Frank sat thinking on Gerard's couch. The shower ran in the background, vaguely reminding him of the waves of the ocean, for no particular reason, just the safe feeling of the constant rush of sound. The hiss of the water was broken only by the occasional lilting sound of Gerard's voice. Frank smiled slightly to himself. How appropriate that Gerard sang in the shower. This was a detail he had never known, but didn't surprise him in the least.
His thoughts turned to his current… predicament? Situation? He couldn't quite find a word to describe what was happening. His life had fallen to pieces. Jamia had thrown him out of the house and broken his heart. He had spent that night in an alcohol induced stupor, crashing in a hotel room he couldn't afford. He found himself broke, homeless, and ridiculously hungover. He stumbled to Gerard's doorstep after downing more Advil than was advisable, or probably even legal in most states. He was ashamed that Gerard had seen him in that state. He was even more shocked at his own behavior. The kiss with Gerard hadn't been something he had planned. It was more of his desperate cry to be reassured, to be saved. He had been harboring feelings towards Gee for years, since before he had even joined the band. He openly admitted that he had started his career with My Chemical Romance as nothing but a fan, but he conveniently neglected to mention that he was a fan primarily for their lead singer. When he knocked hollowly on his door, he was expecting to be rather ambivalently given a place on the couch by a cranky Gerard he had awoken in the middle of the night. He was surprised at the welcome he had received.
But surprised wasn't the word he was looking for. Delighted, awe-struck, and dizzied seemed to be more appropriate for the feeling the soft touch of Gerard's lips had left with him. He seemed to be walking in a hazy gray that was suspended weightlessly between reality and a dream world, because clearly this could only happen in a dream. Only in a dream could Gerard Way actually look at him twice, or give him that special smile he had never seen before today. Frank heard the shower turn off and the slightly off-beat singing stop. He sighed and pressed his face into his hands, attempting to force his mind to behave, to somehow shove himself back into reality. He shouldn't be this happy. He didn't deserve to be this happy.
Gerard stepped out of the shower, the steam swirling around his shoulders as he grabbed a towel from the rack in front of him. He quickly dried himself off and slipped on a pair of jeans and a soft old Batman t-shirt. He didn't know why, but he felt great. Like all the bad things had been wiped away. It probably had something to do with the fact that Frank Iero was living with him at the moment. That he had kissed him. But as far as Gerard was concerned, it didn't matter why he was happy, it just mattered that he was happy. And he was, he was really truly happy for the first time in a long while.
He reveled in this, humming ACDC songs and drying his hair, nothing but the music running through his mind. He was happy. Unwrapping the towel from his head, he padded into the living room, the soft carpet silencing his steps.
"Hey Frankie," He said, surprised to find Frank still lounging on the couch.
Frank started slightly at the sound of Gerard's voice. He had walked in nearly silently. Frank couldn't help himself from noticing just how good Gerard's towel dried red hair looked, still slightly damp and plastered to his forehead.
"Hi!" He greeted him happily. "Good shower, I'm assuming?"
"Great shower. How about you? Good...sit?
Frank laughed at Gerard's attempt at causal conversation. After their musical antics, he didn't know how Gee was keeping a half-composed face. He answered in his usual manner, taking the question as seriously as he took most things; not seriously at all.
"Quite a good sit," he responded. "Just, you know, watching paint dry and other fascinating things like that." His voice held nothing but warm humor.
Gerard looked around his shabby old apartment, particularly at the paint that was beginning to chip off near the walls.
"I probably should paint." He said speculatively.
"Why?" Frank asked, "It looks fabulous!" He immediately blushed as the word 'fabulous' escaped him. He was spending too much time around Gerard, to whom the word 'fabulous' was used quite often.
"I mean, you know," He said, coughing, "it's cool."
Gerard stared at Frank in confusion for a while. He was bad at picking up on his tones, whether he was being sarcastic or not.
"Was that sarcastic or does my dump genuinely appeal to you?" He asked.
"Genuine approval! It's far from a dump. It's actually somewhere I'd want to live!" Frank blurted out without thinking. A second later he realized what he had just said and scrambled to switch the direction of the conversation.
"You know, with the whole laid back atmosphere and musical shit everywhere. I like the kind of worn out feel" He said, a blush turning the tips of his ears momentarily pink.
Gerard was even more confused that he had been before. He raised his eyebrows at Frank, trying to find the hidden messages and under played tones in his voice. He stood there for a while before finally giving up.
"Okay. Well I'll just go pretend to be busy while I work that out in my head." He said, turning away.
"Hey man, I didn't mean that in a bad way! I'm trying to compliment your visual design prowess!" Frank called after Gerard, who was quickly retreating into the kitchen.
