sue Ellen said
JR smiled "I can guess"
"Make love to me JR…I want you so much" she said
JR kissed her and lowered her to the bed "For you anything"
An hour later they decided they better get up and headed for the shower. The sound of laughter and splashing of water from downstairs made them smile.
"Those two play so well together don't they?" JR said
"Yes" Sue Ellen replied "I told Pam I'd take Christopher home before I went to the AA Meeting. Are you sure you want to come with me"
"Of course….beside it's lonely here without you" JR said
After showering and getting dressed they went downstairs to join the rest of the family. Miss Ellie was watching Christopher and John Ross play while Clayton had gone to tidy up the nursery after the boys had got carried away tearing the wallpaper of the walls. Sue Ellen decided to needed to talk to Clayton so went back inside. She found him tidying up the nursery.
"Hey" she said
Clayton turned around
"Hey yourself!" he replied "Just tidying up after your son and nephew left this place looking like a bombsite"
"Mmm looks like they got carried away!" Sue Ellen said
Clayton laughed "Yeah…the idea of being allowed to rip paper of the walls was just too much for them. They got very excited"
Sue Ellen looked around the room and smiled "Can't believe this room is so big. It's amazing how much room you can create when you remove the furniture. Maybe instead of cribs we should have been bags for the babies to sleep on" she laughed
"Has JR said anything more about buying the Southern Cross?" Clayton asked
"No….I think he's coming around to the idea of staying on here. Miss Ellie's chat to him helped I think" she replied
"He seems more settled" Clayton said
"I spoke to Pam today. She told me you told Dusty about Jock not being JR's father" Sue Ellen said
Clayton looked at her "I'm sorry….he's the last person I should have said anything to but I just felt so alone…not knowing whether Ben Stivers was really Jock and whether Miss Ellie would go back to him if he was and then her attitude to JR after she told him about Digger. I needed someone to talk to and he was there"
Sue Ellen walked to towards him and gently stroked his face smiling "It's okay…I understand you needed to talk but I just hope Dusty doesn't use it against JR" she said "Pam also said he was thinking of coming down for Thanksgiving"
"Yes he is….I don't think he'll say anything…he just wants to know that you're happy and safe" Clayton said
"I am" Sue Ellen smiled "Truly happy and who knows by Thanksgiving we could have a houseful of children"
"Are you going to tell JR that Dusty knows?" Clayton asked
Sue Ellen thought for a moment, part of her didn't want to tell JR as she was afraid that it would spoil the relationship that Clayton and JR had but another part of her felt she couldn't keep this from him; if he found out some other way and knew that she had known all along he would feel betrayed.
"Clayton, I don't want to tell him but I'm not sure I can keep it from him. What happens if JR founds out that you told Dusty and I knew all along….he'll see it as an act of betrayal that I didn't tell him and I can't let that happen. But don't worry I'll explain to him how alone you felt and needed to talk to someone unfortunately it happened to be Dusty" she said
"He'll hate me and we'll be back arguing again" Clayton said sadly
Sue Ellen smiled "I promise you I won't let that happen" Sue Ellen said "Besides he needs your help to decorate this room"
Clayton looked around "Yeah…well there's a lot of work to be done"
"Well I think you've done enough for today" Sue Ellen laughed "I'll see you shortly"
Sue Ellen walked back downstairs and out onto the patio where JR was sitting drinking a lemonade, on seeing her JR put out his arms and she fell into them.
"Where did you disappear to?" JR asked kissing her cheek
"I went to talk to Clayton about something" Sue Ellen replied
"Oh?" JR said
Sue Ellen smiled "I'll talk to you later…but at the moment what exactly are you doing drinking lemonade" she laughed
"Well if I go to the AA meeting with you I can hardly have my breath stinking of alcohol can I? JR replied
Sue Ellen laughed and kissed him the looking at the two boys in the pool she said "Hey you two it's time to get ready for dinner"
"Oh mom" John Ross said
"Come on you two…out of that pool now!" JR said
The two boys reluctantly got out of the pool and went inside to get dressed for dinner. After dinner Sue Ellen and JR read the two boys a story before driving Christopher back home, then went on to the AA meeting. JR sat and listened as Sue Ellen and the other people in the meeting discussed their alcohol problems. The meeting lasted about two hours after which JR and Sue Ellen drove home in silence. Everything was quiet when they reached Southfork. Miss Ellie and Clayton had gone to bed so Sue Ellen went to the kitchen to make a coffee while JR went and sat in the living room. JR felt slightly drained after the meeting and slightly guilty realizing that it was his neglect over the years that had turned Sue Ellen to alcohol but he knew that he would ever again let her feel the need for alcohol. His love for her was forever. After ten minutes Sue Ellen walked into the room with two cups of coffee. Seeing JR laying on the sofa she put the cups on the table and went and snuggled up to him, JR moved slightly to make room for her.
