Summary: The dysfunctional family of America, Canada, England, and France go for a picnic for old time's sake. England and France find themselves screaming a lot while Canada hands out free drugs. America doesn't notice any of it.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Please be nice to me I know my spelling and grammar aren't the best but if your only reviewing to get all worked up over it please don't, constructive criticism welcome.

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It was a peaceful day in the Arizona desert the sun was shining brightly, the cacti were being pointy, and the sand sandy, and the Englishman screaming in the background was screaming in a very unmanly way.

…

Wait a minute?

At that moment the peace of the desert was disturbed by a fast moving red blur that seems to be screaming with a high pitched English accent.

If one happened to record the event and then replay it in slow motion, they would find instead that the red blur was actually a red ford mustang with white and blue stars on the sides. If one were to pause it they would find that the license plate read USA1.

If you haven't already guessed who this vehicle belongs to taking a look in the window would revile none other than America. It should be noted that the distinctly British screaming was coming from England. Surprisingly there were two other people in the car as well. One was acting as if this were an everyday occurrence while the last was whimpering. These two other people would be a whimpering France and an oddly calm Canada.

Now let's go back to real time and find out why our favorite European is screaming.

"" Was the only thing to escape England's mouth as he watched their speed climb to ninety miles an hour. Unfortunately inside the car one could barely hear England screaming over the rap music America was playing at full blast.

"THIS IS GREAT ISN'T IT? ALL OF US GOING OUT FOR A PICNIC JUST LIKE OLD TIMES" The screaming became louder as America turned his head towards the back seat so he could look at England and France. He ended up turning even farther so he could get a better look at them, making England even louder. England and France were huddled in the middle of the back seat clutching each other like a life line.

"HEY YOU TWO AREN'T CAR SICK ARE YOU?" Ever observant the terrified screaming was completely lost on America.

No in fact England and France weren't car sick they were scared to death. Why? Because America was driving, now normally this wouldn't be bad it was how he was driving that was scaring them.

America currently had his head craned back to look at the two cowering nations. In his left hand he held a hamburger and in his right he held a supper sized coke. He was steering with his knees occasionally moving his right leg to speed up the car. The only thing keeping them on the road was Canada occasionally coming out of his oblivious state to pull the wheel in one direction or another.

France managed to calm down enough to give a slight shake of his head to the still staring American.

"KAY WHATEVER." With that America finally turned back to the road, at the same time moving his leg once more to speed up the car while taking a bite of his hamburger.

England screamed louder, France just whimpered and hid his face in England's shirt. Canada taking notice of the two's distress turned around in his seat.

"DON'T WORRY HE DRIVES LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME." With that he turned around and continued staring out the window a slight dazed look on his face. France started screaming.

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They had finally reached the picnic spot an hour earlier then they normally would have driving at a normal speed. Yet it was a life time for England and France. They had barely noticed the calm desert or the Native American ruins their picnic spot was in front of as they jumped from the car. England had actually kissed the ground until France reminded him he was kissing America. Then they just celebrated not being dead.

Now they were sitting at the picnic table all food long since eaten, contemplating a way to keep America from driving them back.

"Hey guys I'm gonna start putting everything back in the car so we can go back once you're done watching the sunset. I'll drive again okay I don't want anyone doing anything but relaxing and having fun while they're here." With that the, as usual oblivious American ran off to the crookedly parked car.

They were so distressed that they didn't notice the beautiful desert sunset. Certainly they didn't notice the nearly invisible Canadian coming up behind them. That would be why they both jumped and screamed when he set his hands on their shoulders.

The two traumatized nations turned to see Canada giving them a sympathetic smile. Then he reached behind them and grabbed two cans of soda from the picnic basket and placed them in front of the two confused nations. Giving them another smile he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle labeled Valium. He took two pills from the bottle and placed one in front of each of them. Then he gave them one last smile pocketed the bottle and walked away.

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America looked around as he drove. The car was much quieter going back then it was coming. Glancing in the rear view mirror he saw England and France fast asleep with England lying on top of France his head pillowed on the older nations stomach. Looking to the side he noticed his brother had on his headphones and was softly singing a song to himself as he looked out the window. America shrugged and turned back to the road.

As the patriotic car drove past the same spot we saw it earlier one would notice that the car is going exactly five miles over the speed limit and that America was driving with both hands on the wheel and both feet on the floor. His companions were two drugged to notice.

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I had this idea a couple months ago after a guy in my English class did a paper on drunk driving and used a friend of his as an example. The guy was pulled over for drunk driving while driving the exact way America was except with a beer instead of a soda. I instantly pictured America driving like this with England screaming his lungs out next to him. Next this I know France and Canada joined and this is what happened. If anyone is wondering (probably not) their picnic spot is the casa Grande ruins.

As for the Valium yes it can knock you out my mom got some to keep her calm in the weeks before a surgery just a fourth of a pill turns her into a zombie for the day.