DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee, nor am I associated with it or Ryan Murphy. I am just an out-of-college daydreamer who sometimes gets into these writing funks and ends up tossing out a story after letting the idea sit in my brain for a few days!
Sometimes You Need More Than Courage
By: xSlythStratasfaction (formerly known as LadyStrata821)
Pairing: Kurt x Blaine (friendship only)
A/N: I decided to write this after having nothing but Klaine stuck in my mind for a week. I tried to go back and rewatch a lot of the scenes the two of them had together and then I started wondering about the mysterious Blaine and his past. That's when I thought of perhaps writing something about him (I'm pretty sure many others have done this as well; I haven't gotten around to reading many Klaine fics, so if this idea has been overdone, I apologize!). Anyways, Blaine's story will be a mix of stuff that I've seen a few of my own gay/lesbian friends go through. This story is dedicated to those friends. I hardly see or hear from any of them very much anymore, but I still think of them! This takes place between the episodes of SEXY and ORIGINAL SONG!
WARNING: There's some language in here that may be offensive!
Hot and angry tears were falling down Blaine's flushed cheeks.
Kurt sat on the air mattress, his hands to his lips as tears fell down his own cheeks as well. Blaine had one of those parents. The my-kid-cannot-be-gay-because-gay-is-wrong types of parent. The same kind of parent that Kurt had once feared that Burt would be.
It broke his heart to know that the boy he was in love with had dealt with the very same thing Kurt only had nightmares about.
Choking back a sob, he picked up Blaine's pillow and brought it to his face, trying to drown out the sounds of his tears. He didn't want Blaine to know he was crying. He didn't want Blaine to think he was any weaker than he was, especially since this was Blaine's moment.
But, Kurt was always a drama queen… even when he didn't want to be.
In that moment, he was crying not only for Blaine, but for himself. For himself because he was lucky. Lucky that Burt understood. Lucky that the only thing Burt worried about when it came to his son being gay was whether or not Kurt was safe when it came to having intimate relations with another man. Lucky that Burt wanted him to find love and be happy… and that was all that mattered.
Kurt was lucky. Blaine was not.
Pulling his face out of the pillow, Kurt wiped his tears, stood up from the mattress, and walked up behind Blaine. The shorter boy was leaning up against his desk, his head dropped low as he tried to hide his tears.
"You can cry, you know."
Kurt's hands ran up and down Blaine's shoulder blades and he pressed his body against his crush's. He leaned his head down into the somewhat gelled curls and wrapped his arms around Blaine.
"If you want to stop talking about all this, we can."
There was silence.
Blaine's body relaxed against Kurt's and he coughed. "No, I'm not ready to stop."
The Andersons stayed away from one another for the rest of the week that Blaine was under out of school suspension.
As his injuries healed, Blaine found himself feeling more lonely as the days ticked away. Not once had he heard from Josh, nor any of his other classmates. No one seemed to care that he had the crap beaten out of him. No one seemed to care that he was sitting at home, aching and bruised from being pummeled to hell and back.
No one cared…
During the last few days of his suspension, after the tutor had left for the day and Blaine was left home alone, he would often leave his room and sit out in the sunroom, his nose in a book. He read through the first few Harry Potter novels, letting his imagination run wild as he thumbed through each page. Sometimes he imagined that James and Lily Potter were his parents and that they would've accepted him whether he was straight or not.
Sometimes he imagined Voldemort coming up behind Leonard Addams in the hallway and Avada Kedavra-ing his ass to hell.
Those times that he was able to slip away into his imagination were some of the brighter periods of his suspension stay. The rest of the days, whether he was being ignored by his parents or whether he was just stuck in bed with an aching chest, were the dark times. No one seemed to care that he was struggling. Not one person.
It had almost been the end of the week when he got his first actual visitor…
It was a lazy, rainy Saturday afternoon. The sound of 'Amazing Grace' chimed through the house as someone rang the downstairs front doorbell. Blaine was quick to roll out of bed to see who it was. It was unusual for the Anderson household to get visitors on a Saturday.
Imagine his surprise when he opened the door to find Joshua, his crush, standing on the steps, a goofy smile plastered to his face.
"Hey Blaine."
"Josh! Hey!"
