(WRITTEN MY "T")

That Night

A dark figure sits in the darkness of the morgue alone in the office Dr. Donald Mallard or "'Ducky" to his friends drinking/nursing a glass of bourbon. His mind is still reeling from his Discussion/Argument with his one time love "Ziva David!"

The automated doors to autopsy and the morgue slide open as Ducky starts winding his way through the autopsy tables to his office where the dimly lit desk lamp is the only source of light he swings open the door to see Jethro Gibbs sitting there with a half full bottle of bourbon and a glass with four fingers worth in it saying "You know Jethro drowning your sorrows in bourbon will not make them go away!"

Jethro gulps down the bourbon telling him "I know duck, but I don't know if I can give her what she is asking for!"

Ducky razes his index finger and starts wagging it back and fourth between them stating "That's when time stopped for you, isn't it Jethro"!

Jethro pours himself another glass asking "You profiling me Duck?"

Looking at him Ducky comments "The day your wife died, that's when time stopped for you!

Ducky puts his coat down on an adjacent chair asking "Pour one for me would you Jethro?"

Pulling open the desk draw Jethro takes a second glass from desk filling it half way "Sure thing Ducky!" is all he says.

Ducky says "Jethro getting back to the topic at hand!

"When your wife Shannon was killed from an emotional standpoint time stopped at least for you!"

"You stopped moving forward."

But I feel fine Ducky! Jethro tells him

Ducky taking a sip of his bourbon asks "When was the last time you were in a relationship for more then a month?"

I don't know Ducky why Jethro asks as he sips his bourbon!

Jethro, by my reckoning it was Shannon! Ducky tells him

Taking another sip of bourbon Jethro asks "What's your point?"

Ducky tells him "Only that, if you ever want to be in any kind of long term relationship your going to have to let go of Shannon & Kelly!

"Keep them in your heart, but let go of them!"

Jethro wolfs down another glass of bourbon saying "Ducky I don't know if I can!"

Sipping his bourbon Ducky tells Jethro, no woman wants to compete with another, let alone the memory of a dead woman!

Having poured himself bourbon Jethro takes a swallow he states "There are my life Ducky!"

Ducky tells him "Correction, they were your life Jethro!"

Jethro looks at his old friend asking "So what do I do Ducky!"

Ducky tells him "What any sensible person would do of course let go of the past, of course!"

"But Jethro don't wait to long or you will miss seeing your grand daughter grow up!"

Jethro puts his hand on the good doctor's shoulder saying "Good Point Ducky!"

Ducky comments "As far as you and Miss David, respect her choice even if she does not choose you!"

Jethro states with a tear in his eye "But I love her Ducky!"

Ducky asks but which one he asks "The seventeen year old girl, or the thirty five year old women!"

"Huh?" what do you mean Ducky Jethro asks!

Ducky asks "Jethro my boy, don't tell me you have frozen your memory of her in time as well!"

I love her Jethro states

Ducky replays "The girl or the woman, Gibbs!"

I don't see the difference! Jethro tells him

Finishing off his bourbon Ducky States "If you don't see the difference your worse off then I thought you were!"

My head hurts, from trying to sort this all out Ducky! Is all Jethro tells him

"Ducky puts his hand on Gibbs shoulder, "grieve them, and let them go for your own sake!"

"And Gibbs Respect the choice she makes even if she does not choose you!"

(END OF WRITTEN BY "T")

Gibbs threw his glass against the wall of autopsy and stood up, "You don't understand!"

Ducky sighed, "Then make me understand"

Gibbs glared and barged past his old friend, as he spoke, "I love her more than I have anyone else"

Ducky nodded, "More than Shannon?"

Jethro froze and turned to look at him, "When I returned to America I was planning to file for a divorce so I could go back to Israel and tell Ziva how much I love her"

Ducky sighed, "You never told me"

Gibbs nodded, "I felt guilty"

Ducky nodded, "Its understandable" he said to an empty autopsy as Jethro had already left.

Later on...

Jethro Gibbs was sat on a cement floor that was covered in sawdust, he groaned and leant back, the sound echoing slightly in the basement of his house.

