Soul of the Enemy
By Willow Spirit
Disclaimer: I only own the plot. Everything else belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews. This chapter is slightly longer than some of the recent ones. Enjoy!
Chapter 13 – Worst Day of the Year
There is one day in every year that brings terror and pain into the hearts of many people. Sure, this same day can also bring much beauty and pleasure into other peoples' lives, but these are the people who usually don't even notice the pain and suffering of the rest of the population. And it's all thanks to this one day in every year; one day that has been turned into a twisted and commercialized "holiday". That's right; many of you have already guessed it.
Today was the dreaded Valentine's Day.
Of course, as mentioned before, it's normally only dreaded by those people who just happen to alone and single, without someone special to share the day with. And wouldn't you know, there were five Gryffindors currently sitting at the Gryffindor table, all of whom were in this exact same position of singleness (though some of them were less worried about it than the others at the moment.)
"Would you look at them all?" Ron said in a mixture of disgust and envy (obviously, he was one of the ones who were worried.) "All those stupid couples sitting together like they're on some kind of date. We're only having supper in the Great Hall, for crying out loud. Even I wouldn't consider that a date!"
"Well, you are Head Boy, Ron," Hermione pointed out before she took a sip of pumpkin juice. "You can always go over to them and separate them."
"Not bloody likely!" Ron quickly turned his attention to his mashed potatoes.
"Thought so," Hermione smirked. "And, Ron, don't swear."
"Oh, stop it you two," Ginny lightly scolded them, but her heart wasn't exactly into it. In all honesty, she kind of shared her brother's mindset. It wasn't easy watching other people pair up when you had no one. "I think we really need something to take our mind of them."
"Hey, anyone else notice all those articles in the Daily Prophet this morning?" Ron asked.
"You mean the ones discussing the recent Death Eater attacks?" Harry said bitterly as he stabbed his innocent pork chops.
"Er…yeah, those ones," maybe this wasn't such a good topic.
"You know, Harry," Hermione started carefully, hoping that he wouldn't go ballistic on them. "I was thinking that we should start up some kind of defense group again, like the DA. Of course, you wouldn't have to be the instructor or anything, but I think we could all use the practice, especially us older students. If anything were to happen…we'd want to defend ourselves and the younger students too, right? Not saying that anything is going to happen but…well, it's always best to be prepared."
"What ever you say, Hermione," Harry said in a tone that meant 'I'm really not listening.'
"I think it's a good idea," Ron shrugged his shoulders. "At least it would give us something to do for the moment, you know, instead of sitting around doing nothing about it. Imagine how much better we'd be too if we all put in more practice time. I'd like to see a bunch of Death Eaters take us on once we've got our own mini army."
Harry suddenly couldn't take it anymore. He abruptly stood up from the table, startling his friends. "I have to go," and he left before anyone could say anything else to him. Alex stared after him, while Ginny, Hermione and Ron acted like it was nothing new.
"Okay…" Alex said, shaking her head in disbelief. "Either Potter was going to piss himself here at the table or something is seriously wrong with him."
"Oh, don't mind him," Hermione waved her fork in Harry's direction. "Every once in a while he has these little moments. It's nothing to worry about really."
"He likes to have a bit of time to himself," Ginny sighed. "He goes somewhere to think things through. It's best to just leave him be. It's hard to see him go off like that, but there's not much we can do."
"You're kidding me," Alex gave them all an incredulous look. "You're telling me that no one even tries to talk to him. You just leave him all alone? I thought you were his friends."
"Well, it's not like we don't try!" Ron didn't like being criticized like this. "We've always wanted to help Harry, but whenever we try he usually ends up yelling at us. Nothing we ever say is good enough, and we can never understand what he's going through. You try convincing him that everything's going to be okay and there's nothing to worry about, and see how far you get!"
"It doesn't help that he keeps secrets from us," Hermione added gently. "It's so obvious that he's keeping something from us and it's hard trying to help him knowing that. It's like he uses his secrets as an excuse to distance himself from us."
"But you're his friends!" Alex exclaimed. "If you don't worry about him, who will?"
