Chapter I: That Which the Heart Hides

Aragorn pulled the door of his sleeping chamber closed behind him. The morning was beautiful. He could hear the song of a lark in the high branches of a tree nearby. The man knotted the tie at the side of his tunic and turned his face upward to be kissed by the warm sunlight, a slight breeze rippling through his hair. But he wasted no time. He turned and went swiftly to his adar's healing chambers.

The Dunedan had intercepted the lord of Imladris as the latter retired to his sleeping chamber just moments after the departure of Thranduil. Together, they had stayed awake in Elrond's study until the sky had begun to lighten and its lower reaches had been stained pink and gold by the hastening sunrise. As he walked, Aragorn recalled the conversation that had unfolded the night before.

"Ada."

Elrond was returning to his chamber after seeing Thranduil off, but at the soud of Aragorn's voice, he halted and turned his head.

"Estel, what reason have you to be up at this hour?"

Aragorn simply waved this question aside.

"I could ask you the same. What reason has Legolas's father come here in the middle of the night?"

Elrond could not prevent the small smile that pulled at the corners of his lips, despite his worry for the Mirkwood prince. Aragorn and Legolas had known each other since Aragorn was a boy. Once the Dunadan had become old enough, he joined Elladan and Elrohir on their adventures with the prince of Mirkwood when he visited. Elrond knew that for many years, Legolas and Aragorn shared a bond that had long since exceeded that of ordinary friendship. They were much more like brothers or close companions.

"Come, ion nin," Elrond offered, beckoning with his hand. "It is late, but I know you will not sleep until your questions have been answered."

They walked side by side in silence. Upon reaching his study, Elrond let Aragorn enter first before closing the door softly behind them. Aragorn sat at the small table but did not speak until Elrond had lit several candles and poured them both a sweet, mild drink. The man watched his adar expectantly as the lord of Imladris lowered himself into the seat opposite him.

"I received an urgent letter from Thranduil himself only a few days ago," Elrond began. He did not want to cause Aragorn any grief, yet he would have to be honest about the condition of the Mirkwood prince. The lord of Imladris took a deep breath.

"Legolas has fallen ill."

Aragorn gave his adar a steady, yet piercing look over the top of his glass, but remained silent. Elrond continued.

"He has been ill for several months. His father has done everything he can, yet Legolas has only worsened. He decided it may be in his son's favor to bring him to Imladris. Thranduil believes Legolas will better recover here than in Mirkwood."

Aragorn leaned back in his chair, eyes focusing beyond Elrond's left shoulder. It took him a moment to digest this information. It was rare indeed for his friend to become ill.

"You will be able to cure him, ada?" Aragorn inquired, keeping his voice low. When he did not receive a reply, his tone sharpened. "What is happening to Legolas, ada?"

"I know not what ails him, Estel," came Elrond's quiet response. His thin lips curved slightly in a sad smile. "I have never seen that of which Legolas suffers among the elves."

Elrond's words echoed hauntingly in Aragorn's mind. He had been so absorbed in the memory that it took him a moment to realize he had walked right past the healing chambers and was now quite far away.

He was very troubled by the conversation that had transpired the previous night. The man had never known Elrond to encounter an illness or injury for which he had no cure. Aragorn had wanted to visit Legolas as early as sunrise, but his adar had forbidden him from disturbing Legolas's rest. The man turned and slowly backtracked. It was still quite early and he himself had just awoken, but he did not think he could wait any longer to see his friend.

There were golden patches of sunlight on the ivy-embroidered duvet. Legolas stared at them from his position in bed: body cradled in the soft down mattress, covers pulled up to his chest, arms folded over them. He had awoken when the bright disk had risen over the cliffs of Rivendell. The Mirkwood prince did not know how much time had passed since then. He felt content to never leave the soft embrace of the bed of the healing chambers of Imladris.

He let his eyes slowly take in the room again. He had been here several times before, when he had returned with injuries from hunting trips with Elrond's sons. There was a small table to the left of the bed, as well as a chair carved from oak, and beyond that, shelves and cabinets where Elrond kept his herbs and healing supplies. Legolas noticed his cloak draped across the foot of the bed, and his bow and quiver, along with his two white-handled knives, leaning against the bedpost. His adar had left them there, if nothing else, as comforting reminders of home.

There was a soft knock. Legolas's eyes flicked over to the door, but then turned back to the sunlight on his blankets. He did not want to be bothered by anyone. He knew it was probably only Elrond, coming to check on him, but the elven prince wanted to be left alone. He slowly extended his arms a bit so that the golden glow bathed them as well. He wanted to be left alone.

