A/N: It was lovingvikingeric who gave me the idea to kill Bill. Here's your shout-out sweetie! She suggested a plane crash and I went with it. And yes, Bill is really, truly, never coming back, dead. Peppermintyrose left me a little nugget I hadn't thought about before but I decided to run with it. Hope you like what I did with it. Thank you ladies! Special thank you to Suaru-chan for being such an awesome beta. I loves her!
Last time on NYNB:
Eric hops on the bed behind me and grabs my shoulders. "Sookie? Sookie, what's wrong?"
I can't speak. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, jump for joy or weep in sadness. Bill's dead? Bill's dead. I never would have wished this on him, or anyone for that matter. I turn to look at Eric, tears threatening to spill over my lashes, and hand him the phone. He reads the message then takes me in his arms.
"I guess this means our vacation is over. Are you okay? Is there someone you need to call? That I can call for you?"
"I… I… can you just hold me?"
"Yes, my love, I can do that."
Now I'll never get to see what Eric had in mind with those silk scarves he had in his hands. Fucking Bill!
"I don't like this, Sookie. I want to go with you."
"You can't and you know why. As soon as your grandmother sees us together she'll flip her shit and that'll be the end of that. I don't want to cause a scene. This isn't about us; it's about your family, so you go to Louisiana with your parents tomorrow and I'll go back now. Trust me; this will be the easiest way to go about this without putting everyone through even more pain. Finding out Bill and I were getting divorced will not be easy, then dealing with his death on top of that?"
"I don't care what my family thinks. I love you and I want to be with you. I don't care who knows."
"Yes, but I do. You're young so you don't understand the way these things work."
"I can't believe you just said that to me. After all we've been through you pull the 'I'm too young' card. Well ma'am, I'll just take my young, immature ass home and I'll see you whenever."
I didn't want us to part like that but I knew he wouldn't listen to me any other way. I didn't want to hurt him as much as I did and can only hope he'll forgive me. If I could have figured out a better way to get him to go home without me, I would have. I truly love Eric and need him more than I realize. But I also need to do what's best for me.
The flight home is long and lonely. I can't even get happy thinking about seeing Amelia. I've been so wrapped up in Eric that I've forgotten the other people in my life. Maybe this is what I need.
I can't stay at our house so I decide to make myself comfortable at Gran's. She'll enjoy the company and maybe Laffy will drop by unexpectedly, as he does sometimes. Wow, just the thought of being able to go home and see my friends makes me smile. How sad is that?
Amelia picks me up from the airport with my baby Sam. He missed me so much he won't stop jumping on my lap. I just laugh and laugh, feeling giddy that some part of my life will remain the same. I can't help but think this is all going to blow up in my face. My relationship with Eric will come out―probably because of Portia―and I don't think I'll be able to handle the backlash. I still have to tell Gran what's going on.
Shit! I wish Eric was here. There's no way I can do this without him. We agreed before making the trip back here that we shouldn't be seen together for a while. It'll be easier on everyone―but me. I've come to depend on his support for everything. Just looking at him makes my day better. I'll get through the funeral and figure out what to do next.
I hate funerals. I don't want to be here because there's no way I can sit in a room full of people who will cry over the man who's made the last four years of my life hell. But I do love his mother and grandmother, so here I am. I haven't been in this house since that New Year's Eve party where Eric and I christened his grandfather's office. A smile graces my face as I think about how simple things were then. Just for that one moment I didn't think about anything but myself.
I still can't believe Bill's dead. I hope the casket isn't closed so I can make sure he's in it and that he's no longer breathing. I know it may seem harsh, but I can't trust that he's dead. Not until I see him with my own eyes. This would be something he'd do. He's sick enough to fake his death then come back to wreak more havoc in my life.
I venture back to the very office I just fantasized about and find it's not empty. I stand at the cracked door and see Eric walk by the desk. He's arguing with someone.
"But you don't understand, I love her and I won't give her up."
