A/N: Thanks to TeaCupHuman who gave me a great line I used in Gran's little speech to Sookie. To the lovely meyou744, your suggestion is at the end of the chapter. Hope you like! Thanks for pointing it out to me. As a quick recap and to make sure I've got my timeline correct here, Sookie went to Sweden in January, Bill shows up, E/S go on vacation to Paris for a couple of weeks, Bill ends up dead and we're at the funeral. I'm guessing it's early March. How about we just say it's March? LOL!

Thank you Suaru-chan, beta extraordinaire! You brought this chapter out of me and we were working on something else. You got that magic touch… xoxo

"So…" I whisper.

"So. Sookie I—"

"No, Eric. Please, I need to get this out. I love you Eric, I do, but I'm not ready to get married again. Whenever you mention it, I freak out. Maybe it's because it's too soon for me or because I feel like you're pressuring me—"

"What?"

I hold up my hand to stop him.

"Let me finish. I won't say I'll never get married again, but I'm a widow and I need time to process that. My life is not where I wanted it to be. I thought I'd be happily married, with at least two kids and look at me. I need time to figure out what we're doing." I pause, watching his brow furrow like he's deep in thought. He doesn't say anything, so I continue. "As I said before, I love being with you, but I haven't given much thought to our future. I haven't given much thought to anything, to be honest. Bill left me so scared of my own feelings that I don't know what to think or do anymore. Truly, I didn't think he'd ever divorce me and there'd be no way we could have a future—"

"But that's not a concern now because he's gone." He runs his hands through his hair roughly.

"I don't want you to be upset that I'm not rushing to marry you. Besides, you haven't asked me. I do want to have kids and I would love for them to be with you, just not so soon. We've rushed into things and I don't want you to regret… You're young. You've got plenty of time to get married and have kids. And who's to say you wouldn't get tired of me and find someone else?" I mumble the last part.

I can admit that I'm insecure. I think about it sometimes. Eric's younger than me, he's beautiful, and I've got a shit-ton of baggage. What would stop him from going after someone younger and less of a mess than me?

He rubs his hands over his face before speaking. "Wow! First, I'm sorry if you feel I've been pressuring you about the marriage thing. I won't bring up again. Second, you think that I'm interested in someone else or that I could be? I can promise you right now that that wouldn't happen. I love you and only you. I'm sure of what I want. And third—"

"But how can you know? You haven't been in any other relationships so you wouldn't know the first thing about being committed." He looks hurt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant—"

"Let's not make this about my age or lack of relationship experience, okay? It has nothing to do with how I feel about you." His voice escalates with each word.

"Lower your voice please. I don't want to wake Gran. My point is—you're twenty-one. Aren't there things you want to do that you won't be able to once you're tied down with a family?"

"Sookie, is this really about my age? Are you worried that the six year difference between us will somehow mar our relationship? Or that I'm too young for you and might want someone my age? That's bullshit and I'm insulted that you would even think that!"

He hops out of his chair and paces the room. His movements are jerky and quick. At his height, he makes the room feel like it's only two feet wide. Then he stops all of a sudden.

"Oh! No, I've got it." He laughs. "The real problem is I don't know anything because I haven't experienced the world enough for you? You should know I've experienced quite a bit and I still don't want anyone but you. I don't know how else to make that clear but to tell you and show you in everything I do. I can't even remember what happened at the house yesterday because all I could see was you. Don't you get that?" He walks over to me, gripping my shoulders and I stiffen in his hold.

"Yes."

"So what is it then?"

"I'm scared, Eric." A lone tear rolls down my cheek.

"Of me?"

"No! No, I could never be afraid of you. I'm scared of loving you so much that my whole world becomes consumed with you and I lose myself. I'm scared that I'll repeat the same mistakes I made before, with you and I can't do that to you. I won't do it." He releases his hold on me and folds his arms across his chest. He stands to his full height and towers over me.

"But you'll sabotage us instead?"

"I'm not trying to sabotage what we have. I'm a mess. Why would you want to be with me like this? You deserve…" I can't finish my thought.