"Hey you've been quiet all the way home" Sue Ellen said "What's going on in that head of yours"
"Just thinking about the meeting" JR said
"I noticed you were looking a bit uncomfortable…you could have gone and waited for me in the car" she said
"No..it wasn't that, although I don't know how people can talk so openly to people they hardly know" JR said "I think what bothered me most was that it was mainly my fault you became….."
"JR this is in the past and I'm not sure it's your fault…sometimes these things are inherited" Sue Ellen said
"When did it start?" JR asked
Sue Ellen was silent thinking back to the early years of JR and her first marriage "I guess in the early years of our marriage. At first it wasn't a problem…alcohol was just comforting when I spent so many nights alone waiting for you to come home" she said "It was something that became a habit after all there has never been a shortage of alcohol in this house"
"Do you remember the barbeque when Pam lost the baby? You were drunk then, I remember finding you and Bobby in one of the fields. You were riding a horse stoned out of you mind, then you asked me if you took all your clothes off and rode naked would let turn me on" JR said
"Yeah and you replied that it might work" Sue Ellen laughed "That was the problem with that period in our lives whatever I did to try and make you want me didn't work. I just couldn't turn you on and yet I loved you more than anything"
JR pulled her closer to him and kissed her "I was young and foolish and I put you on a pedestal. You were perfect and I didn't want anything to spoil that" he said
"How can making love to someone spoil anything?" Sue Ellen asked
JR sighed "I don't know…it was just my way of thinking at the time. Anyway let's get back to the subject"
"I always felt in control of my drinking…even though I drank myself unconscious at times but I think things changed when I got pregnant. When I left you for Cliff I thought at last a man wanted me and I was willing to do anything to make the relationship work but you blackmail Cliff into leaving me and forced me to go home with you. Afterwards I used to call him regularly but he kept rejecting me and then there was you…sometimes you were so cruel. I remember one night going to your office, I think I was due to meet you there but you didn't turn up and I drank you liquor cabinet dry…then I phone Cliff and told him I needed to see him but he had another woman in his apartment. I drove back to Southfork and passed out on the way" she said
"Hmmm I remember that night, Bobby and Pam found you and took you home then when I got home momma told me what had happened and that both you and the baby were in danger and needed help….I told her it was too late for us" JR said
"Yeah then the following morning you threw out all the bottles in our room or at least most of them. What you didn't realize was that I had one or two hidden away in shoe boxes" Sue Ellen said "I remember after you left the room I got out of bed and retrieved one"
JR shook his head "Even when I tried to do the right thing I couldn't help you" he laughed "Then you fell down the stairs…I think at that point I was scared at what might happen next or what you might say so I arranged to have you put in the sanitarium. I have to say that part of me hated doing that but it was for the best"
"Sure it was…I just paid one of the attendants to get me supplies of alcohol" Sue Ellen said "I felt so alone during that time…the only thing the family truly cared about was the baby not me, you didn't want me, Cliff didn't want me…alcohol was the only comfort I had. What I didn't realize was the danger I put myself and John Ross in."
JR held her tighter "After John Ross was born you quit drinking…what made you start up again?" he asked
"I was unhappy for a long time but then there was the Rodeo and Dusty walked into my life. Things changed….I fell in love with him and found myself beginning to trust again which helped me bond with John Ross. Anyway after I had made up my mind to leave you for him I found out that he had been killed in a plane crash and that's what started me off again" she replied "Only when I started drinking that time…I began to get black outs and couldn't remember things which is what happened the night you were shot. I woke up in an airport car park. I think the shock of thinking that I had shot you stopped me drinking again"
JR smiled "You know…the more I think about that time the more happy memories come back to me. Things were great…we couldn't get enough of each other, for once we were a happy family" he said
"I know…the same thing happened after our divorce and for the first few months of our second marriage. I remember the time not long after the divorce that we spent the day in the park with John Ross and the night you brought the video tape of the Miss Texas Paegent. I didn't want you to go home that night" she confessed
"Now you tell me" JR laughed "So the reason you drank was because I made you unhappy"
Sue Ellen thought for a moment "Okay the truth is that when I had you in my life…being faithful, loving me and just spending time with me I didn't need alcohol but when things were bad between us it was my only source of comfort. I remember the time John Ross was in hospital and you blamed me for not being there, I started drinking to drown out the pain and guilt and then Bobby died and you once again tore a strip of me for not being there. The day of Bobby's funeral I wanted to comfort you but……" trying to fight back the tears Sue Ellen stopped speaking.