The knock sounded again, slightly louder this time. Legolas felt a bite of annoyance. Surely if it was Elrond he would have already entered by now, despite Legolas's silence. The twins had been by earlier, but, thinking Legolas had been sleeping, they had softly apologized and left him in peace. The prince was about to put his back to the door and try to ignore it in hopes that whoever it was would go away and not return, but no sooner had he thought of this, the door cracked opened wide enough for Aragorn to glance inside.

"Legolas!" Aragorn exclaimed softly, opening the door wider when he saw that his friend was awake. "Ada told me you were here. May I come in?"

Legolas nodded and the man let himself in, closing the door behind him. He had wondered if Aragorn was in Imladris. He knew his friend had taken to wandering for many months at a time.

The ranger moved the oaken chair to the bedside and sank into it. He had not seen the Mirkwood prince in over a year, yet he noticed so many obvious changes in the elf. He was very thin - not the graceful slenderness he had always possessed, but the kind of thinness one acquires when they lose too much weight in too short a time. His expression was blank except for the distress betrayed by his blue eyes, which had dark circles beneath them. Aragorn frowned. This was so different from the Legolas he remembered.

"How do you feel, mellon nin?" Aragorn asked gently, his voice laced with concern. "Ada has told me you are ill."

Legolas avoided the man's eyes. He did not know why, but the man's presence made him uncomfortable. He did not feel like speaking to anyone. Aragorn waited patiently, his eyes searching his friend's face. It seemed so wrong, so out of place, to see the warrior prince sick and in bed.

"I miss my adar," Legolas said at length, looking at his hands. His voice was soft and Aragorn could hear a note of sadness in it. "I miss his comfort."

"Legolas…" the man whispered gently. He reached his hand out to squeeze his friend's shoulder comfortingly, but the elf did not respond to the gesture. He simply continued to watch his hands.

"I am sure your adar hated to leave you, mellon nin. I know that your home is being attacked by the evil spreading from the east. Your father has a duty to his people."

"Does he not also have a duty to his son?" came the bitter reply.

Aragorn was taken aback by the sudden hostility. Rarely had he heard his friend speak in such a harsh tone. The man was about to explain Thranduil's reasoning for bringing him to Imladris, but thought it best to change the subject. Legolas looked quite tearful.

"Have you eaten yet, mellon nin?" he asked gently. Legolas shook his head.

"What time is it?"

"It is not yet noon," Aragorn informed him. "Did you sleep well, at least?"

Again it took Legolas a while to reply. The elf rolled onto his side, away from the man. This caused Aragorn's frown to deepen. He could see his friend's form folded up beneath the blankets, him knees drawn up to his chest. When Legolas finally spoke, his voice was very quiet, almost as if had forgotten Aragorn was present and he were speaking his thoughts aloud to himself.

"I had a strange dream," he began. "Ada was killed. So was Lord Elrond…and Elladen and Elrohir…and you, Estel. You had all been killed. I was to spend all of my long years alone."

"Amin hiraetha, Legolas," Aragorn uttered softly. He was about to speak words of comfort, to assure him they were all safe, but Legolas continued before he was able to.

"I feel dead, Estel." The elf's voice was so quiet now that Aragorn had to lean forward to hear him. "That I died long ago, and I am only alive because my heart beats in my breast. Inside, I feel empty. But it is a painful emptiness. I no longer feel love for the trees or for my people." He was shaking visibly beneath the blankets.

Aragorn felt as if someone had sunk their knuckles into his stomach.

"Have you been taken by the sealonging?"

"Nay, Estel, I care not for the sea," came the weary reply. "I do not care for anything anymore."

The words were spoken with such despair that Aragorn felt a strong and sudden urge to embrace his friend. This was not the Legolas he knew, not at all. Though he was relieved that Legolas did not long for the sea, there was still terror in his heart for his friend. He would not have thought Legolas capable of feeling such grief.

"Hebo estel, Legolas," the man said, more forcefully than he intended. He took a deep breath, calming himself before he spoke again. "My adar will free you from this suffering."

"Lord Elrond cannot heal this suffering, Estel. No one can."

Aragorn leaped to his feet with such force that the chair was overturned, the bang startling Legolas into turning onto his back and hoisting himself up with one arm.

"I do not believe that. I will not believe it! If ada cannot heal you, I will!" The man grasped Legolas by the shoulders and forced him to look at him. "I swear to you, I will not let an age of suffering be your fate. I will die before I allow it to happen!"

But Legolas was weeping silently now, his hands weakly trying to remove Aragorn's from his shoulders.

"Saes [Please], Aragorn, I cannot tolerate anymore pain."

