The Most Life Changing Thing

Reid and Prentiss

Chapter Seventeen

January 2011

I'm pregnant, her words repeated over and over in his mind. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant.

His fast working brain exploded with images of the future: this child that he had just started to imagine could exist and now Spencer Reid knew his child wasn't just an illusion but a reality. He thought that he had prepared himself for this possibility but knowing it was something that could be possible and knowing it was happening were two entirely different things.

He could barely contain all his thoughts of excitement over the moments he could share with his child and also his fears over the health and well being of this little person that he and Emily would be responsible to raise.

Staring into Emily's eyes, as they sat there on her couch, Reid could see how worried she was over what his reaction would be. He took her hand.

"Its okay," he rushed to assure her. "I mean...I know we're not really prepared for this and we were taking precautions so it wouldn't happen but statistics show that even with perfect condom use there is a two percent a year pregnancy rate among women who use condoms as their sole method of contraception. With typical use, its closer to fifteen percent a year. So things like this happen and its not because we were reckless. Its okay to be scared. I'm scared too. I never thought I'd be a father. I never planned to-"

"Reid-"

"Have any kids because it just didn't seem, with all the factors added in, a wise move to contemplate but that doesn't mean I am not happy about this baby: our baby, Emily." He stroked her hair away from her face and cupped her cheek. "If you're scared you can tell me. Its natural to freak out over an unexpected pregnancy but I know together we can do anything. Just look at us...we've come so far so fast." His voice grew thick with emotion. "You wanting to be with me is the best thing to ever happen to me and I'm so glad it's you...it's you who is the mother of my child. We made this baby together and together we can handle anything that comes-"

"Reid, stop! Just stop!" She jumped up and started to pace.

His eyes went wide as he watched her. "You're...you're having this baby, aren't you? I'm sorry. Did I assume too much? I don't mean to pressure you. I'm not saying this decision isn't yours. I just thought...you said you want kids very much. Have you changed your mind?"

Her hands raked through her hair. Her expression was a mix of pure anguish and total fear. "You don't understand."

He stood and went to her. Speaking softly, trying to comfort her, he said "So help me understand. How do you feel about being pregnant? How long have you known?"

Their eyes held and she struggled to find words.

Reid went on "Its okay that you didn't tell me the moment you suspected. That's just how you are. You sit with things until you are ready to share them. I'm not mad. You can tell me everything now. Tell me what you think about all this. There is no wrong thing to say, just the honest truth."

With her lips barely moving she whispered "This isn't your baby...I'm sorry."

"What?" he asked, in shock and confusion, his tone disbelieving. "I don't understand. How could that be possible?"

With teary eyes, she went to open her mouth "I-" but he cut her off.

Anger and hurt laced his words "You were with someone else? You cheated on me?"

"No! Reid," she reached for him and he shook her off, moving backwards, out of her grasp. "Reid, please let me explain. I should have told you this a long time ago but things were so new between us and I didn't want this to be the elephant in the room. I didn't know if you could handle this...if you would think it was a good idea to keep dating when I'm going through all this...I didn't want to burden you, I still don't." She paused, her voice cracking as she next spoke "I wouldn't be with anyone else. You're the only man I want. I kept this a secret because it was my thing to deal with...not yours. I did plan to tell you but I just wanted more time...more time for us...without this between us."

Reid swallowed hard. Moving close to her again, but not touching her, his voice dropped low and he asked, with tenderness and concern in his tone "Did someone hurt you, Emily?"

Just thinking she had been raped and endured it all in silence tore at Reid's heart. He started to search his mind for small signs she was traumatized ut he couldn't find any among all the fun and romantic memories they had made in the months they had been dating. What kind of profiler was he if he couldn't see how much his own girlfriend was suffering? How good at hiding her true self from him was Emily if she could disguise that much hurt?

"No," she whispered.

"I have an IQ of a 187 but I'm running out of ways you could have became pregnant without me being the father or you cheating on me. Stop trying to protect me from the truth. Can't you see how much that disrespects me and our relationship? If you can't talk to me about everything then why are we even together? You are allowed your privacy but there comes a time when you have to give that up for the sake of allowing me to help you and that time is right now."

She let out a fortifying breath before admitting "I was inseminated at a fertility clinic with donor sperm."

For a moment his eyes searched hers. "I didn't even know you were thinking of doing something like that. You could have shared that with me. There's nothing you have to shoulder alone anymore. Don't you know that yet?"

"Reid, its not just you I kept this from. No one knows. I did this completely on my own. It was my decision to make without anyone's input or opinion to sway me. Please don't take that personal because I swear it is not meant to be an insult to our friendship or how much I love you."

"Did you think I would try to talk you out of it? I wouldn't have. No one should tell a woman what choices to make for her own body." His tone grew frustrated as he continued "I just don't get how you lay next to me in bed every night, thinking about something so big like this, and you don't talk to me about it? Why, Emily? Why do you feel like you have to bear everything alone? You don't. You have friends and family, loved ones...you have me." He stepped closer to her and put his hands on her arms. "Don't you know that by now? Haven't I shown you I love you? Don't you want me anymore? Did you...did you fall out of love with me already?"