Blaine stepped back to let his friend into the house. The taller teen folded up his umbrella and dropped it into the umbrella stand that sat next to the door.
"How have you been?"
The shorter teen smiled stupidly as he took Josh's coat and hung it up on the coat rack, "I've been better, I suppose. You're my first visitor."
He didn't miss the flash of pain that sprang from Josh's beautiful blue eyes. So, Josh was sad that he hadn't visited Blaine since he had been suspended. As he should be!
"I was wondering when you were going to come over, actually. My parents were wondering where you were also." Blaine lied, knowing his parents actually hadn't said anything to him since the beginning of the week. But he wanted to see if Josh would say anything to him in return.
Instead of immediately answering, the blue-eyed teen sauntered into the living room and plopped down on the couch. He patted the area next to him for Blaine to sit down. "Come. Sit."
His gesture made Blaine blush and the smaller teen took a seat a few feet away from his crush, his hazel eyes downcast as he sat.
"Blaine?" Josh started, "I'm sorry I haven't been out to visit you. I've been really busy over the last few days."
He coughed and looked down at his hands, "Track and stuff have been taking up my time as you know. Practice is not the same without ya, bud. Also, Julia and I are officially going out!" His blue eyes looked excited as they gazed into Blaine's annoyed hazel ones.
Did this boy really come all the way out here to tell me that he and Julia were DATING?
Josh continued, "I wanted to see you sooner, but I was just swamped with everything. Schoolwork, practice, Julia. You know!"
Blaine felt his body grow hot with frustration. Part of him wanted to reach out and strangle Josh and the other part wanted to be dramatic and run off in tears. He chose the frustration instead.
"You didn't come to visit ME because you were busy dating JULIA?"
"Whoa Blaine, calm down!" Josh threw his hands into the air. "I didn't know if you could get any visitors anyways! Plus, I can't just bail out on Julia so quick. I want this to work! You know how much I like Julia…"
"I'm your best friend, Josh! Do you see me right now? Do you see what that asshole did to me?" Blaine was growing hysterical, pointing to his bruised, stitched up face. This was not what he was wanting to happen.
"I know you're my best friend, Blaine… but Julia is my girlfriend. I know it sounds dumb and you're probably pissed at me… but I was going to come and see you as soon as everything got settled down."
"Everything got settled down? What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Blaine's chest was hurting profusely from the amount of yelling he was doing. The bruising on his ribcage throbbed with each deep inhale and exhale of breath. He grimaced as he stood up from the couch and paced around the living room furiously.
"What have people been saying?"
Josh looked down at his feet, suddenly quiet. Blaine wanted him to just say something, anything. The silence was pissing him off and the fact that his crush wasn't looking at him anymore didn't do him any wonders either.
"WHAT. HAVE. THEY. BEEN. SAYING. JOSHUA?"
Josh's eyes were blank when he finally looked up at the smaller boy. He opened his mouth and then closed it once more. Finally, he cleared his throat, "People have been saying things about you… and me."
Blaine stopped in his tracks and kept his eyes locked on Josh's. He immediately feared the worst. Chills crept over his body and his stomach did a massive flip flop.
Oh no…
"Leonard Addams told his friends that you're in love with me, Blaine. Is that true? Are you in love with me?"
Bile.
That's what immediately filled Blaine's throat. He was going to throw up… everywhere.
He brought his hands up to his mouth and sprinted out of the living room at lightning speed, barely making it to the bathroom before he started to lurch up his lunch. Everything burned: his throat, his chest, his stomach, his eyes… everything.
Joshua knew. He knew… everyone knew.
Leonard told everyone.
It was all over. The facade was broken.
Blaine's body was curled over the toilet in the lavish guest bathroom. He lurched and groaned and then lurched again. Everything hurt so bad as his body struggled to release itself of any and everything he had eaten within the last day or so.
"Oh God, why?"
Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he wrapped his arms around his waist as he sunk from the toilet to the bathroom floor.
Just let me die… his mind wished over and over again. Just kill me, please.
"Blaine?"
Joshua hovered in the doorway, his eyes cast downward at the floor as he watched Blaine's body rock back and forth on the cold tile.
"Are you going to be okay?"