"You cannot go near her over the next few days. No one here knows about you two and if you don't watch your step… they will. How do you think it'll look? Bill's not even cold and in the ground yet and you're nuzzling up to his wife?"
"She's not his wife anymore."
"Eric, they were still married when he died. She's his widow. It makes a difference."
"I can't listen to this anymore."
"That's right, run away from your problems like always. This is not the way adults handle their problems, son. When are you going to take responsibility for your actions?"
"Look, I don't want to fight with you, Dad. You're right. I'll listen. I'll keep my distance no matter how much it kills me too. We already agreed to keep our distance anyway." Alex laughs.
"Thank you. Trust me son, it's for the best. You let things blow over then go back to your life. Whatever you decide to do, know that I'm here for you."
"I know. I just… you don't understand how she consumes me. I can't stand to be away from her for a minute. I'm dying inside. It's torture. Even though she said some hurtful things to me before she left, I still love her, still want her."
"Ha, ha… you've got it pretty bad. That's what you get for falling in love. I think you should take some time apart though. You get too attached too soon and it might be detrimental to your relationship. Sookie's going to be in a weird place now. She's a widow, and Caroline and Sarah are going to need her. They won't understand what's happened. Let's hope I can keep your mother under wraps before she opens her mouth. I'd hate to see your grandmother in even more pain this week."
At that point I walk away. I've heard more than enough and think Alex may be right. I don't want him to be, but I have to think about the people who will be hurt the most by my actions.
God, I need a drink.
I head into the parlor in search of liquid comfort. I hadn't run into Caroline or Sarah yet and I'm dreading it. What do I say to them? How do I console them when I don't have it in my heart to care anything about Bill's death? I feel like such a horrible person. Just as I pour the gin into my glass, I hear the door behind me open and close. I turn to glance at the one person I definitely did not want to see today. Portia.
"So, you decided to show your face after all?"
"Bill was my husband, Portia. And I do love Caroline and Sarah. I'm here for them more than anything."
"Is that right? Do you really love them? Because I think if you did, you wouldn't have been off gallivanting through Sweden and wherever the hell you ran off to with my son."
"Portia, I thought we'd gone over this. I thought things were settled between us. Has something changed?"
"Are you kidding me? Yes, something's changed! I won't let you kill my son the way you've killed Sarah's." This bitch has lost her mind!
"That's not fair! I had nothing to do with Bill's death and for you to say otherwise is cruel."
"Oh, but I think you did. He was chasing after you, Sookie! He was trying to bring you back, Sookie! You are completely to blame and you should be ashamed of yourself. I can see Eric running after you once you break his heart. I won't allow you to hurt him. Just wait until the rest of the family figures you out for the whore you are."
"Portia, please. Think of me what you will, but also think about what you're saying. Think about what you're planning to do. You won't just hurt me; you'll be hurting Eric, Caroline, and Sarah…"
"Eric will be fine. He's just a boy."
"He's a man, Portia. It's about time you see that. There is nothing boyish about him." Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
She narrows her eyes at me then huffs and turns to leave the room. I may need to do damage control. I down my gin, sans tonic, and rush out after her. She's nowhere to be found. The family is gathering in the family room where Bill's casket has just arrived. I don't want to go in there, but I know I have to. I push the door open and walk in slowly. Alex is holding Portia as she cries into his shirt; Caroline and Sarah are sitting on a settee closest to the casket holding each other's hands; they look up as I walk in and beckon me over. I offer a small wave as I make my way over to them. Eric is standing in the far corner of the room, staring out into the distance through one of the windows. My heart flutters at seeing him, but I use all the strength I possess to keep from running to him and throwing myself into his arms.
"Hello dear," Caroline says.
"Caroline, Sarah… I'm so sorry."
"There's no need to be, sweetie. There was nothing you could have done. You weren't flying the plane were you?" Sarah asks.
"No, no I wasn't."