He smoothes the hair back from my face with such gentleness I want to cry. He lifts my chin so that our eyes meet. "Let's not miss out on something wonderful because of a little fear. I won't give up on you. We can work together on this. I only ask if you don't feel the same, then you have to tell me now. If you don't want me… I'd rather you hurt me now than later."

"I don't want to hurt you; I don't ever want to hurt you." He mutters something under his breath I can't quite hear.

"That isn't all, is it?"

"No."

"Let's get it all out now. What else is bothering you?" His accent is more noticeable with his anger.

"Well, if we were to get married, where would we live? How would we live?"

"We would live wherever you wanted. What do you mean by how?" He narrows his eyes and glares at me.

"I mean, how would you make your living?"

"Are we talking about this again? I don't understand what you want from me." He begins pacing the room again.

"I want to know you can be responsible. If you're one of these spoiled rotten rich kids who trot all over the globe because they can, I'm going to have a problem with that. I overheard a conversation you had with your father during Bill's funeral. He said something about you running away from your problems as usual and not taking responsibility for your actions. Is that true?"

He blows out a long, slow breath and closes his eyes. "Is that what you think of me? You think I'm a spoiled rich kid? You think I'm irresponsible?"

"I'm just going off of what I heard your father say and I trust his judgment." Yeah Sook, just keep digging that hole deeper.

"You shouldn't eavesdrop. It's not becoming."

"I'm sorry."

"You think I'm irresponsible." He mutters so low I'm sure he's speaking to himself.

"I don't know what you do for money. Telling me you're well off isn't enough, Eric. Look at your apartment in Sweden. It's beautiful. The trip to Paris; I know that had to be expensive. Your clothes. You live pretty extravagantly. I don't work and I'm not keeping Bill's money. So yes, I want to know how we would survive. Is that so wrong?"

"You're such a snob." He shakes his head and laughs without humor.

"I'm not a snob. I had to put up with Bill's pretentiousness and I couldn't handle that again. I won't."

"Wait, wait… so, you think I'm ostentatious? You really are trying to start a fight with me."

"No! You're not listening!" I shout.

"No! You're bullshitting me. Just tell me what's on your mind, Sookie!" I stare at him for a long while.

"I don't want to be stuck in a relationship where I'm expected to stay at home and have to depend on you for everything, okay? There! I said it!"

"I… okay. Okay." He runs his hands through his hair and stands at the far end of the kitchen holding his hair back from his face.

"Okay?" I ask.

"I'm lost and I have to admit, a little tired of you comparing me to Bill. I'm ERIC, Sookie. If you can't see that…" He lets out an exasperated sigh. "What have I done to make you feel like this? Please tell me because I need to know so I don't do it again. I've done nothing but treat you with respect and love. If I shower you with gifts or want to take you on trips, it's because I love you and I like taking care of you and because I can. But I've never forced anything on you and I damn sure don't think I own you. If you want a job, have a job. In fact, have two jobs. I want you to be happy. That's all. Why can't you see that?" He turns to look me in the eye. His are glossy and he looks defeated.

"I need some time."

"Time for what?"

"Time to think, figure things out…" He walks over and kneels in front of me, his hands on either side of the back of my chair.

"What does that mean? How much time—a few days, a week, a month?"

"I don't know. I don't want to be apart from you—" He puts a finger over my lips.

"But that's what you're asking me to do. You need to be alone? I'll do it because I love you but I don't agree with this at all. I don't think your issues are with me or us, but Bill. You didn't get the closure you needed because you couldn't and won't be able to now that he's dead. How long will you… how long will I have to suffer for his mistakes?"

I drop my head as I'm not able to look him in the eye. Eric leans forward placing a kiss on my forehead and mutters, "Skit," before he stands up and backs away from me. I watch his feet as they turn toward the living room and like that, he's gone. This clusterfuck is my doing. I look up when I hear the front door close behind him. I drop my head in my hands and the floodgates open. Before I can wallow in my sadness for too long, Gran comes into the kitchen and sits in the seat next to me.