The smaller boy closed his eyes, trying to wish Josh away, but to no avail. The taller teen leaned down until he was face-to-face with Blaine and he held out some toilet paper.
"Wipe off your mouth, Blaine. Rinse it out and come out to the living room. We need to talk."
The more and more Blaine talked, the more and more the two boys moved around his tiny dorm room.
Blaine was now seated at his desk, his chair turned towards Kurt. The younger teen was casually leaning against the wall opposite of his friend, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared down at the floor.
"I didn't want to talk to Josh, you know. I tried to plan my escape out of my house. I wanted to run, to hide, but my mind was racing so bad from him confronting me that I just sat there in the bathroom for what seemed like forever."
Kurt bit his lip, "I don't think I'd want to talk to him either if he blew me off for his girlfriend."
Once those words escaped Kurt's lips, he immediately wished he could retract them and replace them with something, umm… nicer? He didn't mean to be so rude, but honestly, it sounded to him like that Josh punk didn't even deserve Blaine's attention.
Blowing off his injured best friend for a GIRL, psh!
Bros before hoes, he imagined Puck casually throwing out there. Bros before hoes, man. Always.
As offensive as that was though, Kurt sort of agreed with it when it came to that blue-balled boy Josh that Blaine spoke of. There was no doubt in Kurt's mind that if he were straight and if Blaine were hurt, that he'd blow off his girlfriend to go make sure his best friend was okay.
Okay, so… he'd never be straight, so he didn't know if he could use that argument, BUT he could totally use it if he switched the girlfriend aspect to a boyfriend instead… right? He would definitely blow off his boyfriend to visit Blaine… if Blaine wasn't already the boyfriend, that is…
Sighing softly and rolling his eyes as his previous thought, Kurt lifted his gaze up from the floor and directed his attention to the boy sitting across from him.
"…What else happened?"
It took Blaine a while to finally get himself all cleaned up.
He sat in the bathroom for what seemed like another hour before he finally stopped crying, stood up, and fixed himself up. After staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror for a few minutes, he exited the restroom and started down the long hallway towards the living room.
There he found Josh. The older (by only a month exactly) teen was sitting on the couch where he had been previously, his head in his hands as he stared down at the floor.
Blaine cleared his throat, "Josh?"
"Yeah."
"You wanted to talk."
Josh nodded his head and looked up at Blaine. The other boy took a seat in one of the large plush recliner chairs on the other side of the room. "Don't run away this time."
"I'll try not to," Blaine's voice was hoarse.
The two boys sat in silence for a few minutes before Josh finally coughed and popped each and every one of his knuckles.
"Is what Leonard said true, Blaine?"
Silence.
"Are you in love with me?"
Hazel eyes darted to the floor, "I- I- I do like you, Joshua. I have since forever… even before I thought- I knew I was… uh, gay."
He heard Josh let out a huge sigh. Obviously his crush had been holding his breath, probably wishing that the rumors weren't true.
Josh finally spoke up, "You do know that-"
"That you don't feel the same way about me. Yes, I know."
"You're my best friend, Blaine. But, I'm straight. Straight as a pencil. Straight as ruler. Just straight. I can't reciprocate feelings for you like that… I'm sorry."
Amazingly, the rejection wasn't as horrid as Blaine thought it would've been. He had been expecting Josh to call him some nasty, homophobic names, then get up and storm out of the house. In the back of his mind, he also thought Josh would've turned on him and might've had a lynch mob already in the wings, waiting to catch Blaine unawares and take him out.
But, none of those things happened. Josh just sat there, his blue eyes downcast, staring at his interlocked fingers.
Blaine closed his eyes and tried to stall the tears that he felt brimming. "I know you don't feel that way, Josh. That's why I never told you. I didn't want to scare you away. I'm sorry if this… if this is too much for you."
The taller teen stood up and made his way over to Blaine. He placed a hand on the other boy's shoulder and whispered, "I've still got your back, B. I always will. And don't apologize, okay? You and I are still friends. I'm not overwhelmed at all."
Blaine looked up and stared deeply into his crush's oceanic eyes. "You aren't?" He was sniffling now, on the verge of tears.
"No, I'm not. Now quit crying. You've done enough of that. Stay strong."
