"So how did it go with the doctor?" Eric asks, pulling me into his arms.
"I think she thinks I'm nuts. And I hate her. What'd you do today?"
He laughs. "Just missed you. How's my baby?"
"Your baby, huh? I'd like to see you carrying this baby and when the time comes, going through labor and delivery, feedings, changing diapers…"
"I would do it if I could. I would do anything for you." His hand rubs my stomach mindlessly.
"You always know the sweetest things to say."
"I say what is on my heart. And I always tell you the truth. Remember that."
"I do. But I have to be honest, sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all."
He raises a brow and tilts his head in question. "Where's this coming from?"
"Fucking shrink. I just… there are things I still don't know about you and here we are, together, having a baby and I um…" I shake my head, letting my sentence drift.
"What do you want to know?"
"Why do you have to be in Sweden? I mean, why can't you do whatever it is you do from here?"
"My father wants me to take over the family business. Preferably before he gets to the point where he can't. It's easier to handle things from Stockholm because that's where we're based. What else?"
"What do you do now? For money, I mean."
He leans back, holding me away from him at arm's length. "Why do I feel like we keep having this same conversation?"
"Probably because we do. And because you never give me a definitive answer."
He drops his hands from my shoulders and moves to sit on the bench at the end of his bed. "Is that what's really bothering you? You still think I'm some kind of spoiled rich kid, or do you think I'm a covert criminal?"
"Answer the question."
He stands up and paces. Sighing, he pauses in front of me, folding his arms across his chest.
"I don't do anything. I don't have to. I've got tons of money sitting in wait for me from my grandfather, my parents. I sometimes help my father with the company but not for reimbursement of any kind. It's for me to learn—to get up to speed with where he wants me to be. He expects a lot of me and I'm not sure how well I'll live up to his expectations."
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to bring up any bad blood or anything."
He plops down in a chair across from me. "You didn't. I never talk about it. I don't like being put in a position where I'm expected to do something I don't want to or is forced upon me for my own good. I think it's what made me realize I shouldn't pressure you about us getting married. I know how you feel about it and I'm okay with whatever you want to do. For now, of course," he says with a wink.
"So, I don't have to worry about you being a deadbeat dad?"
"No. Of course not." He's quiet for a long while. "I don't know what I need to do to prove to you that I'm worthy of you, Sookie," he says so softly I have to strain to hear him.
I move to sit on his lap and put my arm around his shoulders. "You don't have to prove anything to me. I just need to know what I'm dealing with. You know I—"
He silences me with his lips pressed to mine. Once his tongue sweeps my bottom lip, I'm lost to everything. My lips part and I taste the familiar flavor of him. It fills my senses and overwhelms me with passion. I pull him closer, wrapping my arms around his neck. He groans into my mouth when I tug on his hair a little and he stands from his chair. My legs wrap about his waist and he carries me back into his bedroom. I still haven't gotten used to being here, but we decided to alternate between here and Gran's for the times like this, when we want a bit of privacy.
He lays me down on the soft mattress, and I sink into it with the weight of him above me. It's odd to think of how amazing it feels to be under someone—him. I feel loved and sheltered and something else I can't describe. Feeling the flex and release of his muscles under my hands drives me wild. His back is so strong, his shoulders so broad, his waist so narrow. He's built perfectly and has complete control over every action he performs. Especially the magic he works with his tongue. His kisses make me lift off and float away; my mind is free and filled with nothing but the pleasure he brings my body. Just to feel the roughness of his tongue against mine, the rhythms we orchestrate, the sensitivity of a single lick. It all sets me on fire.
XXXX
I lie in bed thinking. I'm positive I won't be going back to see Claudine. Revealing some of the most personal things about myself to her was odd. Yes, it was freeing in a way, but I don't know her and considering I didn't want to have counseling in the first place… Well, I made up my mind to deal with my problems on my own. I'm not damaged goods. Bill may have manipulated me and fucked with my emotions, but I'm fine. I'm in control of my life. And I can make my own damn decisions.
"Sookie, you awake?" Eric asks in a whisper. He rolls over to face me, his hand trailing down my back.
"I'm up. Is everything okay?"
"I don't know. I just got a text from my mother. I wanted to be sure you were awake before I called her. Do you mind?"
"No, not at all. It might be important."
Eric sits up, his back against the headboard, and dials his mother. She seems to answer right away and sounds frantic. He's silent for most of the call aside from grunting a "yes" every now and again. He reaches for my hand at one point and grips it tight enough to make me wince. I don't think he realized the strength of his grasp and raises my hand to his mouth, kissing my knuckles, and loosening his grip in the process. I catch his gaze as he hangs up and his expression tells me that it isn't good news. I sit up, pulling the sheet with me to cover my breasts and wait to hear the news.
