contagious
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multi-shot.
"stolen" –dashboard confessional
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2) to live to see my step dad marry my mom
the wedding was supposed to be grand; blinding-white-overly expensive table clothes, customized dyed carnations of beautiful fresh flowers, a royal white carpet for the aisle, ivory wooden benches, tainted with maple, the food was catered by the most expensive chef in all of New York, and their cake was from Cake Boss, Buddy delivered it personally himself.
that's probably where my obsession for a Cake Boss cake myself came from.
it was a sunday, the very sunday before school the following spring week. cancer was the last thing on my mind because i, a very ambitious fifteen year old, wanted to witness merri-lee marry a man that promised to love her forever—and accepted me as a daughter, even though my real father failed miserably to remain good in my book.
jack was a very good man, a very good man indeed. his promises were rare from what i've noticed and he always seemed to keep his word; he also helped my love life a little but that's later.
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the wedding was truly beautiful. i've been to a fair amount of weddings, been the flower girl, faked big smiles, wished my merri-lee good luck for the countless time again, and watched these "men" promise to make good towards my mother for the rest of their lives.
and i've had the privilege to watch them all fail.
but jack? jack's different. he looks at merri-lee like no other; the kind of look that seems dazed and screams, am i really this lucky? it's the exact kind of look that i've always dreamed of.
funny to consider me, a dreamer.
"i now pronounce you, husband and wife."
their kiss was disgustingly sweet and that look of pure adoration blissfully reflected mutually in their eyes.
not only was she dressed in that white train classic dress that was embedded with sequins far too complicated for the average tailor, but the moment that struck me significant was the moment merri-lee walked down that aisled carpet, her eyes brimming with unshed glassy tears, for the fourth? time...but the look of hope and adoration traced in her eyes. she never gave up.
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the after party was eventful in the simplest way. merri-lee was attached to jack's hip and it didn't look like she was planning to leave anytime soon. every so often, jack would lean down and kiss her head or forehead and everyone would awww.
she was one lucky woman.
"now let's have a slow dance," the DJ announced into the microphone. the after party was in a tent on conservation land that overlooked the sunrise and sunset. there was a field of oblivion as well.
slow dances weren't exactly my steeze; who wanted to dance with a sick girl?
i've wanted my sickness to remain a secret, a personal matter, but merri-lee couldn't contain herself and her inner wishes showed: she wanted people to be aware of what terminal cancer did to families. although i was diagnosed young, merri-lee promised my sisters that she wouldn't tell a soul until she heard my input...that didn't help much though.
i can't say i blamed her, but i would have preferred to keep it a secret because now nobody looked at me the same way. their eyes danced with pity and their shimmery lips murmured what was supposed to be comforting: stay strong! hold on! you can do this!
but what they didn't know was that i gave up after i heard the words 'cancer.' cancer really marked and sobered people up. merri-lee was determined to do everything in her power, money and fame to find me a cure; nothing worked though. the world terminal really held its burden and meaning.
jack and merri-lee danced with their bodies intertwined, her mop of red curls resting on his shoulder, his arms wrapped securely around her—it was very memorable.
ryan was dancing with some body, harris fisher? i had a kid in my grade with the same last name but unfortunately the school is so big i didn't really get to know him because i was whipped out of school when i turned fifteen. 'a private tutor' merri-lee's words embedded in my head.
how was that supposed to be comforting?
jaime was lip-locked to some junior i didn't know about.
of course, disease girl—who could be contagious—had no one to dance with.
but other than the pity-looks or the words that were supposed to be comforting towards me, shot left and right from strangers that claimed to have known me my entire life, the wedding was a success and i can only hope that the marriage itself will be too.
i'm just damn surprised i'm alive to see this beautiful moment.
jack whispered some sweet nothings into merri-lee's pearl-studded ear and i wanted to cry with happiness and slivered envy. i'd never be able to have this for my own, so that's exactly why i was determined to remember this 'til the moment i died.
but in fact, i did cry.
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sitting on my bed now, i glance at the sheet.
my birthday was only a while ago; i can't believe i witnessed that as well. curling up in bed and turning the bed-post lamp on, i reached for the little red kate-spade notebook that was propped against the ivory wooden bed-post desk.
i clicked the little green pen as well.
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alive to see mom marry jack...check.
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we all look like we feel.
hope it didn't suck too much.
review maybe?
-another moment gone-