Stay strong… Blaine knew Josh had said those same words to him before. Was it during their talk in the gym last week? No…? He couldn't remember. His mind boggled itself as he tried to pinpoint where and when he had heard Josh's sweet voice say those words.
"I have to go. You heal up quick, ok Blaine?"
The hand on his shoulder disappeared and the next thing Blaine knew, Josh was gone. The only reminder that he had been in the room was the smell of his cologne lingering in the air.
It was this lingering smell that helped Blaine's brain pinpoint where he remembered Josh saying "Stay Strong." He carefully stood up and reached into the pocket of his sweatpants, taking out a crumpled piece of folded paper. He unfolded the delicate note and stared at it as tears streamed down his cheeks.
Stay strong, B. I'm always here for you. -J
Kurt fought the urge to roll his eyes.
Something didn't seem right to him about this Josh kid. Blaine spoke so highly of him and yet the kid still blew his injured friend off to hang out with his girlfriend. Sure, perhaps that guy was a little creeped out that his best friend happened to be gay and was in love with him… but that shouldn't have stopped him from at least picking up the phone and making sure his friend was alright.
Just thinking about this guy made Kurt angry… and not angry like "OMG, you spilled coffee on my messenger bag" angry (though that really pissed him off the one time Jeff accidentally did that before class), but angry like "don't you EVER mess with my family again or I'll kill you" angry. And Kurt never really got to that point of ferocity unless it was about his dad.
You care more about Blaine that you think, kiddo.
He could hear his dad's voice fill his mind as he watched Blaine pace around the room. It was true, what his 'dad' just said to him. He did care very deeply for Blaine and he was very, very honored that Blaine had finally decided to open up to him about his past. There was nothing in this world that could tear him away from Blaine at that very moment. He wanted to be there, to be the one that Blaine came to when he had a problem.
Much like how Blaine had been there for him when he had problems.
Blaine was his protector, if you will. Kurt always felt stronger and safer when he was in his crush's presence… and not just because he was in love with Blaine either. Blaine made it very easy for someone to fall in love with him: he was charismatic, handsome, well-spoken, and thoughtful. He was, essentially, Kurt's dream guy.
The Ken to his Barbie. The Harry to his Sally. The Alexander McQueen to his Gaga.
A blush crept across his face then and he brushed a hand through his hair. He really, really cared about Blaine.
"Josh wasn't really what I thought he was though."
The little hearts with Blaine's face in them that floated around Kurt's head and that had taken over his mind popped one by one, very quickly. He looked up in the direction of where the quiet, whispery voice came and found Blaine standing in front of his window, staring down at the darkened courtyard.
Kurt pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning on and made his way over the window.
"Josh betrayed you, didn't he?"
Blaine looked back out into the darkness.
Three weeks passed so slowly for Blaine.
The first week he spent under suspension had been in his own house. An older woman would come by everyday at 9 AM and would tutor him until noon. Then he had all day to do whatever he wanted (he mostly slept since his body was still trying to heal from the assault).
The second and third weeks he had to go to an alternative learning school. It was a school where they sent juvenile delinquents who acted out one too many times in public school. He had to sit in a class of 20 or so other people who had been kicked out of their own schools for fighting, doing drugs, or stealing.
A lot of the people he had class with weren't the bullied either. They were the bullies themselves. The lot of them would sit around in class, bragging about what they did to get stuck in the ALS. Based on what he heard from their mouths, he started to give up hope for humanity. He never understood how people could be so cruel, so heartless.
Luckily for him, the delinquents he had class with barely paid attention to him. He sat in the back of the class ALWAYS and never spoke a word. He was only there from 8 AM until 1 PM, so he trained himself to just be as unnoticeable as possible for the next two weeks. His quietness and straight laced nature made the other kids in his class think he had done something rather massive to have been thrown in the ALS. He even heard one girl tell her friend that she thought Blaine was one of those silent-killer types. He almost rolled his eyes when she said that, but her eyes had been locked on him at that very moment, so he just sent her a dark glare. And the rumor stuck…
Also, he was very lucky that Leonard Addams wasn't in his class at the ALS. Addams was put into another classroom down the hall and the only time Blaine really saw him was at the end of the day when people's parents came to pick them up. Blaine would watch as Leonard's mom (a very strikingly beautiful blonde woman) would swing by in a red mini-van and pick up her menacing, asshole of a son. After Blaine was sure that Mrs. Addams van was far enough away from the ALS, he would start to walk.