"I rejected you…told you that you weren't part of this family and to go and find your cowboy. God, Sue Ellen I am so sorry….I lashed out at the one person who could have helped me through my grief" JR said
Tears streamed down Sue Ellen's face "I…I found the nearest bar I could and drank myself into oblivion then I woke up in a hotel room and found my rings missing. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself that you were right… I was disgusting and I hated myself" she said "That was when I ended up on the downtown streets"
"Darlin' you are not disgusting…I should never had said that. You are the best friend I've ever had and the only woman I want as mother to my children. I know I pushed you too far…I look at you now and I see someone who has grown in a year…you are so strong, maybe stronger than me but I know that if it hadn't of been for you I might of ended it that night I found out about Digger but you showed me that it didn't matter who my father was" JR said
"It doesn't. I love you, I always have…it just you failed to see it" she replied "The time I spent in the Sanitarium the last time made me realize that I had to take responsibility for my own life…I was on my own and if I wanted to see my son grow up I needed to quit the alcohol. That time when someone offered me a drink I rejected it. I don't need it anymore but more than that I know that for my own health I have to avoid it"
"I'm so proud of you" JR said
Sue Ellen smiled "I'm proud of you too…the man you've become" she said "Oh before I forget I need to speak to you about Clayton"
"What's wrong with him?" JR asked
"Nothing it's just………." Sue Ellen started
"Go on"
"Well you know how lost he felt when he left Southfork for the Southern Cross?" Sue Ellen said
"When he thought Ben Stivers was Jock and that momma would go back to him?" JR said
"Yes…well you know how people need to talk through problems. When he was up there he talked to Dusty about what was happening at Southfork" Sue Ellen said
"You mean Dusty knows about Jock not being my father" JR said
"' 'Fraid so" Sue Ellen said "Clayton needed to talk to someone he didn't do it to hurt you."
JR sighed "I know but of all the people to talk to. Now that cowboy has something he can use against me" he said
"He won't because I won't let him. I won't let him hurt you. I told you because I felt you needed to know especially if Dusty is joining us for Thanksgiving but I also don't want this to ruin the relationship you have with Clayton now. He doesn't want to go back to the old days of you hating him" Sue Ellen said "Promise me it won't change things"
"Okay" JR said "Hey are you saying that if it's a choice between me and that cowboy..you'd choose me"
Sue Ellen laughed and gently punched him on the shoulder. Taking his hand she placed it on her stomach where their unborn children lay sleeping "What do you think?" she said
JR gently stroked her stomach "I can't believe we've created another life. Everytime I look at you my heart jumps. You are incredibly beautiful and each day you get more radiant." He said
"You won't be saying that in a few months time when I'm fat" she said
"You won't be fat…you'll just be carrying my children" he laughed "And I can't wait to see them grow inside you"
"Don't forget we've got an antenatal check up next week" she said
"I won't…maybe we'll find out what these babies are going to be" JR said
"I thought we agreed that we would wait until they were born to discover which sex they were" she said
"But you know me" JR said "I hate secrets"
Sue Ellen looked at him. Sometimes secrets were not good, weeks ago a long hidden secret had broken JR's heart.
"We'll see" she said
A few days later Sue Ellen went shopping with Miss Ellie. They spent the time looking around baby shops for furniture and other accessories for the new nursery.They stopped to have lunch in a restaurant and look at the photographs of the holiday that Sue Ellen had picked up earlier that day.
"How is JR?" Miss Ellie said
"He's fine…he's looking forward to the babies' birth" Sue Ellen replied "These past few months have been brilliant, he's been loving, gentle everything I've always wanted him to be"
"Has he said anything about Digger?" Ellie asked
"Miss Ellie…we've talked non stop about the past these last few months. I think we've finally reached an understanding and we both feel comfortable talking to each other about anything. As far as I can tell JR is at peace with the fact that Digger was his father and not Jock, he's not entirely happy about it but I think he understands why you did what you did. We visited Digger's grave last week and put some flowers there, he also reopened Ewing23 which gives both the heirs of Jock and Digger equal rights to profits from those wells. One thing though is he thinks Jock knew all the time that he wasn't his father" Sue Ellen said
"I don't know…what makes him think that?" Ellie asked
"Mainly the fact that he felt that he was Jock's business partner and not his son. JR wonders if Jock knew that you lied to him but decided to bring up JR to make things right with Digger for stealing you from him…and Ewing Oil"
"That we will never know" Miss Ellie said as she looked at the photographs in front of her. Sue Ellen picked one up and smiled.