He was visible beneath his boat, well the wooden structure of his boat, "How the hell am I going to prove to her how much I love her?" he asked himself as he sat alone in his basement. It was almost four in the morning.

He picked up the telegraph that she had sent him and read it again and again and again.

"Dear Jethro,

I miss you so much, I know you have your family in DC but I thought you had that right to know that I'm pregnant with your child. She is due in mid-June. I don't expect anything from you, even though I love you with all my heart. I promise that one day I will bring our little girl to see you in DC.

Yours Forever and Always,

Ziva"

He ran up the wooden stairs like his aim was to save the world. He got into his kitchen and sat down at his hand-made table with a pen and paper, most nowadays would use a computer to write an important letter, but that was not how he did it. Jethro would say that a handwritten letter to the woman he loves was simply more appropriate but some would claim it was due to his lack of abilities with technology.

He rubbed his forehead with his left hand and sighed as he put his pen to paper, scribing the words that his heart spoke in black ink across white lined paper.

"Dear Ziva,

I know that you must be annoyed with me and disappointed in me for not being there for you and for our little girl. I would give everything to do all of that again so that I could be with you and our daughter. I know my rule on apologies is normally pretty strict but I hope that you forgive me because I am going to apologise. Apologise until the end of time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you and our princess. I'm sorry for not trying harder to see you.

You keep saying that I never came back for you. You are wrong. I did come back for you. It was the first time I met your father. You had a little girl in your arms, I see now that it was our child. Our Sarah. Back then I was mad to believe that the child was not mine, and that you were to marry Michael Rivkin, the child's father. I tried to get to you but was given a choice by Mossad. If I told you that I love you and tried to kiss you and hold you close like I wanted so much to do, then they would kill our little girl and you, and make me watch the pain in your eyes at the cause of my actions, or I could go home and leave you in peace, and it would keep both of you safe. I did try to get a message to you later on, I gave Sarah a teddy bear when no-one was looking, it had a message inside for you, explaining everything. I hope that one day it will be found.

I know that I'm late in writing this letter to you and I know that you are with Tony. I don't know if you love him, or if you feel happy with him. I didn't get your telegraph till it was too late, because it was in a pile of telegraphs I received at the time of my late wife and child's deaths. I hope you understand how much pain I was in during that time, as you know the pain that is caused at a loss of a child. The fog that once encased me is now much clearer and the only thing my eyes see is your beauty, my love. If you can tell me that you love Tony, and not me, and that you are happy with him, then I will leave you alone. I will retire from NCIS, and move away, so that you will not have to see me, I love you, and I do not wish to cause you pain or discomfort. You deserve happiness, love and to be safe, the life I want to give you, if you would give me the chance. I hope that one day our child will be returned to your arms, and be with you, I wish I could be with you and our child. I hope I can fix this mess that spills from my mistakes.

No matter what your decision is, I love you and always will. You have been in my heart since the day I met you. My heart recognised you the day I saw you again at NCIS, it was my head that refused to believe that it was you, because I didn't want them to take your life or your little girl's, I always wondered where the child had gone, but never asked due to fear that she was gone for good, just like Kelly.

I will put everything into proving how much I love you until the end of time itself, if you would just let me.

All my love,

Jethro

P.S Enclosed is the engagement ring that I brought hoping to give it to you in Israel. On the inside is the date we first got together, and our names. If you wear this on your ring finger then I will take it as a "yes", if you wear it on another finger then I will take it as a "maybe", but if it is around your neck then I will take it as being just the past...but if you do not wear it at all, I will take it as a "maybe" and give you time to think about it. I hope to god it is not a "No", because that is more heartbreaking and damning than anything I could ever be told. Again I must say I love you.

Inside the envelope he slipped a velvet ring box and the letter that he had cried his heart into, and due to the tear stains, it was obvious that it was definitely the case. He dropped it off at Ziva's apartment at 6:30 am before going for a drive, he sat at the marina, and sighed, hoping that she would love him in the way of which he loves her.