His parents were both working and neither one of them thought to arrange a ride to and from the ALS for their son. So, Blaine just walked.
He spent the next two weeks after his initial home-only suspension was lifted going back and forth from his home to the ALS. Luckily, the distance between his home and the ALS wasn't too bad and since Blaine ran track, he was able to practice his long-distance running.
And he did.
Finally, the three week suspension ended and Blaine was able to quit jogging to and from the ALS and actually start riding his bus back to his high school.
The very first day back, Blaine was shocked that he didn't see Leonard on the bus. They had ridden the same bus for years and there wasn't a bus ride that went by where Leonard and his friends weren't throwing things into Blaine's curly hair or calling him names.
But, on this day, Leonard wasn't on the bus and his friends, who usually tormented him even if Leonard wasn't there, did absolutely nothing to him.
Blaine asked himself if he should've been nervous that no one was picking on him, but he later coughed it up to Leonard probably telling his friends to let Blaine think he wasn't getting beat up today and then they'd mob him after school or something.
Some ridiculous plan like that… right?
Sighing, Blaine stepped off the bus and took the short walk towards the school's entrance. To be honest, he really didn't miss the school at all. Sure, he missed track, chorus, art, and maybe even band, but as for the rest of the school, he didn't really give a flying fuck… as vulgar as that sounds.
He was almost into the building when he heard laughter coming from behind him. There wasn't just one person laughing, there were two. And he recognized the laughs instantly.
His neck throbbed from the whiplash he gave it when he whipped his head around to stare at the two people laughing behind him. Walking up the sidewalk from the school parking lot was Josh, his arm linked with Julia Delano, and on the other side of Julia (who wasn't saying a word) was none other than Leonard Addams himself.
The three of them looked like old buddies, the way they were walking next to each other, chattering away. Julia wasn't actually chatting at all. She was looking curiously between the two guys; every once in a while cracking a smile at Joshua when he said something funny.
Just the sight of the three of them made Blaine's skin crawl. His stomach fell from its perch in his abdomen and fell to his feet (or at least it felt like it) and he instantly felt like he needed to puke.
"Oh look, it's Lame!"
Fuck, there's that nickname again… Blaine's body tensed as Leonard walked up to him and then slowly walked a circle around his stiff body. It was like a lion stalking its prey or something. Blaine didn't know whether or not he should run or if he should just drop dead in the courtyard.
He was absolutely terrified.
Glancing upwards, he locked eyes with Joshua, who had been staring intensely at him. His blue eyes looked different, more sad than usual. Just the sight of his blank gaze made Blaine feel even more scared for his life. Josh wouldn't have looked at him like that if something weren't terribly wrong.
"Joshua?"
His voice came out small. He was trying to call out to his friend. It was like his body immediately sensed the danger that was about to occur and he was wanting his best friend to help him out, to chase Leonard off. But instead, his crush just stared at him with the most perplexed look on his face.
Then he saw it. Josh's mouth moved slowly as it whispered, "I'm sorry…"
Hazel eyes widened as he saw Julia smirk viciously at him. Two large hands grabbed at his book bag, taking the item and launching it across the courtyard. Leonard laughed when the bag skidded into a bush.
"Miss me, Anderson?"
Blaine gulped, his body now trembling. He looked to his best friend again, hoping the boy would help him out, "Josh, please."
"Oh, begging for butt sex, homo?" Leonard shoved Blaine forward towards Josh. "Joshy here doesn't want AIDs. How many times do I have to tell you?" He kicked Blaine in the back of the knee, knocking the smaller boy off balance. His body fell to the ground.
"Tell him, Josh. Tell him what you told me."
Blaine looked up at his friend, instantly scared at what the blue-eyed boy was going to say. What had he told Leonard? What did he say?
Leonard answered his question quick enough, "Remember what you told me Josh? Remember how you said that fairy pants over here tried to lure you into his house and touch you? Remember?" He turned to the shocked Blaine, who was sitting on the ground with tears in his eyes.
"That n-never happened."