The man realized that he had shocked and scared his friend with his sudden, desperate outburst, and he immediately pulled him into a gentle embrace.

"Amin hiraetha, mellon nin. Amin hiraetha. I did not mean to be harsh. I am frightened, Legolas. I am worried about you."

Legolas pulled away. Tears still clung to his eyelashes, but he nodded, showing Aragorn that he understood and that he had forgiven him.

"Leave me, Estel," the elf said softly, though he continued to choke on the strangled sobs that would not subside. "I wish to be alone."

Aragorn took a few steps back, his shoulders slumped. He did not want to leave his friend to cry alone. He had upset his friend, albeit unintentionally, and it did not seem fair to walk away without alleviating the pain he had caused. But he could not disrespect Legolas, and so he acknowledged the request.

Legolas watched him go, the room and the man blurring as fresh tears welled in his eyes. He closed them as he heard the door shut. He could feel the tears escape from beneath his lids, rolling slowly over his smooth skin. His words had hurt his friend. What ailed him was hurting them both. The elf felt the need to go after him, to apologize, but his legs would not obey. Instead, he reached for his cloak, his arm moving jerkily as if hindered by an invisible force, and laid down again. He crumpled the soft grey material into a ball and hid his face in it, his knees coming to his chest. Only then did he let his anguish tear from his throat in raw, agonized cries.

Aragorn was walking quickly from the healing chambers. The hard knot in his throat would not go away. Guilt clawed at his very soul. He was terrified at what could happen to Legolas if his suffering continued. His friend did not deserve to be in pain.

The man blindly seized a vase from a small table he was passing and hurled it at the stone floor with a scream of frustration. It smashed, the pieces scattering in every direction. He squatted against the wall, panting and holding his head in his hands.

"Estel?"

Aragorn looked up, his hands still folded over his mouth. Elladan and Elrohir were watching him from a doorway across the hall, having heard the yell and the shattering glass. When Aragorn remained silent, the twins approached him.

"Estel, what is it?" Elladan asked, crouching so he was at eye level with the man, Elrohir standing not far behind him. They wore identical frowns, their brows creased in exactly the same place.

"I need to speak with ada," came Aragorn's quiet response. He stood, using the wall for support. The twins were still looking at him with much concern.

"You are not hurt?" Elrohir queried, giving his foster brother a searching look. Aragorn shook his head and was about to begin picking up the larger pieces of the destroyed vase, but Elladan gently caught his arm.

"Nay, mellon nin. We will clean this up later. Let us take you to ada."

The twins led him away, down a flight of stone steps that went outside - the quickest way to Elrond's study.

Elrond tapped on the door of his healing chambers. He was surprised to hear Legolas tell him to enter. He pushed the door open, bearing a tray. On it were a dish of fruit, some soft cheese, a few slices of bread, and a small jar of honey. He placed it on the table next to the bed and turned to his patient.

Legolas was sitting in the middle of the bed, his bow in his hands. His cloak was smoothed over his lap. He did not look up even as he felt Elrond's eyes on him.

"Legolas," Elrond said gently. "I would like you to eat something."

"I am not hungry, Lord Elrond." Legolas turned his gaze to that of the lord of Imladris, but upon seeing the stern look in the older elf's eyes, he put his bow and cloak aside and moved to sit at the edge of the bed. There was something about the look Elrond was giving him that reminded him so much of his adar that he found himself doing as he was told despite his lack of appetite.

Elrond righted the chair that was still on its back and sat down. He watched Legolas carefully, but did not speak until the prince had finished the small lunch.

"When your adar informed me of your condition, he was only able to tell me what he knew," Elrond began. "You have not spoken to him much about how you have been feeling."

Legolas's eyebrows came together over his questioning eyes.

"Estel told me what happened this morning. I understand now why your adar was unable to heal you. I do not think your ailment is of a physical nature, as he believed, but one that harms your spirit."

Legolas looked away. Elrond calmly stood and walked to the edge of the bed. When he lowered himself next to Legolas, the younger elf tried to move away, but Elrond firmly took hold of his wrists.

"Stay, Legolas," he said, keeping his voice soft. "Do not fear me, ernil. I only want to heal you. It is true such an ailment is so rare among elves I have never seen it, but I cannot even attempt to heal you unless I know how you feel."

Legolas slowly raised his eyes. The question in them had deepened. Elrond also noticed the whites burned red with shame.

"I need you to tell me what hurts, pen neth. Do not be ashamed."

Legolas frowned but remained silent. Elrond gently placed his hand over the prince's heart, so that Legolas understood.

"I need you to tell me what hurts in here."