Bumblebee screwed it up AGAIN.
He was supposed to be watching for Prime to leave his private chambers so that he could catch him and direct him to the non-stop meeting relay/marathon they'd set up...and he'd abandoned his post.
Never mind what he was doing! So what if it involved an empty fuel tank and Gears' new toy that had to be played with and a frisky GEARS who somehow talked him into a quickie in Grapple's room while Grapple pretended to be offline and-DON'T JUDGE!
The other four Autobots he was addressing moved in closer and glared even deeper.
"What. The FUCK." Jazz snarled, head rolling as he said it. Bumblebee didn't stifle the laugh in time and Prowl sent him to scrub the Dinobot's rumpus room with a loofa. After Kup went to escort him to his punishment, the other three sighed and turned to each other in defeat.
Ironhide had caught their errant leader going from room to room, looking around curiously.
"Optimus?"
"Ironhide! I was-just-...inspecting-er-performing a routine inspection."
Oh, scrap. The last thing they needed was a potential Decepticon plant gleaning information from them. Why didn't Prowl just allow him and the Twins to take this one out back and SHOOT him? "Prahme, Jayzz does that. Ah'll radio him for ya. Jayzz, come in!"
"No, no, I think it's time I took a look at what Jayzz is up to myself. I can't delegate without overseeing the operations every now and then, starting with some investigations." This Optimus was too quick on the draw. "THOROUGH investigations," he appended, to himself. As Ironhide began to protest again, Optimus had confidently gained momentum and brushed off his third in command. "I am Prime, it's not a matter of can't. Are you telling me that there are things your leader shouldn't be seeing?"
Ironhide wasn't stupid, either. "Does this mean you'll be inspectin' the barracks as well?" He made sure there was a note of suspicion in his voice. "Ya KNOW they all got contraband. We agreed to let 'em be, to keep up morale."
Optimus realized where this was going. "Uh…affirmative. Their Prime intruding on their personal space would be an upset, and counter-productive. Have Jayzz inspect the barracks in lieu of myself, with your assistance, and provide me with a report. You, there!"
Perceptor, confused at being called You, peered over the large engine he was carrying in his arms. "Yes, Prime?"
"Let Ironhide take care of that. I need your technical abilities to assist my analyses." His face tumbled around from confusion to happy to hurt to sheepish as Ironhide shouldered Skyfire's spare left wing engine. He grunted a little under its weight.
Later the two black-and-whites found Ironhide next to a large mechanical thing, arguing demonstratively with Bumblebee. 'What happened?" asked Prowl, who was pretty sure what happened already but wanted to hear a confession.
Jazz was livid. He'd been up all night getting his part of the boring meeting marathon relay extravaganza ready for naught. Prime had outsmarted them, and all Bumblebee could do was talk about how everything else on the planet was more important than the ONE SMALL FAVOR that was WAY easier than a presentation. Plus, he frakking HATED inspections.
Kup took the long way back from the Dinobot rumpus room so that he could find Optimus with Perceptor, hearing them talk about how the electricity grid needed half of its parts replaced and most of its circuitry bypassed, and what earth tools and materials might work, and what kind of compound metals they could create as substitutes for Cybertronian elements. It all went over Kup's head, but both Autobots were practically GLOWING with enthusiasm, talking faster than Blurr while using longer words.
"Heh. Never took you for a scientist, Prime." Both jumped.
"Perceptor knows a lot more than I, but it's sort of a hobby," he replied, shrugging. "Now, where were we? Tungsten would be inefficient? How so?"
"We can't let him keep digging," Prowl replied, "No matter how helpful he's being." The plant had somehow figured out a way to economize their light usage - using the old motion sensors they'd almost tossed out but turned out merely needing a few repairs - and with some new adaptors, Teletraan-1 not only had his voice changed back but had quit dropping passive-aggressive hints that it would be happier with a steadier power supply. Ironhide was happy to be rid of THAT headache, Prowl was glad the meter wasn't spinning any faster from it, and Jazz was in a better mood when he got to confiscate Grapple's secret still as a reward for his thankless task, BUT there was a point to be made here.
"We still don't have proof he's a plant," Kup argued. "What if he just got a personality reassignment from that blast?"
Prowl had considered this issue as well. He had no proof of that, either, since that section of Ratchet's CPU scan had been inconclusive. "Where is he now?"