"Oh shut the fuck up, Anderson. You think anyone's gonna believe someone like you? Someone who only joined the track team to check out the other guys' junks? Really?"
The burly blonde was leaning down now, his hot, smelly breath blowing onto Blaine's face. "Josh told me that you invited him over and tried to get into his pants. Honestly, Lame, you think Josh would want a piece of you. You're like a hobbit. Ugly and short."
He snorted and continued, "Plus, Josh's got that hot piece of ass right there." Julia laughed from behind him, "And I don't think he's gonna want to pass that up for some fairy princess like yourself."
Blaine closed his eyes, trying to block everything out. He wasn't there. He was at home. He wasn't there. He was at home. He wasn't there.
He was there.
A fist to his temple reminded him of that. He crumpled to the ground and watched as everything became blurry for a moment. It felt like someone had grabbed his head and shook it up a bunch. His eyes were darting all over the place, the world was spinning, and he felt instantly nauseous.
"Why?" His voice croaked out as he struggled to get back to his feet. He was only able to stand up for a few seconds before he crashed back down to the ground again.
God, everything hurt.
Joshua moved away from his spot next to Julia and walked over to where Leonard was standing. "Len, man. Not so hard next time. He's having a hard time getting up. I think you really hurt him this time."
Leonard shot the smaller boy a look and sneered, "So what? Why does this matter to you anyways?"
The blue-eyed teen frowned and looked back at Blaine, watching as the frail guy tried to get up again and stumbled once more, hitting the pavement hard. He gulped, "Len, if you get caught beating up on Anderson again, you can get into much more trouble than you did last time. Like serious trouble. I'm just trying to protect you, man."
At this, Leonard reached up and rubbed his scruffy chin, obviously thinking over Joshua's concern. Finally after a few moments of thinking, he nodded.
"Yeah, man. You're right. I'm not getting my ass suspended again just for some faggot. Come on, let's go inside before the bell rings. I need to go to the vending machines."
He beckoned for Julia and Joshua to follow him and the couple linked arms, walking behind the tall blonde dude into the school. Joshua paused for a moment, looking back at Blaine, and muttered another, "God, I'm so sorry" before he went into the building.
In the mean time, Blaine had finally gotten himself into a sitting position. His vision was still muddled, his head still swam, and his hearing seemed deepened, like he was under water. He tried to focus on the courtyard, looking for his backpack. He spotted it over by some bushes and slowly pushed himself off of the ground.
It took him a couple of tries, but he was finally able to stand up and stumble over to his book bag. He leaned down to pick it up and once again lost his balance, falling into the bush. It was there that he decided to stay for a while.
His other schoolmates gave him slight glances as they walked by, noticing how he was laying there in the bush. Yet, despite the fact that some of them had remorseful looks on their faces, no one bothered to stop to help him up or to see if he was alright. They all just kept on moving.
No one wanted to help the gay guy. It was like he was cursed or something. If they touched him, they caught a disease. No one wanted to help him, so he'd just have to help himself.
Groaning in pain, Blaine moved and finally allowed some tears to stream down his cheeks. The final bell rang for the start of first period and not many people were trickling through the courtyard now. He leaned back into the bush and whimpered in pain at the throbbing in the side of his head. His mind still swam with thoughts: thoughts of his parents, his schoolmates, Leonard, Julia, and Joshua. Especially Josh.
Stay strong, B. I'm always here for you. -J
Lies, all lies.
Blaine rolled out of the bush and fell behind it, his face squishing into the soft soil around it. It was so cool, so comforting to his aching head…
And he slipped into unconsciousness, tears still streaming down his face.
A/N: I really thought this story was only gonna be a chapter or two, but NOOOOO! Now I'm thinking I've got about 4 good chapters left to go. Can you believe it? This is my longest on here so far! Which reminds me, I really need to go back and finish some of my other stuff from years ago, lol. Anyways, thanks to all those who reviewed last time (I love reviews *hint hint*) and hopefully I can update again tomorrow or something. Depends on my emotional state following tonight's Glee (I already jacked up my bad lung from watching the SOWK clip with Blaine being a weepy and stuff; I held my breath too long and spent the day with an aching bad lung, lol). Anyways, thanks again for the reviews and I hope you all liked this chapter!