Apparently, Alex had gone too far. Ron's face suddenly became red with anger. He pointed a finger directly at Alex's face. "Hey!" he gave her a very non-Ron glare that was cold and dangerous. "Have you been here for the past two and a half years? And the four years before that? No, I don't think so! You haven't been around to see what we've had to go through. You haven't had to watch your best friend go through Hell, and even we don't know the half of it. You don't have the right to judge us like that. You were never here!"
Ron sat there fuming, glaring at Alex, as if he was daring her to say anything after his little rant. Hermione and Ginny looked between him and Alex, wondering whether or not Alex was going to leap over the table and throttle Ron right then and there, in front of the entire hall.
Thankfully Alex had enough common sense to not cause such a scene. Anger flashed across her eyes for a brief moment, but then remorse was also present. She suddenly glanced away, allowing Ron to win this round.
"I'm sorry," Alex said carefully. "I didn't mean to yell at you like that. And you're completely right, I haven't been here the past six and half years."
Then she pushed herself away from the table and started to leave.
"Alex," Ginny called after her. "Where are you going?"
"I don't know," Alex paused, barely looking over her shoulder. "Someplace where I can think."
Ginny slapped her brother on the side of his head as soon as Alex was out of sight. "You didn't have to be so mean to her," she scolded.
"Ginny!" Ron thought his own sister would have been on his side. "Did you even hear what she said? She basically accused us of being bad friends. I don't know about you but I wasn't going to sit here and take that bullshit from her."
"Ron, don't swear," Hermione said half-heartedly. "I think we have to be patient with Alex. You're right Ron…"
"Ha!" Ron pumped his fist into the air. "You see? I'm right!"
"What I was going to say…" Hermione rolled her eyes. "Is that she hasn't been here, like you said. But that's not her fault. She's been dumped into the middle of things here and she's trying to make the best of it."
"Are you defending her?" Ron asked, shocked to his core.
"No, I'm not defending her and I'm not agreeing with her either," Hermione replied matter-of-factly. "I'm merely trying to see the situation from her point of view. That's the fair thing to do in this situation."
"So you're saying that she's wrong?" why did Hermione have to be so confusing sometimes?
"I'm saying that she doesn't have the necessary background knowledge to make a proper judgment."
"So…she's wrong."
"Whatever!"
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After lugging their tired bodies up to the Gryffindor Tower, Ginny, Hermione and Ron finally found Harry sitting alone on the window seat in his room.
"Hey, mate," Ron casually greeted him.
"Hey," Harry replied without enthusiasm. He could tell it was them as soon as they had opened the door. They were too cautious. Plus they had knocked; Neville, Dean, or Seamus obviously wouldn't have knocked since this was also their room. Harry didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. That was why he came to his room, to be alone.
But as his friends came a bit closer, he could start to see their reflections in the glass of the window. That's when Harry noticed that there were only three reflections in the window, not four.
"Where is she?" Harry immediately spun around to meet his friends. He didn't even have to ask who, it was clear on his face.
"We don't know, Harry," Ginny wanted to choose her words very, very carefully. "She left the Great Hall a few minutes after you. We have no idea where she went."
"Why?"
"Oh, dear," Hermione muttered under her breath before she let out a huge sigh. "Harry, we sort of had a minor disagreement with Alex before she left. We didn't mean for it to happen but we just starting talking and then it turned into an argument and then…well, she just left."
"What were you arguing about?" Harry's eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"You!" Ron scrunched his face up in absolute disgust. "What else do you think we'd argue about?"
Harry didn't even reply to Ron's sarcastic remark. Instead he nearly dove across the room to his trunk that was sitting by his bed. Harry almost ripped the hood off its hinges in his attempt to get into it faster. Once he was inside, he started throwing things over his shoulders, making an enormous mess on the floor as he searched for what he was looking for.
"Harry, what are you…" Ginny started to ask, but then Harry's head finally emerged from the trunk. He was holding an old, folded piece of parchment.
"Oh," Hermione quickly understood. "I see."
"I'm going to find her," Harry explained as he quickly opened the parchment and muttered the magic words ("I solemnly swear I'm up to no good.") "I won't let her wander the castle all by herself. She hasn't been walking around the place long enough to know where everything is. She could get lost and I don't want anything to happen to her."