"Hey, Gran. I thought you were going to bed?" I rub my face to remove any remaining evidence of my tears.

"I was until I heard raised voices in here, then a male voice speaking in a language I could not understand walk by my door. When I heard the front door open and close and someone crying… well, I thought I better come out here and check up on you because Eric didn't sound too happy." She reaches across the table and grabs my hand.

"No, he isn't. I told him I needed some time. I know I've gone about this all wrong but I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to do the right thing, but I feel so guilty. Even knowing Bill cheated on me, I still did the same thing to him. Two wrongs don't make a right and now I feel like everything is rushing down on me, and I can't breathe."

"Was Eric suffocating you?"

"No." I drop my head to hide the new tears that are rolling down my face.

"Then I don't understand."

"He wants to get married and have kids," I whisper.

"And you don't?" She squeezes my hand to get me to look at her.

"No. Yes. Maybe? I don't know. Not right now."

"Did he propose?"

"No, but—"

"To ruin your relationship over something that isn't even a factor is foolish, child. Think about what you're doing. He should tell you what his intentions are with you because you two are in a relationship. That's what people who love one another do, right? How would you feel if you were in his shoes?" I shrug. "Now, if he was like any other man who strung you along for months and you were thinking you'd have a future together but it turned out he didn't want that, wouldn't you want to know ahead of time—before you invested yourself fully in that relationship? I know he's young, but give the boy a little credit." She gives me her signature 'I know what I'm talking about' look and I nod.

"I hear you Gran, but you don't understand what being with Bill did to me."

"You're probably right because you never talked to me about it." She looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

"I didn't want to burden you, is all. It was my mess to deal with."

"Hmph! What I do know is you can't let Bill continue to ruin your life. He's dead and gone and you're still here. Is it fair for you to put your insecurities into a new relationship because you're worried how it will turn out? No. None of us are mind readers sweetheart and we don't live forever either. You have to live life everyday as it comes at you."

"I know that."

"But you're not acting like it! I think I need to tell you a story, Sookie. I didn't go into detail about the issues I have with Caroline Bellefleur because I know you two are friendly. She may be a mean old bitty to me, but she's good to you so I'll try to keep my snark to a minimum. You remember I mentioned she was a man stealer?"

I nod.

"She tried that with your grandpa."

"Ooh, Gran! What did you do?" After my surprise at her confession, I lean forward and get really close to make sure I don't miss a detail.

"Well, I confronted her and told her to keep her grubby hands off my man. She was still married at the time and everyone knew how much of a slut she was, but it wasn't anyone's business."

"Gran!"

"Well it's the truth. Anyhow, Jesse didn't mind it, so why would anyone else? That is until she tried to come over here asking for help with a clogged pipe. I told her exactly what she could stick up that pipe. My point in telling you this is Caroline wasn't happy with her husband. She was in love with someone else but she couldn't be with him. So, she decided to go after anyone else that was willing. I think it made her hate herself and she regrets her behavior in those days, but if she would have been brave enough to marry the man she truly loved—instead of the one her mother insisted she marry—she would have been happy. Don't ruin your happiness because you want to do the right thing. You don't owe Bill anything. You owe it to yourself to be happy and if Eric makes you happy, then more power to you. He wants to get married because he doesn't want to lose you. He's a smart boy trying to hang on to you. If you weren't my dearest grandchild and suffering so much I'd slap some sense into you. But I won't do that. Unless I deem it absolutely necessary, which you are getting pretty close to."

I open my mouth to say something but the look she gives me makes me rethink that idea.

"It doesn't always have to turn out bad, Sookie. Eric is nothing like Bill from what I can tell, and he truly loves you. He wouldn't put up with you if he didn't. Now I'm going to bed. Call that boy before he gets too upset. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, Gran." She leans over and pats my hand before kissing my cheek. She smells like home to me and I relax more than I have in a long while.

I do have a lot to think about. I want babies. I want Eric. But do I want to get married again? Can't we be happy without getting married?