"Then it's settled. I know you may not want to stay at your house over the next few days so Caroline and I thought you would like to stay here… with us. We would love to have you here. Only if you feel comfortable, of course."
"I would love to stay here. If it would bring solace to you, I'll happily do it. I'll need to run back to my Gran's to get a few things, but I'll stay." The smile Sarah gives me warms my heart.
"Thank you dear. We'll have Clancy drive you to collect your things. Don't you worry, Sookie, we take care of family here." Caroline's words reverberate through my mind as I get up to meet Clancy at the front door.
I can feel I'm being watched as I leave the room but don't turn to see who it is. I know its Eric and it crushes me.
What I didn't know was the entire family was staying at Caroline's house that night. I attach myself to Sarah's hip so I won't be alone to run into Eric. I make sure the room he's staying in is unknown to me. I have willpower but I'm not fucking superwoman. I will cave for sure. I haven't slept without him in about three weeks. I don't know how I will survive the night.
But I do.
I get out of bed, shower, and prepare for the worst possible day of my life. I have to say thank you to people who will offer condolences for my husband's untimely demise. I can't tell them how much easier my life will be now that he's no longer in it. I can't tell them how happy I am to be free of him. No, I never wished Bill dead, but he can't come after me now. He can't show up when I least expect it and say, 'Sookie, I love you and I won't let you ruin what we have, blah, blah, blah…'
I'm such a horrible bitch. I should be flogged and thrown in jail for all of the thoughts I have surrounding this. I hate to see Caroline and Sarah so sad but I'm having a hard time keeping a smile off my face. I can't go to a funeral with a huge shit eating grin that says, 'I'm sad my husband's dead but happy he'll leave me the fuck alone for the rest of my life.' I pull on my black dress and brush my hair back into a low ponytail. I make sure every hair is smoothed into place before leaving my bedroom.
"Sookie."
"I thought we were keeping our distance."
"I know but I just… I know. I'm sorry. I couldn't stay away."
"It's okay, Eric. It's hard for me to be away from you too," I whisper.
"I didn't sleep for shit last night." He laughs, and then sighs running his hand through his hair.
"Just a couple more days and things will go back to normal. Don't take another step… please." I plead with him.
He inches closer to me as we speak. I hold my hand up in a stop motion and he stills in his tracks.
"Do you know how hard this is for me, Sookie?"
How much easier would this be on everyone if I wasn't here? I'm hurting; I'm hurting Eric. Who else will suffer from this?
"I do, because it's just as hard for me. But we can't do this. Now, I'm going downstairs. You stay up here and count to one hundred before coming down and when you see me, STAY AWAY."
It hurts me to say those words to him but it has to be done. At least I know he's not still pissed at me the way we left things the other day. I mouth, "I love you," before walking away. The sad look on his face crushes me and my eyes glaze over. I now have my funeral face on.
I get downstairs just in time to find Sarah and we walk by the open casket together. He's in there―lying absolutely still but handsome as ever. As much as I hated Bill, I can't deny how beautiful he was. You sure can't judge a book by its cover. His book may have been in a fancy, elegantly decorated hardcover titled 'Good Guy Who Loves Unconditionally', but inside it read 'Bat-shit Crazy Motherfucker Who Won't Quit.'
I have to touch him to be sure. I lay my hand on his chest just above his heart, praying I don't feel a heartbeat. There isn't one. It would have been too obvious to pull out a mirror and hold it under his nose. Jason said he would do it for me―just another reason why I love my brother. Speaking of Jason, he walks in with Amelia and Tray. I smile and wave at them as Sarah and I sit next to Caroline. She's being so strong throughout all of this. I haven't seen her shed one single tear. I guess she's being strong for her daughter. If I could be half the woman Caroline Bellefleur is…
She explained to me last night that his plane crashed only a few feet off the ground. It had just taken off before plummeting down onto the runway. They're blaming mechanical failure but Sarah thinks it may have been pilot error. I'm not sure what to think because I haven't seen the incident report.
