Perceptor didn't come back for a week. He spent a lot of it staring at the ocean and trying not to feel anything; unfortunately depleted resources and a transmission from Prowl had him making his way to the Ark, ready or not.
He expected to be thrown in the brig. Dismantling, probably not, being a pariah – how was that different from before – or worse yet, more group therapy, were expected. Kup motioned for him to follow when he met him at the Ark entrance.
Strange….nobody was acting any different. Perceptor expected them to scatter like oil from detergent, but there was nothing out of the ordinary here. Bumblebee even smiled and waved.
Kup knocked on Prime's office door, led him in, and left. Optimus stood up and politely offered a chair, face blank as usual and his tone conveying nothing. Perceptor sat and waited, feeling more sullen than anxious. As was custom, he delayed conversation for his leader to speak first.
Prime didn't mince words. "I had planned to tie you up, hold you in the brig, and throw you at Megatron the minute we were in battle," he snarled.
Perceptor narrowed his optics. He didn't care anymore. So be it.
"Kup talked me out of it."
He couldn't be more astonished if he tried. "Kup? I barely know him."
"But Kup knows Megatron. He knows how easy it is to be seduced by him, and how addicti-" he faltered, his optics looking pained and far away. "-easy it is to be lead astray by such a master manipulator. He also reminded me that you are not the first and you won't be the last of us who has had this happen, and he gave me a quiet upbraiding for having any kind of relationship with you to begin with, which probably what made Megatron even MORE appealing to you in your…" he waved to express a loss of vocabulary for something so WEIRD "…other form." Prime tilted his chair forward and glanced at Perceptor to gauge a reaction and got a simple nod. "Therefore, I am offering you an apology for interfering with your affections, putting a gag order on those who knew of your dalliances, and your punishment for fraternizing with the enemy and going AWOL is that you have to help Red Alert teach the Dinobots how to square dance."
So that was it. Relief, indignation, and a wry appreciation flooded him and he nodded again, answering "Yes, Prime."
"Good." Optimus stood up and tapped a button. "Go report to Red Alert, he's waiting with your skirt."
"I beg your pardon?" Too late! Kup was back to escort Perceptor to the Dinobot rumpus room.
The tiny orange and gray Autobot shuddered as he saw another one of those THINGS waddle past him. That was too close. They had superiors, they had minions with teeth, they had a million things that were sure to kill him, they had TENTACLES. He had landed in the middle of an asteroid and there were too many robots to count, and who could tell who was hostile?
"What's this?" someone asked behind him. It was another robot! He made a feint one way and dodged the other but the mech was too quick with a net.
"Whoa! Hold on, little fella! No need to pop a wheelie like that! We're friends!" To demonstrate, he removed the net and held out a hand, which was accepted.
"Friends?" They had the Autobot symbol on them, and he looked just like Perceptor, which flooded the smaller robot with emotion and caused him to stay put.
"So his vocalizer DOES work!" announced the second one, emerging from the large plant behind the first. "What's your name, little fella?"
He shook his head.
"Where did you come from?"
Another head shake.
The first looked at the second. "Welp, let's have Code Red look at him and see what's up." He gave him another benign look. "You're safe. Come with us."
The former Dr. Arkeville hesitated, began to walk the opposite way, but looking at the doppelganger of the only friend he'd ever known smiling at him while directing him towards a ship parked nearby inspired him to switch plans.
Kup waited outside as Perceptor staggered out of the Dinobot rumpus room an hour later and hid a laugh.
"You're still wearing the skirt," he commented, pointing at the frothy frock still appended to his waist.
If he could, he would have blushed. Perceptor tore it off and threw it back into the room at Red Alert and stalked away, Kup in tow.
"Are you my escort?" he asked after thirty steps.
Kup nodded. "You get one until Optimus thinks we can trust you."
Hmmm. "Will it always be you?"
The older mech shrugged. "I'm not sure."
Should that be the case, perhaps he'd better take advantage of the situation. It had been interesting the last time he did.
"Then accompany me for a mug of energon," he requested, switching directions and pausing for his companion to catch up.
He tried and tried but this stupid thing wasn't coming together. Something wasn't going right. Optimus Prime glanced at the chronometer, frustrated, and realized that calling anyone to help him would rouse them from their much-needed recharge. He made an air-huffing noise and reluctantly, slowly slowly slowly slowly reached for his radio controls. He remembered the frequency but wasn't sure it would work….and oh, Primus, why was he doing this don't pick it up don't pick it up don't-
He flashed onto Prime's screen, started, and smirked, chuckling delightfully. "You couldn't wait a week before you required my assistance?"
Optimus sighed and held up the parts. "I recalibrated that one thing you told me to do and now I'm stuck with the trigger malfunctioning."
"That should come as no surprise. Those Autobot weapons are GARBAGE." He'd told Starscream three times that this was a practice blaster, not a fighting gun – therefore its potency was not an issue – but Starscream never let really get in the way of a decent insult. "The trigger's more than likely askew. Did you re-align it?"
"Twice," Prime replied, bored. "It offers enough resistance to de-align…"
"You need a new one, then, that one has a stressed spring coil."
"SPRING COIL? You liar!" Optimus put down the gun to mock-glare at the Decepticon giggling maniacally. "You have no idea how this one works, do you?"
He didn't stop, shaking his head mirthfully. "Make your underlings fix it!"
Optimus let his optics glow. "I'd rather have the best scientist I know help me."
"Humph." He looked pleased anyway. "Try a larger trigger to close the gaps, since this one has warped from stress."
Amazing. "I'll try it and let you know the results."
"Not like I have anything better to do."
"I assumed you were dying of curiosity," Prime countered facetiously. "What with all of the trouble you could get into talking to me."
Starscream shrugged and wryly twisted his mouth upwards into what could be subjectively translated into a smile. "What, me worry?"
Optimus allowed a chuckle, thanked him for his help, and switched off the radio.