"I think JR had as much fun on those rides as the boys although he'd never admit it" Sue Ellen said "They wanted to go on 'Splash Mountain' every single day and JR just did what they wanted"
"He looks as though he's enjoying himself" Miss Ellie said
"He didn't talk about Ewing Oil once" Sue Ellen said "It was the perfect family holiday. Mind you I think JR was a bit worried when the boys dug a hole on the beach and asked him to get inside as they wanted to bury him"
Miss Ellie laughed "I wish we could have joined you"
"Maybe when the triplets are older…we'll have a family holiday, maybe invite Pam, Mark and Christopher" Sue Ellen said
"I can't believe in a few months Southfork will be full of children" Miss Ellie said
"We're looking forward to it….I'm so glad that JR and Clayton have buried the hatchet and are working together on the nursery"
"So am I, things are so peaceful at the moment" Ellie said "How are the plans for the fundraiser going?"
"Fine…everything's almost organized, JR's been helping me" Sue Ellen said
"So what have you done with the real JR" Ellie laughed
"I think he's finally grown up. He knows his wife loves him, his son adores him and all he needs is his family. He's finally realized what love is" Sue Ellen said "Miss Ellie…I've got what I've always wanted…your son to love me without needing other women. I love him so much"
"I'm so happy for both of you" Ellie said "Have you thought of any baby names?"
"Well the only thing we're definite on is that if one of them is a boy it will be called Aaron Southworth Ewing, but other than that the jury's still out" Sue Ellen laughed
"I never realized how much JR loved his grandfather. I always thought he was cold and unfeeling" Ellie said
"I've always known that there was a human side to him, especially when I see him with John Ross." Sue Ellen said "He just likes to keep that side of him well hidden"
"This is a new start for all of us. No more secrets or lies" Miss Ellie said "I love my son I just didn't understand him at times"
"Well let's see how he reacts when he sees how much money we've spent today" Sue Ellen said
The two women laughed as they finished their meal and prepared to go home. The next day JR and Sue Ellen went for an antenatal check up.
"Well how is everything going" Dr Andersson asked
"Fine" Sue Ellen said
"When will we be able to feel the babies move?" JR asked
"Within the next few weeks" Dr Andersson answered "I'll do a scan now and see how things are developed.
The doctor smeared jelly on Sue Ellen's tummy then started the ultra sound. She pointed out each baby showing the couple the features that were formed.
"Well everything seems to be developing perfectly" the doctor said "I can tell you what sex they are if you want"
Sue Ellen looked at JR and smiled "Well we were going to wait and have a surprise" she said
"But if you sure you know…maybe" JR began
"JR…no" Sue Ellen laughed
"Okay I'll tell you what I will write what they are and seal it in an envelope that way if you decide in a few weeks you want to know then you can" Dr Andersson said
After leaving the doctor's surgery they walked back hand in hand to the car. JR looked at the envelope in Sue Ellen's hand.
"So are you really going to make me wait?" JR said
Sue Ellen smiled "Yes….because I want to see the look of joy on your face when you see each child and discover what we have" she said "I really want to wait, I don't want to know"
"Hand me the envelope" JR said
Sue Ellen shook her head "No..you'll open it"
"Won't I promise" he said
Sue Ellen handed JR the envelope. He then proceeded to rip it up. Sue Ellen kissed him.
"I love you" she said
A few weeks later it was the Fundraiser. Sue Ellen, JR and the rest of the family had spent the day preparing the Oil Baron's club for the event and they were now getting ready for the event. Sue Ellen was getting ready when she felt a sudden pain in her stomach. Seeing her bent over JR rushed to her.
"What's wrong" he asked concerned
"Nothing" she smiled "I just felt a movement"
"Where" he said
Sue Ellen took his hand and placed it over her stomach and both waited to feel another sign of life. JR's eyes lit up when he felt another kick.
"That is amazing" he said "Are you sure you want to go out tonight"
"JR, I've been preparing for this for the last few weeks, I'm fine" she said
The night was a success, JR watched with admiration while Sue Ellen spoke to people who she hoped would make donations to the foundation. Never before had he ever felt what he felt now…he felt so much love and pride for his wife that he thought he was going to burst. Finally he managed to tear her away for one dance. JR held her tightly as the music began.
When I'm down and Oh my soul so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
I am still and wait here in the silence still you come and sit awhile with me
JR and Sue Ellen locked eyes, Sue Ellen kissed him and whispered in his ear. The song continued
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be.
JR looked at her…the words of the song echoing in his head. She was his anchor, when things were bad she was there to pick him up and tell him everything would be okay. With her he was strong and could do anything. He placed his lips close to her ear and whispered.
"Sue Ellen…you raise me up to more than I can be. Without you I'm nothing but with you I can be whatever I want to be. I love you more than you will ever know…..I promise you from this moment on I will devote my life to you" he said
Sue Ellen looked into his eyes and kissed him, not caring how many people saw them. The only thing that mattered to her was JR and her family. "I love you" she said "And I promise I will always be there for you"