The Most Life Changing Thing

Reid and Prentiss

Note- I listened to the song You Came Around while writing this. This is a song that was especially made for the American soap opera General Hospital. Its written by Jayson Belt and Bob Hartley, sang by Annie Bethancourt. You can find it at you tube if you want to listen it.

Chapter Twenty

January 2011

Emily knew she needed to go see Reid on his first night home from the case. Each day they spent sleeping apart, not talking at all, felt wrong in every way. Another night with this dreadful aching distance between them was unthinkable.

She wanted him to know what she was thinking and feeling, to clear the air. Even if she had made too much of a mess for him to trust her right now or love her anymore she still needed to be here and say a few things that might make the pain lessen for him. Hurting him was the last thing she had wanted to do. It shamed her to know she had made him think for even a moment she didn't find him worthy of being in her child's life.

That couldn't be less true. She just hadn't wanted to thrust him into a commitment he didn't want or couldn't sustain. She had been afraid to believe the truth: that when Reid said he could see spending his life with her he had meant every would. That every I love you was really I'll love you till I die.

Never before had anyone loved her better or more than Spencer Reid had. And, God knew even if no one else maybe did, she had never loved any man more than him.

When he opened the door of his apartment that evening she noticed how tired he looked, the bags under his eyes hinting at his sleepless nights since they had saw each other last. She hadn't slept much either. Fear and regret had kept her awake.

"I didn't call to ask if I could come over," she said "because I didn't want to give you the chance to say no."

He stepped aside, allowing her entry. "I wouldn't say no."

She came inside, slowly unbuttoned her wool coat and slipped it off, laying it on a nearby chair.

"Can we sit?"

He nodded. Emily gratefully sunk into the nearest chair. Her body still felt like it had been put through the wringer.

He sat on the couch, quietly watching her, waiting for her to speak.

Speaking slowly Emily said "I'm sorry. I know I hurt you by keeping my pregnancy a secret. I didn't want all that pressure to be on us when we had just started dating...to have to answer questions we weren't ready to even ask yet..for you to tell me if you wanted to stay with me knowing I have a kid on the way. Maybe I was more afraid you'd say yes than no because yes means I have to let you in...and I am not good at that...but I want to let you in, Reid. I want to because I've grown very accustomed to being with you and I already miss...having you near. I understand if you don't trust me right now, though, and if you need some space to figure out what you want. I just came here to make sure you know...I might be stubborn and think I can and should do everything all alone...and maybe I could do it successfully alone...but I want to do everything, including raising this baby, with the man I love...That won't change, no matter how long you stay angry with me. I don't blame you for being pissed off. I should have trusted you. I just suck at trusting that anyone would love me as much as I know you do. I'm sorry, Reid, for showing so little faith in you and in what we have together." She kept picking at the skin around her nails as she made her plea to him.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have walked out on you. That is something I swore to myself I would never do and I'm sorry I did that to you, Emily. I should have stayed and not given up that way. You deserved better than that."

"You were just mad. You needed time to cool off. I get it. Don't be hard on yourself. You walking out of my apartment that day is not the same as what your father did. Its not even close. I know you never intended to ignore me for the rest of our lives. That's not you. If you promise to stay with me then you would."

"How could you ever trust me to stay when I just walk away because we get in a fight?"

"Reid, when you told me you would love me for the rest of your life, I knew you meant it. Even though you were screaming when you said it. You're allowed to get mad, to yell, and to storm out the door when you're pissed. You're allowed to not even feel like looking at me or speaking to me until you calm down. That's normal and it doesn't mean you abandoned me. You could even say that this is all too much for you and I would understand but I hope you don't say that because...what we have...it doesn't happen twice...not for anyone. Even if I could one day move on, which I kinda doubt," her voice broke "I know I'd never love anyone like I love you ever again."

He came over and crouched in front of her. Threading his fingers in her hair, holding her head still so she was looking in his eyes, he asked, his voice low and soft, imbued with emotion "Move on? There is a statistical improbability of that ever happening for either of us."

Emily gave him a weak, but relieved, smile through her tears before hugging him, burying her face against the crook of his neck. Soon she was breaking into sobs as he held her tight.

"Emily, its okay. We are going to be okay. I know it. Because we love each other and that is all that matters most to both of us. That has to be enough. I know it can be. Trust me."

"It just felt like I was losing everything...you, the baby...and I don't want to go back to how I was before. I know I said I could do it all alone but I don't want to be left alone anymore."

He pulled back and looked at her tear stained face, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. "What do you mean: it felt like you were losing the baby?" His eyes glanced down at her stomach.

"I wasn't at work because I was in the hospital. I-"

"What? The hospital? Why didn't you call me?"

"I know you would have came but I guess...I didn't feel like I had a right to ask you to after how I treated you."

"You will always have the right to ask me anything you want or need. Until you believe that though there will be never be stability between us. And I want...need...stability. Tell me...what happened at the hospital? The baby?"

"Is okay. Don't worry."

He nodded. "Are you okay?"

"Well I thought I had morning sickness but I actually had the flu. I got dehydrated and that led to cramping. I had to stay at the hospital overnight to get fluids in me and for monitoring."

"I'm sorry. I should have confronted you sooner about the pregnancy and then you wouldn't have had to hide your symptoms and this would never have happened."

"Stop blaming yourself for my mistakes. It is my responsibility to protect this pregnancy and I screwed up."

"Pregnant women are more susceptible to the flu and more likely to be hospitalized because of it. Its not anything you did wrong."

"I still feel like a bad mother. I put this baby at risk because I was more concerned with not leaning on you or anyone then just admitting I'm not superwoman."

"You're better than superwoman, Emily. She has nothing on you."

Emily chuckled. Reid leaned over and kissed her. When he broke their gentle kiss he rested his forehead against hers "Tired?"

"Exhausted."

He stood up and held his hand out to her. "Time for bed then."

She took his hand and stood up. They walked to the master bathroom together, got out some night clothes, went into the bathroom and did their nightly routine of face washing and teeth brushing before getting changed. Reid took a few aspirins.

Emily raised her eyebrow.

"I'm okay," he said. "My headache is actually not as severe right now as it has been the last few days."

"You've had a headache for days? Maybe you better see a doctor."

"Sometimes, when I was a kid, I got headaches when things were very stressful around the house."

After a moment she nodded. Reaching up she massaged his temples for a moment, his eyes drifted close as he relaxed, and then she massaged the base of his skull.

When she was done she said "This will be the first time this week I actually might get some decent rest. I'm going to become one of those whiny partners that I hate who complains when you go away on cases because I can't sleep if you're gone. Shoot me now."

Reid smirked. "Maybe we can get you a me sized doll."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure that wouldn't be freaky at all."

"Morgan might make fun of you if he found out," Reid teased.

She gently pushed at his chest. "Shut up. A doll wouldn't work anyway. Your genius logic is falling short this time. Its more than just the feel of you next to me. Its your smell and sound and touch."

As they pulled back the covers on the bed he teased her by asking "Was that you trying to talk me out of my pants?"

"Not a chance, buddy. I'm too tired to so much as think about sex right now."

They crawled into bed. "Huh," Reid mused. "Odd. Cause that was totally working on me."

She smirked, turned and cupped his cheek, giving him a kiss full of passion and brimming with emotion. They kept kissing as they slid downwards, so they were laying on their sides and facing each other. They fell asleep with his arm around her waist, after talking for a few minutes about how exciting it was that she was pregnant. Emily snuggled close to Reid, sucking in his scent and reveling in his warmth, and thanked God she still could sleep within the warmth of his arms.