I hadn't heard from Eric since the day after the funeral. He left me a message telling me that he'd made it back to his condo but that he'd respect me and not call again until I let him know it was okay. That was last week. I didn't try calling either. That's not true. I'd pick up the phone, dial some of his number then hang up. I didn't know what to say. I heard from Alex that he went back to Sweden a few days ago when I called to check up on Sarah. I guess it's just as well. I still don't know what I want to do yet. I haven't been able to do much but sleep these past few days. I'm so tired all of a sudden. Gran thinks it's because I've worn myself out over Bill's death and the funeral. And because I miss Eric. She's probably right. I stick to the couch and my bed when I can make it back to my room. Laffy drops by everyday to check up on me, but I shoo him away. He only wants to bother me and tell me, "What a dumb bitch you are for letting that boy go."

Yes, that's what I need to hear when I don't feel well.

I get my energy back by the end of the week and Gran is amazed. I help her make dinner in the kitchen when I can and tonight is no different. She decides to fry up some catfish, which is my favorite. Or at least it was until the smell hits me and I want to vomit. I've never had that reaction to fish before.

"Gran, are you sure that fish is good? It smells really bad." She sniffs at it.

"It smells fine to me."

"I swear I'm going to throw up. It reeks. Ugh!"

"Sookie, why don't you go sit down in the living room and I'll finish taking care of this. I don't want you getting sick if it can be helped."

"I think I'll do that."

I'm worried I won't be able to enjoy my dinner now that I can't stand the smell of it. I must have dozed off while Gran was cooking because she had to shake me to rouse me from the couch.

"I've been calling you for about five minutes. I finally gave up and came in here to make sure you were still breathing. How do you feel, sweetie?"

"I feel fine. The overwhelming urge to reintroduce my lunch to the world is gone. Is dinner ready?"

"Yes, but I don't want you to get sick again so I made you some chicken noodle soup. You may have a bug or something and I don't think fried food is going to make it any better. Why don't you go get in bed and I'll bring you a bowl?"

"That sounds really good. I'll do that. Thank you, Gran."

I get up and make my way back to my bedroom. As soon as my head hits the pillow an overwhelming sensation of longing crashes down on me. I miss Eric. I really miss Eric. My sheets still smell like him. I had to fight Gran to keep her from stripping the bed when she did the laundry yesterday. It seems like it's only been a few days since I last saw him but I know it's been longer. I need something as a reminder.

Gran comes into the room with a tray loaded with soup, tea and crackers. I don't feel sick but I appreciate her taking care of me. She kisses me on the forehead before leaving me alone to eat. I devour the soup and crackers; still hungry, I go in search for something else to eat shortly after finishing. As soon as I get to the kitchen, the scent from dinner almost knocks me over. I put my hand up to my mouth and run from the room as fast as I can. I make it to the bathroom just as a bout of dry heaves hits me like a bowling ball to the gut. A while later, I sit on the floor wondering what's wrong with me. Whatever this is, I hope it passes and soon.

I break down at the beginning of week three and call Eric. He answers after two rings.

"Hej." He must not have looked at the caller ID.

"Hi, Eric, it's me."

"Sookie? I'm so glad you called. I didn't think you wanted to hear from me."

"That's not true, Eric. I wanted to call you but I didn't know what to say then."

"And you do now?"

"Yes. I love you. Come back. I want you. These past few weeks have been utter hell and it's my fault. I'm sorry. Please forgive me for being an idiot?"

"You're not an idiot. Stubborn, maybe. And yes, I forgive you. I've missed you so much. You know I can't sleep without you."

"I know. I've missed you too. It's probably good you weren't around though. I've been sick. I had some kind of bug, but I think I'm better now." I have been feeling much better I realize while talking to him.

"I'm happy to hear you're well. I'm sorry I wasn't there to take care of you."

"Don't be sorry. This is my fault. Besides, Gran did an excellent job. She makes the best chicken noodle soup."

"Oh, is that right? You haven't tried mine yet. Really Sookie, I'm glad you're better. I've been worried about you."

"Why were you worried?"

