Ten: Isolation – La Spaccatura che li Unisce Più-

Where did that man go now?

With Rufus again? How many times will they have to talk so privately by themselves?

"You should calm down, Nami." My sister's soothing voice echoed on the silent room. "I just…I…" I tried to explain this unexplainable need to see and hear and make him near me at all times. Maybe it was because we've always been together since this thing happened.

But more than that, I want him to touch me, to hold me, to kiss me and tell me that he will always be there for me. I wanted to feel his warmth, strength and solidness and everything else about him. I wanted to feel how his able hands would ruffle my hair or how his deep chuckle would send a mob of butterflies in my stomach or how his lips would curve into one teasing smile…

"Nami, you're spacing out."

I mentally slapped myself and shook away the fragments of his image from my mind. She giggled lightly and I blushed at that. "Stop it, Fiona." I murmured then sat on a chair not far from her bed. "Why don't you just go to him and confess." She said and I swear I could imagine my very red face popping out of nowhere. "F-Fiona!"

She held an amused, albeit enjoyed, look and feigned a gasp. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spill out your thoughts about him." She mused at my embarrassed expression. "Seriously, just go to him and tell him you feel the same. Then you'll have a happily ever after." She shrugged her shoulders and flipped the page of the book she was reading. I slumped to my knees, my elbows acting as the support for my upper body, and sighed. How am I supposed to do that when I have shoved him away when he had confessed to me?

I have not imagined him doing that. To me of all, people, by the way. "Do you think…" I looked up at her and saw her thin brows slightly raised. "Hmm? Yes?" she asked as she marked the page and closed the book.

"Ah, I think he's in Mr. Lehrer's room." She added when I kept silent. "Eh? With Rufus? Again?" I couldn't help my voice get squeaky. She nodded softly and her eyes darted to the door. "I suppose you can still catch them there." She said and a smile crept to my face. "I'll get back as soon as possible." I said and hurried to give her a hug before rushing out the door. "Just take your time." Was the last thing I heard before the door closed behind me.

Walking on the long corridor with only the dim lights of singular candles that hung on the well coated walls, I felt my heart getting excited as I neared the door.

Ryou...

I paused before knocking on the door. I just realized that I was feeling nervous. The last time we had really talked was when he confessed to me. I don't want to make any blunders now. I want to set things straight now, even if my own feelings are still astray. Somehow, I'll be able to decide fully but right now, I want to see and talk to him. Deciding that it's a payback time for Rufus in his little coincidence streak while Ryou and I were trying to talk, I declined to knock for a little surprise.

"...Will you go?" I heard my loyal assistant's voice from the small space my silent act had done. I saw him and Ryou were face to face. Ryou's face was hard set and he held a serious look.

Will he what?

"Yes" I heard him answer without fail. By going…he does not mean by going back to Japan, doesn't it?

"Is that you final decision?" Rufus asked again. "Absolutely." Ryou said again.

Is this for real? Is he…leaving me? Unbelievable!

"What about Lady Nami? You're going to leave her alone when you had promised?" Rufus threw another one. "She will understand." Ryou blandly replied.

Understand? I don't understand anything!

All things felt surreal after that. He promised me. He was a man of his word, or so I thought. Why must he leave? Why must he leave me?

I stood there frozen, seeking my brain for answers in this puzzle. I was so worked out that I hadn't realized that Ryou's face was staring down at me in surprise and disbelief. "Nami…" he whispered when a tear fell from my eye. I looked up to him, my eyes searching for answers. The fain glow of the candles casted unwanted shadows on his face.

"…You're going?" I croaked as my eyes continued to probe into his achingly empty eyes. He looked back to Rufus who was also too stunned to provide whatever Ryou needed from him. Backup? Excuse? Another lie?

I stepped back and covered my mouth with both hands as I fought over the sobs. He ran a hand over his face and let it rest on his mouth too. "I'm…I'm sorry, Nami." I heard him say the last thing that I wanted him to tell me. I shook my head and began to cry for real. He tried to reach out to me but I avoided him.

How can he do this to me? How? I…I trusted him…believed in him…relied on him…

"But please let me explain." He said, his voice strained. His eyes were pleading now, full of pain and remorse. "Explain? I've heard enough. You're going back without even bothering to tell me?" I was getting worked up as well. There were so much questions that I wanted to ask him but I don't know where to start. Why? How? When? "Is this what you two keep on talking about behind my back?" I hissed to him, swatting his hand as he attempted to touch me again. I couldn't bear to see, hear or even feel him right now. I just wanted to freeze and contemplate on the things. I inched back as I hugged myself, hoping that it would be enough to keep myself from further crumbling.