Gerard laughed, struck by how Frank seemed to genuinely like his beat up, run down apartment. He hadn't done a thing to decorate it since he had bought it from a young guy whose name he didn't even remember.
"Frankie dear I literally haven't done anything to this apartment since I moved in except bring in a couch and a bed. Sorry to break that on you."
Frank's heart skipped a beat at Gerard's casual drop of the endearment "Frankie." Before he had a chance to recover, his heart seemed to stop at the word "dear." His head began to spin slightly, even though he was sitting down. All hope of coherent conversation was gone.
Attempting to continue his train of thought, he stammered something about how well the couch and the bed matched, even though they didn't match at all.
Gerard laughed quietly at how obviously flustered Frank was, he liked being able to make him feel that way. He casually walked the remaining distance into the small kitchen and started rummaging through the assortment of foods in his fridge, wondering where some of it came from.
"You want food?" He called out to Frank, "I've got cereal, and mangoes. I think I have some sausages too, although those may be rotten."
Frank stared at Gerard's back through the kitchen door. Truth be told, he was starving. He hadn't eaten in... well, over a day and a half. And for Frank, it might as well have been a week. He would have eaten a horse at this point.
"Mangoes?" He yelled back. "What other kind of crazy shit do you eat?"
Gerard continued digging through his fridge, "Don't insult the shit I eat. It's my shit. You don't have to eat it if you have a problem with it." He said, pretending to be insulted.
Frank was taken aback by Gerard's sudden sharpness. He attempted to save the situation as best he could. After all, he was starving.
"No that's not what I meant! It's just such an awesomely eclectic collection, I was genuinely curious about what else you had in that magical fridge of yours"
Gerard pulled out a stick of celery which he set on the counter, and a cup of pudding. He leaned against the counter as he pulled off the lid of the pudding, scooping it into his mouth.
"My refrigerator is yours. Go for it."
Frank laughed in sheer relief that Gerard was feeding him. He felt like a pathetic stray, begging for food. But he really did enjoy celery. He grabbed the green stalk off the counter.
"Celery! My absolute favorite! How'd you know?" He couldn't help but keep the jokingly sarcastic tone from his voice. He began chomping on the celery as loudly as was humanly possible, reminding Gerard of a rabbit.
"Did you just steal my celery?" Gerard asked in an accusing tone as he raised his eyebrows at Frank.
Frank's eyes winded, his cheeks bulging with the celery he had neglected to swallow. He forced a "Nope!" through his plant filled mouth and swallowed it all in one gulp, looking slightly sheepish.
"I don't like it when people eat my celery. Please give it back." Gerard said, pretending to be as serious as possible as he looked Frank in the eyes. He hoped that Frank would pick up on the tones in his voice that were all but begging him to to take him into his arms. Gerard cringed at the sheer juvenile sound of the thought in his own mind.
Frank caught on to the playful edge in Gerard's voice. He chose to play along.
"Looks like you're going to have to come get it."
Gerard wanted to run over to Frank but he pretended to think it over for a bit before walking slowly over to where he was perched on the counter.
Frank's breathing accelerated as his eyes hooked on Gerard. His gaze was magnetic, and Frank found himself unable to look away.
"Can I please have my celery?" Gerard breathed in Frank's ear, tilting his chin up toward him.
A slight shiver ran down Frank's back. Gerard's gaze alone had the ability to render him senseless. Attempting to control some small manner of his composure, he decided to toy with Gerard. Which was only fair, given Gerard's complete anihiliation of any measure of self control he once possessed.
"Come on now, you'll have to ask more nicely than that." Lies, lies. Frank would have done nearly anything for Gerard in that moment.
Gerard nipped the lobe of Frank's ear, "Pretty please?" he whispered.
Frank exhaled a little too quickly. He turned to look at Gerard, shocked by the small distance between their faces. His brain shorted out from the gentle feel of Gerard's whisper on his skin.
"Only if you beg me," Frank whispered.
"I am." Gerard replied. And he was, as much as Gerard could beg. He wanted Frank, he needed him. He just couldn't fathom even trying to express that to him.
Frank saw Gerard's skin begin to flush. He slid lithely off the counter and wrapped himself around him, kissing the side of his neck with the lightest touch he could manage.
"No you're not. You're not begging yet. This is asking."
Gerard breathed out as Frank's lips met his neck. He couldn't stand this, being so close to Frank and not having him.
"I really need that...celery, Frankie. Please, I'm begging you." He said in a strangled voice.
Those were the words Frank had been waiting to hear. He pulled Gerard against him, kissing him more roughly than he had before, even on stage. He was having far too much fun with one measly vegetable.
"Sorry, what was it you wanted?" He asked Gerard, in a drippingly sweet voice that left none of his intentions to question. "Celery?" He asked, kissing the hollow right above Gerard's collarbone, and slowly worked his lips down Gerard's chest, over the slightly faded Batman tee. "Or was there something else?"
