A/N: Happy new year! Hope you all had wonderful holidays and got everything you asked for. I tried to post this sooner but Edward was hiding from me. He was mad about the whole Jacob/Bella in bed thing. Tsk Tsk. I'm already started on the next chapter so I promise to have it to you before February. Thanks to those of you who put me in their alerts, it warms my heart. Please review I want to know what you think! Much love...onward to the story.
You can listed to the instrumental version of the song at: www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=bLA0HA2Yalw&feature=youtube_gdata_player or with lyrics at www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=lg_w7zgKLDU&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Water grey
Through the windows, up the stairs
Chilling rain
Like an ocean everywhere
Don't want to reach for me do you
I mean nothing to you
The little things give you away
And now there will be no mistaking
The levees are breaking
All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you
And six feet under water
I do
Little Things Give You Away – Linkin Park, Minutes to Midnight
Walking into the small room in the ICU ward, Edward was not prepared for what greeted him. In a small cot in the corner of the room, Bella lay sleeping. She looked pale, the red rims around her eyes providing a sharp contrast with her fair skin. Jacob Black lay besides her, holding her tightly to his chest with one arm while running his free hand trough her hair. Her head lay over his chest as her small hand gripped his shirt. Jacobs's head rested on top of hers as he whispered words that could only be heard by the sleeping girl next to him.
"What the fuck is going on here?" Edward spoke through clenched teeth, his hands forming into fists at his sides.
JPOV
"Nice to see you too, Cullen"
"Jacob. May I ask what you're doing here? Never mind, I already know"
"You should be used to it by now, Eddie. Wherever Bella is, I am too." Cocky son of a bitch.
I slowly moved away from Bella and pried her soft hand off my t-shirt before sliding off the small cot. The nurses had been nice enough to bring it in after my dad talked to them and explained the situation.
"Outside." I motioned Edward to follow me out into the hallway. I didn't want anything to interrupt Bella's slumber and I didn't trust the asshole to keep his voice down. He obviously had already forgotten we were in the ICU ward of the hospital.
Edward looked over at Bella but followed me out soon after.
"Listen up, Cullen, I'm only going to say this once. Bella needs me here so there's no point in you bitching about it. Be a man and suck it up. I don't like or trust you any more than you like me, but I've been a fixture in Bella's life longer than you ever will be. You obviously don't care that much for her or her safety if you left her alone last night. Are you that insecure or do you trust her so little that you can't let her have any male friends? Not that I give a fuck because if she dumped your sorry ass I'd be throwing a party the second I hung up the phone with her."
Edward narrowed his eyes at me and I could see his fists clenching at every word I said, but I didn't care. It's not my job to care about anyone other than the girl sleeping in that room.
"I didn't leave her alone last night...why am I explaining myself to you? It's none of your fucking business."
"Oh it is my business, Cullen. Anything that concerns Bella and has her crying on the phone concerns me. I told you from the very beginning to stay away from her. You're nothing but a self-centered asshole that doesn't deserve her. She should have listened to me when I told her you were up to no good, when I told her to keep you at arm's length."
"Bella's a big girl, Jacob. She doesn't need you making decisions for her. Don't you trust her?"
"I trust her, it's you I don't trust and I have every reason to keep her safe from guys like you." Predators like you.
~oOo~
"So that Edward guy asked me out again."
My head snapped up from the book I was reading to see Bella staring at me with that adorable "I think he's going to kill me" expression. The one that had her chewing the crap out of her bottom lip accompanied with two giant brown saucers above her nose.
"Yeah? What did you say?
"The usual," she shrugged. "I told him I'm not interested in stalkers but…"
"But?"
"Well, he does seem kinda nice Jake," she mumbled as she shifted her body to face me.
We were currently sitting on her living room floor going over college catalogues. She'd mentioned wanting to study on the East coast so I'd immediately gathered as many brochures as I could in order to give her all the choices she wanted. Bella was smarter than most girls her age so she deserved to get into any college or university she wanted. I'd checked out some books from the library so we could find out all the possibilities to further her education. She needed to know about grants, scholarships, the works. She needed to stop thinking about certain people that were "kinda nice" because they weren't even remotely nice.
"Bella, he's playing you. He's a player. That's what he does. He sweetens you up so you give in and then discards you once he's had his fun."
"Like he did with Jessica?" She spoke to her lap.