"Nami, please, listen to me…" he said, sailing forward to me, his strides longer to reach me without letting me get away. He won on that and the next thing I knew, his hands were on my either shoulders. "Let me go." I hissed as I tried to wiggle away. "No. Listen to me, Nami. It's not how you think it is." He said. One moment, he looked very determined and his mind stone hard but now, a wave of hesitation rippled his mask. It was as if he wasn't even sure of how to explain things to me.

"Okay, what is it, then? Explain." I fought with him. He looked at me, his eyes darting all across my face, from the tear that fell to my trembling lips. He paused on them and he raised a finger to my face, following the trail of tear that fell and stopping short to the side of my lips. "Nami…" he said and his head hung low. I heard his soft sobs.

He was crying.

"Why, Ryou?" I whispered back and covered my face with my hands. Why, why, why?

"Did I do something bad? Something you didn't like? Tell me, why, Ryou?" I broke down and I allowed myself to be held by him. He rested his face on my head, his tears slightly wetting my hair. "I'm so sorry, Nami. I'm sorry." He kept on telling me. "I need you to explain to me, Ryou. Let me hear your reason." I said, burying my face on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat: quick and hard.

"It is for your own good. I will die…so that you may live" he simply said and pulled himself away to look me in the eye. He leaned in and kissed my forehead, his warm lips creating a deeper coldness within me.

It was his way of saying goodbye.

I looked away from him and bit my lip. "So that's just it? You cant explain it to me, whatever you want to tell me, so you're resorting to running away? Is that how it is?" I barked at him. "N-No. You…you don't understand the situation, Nami." He responded softly.

"Then make me understand, you jerk! You keep on apologizing to me and you give such vague answers to my inquiries. Is that your idea of answering a specific question? You know who I am, Ryou. I am never contended with unclear things. I want it to hit me solidly." I said, rage forming inside me.

He let out a breath and paced a small space. "So you think you're going to buy me with that look? Well, here's a newsflash for you: I don't buy that look." I said then walked to him. "I've had enough of your mind games. I'm not a mind reader, Tsuchiura." I growled then walked past him. I felt the sides of eyes, stinging again. The newest wave of tears was already forming. I had to get away from him as fast as possible.

His hand stopped me, gripping my wrist in desperate attempt. "Nami," he called and I could hear his slight panting. I didn't dare give a look back at him. I was afraid that I'll have to brush away all my pride and questions and let myself fall to him again.

"I know that I wasn't able to explain it properly, and I know that you're not a mind reader and I know that what I am doing to you is very difficult but…please, forgive me." His voice was both croaked and broken.

Right now, I had to forget all the things that my heart was shouting at me. I wanted to stop following blind light. I wanted to know the truth. I'm tired of playing this sick role.

"So you think I am like a soccer practice that you can ditch when you don't want to play anymore? I'm not a ball that you can kick here and there wherever you please and control…I'm the one you love." I answered and pulled my hand away. I ran as fast as I can to Fiona's room, ignoring his pleas of forgiveness and understanding. What was that thing that he could explain to me? Was it really that hard for him? I wouldn't shun him if he would just let me hear his side out.

My knees fell the moment I closed the door behind with quite force. I let my back slide as I fell and poured it all out. Melinda and Fiona both looked at me with surprise and confusion. "N-Nami? What's wrong?" Fiona asked, with arms open to welcome me, as I walked to her. I fell into her embrace and cried more. "I hate him, Fiona! I hate him!" I shouted. Soon, a rally of knocks came and his voice sounded faintly from behind it. "Lady Fiona…" Melinda said.

"No! Don't open it! I don't want to talk to him!" I screeched. Fiona caressed my head. "Tell him that Nami…no, that I ask him to stay away for a while." Fiona ordered Melinda. Soon, I heard her steps and the soft creak of the door. A minute later, Melinda came back. "I've relayed your message, Lady Fiona." She said and she exited.

"What is wrong, Nami? Did you two fight?" Fiona asked softly. I had stopped sobbing but the tears wont stop from falling. With bitterness and pain, I told her what has transpired.

"You should have stayed to listen, Nami. Maybe he was just having a hard time on how he should put it to words." Fiona said after a while. "No, Fiona. I've had enough of him." I said without even thinking.

"But…he's leaving already! You have no more time to waste." She said.

"If he wants to leave…then he could do so. He doesn't have to say goodbye to me or anything. I don't care at all." I said, feeling my eyes a little heavy now.

"Nami? T-That's…"

"I don't care." I answered back. I heard her sigh and rested her hand on my head. "If that's what you want. I'm just here if you need anything. You can stay here tonight with me, if you want." She said. I nodded at her, too tired to mutter anything.

I closed my eyes and felt my consciousness slipping to sleep. Hopefully, I wont be dreaming of him in any way tonight.