"I'm starting to think there might have been something else. I don't really remember now though." Gerard replied. And in truth, he really didn't. Kissing Frank wiped his mind of everything that had been going on.
Frank pulled back, meeting Gerard's eyes, his voice heavily laden with sarcasm.
"Oh sorry," he said, with the air of someone who was sorry about absolutely nothing, "was I distracting you?"
Gerard frowned slightly. He didn't know how to respond. He didn't know if Frank was playing with him or not. He couldn't read into the tones in his voice.
"No. I liked how you were a couple seconds ago." He finally said.
Frank took his reaction as pure encouragement. His heart picked up even faster than it had been.
"Yeah? What about this?" Frank stared deliberately and directly into Gerard's eyes, tracing one finger delicately from his collar bone to rest a dangerously small distance above his belt buckle. He saw Gerard's eyes widen fractionally and heard his sharp intake of breath in reaction to his touch. He couldn't help but smirk good-naturedly.
Gerard's heart beat picked up as Frank's finger made it's way slowly down his chest. It was almost physically painful for him to have Frank this close without anything going on. He wanted to reply but he couldn't force the words out of his throat.
"That...that's good too" He finally managed.
Frank saw the desperation in Gerard's eyes. He was all too carried away, feeling shameless. He grabbed Gerard's belt buckle and pulled sharply up, but not quite enough to actually hurt him. He was teasing him, and he knew he liked it.
"Yeah? You sure it's good?" Frank could see all reason and rationality leaving Gerard.
Gerard grunted softly. He nodded his head and managed something that vaguely sounded like a yes, fully beyond the point of talking.
In that moment, Frank realized what he was doing. He had been so caught up in the moment, so blissfully happy; he had forgotten that this was reality. He couldn't do this. Not with Gerard. He felt the grin slide from his face. He released Gerard and stepped quickly away, turning around. He always fucked up, always.
"I'm sorry... I got carried away, again." He felt a hot prickling behind his eyes. Oh god, not now. He didn't have time to deal with tears now.
Gerard was startled. He didn't know why Frank had turned away from him. He stood still for a minute as his brain tried to catch up with what was happening. He stepped forward slowly, bracing himself for rejection. He laid one of his hands on Frank's hip, resting his chin on a shoulder.
"It's okay to get carried away." He said quietly.
Frank whirled around, dislodging Gerard's head from his shoulder more roughly than he intended to. Tears shone in his eyes
"Why? Why is it okay?"
Gerard's mind reeled. He scrambled for something, anything to say.
"Because I...I like you. I really like you..." He trailed off.
"I think I love you." Gerard whispered before he knew what he was doing. Once he said it though, he didn't regret it. He didn't try to take it back like he would have before. He just bit his lip and waited for Frank's reaction.
Frank froze where he stood.
"What?" He wasn't sure if he had heard Gerard correctly. He couldn't bear to have his mind play such a cruel trick on him at this point.
Gerard's face fell. He took it for rejection, maybe even disgust. He stepped away quickly, turning around, his mind shutting down. He blurted out the first excuse that came to mind that would get him out of the apartment, away from Frank.
"Um, I've got to, run some errands. I have to...go to the, um, grocery store. Yeah. I'll talk to you later." He said, backing up. He practically ran out of the kitchen and toward the front door. He fumbled with the handle for a while before finally getting it. Once out in the hallway, he leaned his back against the door, resting his head in his hands. He didn't know how to feel. His emotions were too cluttered and all he could do was play what had just happened on repeat in his mind over and over.
As the door slammed, Frank recovered halfway from the shock he was in and tore through the living room in search of his phone. He finally found it and snapped it open, dialing Gerard as fast as his shaking fingers would allow.
Gerard, still leaning against the door right outside, didn't process that his phone was ringing in time to actually answer it. He didn't care though. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now, he just wanted to be alone.
Frank heard Gerard's phone ring just on the other side of the door. He almost sprinted across the room and opened the door, pulling a shocked looking Gerard against him before he got the chance to run away.
"I love you, Gerard."
Gerard's whole world turned around in that moment. He went from being utterly alone, to being intensely not alone. His heart skipped a few beats in his chest. His mind tried to find the right words, but there were none.
"I..." He tried to string more words onto the lone pronoun, but none followed.
"I know." Frank replied, as he leaned in and kissed Gerard right on the lips.
Gerard's eyes fell shut; he wanted to cry from relief. He wanted to hug Frank to him and never let him go.
"Thank you." He said. Thank you for all the times you picked me up when I was down. Thank you for being there, for loving me when no one else did. Thank you for being my friend, for being more. Thank you. Thank you.
"No, Gerard. Thank you. You've saved me."
And he had.