"Yeah, like he did with Jessica." I sighed while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
She toyed with the hem of her shirt for a moment and I was about to return to my book when she continued.
"What exactly did he do to Jessica? I mean I've heard vague stories, but I wanna know what happened? I mean, he seems so nice in person, it can't be that bad, right?"
Poor Bella, she looks almost hopeful now it was my duty to crush that hope.
"He used her, Bella."
"How?"
"How do you think?" My tone was harsh, but she'd asked so I was going to tell her.
"For sex?" Her voice was barely a whisper.
"Yeah, for sex."
We stared at each other for a beat. It's not usually normal to be discussing sex with a girl like Bella, but after that night it wasn't a topic that was off limits. Anything she needed to know I'd tell her because she had to be informed. She needed to know everything it involved, and that it wasn't always hearts and flowers like in the movies. Of course, after that night she already knew that.
"What did he do to her? Did he…" She trailed off leaving the thought unfinished but I knew what she wanted to know. Did he rape her?
"No, nothing like that."
Bella nodded once before pressing on. "Then how?"
"He used her." She gave me a look of confusion so I elaborated. "Jessica Stanley had a thing for Edward Cullen for as long as I can remember. He used that to his advantage. He toyed with her and played with her emotions until she gave him the one thing he wanted. She'd never had serious boyfriends and she made it very clear that she wasn't into random hook ups. That's why Edward pursued her, she was his ultimate prize."
"A virgin?"
"Yeah. He wore her down until one day she finally gave in thinking he'd be around for a while, but that wasn't the case. He dumped her a week later. Her parents found out and they were furious. They wanted him to make things right by her but he refused stating that she'd been more than willing to give it up to him."
"He said that? To her parents?"
"Something along those lines. Anyway, they sent her away a few months after that. The rumor was that she was pregnant, but I never got the chance to ask her if it was true. I haven't talked to her since she got back."
"So he got her pregnant and then claimed it wasn't his? Wow, that's pretty shitty."
"Bella, I don't know if he did or didn't. All I know is he convinced her to do something she didn't want to do. That's not okay. She wasn't ready and he should not have pressured her into it, but that's the kind of guy he is. All he cares about is himself and fulfilling his needs. To him, everyone else is collateral damage. As long as Edward Cullen comes out on top, nothing else matters."
"Nice way of putting it, Jake." She snorted.
"Huh?"
"Comes out on top?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me.
"You have such a dirty mind, Bella. Who would have guessed under such an innocent face lies the mind of a pervert?"
"Whatever, Jacob. You taught me everything I know, so if I have a dirty mind you are solely to blame. I am an innocent."
"Innocent my ass."
"Yeah, right. Your ass has seen more action than…"
"Bellaaaa. Ugh get back to the brochures, will ya? Put the 40% of your brain that isn't filthy into good use."
"Aww you're sweet, Jake, but I think it's less than 40."
"Ugh, Bella, you're gross"
She then collapsed into a fit of giggles effectively ending the college research.
~oOo~
"Will you two keep it down? We can hear you bickering like little girls all the way to the waiting room. Edward, you should be glad Jacob was around to be there for Bella. You don't know what would have happened if he hadn't gone to get her at the apartment," Alice interrupted.
Edward simply clenched his jaw and didn't reply.
"I'm not a dick. I want what's best for Bella. I don't think you're it, but for some unknown reason she's in love with you. Just know I'm watching you, Cullen. One more mess up and you're gone. I don't care how she protests. I'm going to get something to eat," I turned to look at the tiny girl fidgeting next to me. "Keep an eye on her and let me know when she wakes up."
I took a few steps down the hallways before turning around to face Edward Cullen. "You're welcome by the way."
Alice poked him in the ribs before he muttered a "thank you" my way and I got into the elevator.
Twenty minutes later, I returned to find Edward sitting at the edge of the cot were Bella still lay sleeping. I could tell the uncertainty was getting to him because he kept tugging at that ridiculous hair of his. I'm sure the beeping of the machines and the drip, drip of the IV wasn't helping either.
She suddenly stirred and her eyes fluttered open. She winced at the light and threw her hand over her face.
"Jake?" She cleared her throat to get the raspy-ness out, her voice having been worn out from crying the previous night.
Edward tensed at the foot of the bed and I simply shrugged when he turned to glare at me. Not my fault Bella wanted me instead of him.
"Hey, sleepy head. You feeling better?"
I tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and ran my thumb along her cheekbone. Bella gave me a lazy smile and nodded. Her eyes shot open when she remembered where she was.
"How long was I out?
"A couple hours. It was a long night, Bells."
She sat up slowly and fixed her ponytail, still oblivious to Edward's presence in the room. He now stood by the doorway with his hands shoved in his pocket, his facial expression torn between anger and fear. I had to admit, I was rather enjoying his turmoil. Like I said, I'm not a total dick, so I decided to put him out of his misery.
"Hey, Bella, you have a visitor." I nodded my head in his direction and Bella frowned before turning to look at him.
"Hey"
"Hi"
They stared at each other for a few seconds before Bella shifted her eyes to meet mine. I nodded at her in acquiescence; I knew she wanted some privacy with Edward so I gave it to her.
"I'll be right outside if you need anything okay?" I left the room and closed the door behind me.
EPOV
I watched Jacob saunter away in annoyance. He was so cocky and smug it made me want to punch it right out of him. Technically, I could. We were in a hospital and any damage I did could be easily remedied. Hospital. Right. Bella. I turned to go check on her. Alice said she'd fallen asleep only a few hours ago so I doubted she was awake yet. Peering in the door as quietly as I could, I scanned the room. The beeping of the machines was the only thing audible, besides the drip of the IV.
Bella still lay asleep where I'd seen her mere minutes before. Wisps of hair framed her face while the rest poked out of what used to be a ponytail. Her right arm lay beside her, bent at the elbow, her hand close to her face. Her torso was half twisted to the right while her legs curled in to the left, the position making her body look like an odd S shape. She couldn't possibly be comfortable, but I didn't want to wake her in my attempt to move her.
I ached to reach out and move the hair from her face, but decided against it. Instead, I merely sat at the edge of the cot and watched the rise and fall of her chest. Last night's fight now seemed pointless. She'd wanted to share a bed with me and had ended up sleeping here, in a cot, in the hospital. I still couldn't believe we'd had a fight about sleeping arrangements and bills. I'd let my anger get the best of me, when Jacob had called, and I'd left her alone. How could I have left her alone? True, I had no way of knowing we'd end up here, but I owed her more than that. She deserved more than that. I'd promised her peace and security and now…
Time passed slowly but before I knew it, Jacob was back in the room. Bella awoke at the same time, and I was torn between elation and anger. Anger at having Jacob here invading my time with her. The anger intensified when I heard her call his name and saw their interaction together. They spoke softly to each other and she gave him a shy smile. My smile. A smile I thought she reserved for me. I was wrong. I moved from the cot to the doorway, shoving my hands in my pockets to keep them from reaching out and ripping his hand off her cheek. Bella seemed oblivious to me. Did she not notice I was here or was she ignoring me on purpose? Was she still mad at me? Did she blame me? She was probably mad at me for not being there for her. Maybe I shouldn't have come. Maybe she didn't want to see me. Maybe…
Jacob's voice broke me out of my internal debate letting Bella know I was, in fact, here. She gave him a confused look before turning to face me.
"Hey"
"Hi"
After a moment, she looked back to Jacob in an unspoken request to give us some privacy, which he agreed to.
The door closed behind me, and I wanted to move to her but remained rooted to the spot at the foot of the bed instead. I didn't know what her feelings were towards my being here now.
"How long have you been here?"
"About half an hour or so. I came as soon as I found out. Alice called me."
Bella nodded but remained quiet.
My heart was beating rapidly; threatening to pound its way out of my chest. Was she mad? Did she care? What was going on through her head? I needed to know. I needed to find out, but most importantly I needed to tell her. I just needed her.
"Bella, I'm sorry!" The words burst out of my mouth before I could think and they kept coming to the point of babbling. "I didn't know. I didn't know. I shouldn't have left last night. I was wrong. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. We were fighting and then he called and you took his call, and I just couldn't take it. I get so jealous sometimes of what you two share. I have no right, I know and I'm sorry."
I paced back and forth by the small cot pulling at my hair, not meeting her eyes.
"I came back and I thought you were in the bathroom then I fell asleep on the couch and thought you'd gone to work early. I had no idea. I didn't know. I would have…I would have been there for you if I'd known. Please, know that. I didn't get your messages until a few minutes ago. My phone had died and I left it charging while I went to work. That's why I didn't answer. I wasn't ignoring you, I swear. I would never...I would never."