"In Perceptor's lab, making a mess," Jazz chuckled. Prime had taken his side when Huffer protested the entire inspection and tried to get an angry mob to help him. It was kind of nice to get that sour mini-bot back for all the aggravation he'd caused this week with his whining.
"Since yer sayin' the only thing we can do is wait, Ah say let him play Chem Lab with the nerd," Ironhide sneered. "It'll keep him outta the way."
Kup nodded with the others. "I'll go watch him."
What, me worry?
Starscream remembered a certain earth month where every Autobot decided that they needed catch phrases. Prowl may have been stoic about it, but if Optimus had heard "What, me worry?" from ANYONE after something was brought up as a problem one more time...more than likely gunfire would have been involved.
Jazz and Bumblebee had been caught sifting through the sands to find anything missed around the space bridge, which meant that they knew something was up. Not good. How much Megatron knew was unknown as well, thanks to Soundwave being menacingly taciturn.
"Rumble's in the hallway," Starscream warned Dr. Arkeville.
"I know that!" he snapped, managing to pull a wire loose on the machine he was disemboweling. He was sweating. "Get into character! What are you waiting for?"
What was he- oh, never mind. "STOP THAT! You're breaking it!"
Dr. Arkeville winced but recited his line. "It is NOT breaking! Go back to what you were doing!"
"What is the point of fine motor skills if you are going to be CLUMSY and INEPT!"
Crash. The door was open. Rumble stared. Starscream tried to act shocked.
"RUMBLE!"
Rumble didn't pause. He grinned, backed up, and dashed out the door. "SOUNDWAVE!"
Angrily, Dr. Arkeville whirled his chair around to hiss "You have the vocal pitch of a fruit bat and the thespianism of WILLIAM SHATNER!"
"And YOU are ugly and smell repugnant!" Starscream snarled back, completely without his bearings. His acidity surprised him. Not as much as Megatron stomping into his laboratory with Soundwave in tow and Rumble between them. Something seemed off.
Megatron didn't say anything. He cast a baleful eye on his second in command and let the upper quadrant of his upper right lip pull up into a closed snarl. Starscream's learned response was to panic.
"I know you said 'no,' but he-" his next reaction was to brace for impact, but no shot came forth. "He-he-can help me with more minute tasks requiring smaller hands!" That was what was wrong: there was a low buzzing noise, soft and close to being indiscernible. Dr. Arkeville didn't hear it, judging by his constant audio adjusting. He was upset by it. NOW who couldn't act? "I wanted to know how he'd escaped Shockwave!"
"Subject: Deceiving. Human: dismayed. Conclusion: Starscream is assisting the human."
Was THAT how it worked? How could Soundwave's thought reading be so right yet so wrong at the same time? Clairvoyant his reverse thrusters!
Oops. Think panicked thoughts. Hate Megatron. Wow, this was easy.
Soundwave made no other analysis but the buzzing noise continued. Megatron continued to mull things over, almost absentmindedly. Should Starscream protest more? "Mighty Megatron, I assumed-" again, no interruption. "-that-that-he would perish quickly, given the physical toll traveling had taken on him, and when he dies, his secrets go WITH him and..." Why wasn't he freaking out? Dr. Arkeville had sworn that Megatron always gave into violent surges of rage! The plan had been to rat out Soundwave as an accomplice when the hitting begun, but this was not occurring. What was wrong?
"Starscream, I want you to plant a tracer on that human and deposit him into the Autobot's waiting hands at our next battle," Megatron declared. "He is no longer your prisoner. He is our spy." Starscream tried to make an objection but Dr. Arkeville beat him to it.
"NO! They will turn me over to the human authorities! I am no good to you if I am in JAIL!"
He would not hear it, instead jerking his head to signal to Soundwave and Rumble to leave. Once they'd made their exit Megatron placed his hands on his hips and smirked at the tiny being below him. "You will find a way to stay in their good graces, then." He glanced at Starscream to drive the point home. "Because you are worthless to me as a parasite." He stormed out and the door quietly eased shut, like a gentle wave putting out a violent fire.
The buzzing noise continued. Starscream made a throat-slashing motion and the put a finger to his lips, hoping that these were the proper non-verbal cues. "I will find a way to negotiate with him," he promised.
Dr. Arkeville nodded grimly. "Or all is lost."