"Harry, nothing's going to happen to her," Ron sighed. "As long as she stays inside the castle she'll be fine."
Again, Harry chose not to answer him. He focused his attention on the map instead, searching for the one particular name he wanted to see. After a few seconds, he finally found it: Alex Reid.
"There she is," Harry pointed to the spot on the map. "Looks like she's in the Owlery." In his haste to get going, Harry didn't even notice the way the name was severely out of focus compared to the others.
"Good luck, Harry," Ginny called out to him as he raced out the door.
"Don't forget to back by curfew!" Hermione added quickly.
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Harry was lucky enough not have run into Snape, Filch, or Mrs. Norris on his mad dash to the Owlery. He barged through the door, only to come to as screeching halt. There was Alex, standing alone and off to the side of one of the small balconies that allowed the owls easy access to their special room. Harry approached her cautiously, not wanting to frighten her. But Alex must have heard Harry's soft and gentle footsteps, since she slowly turned her head to greet him as he came to her side.
"Hey, there," Harry said, suddenly at a loss for words.
"Hey, there yourself," Alex gave Harry this bizarre look. "What are you doing up here? It looks like you've been running."
"Well I was," Harry admitted. "I was out looking for you. I wanted to make sure you were alright."
"Yeah, I'm fine Potter," Alex sighed. "I just needed a bit a space, you know. I had a couple of things I needed to think about."
"Well, if you want to be alone…" Harry knew exactly how she felt. He was in her shoes only a few minutes ago. But for him, something had pulled him out of that space. And that something was currently standing beside him.
"No," Alex shook her head. "You can stay if you want. I don't care. This is your school, after all."
"Okay," Harry said. "Then I guess I'll stay."
"Fine," Alex shrugged, like it didn't matter to her either way.
"So how did you find your way up here?" Harry asked, curious to know.
"I just started walking and I ended up here. It seems like a good deserted place. Something tells me that all the other towers would probably be full of snogging couples, being Valentine's Day and all. I don't think this would be a very appealing tower, what with all the owls, and feathers and crap on floor."
"No I don't suppose it would," Harry gave a little, bitter laugh. He was suddenly reminded of the time he and Cho had been up here…alone. Boy that relationship really didn't turn out too well.
"So what was the reason behind your dramatic exit from the Great Hall?" Alex's question pulled Harry away from his unpleasant thoughts.
"Oh, err…nothing really," Harry shifted uncomfortably.
"Sure, Potter," Alex gave a soft snort. "And I left your friends because everything was absolutely perfect."
"Well, actually it was a couple of things," Harry confessed. The tone in his voice made Alex change her mind.
"Look, Potter, I'm sorry," she turned to look at him. "I didn't mean to pry. We don't have to discuss it if you don't want to."
Alex was giving him an out, but Harry realized that at the moment he didn't feel like taking it. "No, it's okay," he assured her. "Actually, the whole couple's holiday thing was kind of getting on my nerves. That was one reason."
"Yeah," Alex smirked as she agreed with him. "I felt like vomiting all over the table. It gets to me too."
"I mean, we were at supper and people were treating the place like it was their own private restaurant!" Harry continued on, but whether he was talking to Alex or himself was uncertain. "You can't just do that. You have to respect everyone else in the room. There are actually some of us who don't have girlfriends or boyfriends, thank-you very much. But couples never remember that. They're always lost in their own little world."
"I hear you," Alex nodded.
"Don't these people realize that there's more to life than being with someone? I really don't get people who are so worried about finding their perfect match, and if they don't find them then their life doesn't have any meaning. It's pretty pathetic once you think about it. They can't be 'whole' unless they can share their life with someone. They can't seem to function as a single person. Even if their relationship isn't the best, they stick with it, because the thought of being alone terrifies them. So they'd rather be in a bad relationship than no relationship at all."
"Err…Harry?"
"What?"
"Should I have a seat?" Alex gestured to the messy floor beneath them. "'Cause I could clear a spot for us if you really need to keep going with this."
