Crash!

Optimus landed at good ten meters away from anyone in the most ineffective attempt to land on something ever. He was the first one to speak though. Brandishing his gun on all of them as they paused in confusion, he demanded they say who they REALLY were.

Starscream's response was to shoot his null ray at Optimus' chest.

"You and I are back to normal! That was a better turnout than I expected."

"WHO ARE YOU!" Starscream demanded, grabbing the limp human and giving him a shake. No response. He turned to the orange robot below him and nudged it with his foot, getting no response, either. "Did-"

"STARSCREAM!"

That came from Perceptor. Then who-

Megatron had awkwardly crash landed closer to the microscope and was slowly rising, anxiety turning into fear. "What….happened to me?"

"Who are you?" Optimus demanded.

"Optimus!" he cried, startled, "why are you pointing a gun at me?"

"You're not Optimus, he's Optimus!" Starscream retorted, putting down the human and lifting up the orange robot to better inspect him.

Fine time for Starscream to be funny. "That was not what he meant!" Prime interjected, turning his gun on who was either Megatron, Dr. Arkeville, or Primus-knew-what in Perceptor's body.

"How do we know YOU'RE the real Optimus?" Perceptor finally spoke, brandishing his empty right arm and giving himself away.

Prime regarded him coolly. "When you think nobody's watching, you go whale-hunting underwater. I caught you doing that and beat the energon out of you."

Starscream objected. "Anyone could know that!"

"YOU could, because your lab has more security cameras than Shockwave's! That back room is the only place that DOESN'T have reconnaissance equipment! The plate is uncomfortable, too!"

Both Decepticons nodded begrudgingly. The larger Megatron figure still looked dazed and confused, until some random thought overtook him and a nasty little smirk crept up.

"We still haven't figured out who YOU are," Perceptor declared, taking a step forward towards the Megatron figure and keeping his arm elevated, although he caught himself when he realized the lack of efficacy in this motion and twitched nervously.

Smiling even more, Megatron recited the entire chemical compound makeup of Chorostop, causing Starscream to scowl deeply and tell him to shut up and sit still while he CHECKED that.

Megatron didn't wait. He leapt in front of Perceptor, swept him into his arms and kissed him so hard Optimus dropped his gun and an enraged Starscream screamed in wrath, swept up the orange robot and hurled it at them as hard as he could, which bounced off and landed on its stomach. It then rose to its hands and knees – something an offline robot wouldn't do.

"Halt!" Optimus thundered, reaching for his dropped weapon.

He looked up, frowned, brought one knee up to ground his foot, would have taken a lunge past Optimus' legs and transformed if Starscream hadn't caught him first by the shoulder, thrown him into the spacebridge and pressed a button.

"Wait-"the little mech cried. The clap of thunder and dust storm drowned out the rest of what he said.

Optimus was horrified. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! What if that's not him? Where did-"

"It is of little importance!" The Decepticon moved his focus past the inert human body left behind in only one glance, moving again with his hand pointing to the two before them. "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT?"

Throughout this entire ordeal, Megatron and Perceptor had not changed position. Still tightly embracing each other…this was too much. Optimus opened fire.

Megatron, startled, broke the liplock but Perceptor wasn't as fazed. "Jealous?" he hissed.

"What is WRONG with you?" The other two chorused. "Wasn't I good enough?"

Perceptor chuckled. "Not to eradicate Cosmic Rust."

Megatron looked hurt. "YOU terminated the relationship! You didn't even care how I felt, or you wouldn't have sent me to group therapy."

"Group therapy? Group therapy?" Perceptor cracked up. Starscream joined in. "Optimus…..I have nothing to say to that, it's…." He laughed harder, so hard Megatron was having trouble keeping his grip without a microscope piece hitting him.

That was too much. "Starscream, FIX THIS. Perceptor-"

Starscream was just as caught in the hilarity, leaning on the space bridge as his shoulders shook. "GROUP THERAPY!" he howled.

Megatron started chuckling, too, more than a little embarrassed. "He thought it would make me stop being concerned about him, as though I were an inconvenience."

Perceptor stopped laughing. "You were NEVER an inconvenience to me." His blue optics blazed. That shut up Starscream as well; he made a move to shoot them with his null rays except that Perceptor ducked to adequately grab Megatron's arm and hit a switch, a shot nailing the jet on the wrist. "Go back to base and wait for my return!" he hissed.

Optimus was having none of this. "Starscream has to switch you back," he said firmly, hurrying over to break up the couple and punch the daylights out of both of them if he had to.

"Forget it! Megatron thinks so highly of that scientist let HIM fix it!" Transforming, Starscream released a hook and latched it into Optimus' arm, carrying him aloft until they were 100 miles from the Ark.

"I will let you save your dignity only because you allowed me mine when I was in that disgusting form," he explained, loosening the hook and not bothering to see how Prime landed. "When next we meet, I will destroy you!"