Maybe Portia is right. He wouldn't have been on that plane had I not run away with Eric. My guilt consumes me and I can't hold back my tears.
"There, there sweet child. He's in a better place now. I like to think whatever was plaguing him before is all settled. He's at peace and let's hope he rests that way."
What is Caroline talking about? Plaguing him? He didn't tell them about us? I guess his grandmother would be able to tell when something was bothering him. Everyone takes their seats and the service commences. I am asked to say a few words but decline. I lie and say I didn't think I would be able to hold it together long enough to say anything. My uncontrollable sobbing probably brings that point home. I don't know what's happening. I think it's all hit me at once―he's finally gone relinquishing his hold on me and I can't help but feel guilty.
"Bill was my cousin. We got along fairly well I'd like to think. He always did make me laugh and he became fast friends with my husband Alex. I just hate to think that in his last days he was so miserable because of his cheating whore of a wife!" Oh for fuck's sake!
"Portia, that's enough!" Alex yells. Everyone in the room gasps and the murmurs become so loud I feel like they're resonating in my head.
"No, Alex it isn't. Everyone needs to know that Sookie seduced our son and if she hadn't run off to, where was it? Paris―yeah that's right, Paris―Bill would still be alive. He was chasing after you but I don't know why. You treated him like crap after he tried to reconcile with you. Don't you dare shed any tears for him. This is all your fault!" She lunges at me from behind the podium but before she can get close enough Alex pulls her away and out of the room.
"Sookie, is this true?" Sarah asks. I can't look her in the eye.
"Our Sookie wouldn't do something like that. She loved Bill, right?" I feel like total shit at letting Caroline down.
She puts her tiny finger under my chin, lifting my face. I finally meet her eyes and the tears pouring over my lashes cloud my vision.
"I'm sorry. What Portia says is partially true." My voice is barely above a whisper.
She runs her finger over my tears and pats my hand before standing with Sarah and leaving the room. I feel someone take hold of my shoulder from behind and it's Amelia.
"Are you okay, Sookie? We can take you home if you're ready."
"Let me grab my things first." Amelia nods and lets me go.
I walk out into the hall and hear a cacophony of voices coming from the parlor. I'm sure the loudest is Portia's, but I also hear Sarah and Alex talking. I run up to the bedroom where my things are and grab my bag. As I make my way back downstairs, the front door opens and a woman I've never seen before fills the doorway. She has long dark hair which flows in waves down her back. She's very attractive in a sultry vixen kind of way. She can't be much taller than I am but she's a bit slimmer. Behind her is a little boy, with dark brown hair and even darker brown eyes. Oh. My. God.
I stop on the stairs and watch her walk into the house with the boy holding firmly to her hand. He looks to be no older than six or seven, but I really can't tell. I shake my head because I know it can't be. I know what I'm thinking isn't possible. I finally get my feet to move and stand at the doorway watching them approach the family room. Portia bursts from the parlor with Alex fast on her heels. She looks over at me with an evil glare but her attention is quickly turned to the family room and the two new guests who've just walked over to Bill's casket.
"Who is that? Does anyone know who that is?" Portia asks no one in particular.
No one answers because like me, they're all stunned. The woman turns from the casket and walks back toward us at the door.
"Which one of you ladies is Sarah?" she asks.
"I am. May I have the pleasure of your name?"
"I'm Selah Pumphrey and this is my son, Charles. Say hello, Charles." The boy looks up at his mother and shakes his head.
"It's okay sweetheart. No one here will hurt you. Hi, I'm Sarah." She shakes the boy's hand then turns her attention back to Selah. "How did you know my son?"
"This is his son―our son, Charles William Compton. I met Bill about nine years ago and we've been seeing each other ever since. Once he found out I was pregnant he did all he could to provide for us, I wasn't ready to get married. He did tell me he met someone and planned to marry her. We fought about it a while but I was set in my ways. Is his wife here?"