"Oh, no," Harry felt his face warm with embarrassment. "I shouldn't have said anything at all. It's probably just crazy babbling to you."
"Or the bitter ranting of a single person who's been burned by someone," Alex mused.
Harry wanted to tell Alex how crazy her idea was, but he couldn't bring himself to form the words, mostly because he knew she was right. In a way he had been burned. Whether he liked it or not, Cho Chang had left an indestructible footprint on his heart. Harry didn't want to admit this. He was able to live through most days completely convinced that he didn't care. But then there were days like this; Valentine's Day. And this day just seemed to amplify his problems.
It wasn't that he wanted to get back together with Cho. That part of his life was over now. What really hurt Harry was the way he now doubted himself because of that relationship. Did Cho only go out with him because he was Harry Potter, the boy who lived? Would every other girl be drawn to his name and not Harry the person?
The only problem was, he is and always will be Harry Potter. No amount of wishing would ever change that. He would never be considered "normal." He knew too much to ever have a normal life. The things that he saw and did would always be with him. That's what worried Harry the most.
Any girl he loved would have to deal with him and all his little demons that came with the Harry Potter package. Harry didn't think that Cho could have dealt with all of that. She seemed to get upset whenever she didn't have Harry's full attention. She didn't appear to understand that there was so much going on beneath the surface. What Harry really needed was a girl who understood dark times; someone who understood that the world could be a harsh place. But at the same time, Harry needed someone who would stand beside him and look that harsh world straight in the eye, because that's what brave people do in hard times.
Though Harry doubted that he would ever find such a girl. So he was very slowly training himself; preparing for a life in which he might be very much alone.
"Don't give up hope," Alex whispered so suddenly that Harry was startled out of his reverie. "Always keep some hope for yourself."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Harry tried to keep his voice from shaking.
"Oh?" Alex raised an eyebrow at him in amusement. "Look who's pulling an Alex, being all secretive and everything."
"Hey, there!" Harry quickly pointed an accusing finger at her to mask his embarrassment. "You cause me enough headaches, Miss Alex. Did you know that the other thing bothering me is all your fault?"
"My fault!" Alex exclaimed indignantly.
"Yes," Harry muttered. "You and your little 'I'm not good at everything' speech in the library earlier this week."
"And how is that my fault?"
"Well…" Harry's embarrassment suddenly came rushing back to him in full force. "I've been thinking about it all week, especially the part when I admitted I practiced DADA."
"You are making no sense to me, Potter."
"No, don't you see," Harry rushed to explain. "I don't know why it didn't hit me until now, but it finally opened my eyes. I practiced. I practiced! It's not like I'm some superwizard who can wave a wand and get the spell right the first time around. I've been running around the past six years doing this and that, when the whole time I've been doing what everyone else does, practicing. What if I'm in a role that's not meant for me? Who's to say someone else wouldn't do a better job. I mean, everyone expects so much from the great Harry Potter, but what if I'm really not that special? What if I let everyone down?"
"Wow, so we're away from relationships and now we're talking about fighting skills," Alex whistled. "You really made a quick switch on that one, Potter."
"Alex!"
"Sorry," Alex raised her hands in surrender. "I just don't know what you want me to say."
"I don't know either," Harry had to admit, this was difficult for him. He was so used to holding in his feelings, to keeping his thoughts and secrets away from his friends. A small part of him felt that they wouldn't understand, but the bigger part didn't want to burden them with his troubles.
He seemed, however, to have no problem talking to Alex about the same issues. There was something about her that was so inviting, like you could tell her anything in the world. Maybe that's what Harry needed right now, a dependable confidant.
"Well, Potter," Alex sighed. "I'll tell you this: I've seen a lot of powerful witches and wizards in my life and I can honestly say that there is a difference between them and the others."
"The others?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, you know, all the other wizards and witches," Alex continued on. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is we all have magic in us, even some Muggles, I think. The ones with a lot of magic and power are the really strong ones. They may have to practice some, but they usually catch on pretty quickly.
"The ones with less magic can practice their asses off to become better, but in the end the ones with more magic would still win in a duel."