My hands were shaking now and I was gasping for air. She had to know I would never leave her to handle this alone. If I had known…
"When I got the call from Alice saying you were in the hospital I thought…I thought something had happened to you. I lost it. I couldn't breathe. Bella, I can't lose you. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know."
"It's okay, Edward. I'm okay."
Bella stood in front of me running her right hand up and down my arm while the other traced my cheek. I leaned into her touch feeling immediately comforted. Here we were, in the ICU ward, and she was comforting me when I should have been the one comforting her.
In one swift move, I pulled her to me in a tight embrace, crushing her body to mine. Holding on tight and trying not to suffocate her. She hugged me back and buried her face in my chest. I felt her body relax and her warm breath penetrate through my shirt as she exhaled a sigh of relief.
"I'm sorry," I whispered in her hair.
"It's okay. I'm glad you're here now."
"What happened?"
Bella shook her head, "Not here. Can we go some place else?" she mumbled into my shirt.
"Of course. Have you eaten anything? It's almost one in the afternoon. You should eat."
"Okay."
I turned to move towards the door but her arms tightened around me.
I leaned away from her and bent my knees to get to her eye level, "Hey, what's the matter?"
"Just give me a minute." She took slow deliberate breaths and clutched the back of my shirt while burying her face in my neck. It was as if she were trying to convince herself I was really with her.
Turning my head towards her, I gave her small kisses on her cheek, her eyes, her forehead until she looked up at me with a shy smile. My smile. Pulling back once again, I brought my hands to cup her face before leaning in to place a kiss on her soft, pink lips. Her hands relaxed behind me as she let out a soft contented sigh before bursting into the most beautiful smile I'd seen in days.
Reaching behind me, I entwined her hand with mine and gave it a soft squeeze.
"C'mon. Let me feed you. Then we can talk about what happened."
We walked out the room and stopped by the waiting area to inform our friends that we'd be back after Bella ate something. We walked in silence to the first floor cafeteria with Bella tucked into my side, her small hand in mine, her head leaning into my chest as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.
I wasn't really hungry and ended up only getting a bottled orange juice. I played with the cap while Bella ate bits of her sandwich and chopped up fruit. She didn't have much of an appetite, but I insisted she should eat something anyway. I cleared my throat preparing to speak, but Bella spoke first.
"It was a car accident." She bit her bottom lip and tucked some stray strands of hair behind her ear before continuing.
"The Police Officer who was at the scene said she ran a red light and almost crashed into another car, but hit a light post when she swerved. She'd been drinking." She let out a humorless laugh.
"She was only two blocks away from our house. I don't know where she was going or where she was coming from. It happened at 1 in the morning. Since I am her only family they contacted me to give me the news." Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks but she wiped them away with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "I knew this would happen someday. It was inevitable. That's why I made sure to put my contact information in her purse, her cell phone, her car. I had always expected a call saying she was passed out in some alley. I never thought she'd drive drunk. She was stupid but not that stupid. She'd never done that before. Then again, I had always been there to hide her keys. I wasn't there this time."
Looking at her face, I realized then that she blamed herself. Bella thought it was her fault her mother had wrapped herself and her car around a light post. I couldn't let her think that. It wasn't right. It wasn't true. Renee had control of her own actions, and it had never been Bella's job to be her guardian.
"She's been unconscious since they brought her in. There was so much blood. So much bleeding. They took her into surgery to stitch up her wounds and try and stop the bleeding. It was… it was..." Tears were now flowing down her face, and her body was shaking. I reached over and pulled her onto my lap while wrapping my arms around her waist hoping to bring her some comfort.
I ran my hand up and down her back for a while as her sobs subsided and she buried her face in the crook of my neck. My shirt was getting wet but I didn't care. If I could take her pain away, I'd do anything, anything she wanted me to. After a few minutes she mumbled something into my neck, and I had to pull her away to make out what it was.
"What was that?"
"You weren't there. I called you and you weren't there."
My throat went dry and the air left my lungs. It was true. I hadn't been there when she got the call. I'd left her alone.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry-"
"I didn't know where you were. I couldn't reach you. I didn't know who else to call. I had just talked to Jake minutes before the police called me so…I called him. Please don't be mad at me. I didn't know who else to call." Bella started biting her lip and lowered her gaze from mine. She wouldn't look at me.