"My father had an accident while skiing. I need to go to Stockholm. Take care of the business until he can manage again."
"Oh, Eric I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?" I place my hand on his arm for comfort.
"Come with me. I'll want you with me. I don't want to miss anytime with you and the baby."
Shit.
I sigh. "I don't know if I should go with you right away." He gears up to say something but I hold up my hand to stop him. "I just mean, I'm not over my morning sickness yet and I'd like to be near Gran for a while longer."
"But I need you." He looks at me with glossy eyes. Sometimes I forget how young he is until he looks at me with such innocence.
"I understand that. I do. I'm thinking about what's best for me and the baby."
"We planned to go to Stockholm anyway, so why not now?"
"I realized something during my evaluation yesterday. I'm not … I need to be able to do what I want without feeling restricted."
"Am I restricting you now?" His tone is sharp.
"Please don't be upset. I need you to understand my position. We're not married, your mother hates me, you don't—"
"Let's not make this about my mother and I want to marry you. You can't throw that in my face. Why don't you just admit what's really going on here? You're having second thoughts!" His voice rises throughout his speech.
"No. No, I'm not. We did the separation thing and I was miserable. I want to be sure you know I'm not saying I don't want to be with you. I do. I also want to feel like I'm in control of my life. I don't want to go to Stockholm now. What if I go and something happens to Gran? I'd never forgive myself."
"I'm confused. Is this about your grandmother? Are you worried something horrible will happen to her because you're not here and it'll somehow be your fault?"
I pull my legs to my chest, resting my arms on my knees. I lay my head on my arms and look over at him through a half-lidded eye. "Yes. Bill's death really caught me off guard. I've been worrying about things like that lately."
"Why didn't you tell me? We're supposed to be able to tell each other everything."
"I know. I'm not sure why I didn't say anything. I'd hate to burden you with my bullshit. I've got a lot of it." I smile, but it isn't genuine.
"Sookie, if we're ever going to be successful in our relationship, we have to talk to one another. About anything. My father isn't in immediate danger of dying or anything, but he needs me. I can't not go."
"And I can't leave. It's too soon."
"Too soon for what? You're not worried about the baby are you?" he asks, concern washing over his face.
"No. Nothing like that. I'm being silly. Just forget I said anything."
He reaches over and rubs small circles on my back. The slight pressure of his hand sends a shocking surge of warmth through me. I sigh and my shoulders sink, relaxing me further.
"Are you worried we'll get there and I'll not want to come back? Would living with me in Sweden be so horrible?" he whispers.
I look away because I don't want to see his eyes as I crush his soul. Taking a deep breath I answer, "Maybe."
He sighs. "I don't know what to do here."
He gets out of bed and pulls on his pants and shirt. He runs his hands through his hair, tugging on the locks and tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling.
"I'm not trying to be difficult or make this difficult on you, on us. I need to assert my independence. I've had everyone telling me what to do for so long, I don't know how to make a decision without worrying I'll hurt someone's feelings. This is frustrating."
"It doesn't have to be. I'll go. You stay. I'll see you when I get back."
"Now I feel like you're pissed at me."
"I'm not. I love you—more than anything. If I didn't have to go, I wouldn't. It isn't your duty to accompany me, but I thought maybe you would want to."
"If it was more serious, I wouldn't hesitate to go with you."
He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. Short of that, I'm not sure what more there is to say. He goes to his closet and starts packing a bag. I sit watching him, sheets pulled up to my chin, suddenly chilled by the iciness in the room. It's a fine time for me to be putting my foot down. I wish I could have been braver. Maybe things would be different now.
"Do you really want to go to Stockholm, once the baby comes?"
I nod.
"I would understand if you didn't. I just need to know now."
"I said I would be willing, and I meant it. I won't change my mind."
"How can I be sure? Your grandmother may not want you to go. My grandmother may not want you to go for that matter. And you just said you were worried about living there with me. I need to know for certain you are okay with it."
"I am. I loved Stockholm while we were there. I'd like to look into getting a house maybe, but other than that I'm not opposed—"
He crosses the room in two strides and crushes me to him in a hug before I can finish my sentence. I laugh nervously, not sure why he's reacting in such a manner.
"I love you so much, Sookie Stackhouse. You've truly changed my life for the better."
He kisses my forehead before releasing me and finishes packing his bag. I sit, dumbfounded, just watching him. I only hope the change I've brought to his life is for the better. I yawn loudly and lay back at Eric's insistence.
"Go to sleep, my love. I'll be here when you wake."
I nod, closing my eyes and am gone.