"I see," Harry didn't know if he believed her. "And you think some Muggles have magic?"
"Well, in very tiny amounts," Alex reasoned. "How do you think we would get Muggle-born witches and wizards? They must carry a bit of magic in themselves somewhere for them to pass it on, like some kind of recessive gene."
Harry looked at Alex in amazement. He never thought about it like that before. "You really think so?"
"Why not?" Alex countered. She paused for a moment, like she was trying to decide how to phrase what she wanted to say. "Look, Potter, I'm sorry I made you doubt yourself. But for what it's worth, I've heard some pretty incredible things about you."
"You have?" Harry didn't know if he should be flattered or embarrassed. "Like what?"
"Let me ask you this," Alex said. "Can you do certain spells better than your classmates, or better than other wizards could when they were your age? And forget everything about them practicing, even if they train really well. Are you better than them at times? And be honest here."
"I…well," Harry was seriously stuck. "I suppose…when it comes to certain spells."
"Yes or no, Potter."
"Yes," Harry winced. It was so difficult to say that he was better, especially when he didn't know if he really was. But he could make one hell of a patronus charm. At least he was right about that.
"Then that's all you need to know," Alex said softly.
Harry looked directly into Alex's face, but she wasn't even facing him. She now seemed to be in deep concentration. Her gaze was focused out into the night sky, as if she was remembering something about her past. Harry realized that Alex hardly talked about her family. Did she miss them? What were they like?
Then, for the first time that night, Harry saw that Alex's fist was loosely closed around some small object. Why hadn't he noticed it before? What was it? He would have asked her about it, but Alex suddenly inhaled deeply, like she was surprised though she tried to conceal it.
Harry quickly followed her gaze out over the Forbidden Forest, and immediately saw the cause of Alex's shock. Flying gracefully over the forest, bathed in the light of bright full moon, were two Thestrals.
"Whoa!" even Harry was amazed at the impressive and gorgeous sight. He continued to watch as they did a few aerial acrobatics before they dipped below the tree cover and out of view. "That was amazing. I've only seen them a few times before."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Alex swiftly turned away from the opening, with a deep frown etched on her face.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked incredulously. "You saw them didn't you? They were right over there…"
Harry leaned over the edge of the railing slightly and pointed in the general direction, just to emphasize his point. How could Alex have missed them? Wasn't she the first one to see them anyway? Alex turned to shoot Harry an icy glare, but instead her face quickly became a ghostly white. Her free hand instantly shot out and pulled Harry back from the railing and over to the side with her.
"What are you doing!" she shouted at him. "Are you crazy?"
"What am I doing?" Harry was clearly confused. "What are you doing? I nearly fell over here! What's gotten into you?"
"I…I…don't," Alex stumbled over her words as her body trembled slightly. "I'm scared of balconies, okay."
Harry froze. He was so not expecting that. Of all the things to be frightened of! "Balconies?" she sure seemed to be serious about it. "What, is it the heights or something?"
"I guess you could say that," there was definitely a hint of bitterness in her tone.
Harry couldn't believe it. He had solved another piece of the 'Alex puzzle.' He only wished that he could learn more. It didn't help that Alex was obviously holding back. She was so closed off and sarcastic most of the time. He wondered if she would ever find a place for herself at Hogwarts, or if she would always be on the outside looking in. He knew that she held many secrets, and he probably would never learn half of them, but he didn't want to see her go through life alone.
"Alex," Harry nearly whispered her name. "Please don't do this anymore. You can't always be on your own."
Alex looked into his eyes and didn't need an explanation. She knew exactly what he meant. That's when she realized that being outside of the hospital wing and walking around the school was not enough. She had to live.
"Alright," Alex whispered in return. "Enough is enough. Things are going to change around here."
"Glad to hear it," Harry offered her a small smile.
So Harry and Alex left the Owlery together, each knowing that somehow, the school was soon going to be very different. Harry hoped that Alex would be happy here.
Alex, however, prayed that she would be able to survive the next few months.
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A/N: You know what to do: please review!
Next Chapter: Alex is fitting in at Hogwarts...and what ever happened during Alex's detention with Snape?