Bella was afraid I'd be mad at her. I was mad, not at her though, at myself. I'd put her in this situation by being irrational and hot-tempered. Esme had always said my temper would bring me trouble but now, it had affected someone else. Someone I loved more than I had ever thought possible. I shuddered at the thought of Bella standing alone in my apartment receiving the call that told her Renee, her mother, had been in a car accident and was in critical condition. Bella was strong, that's true, but she had still needed someone to comfort her at that moment, and I had denied her of that. How must she have felt? What must she have thought when she called me and I didn't reply?
I'm such a fucking idiot. I can't do this right. I can't make her happy no matter how I promise; I always end up being the asshole everyone claims I am.
"Bella, I'm not mad at you. I admit I wasn't pleased to see him here but under the circumstances, I'm glad. I'm glad you had someone to turn to when you needed him. I'm just sorry it wasn't me. I'm your boyfriend, and I should have been there for you, but I wasn't. I wish I could tell you it won't happen again, but I'm not perfect. What I can tell you is that I'll try harder. I will try harder to be the guy you need, the guy you deserve. I want to be that guy for you Bella. You can count on me. I won't let you down again."
"You didn't let me down, Edward. There's no way you could have known this would happen. You're here now, that's all that matters. You are that guy for me, Edward. You have to know that. You are that guy. I wouldn't be with you if I didn't believe you were good for me. People have said things, told me things, about you but I don't see what they see. Whatever you did before we met, whoever you were, you're not that guy. The Edward I fell in love with is caring, and sweet. He's cranky and hot-headed sometimes, but you always come back to me. That's why I love you: you've never betrayed my trust in you. I'm with you because of who you are. I'd never want you to change for me."
Bella looked into my eyes and I was lost. Lost in a sea of chocolate brown that held nothing but love and understanding. Lost in a look that told me she meant every word she said. Lost in her forgiveness and hope. Hope of the man she saw in me, the man I strived to be for her.
"You believe me, don't you?" She cocked her head to one side and bit her bottom lip.
"I do." I nuzzled her nose with mine and took a deep steadying breath, "I'm still going to work on my temper though, for you. You deserve better."
"I don't want better. I want you. Your temper is a part of who you are." Her fingers traced lazy circles at the nape of my neck, and I struggled with the urge to crush my lips to hers.
"Are you sure you want dark angry Edward to stay?" I asked, giving her my panty melting crooked smile.
"Well, maybe not dark Edward, but angry Edward is a pretty good kisser. I wouldn't mind having him around." She blushed and chewed on her lip.
"Stop doing that, it's very distracting."
What?" She batted her eyelashes and bit down harder on her already red lips. "This?"
I groaned. "Maybe we should go check on your mom, Bella. I don't think this is the appropriate place to do what I want to do to you."
"I hear the supply closets are big."
I gave her a look that showed how odd I thought that comment was before putting her legs on the floor to stand up. She frowned and stood adjusting her sweatshirt before wiping away at her face for any remaining dry tears.
I threw the trash away and took her hand in mine, intertwining our fingers together. Bella tried to pull away, her flirty mood evaporated. I had unintentionally hurt her feelings and I could tell she was feeling the sting of rejection. I squeezed her hand and gave her a smile, which she returned, but it didn't reach her eyes. I had recently learned Bella used physical interaction as a means of distracting herself from painful situations. I wasn't sure why, but no matter how much I wanted her at this moment, it wasn't the right place to start groping and kissing her.
We entered the elevator in silence and I pulled her to me once the door closed. Hugging her from behind, I bent my head to trace the spot behind her ear that made her shiver, all the while gripping her hips in my hands. "Isabella Swan, right at this moment I want to do nothing more than push you up against this wall and ravage you with kisses, but I don't think the hospital staff would approve," I whispered in her ear, "So what we are going to do is go check on your mom and find out how her recovery is going. Okay?" She was taking slow shallow breaths and nodded her understanding before turning her head to look up at me.
I gave her a slow seductive smile, making her cheeks blossom into a deep shade of pink. She bit her lip and gave me her smile, the one that tugged at my heart and made me go weak at the knees. I leaned in to brush my lips to hers in a chaste kiss before the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened for us.
"Don't ever doubt that I want you, Bella, because I do," I whispered against her lips and pulled away to walk out to the ICU ward.
Alice rushed over to us then. "Bella, Dr. Peterson was in looking for you earlier. Your test results are in."
"Test results? What test results?" I thought she said she was fine. Why would Bella need tests done?