I can't say a word. My blood is boiling and I swear steam is waiting to burst from my ears at any minute. He was cheating just like I thought, but wanting to marry her? Does this mean he married me just because he wanted to get married? Did he settle for me?
Of course, my biggest fan speaks up pointing me out to my dead husband's mistress. Or was I the mistress?
"She's right there. The blonde. Sookie won't you say hello to Selah?" Fuck you very much, Portia.
"Sookie? What a pleasure. It's nice to finally meet you. Bill spoke of you often. You should know―" I don't let her get another word out. I hold up my hand to get her to stop speaking.
"You've been seeing Bill up until when, exactly?"
"Um, just a few weeks ago. He left town saying he needed to find you." Her southern lilt makes me want to vomit. She's pouring on the sweetness so much I'm getting a stomach ache.
"That's all I needed to hear. Thank you, Selah. Portia, I think you owe me an apology. Apparently I'm not the cheating whore you think I am."
Amelia laughs and Eric comes from out of nowhere to stand between the two of us. Oh yes, I still owe that bitch for slapping me. Sarah's voice breaks through my angry haze and my heart deflates.
"I don't understand. Selah you show up here with my… my grandson and a tale that I'm finding very hard to believe. Sookie, you've… I can't even say the words. I feel like I don't know who either of you are. You and Bill have kept some huge secrets from us. I thought we meant more to you than this. Why didn't you come to me, at least tell me what was going on? Maybe I could have helped?"
"There wasn't anything you could have done Sarah and I couldn't burden you with my marital woes. I love you too much to do that to you."
"Do you, really? When did you start fooling around with Eric?" Did I have to answer that?
"New Year's Eve. The party." I drop my head at my confession. This is so not how I thought this day would go.
"Well at least it hasn't been years." Caroline laughs. I knew there was a reason I liked her. "Sarah, you can't be too harsh on the poor girl. Bill was apparently sneaking around on her long before she got involved with Eric. They're both consenting adults." She laughs again, slapping her knee. I'm glad someone's getting some enjoyment out of this situation.
"Excuse me, I know this isn't the right time, but when is the will reading?" So that's why Selah's here.
"How fucking inappropriate of you, lady. You come here with your news to shake everyone up so you can sit in on the will reading. Low class." Thanks, Amelia. I hadn't notice her come out of the family room.
"Um, I think we should all wait outside or something. I'm not feeling too comfortable about overhearing this whole thing. Sook, if you need me, call me. I love you." Jason grabs Amelia bickering at her on the way out. Tray saunters off after them with a big smile on his face. I wish I knew what everyone was thinking.
I can't stand to be in this hallway one moment longer. He really was cheating on me the entire time? He has a son? That cocksucking jackass whore-fucking bastard. If he wasn't dead I'd kill him. I can't believe the bullshit he put me through and to find this out―at his funeral? Well, it explains a lot. Why the sex was so bad; why he didn't want to have kids with me; why he treated me like shit. He wanted Selah. He was putting all of his guilt on me. He wanted me to crack to make himself feel better. I bet Portia is choking on her words now.
"Selah, the will reading won't be for a while. We have to put my son in the ground first before the two of you can fight over his estate. And I'm going to want a paternity test done. I'm not taking your word on this." Sarah stalks off down the hall with Portia whispering something in her ear. I'd bet money that Portia knew all about Selah. She's been awfully quiet during this big reveal.
Caroline smiles at me before going back into the parlor. I can't look at Charles. He's the spitting image of Bill and it hurts too much. To know that I wanted to be the mother of his children and he fought me on it. This is all too much. I don't even look at Eric. We've been outed and I'm embarrassed.
"If you would excuse me, I could use some fresh air. I'm going outside for a bit. I'll come back in when it's time for the will to be read." Eric reaches his hand out to me, brushing my fingers as I walk past him. Just that little gesture makes me feel better. Knowing what I know now, I'm so livid I can scream.