"Everything you said to me, how you feel about us, being alone. It kills me to be away from you. That's the only reason I'm in Stockholm. I wouldn't have been able to stay away, well... I've been driving by the airport the last few days ready to show up on your doorstep. I need to ask, are you sure you want me to come back?"

"I'm one hundred percent sure. I can't promise that I'll go back to Sweden with you, but I'd like to talk about it."

"Sookie, if you're worried about missing your family, we can visit whenever you want. I told you, I'm willing to do whatever to make sure you're happy. If it means flying to Bon Temps every two weeks, I'll do it. Or if you want to stay in Bon Temps, I'll do that too. I just want you."

"I want you too."

"I'm glad to hear it. I can't wait to see you." I can hear him smiling through the phone.

"Me too. How soon can you get here?"

"I'm booking my flight now." The sound of his fingers moving swiftly over a keyboard replaces the silence in the background. He mutters something in Swedish then speaks clearly into the phone, "Tomorrow morning."

"I'll pick you up from the airport. What time is your flight due in?"

"Ten. I can take a cab. That's pretty early for you." He laughs.

"I'll be there with bells on."

"I'd actually like to see you with nothing on."

"That can be arranged. Tomorrow won't get here soon enough for me."

"Don't fret, min älskling. I'll be there before you know it. I love you, Sookie."

"I love you too, Eric."

I climb out of bed and try to get myself ready for the morning… er, afternoon. Sheesh, did I sleep that long? Why didn't Gran wake me?

"Gran?"

"Yes, dear? I'm here." She's in the kitchen making pies. That woman…

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I tried. You weren't budging. Sookie I think…"

"What? Is something wrong?"

"No, but I think there's another reason you've been so tired and sick lately."

She gives me a look that I know all too well. I just don't want to know why she's looking at me that way. I sit down preparing for whatever she has to say.

"What do you think is wrong with me?"

"I think you might be pregnant."

"Nope. Not even. There's no way." I shake my head so she gets my meaning.

"Can you be so sure?"

"Yes, because… just know that yes I can."

"I think you should see Dr. Brigant. Just to be absolutely sure, of course."

"Gran, I'm fine. Today I'm fine and don't feel sick at all. Besides, don't you vomit when you have morning sickness? I haven't. I just get sick to my stomach."

"Not everyone vomits, dear. Pregnancy affects every woman differently."

"I am not pregnant. Stop saying that."

"You seem to be upset by the notion. I thought you always wanted kids?" Another pointed gaze.

"I do, but not… do you really think I could be?" I look down at my stomach and lay a hand over it. I can't wrap my mind around it. I don't want to believe her but what if she's right?

"I'll leave you be."

I can only nod. Gran walks from the room and heads out to the porch for her usual smoke break. She knows she shouldn't be smoking but who I am to tell her anything. I'm jerked out of my thoughts by the phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Sookie, this is Sarah Compton. I thought you would want to know the results of the paternity test. It's official—I have a grandson. Charles is Bill's son and I can't decide how I feel about it. I've missed so much time with him already. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know this has to hurt you too. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Thanks for letting me know."

"Caroline and I will be having a small luncheon tomorrow with our lawyer Sid Matt; I think you should be here. Say around twelve thirty?"

"Sure, sure. I'll see you then."

Holy Santa Claus shit! Okay, one thing at a time here. I'll call Sophie Ann to get her started on Charles' trust then I'll… fuck! I want to find out if I'm pregnant first because Eric will be here tomorrow morning and I need to tell him if I am. Then I can call Sophie Ann. Things are already set in place, she's just waiting for the go ahead from me. A baby? I could be pregnant with Eric's baby. I take a deep breath to calm down.

I can't be pregnant. I can't be pregnant. I can't be pregnant.

Hell, if I had known sooner, none of this stupid separation bullshit would have happened. Maybe it's my hormones making crazy. I feel happy, excited and scared all at the same time. No matter what, I'm going to need help, like now. I grab my cell hitting number two on my speed dial.

A/N: Don't be too hard on poor Sook. She's hormonal…

Translations

Skit - Shit

Hej - Hello

Min älskling – my dearest