There once was a girl who got dumped by a messy, clueless, ADD infected, ramen-obsessed idiot.
That girl was me.
Chapter Five
My Heart is Damaged
He dumped me. He dumped me. He dumped me. He dumped me. He dumped me.
He - Naruto Uzumaki my first and only love - dumped me.
I smashed a fist at the bathroom mirror and crumpled to the floor. My dressed was wet - with tear. The sash lay tattered and dirty on the floor.
Vision began to haze with angry, confused tears. I sobbed, ashamed, onto the floor, cradling my head in my hands.
Damn it.
Damn.
"D-d-d - "
This can't be happening. I've love him for ages, so long, so long. This is not happening. It can't simply happen.
I rubbed at my eyes.
The image in the mirror was terrifying. Puffy eyes, red nose, bird's nest hair. The 100 dollars I'd spent on the shoes- not to mention 180 for the dress, and buying Kakashi those books and all those years of loving him
and lovng him and loving him and -
loving him -
Stop. -
loving him! -
I'D LOVED HIM! -
,no,no,please, God, no...no,no -
I'D REALLY LOVED HIM! -
...and now...nothing. Nothing.
I ripped off the paper towel with a savage motion and trembling hands.
"Fuck."
XxxxxXxxxxxX
I swung open the door - Wham -
Sasuke stood there with his nose gauze. He was massaging his right arm. We stood like that for a couple of seconds. The expression on his face, I might have described it as priceless if I'd been -
If I hadn't been dumped.
He assessed the situation slowly with a quirk in his mouth. "You...again."
I bent my head down, hiding my tears that failed to stop.
"P-please - "
I paused, biting my lip. " - N-never m-m - "
All of a sudden there was a flash of pink. In the corner of my eye I saw -
Sakura was dancing with Naruto. They were both laughing.
Well, what did you expect? demanded a harsh voice.
I pushed Sasuke away, running to the door in my effort to get out of here, anywhere but here - please - God, no, don't let me see him with Her - with - w-with Sakura - never again - the pain -
The pain -
I don't know how long I ran.
After everything, I didn't know if I ran or walked or limped, but I ended up on my bed, choking my sobs into the bedspread.
Presently I was too tired to cry. My shoulders heaved with dry sobs.
"M - my date was Naruto...He dumped me..."
Tiredly I slipped onto my bed, facing up at the ceiling. I shivered. Words found themselves to my mouth and I murmured them to the cold night air.
"It's a waste, is w-what it is. It's such a d-damn waste."
"Sometimes I hate him. Llike right now. And the times that he ignored me. "S-sakura, Sakura." The sound came out half-strangled. "But...he's so nice. He even asked me out. Me! Weird, ugly, shy girl who spends her time doodling heart and writing Ms. Hinata Uzumaki!"
"I hate it."
The words burned like hydrochloric acid in my throat.
"It's so funny. So damn f-funny, isn't it?"
"I'm was jealous of Sakura. I had loved Naruto. Naruto goes for Sakura. I hate Naruto. But I'm sill jealous of Sakura! Why?! Why? Why am I - jealous of her? It's not like I still love - "
"Naruto's not even a - a good person!"
" - But - he is! He is. He's so nice, so damn nice." My shoulders rocked back and forth and I looked sideways. I brushed away my mangled hair.
"I - I'm so stupid," I whispered to the emptiness. The room stayed coldly silent.
"It's so ironic. I'm so stupid. I'm demented. I'm a stupid girl. I hate to be me."
"I h-h-hate to b-be me..."
The hiccups slowed down and my eyes shut. My soul drifted away from my fatigue.
XxxxxXxxxxxX
I slept like a dead man. The next day at ten I awoke. I heaved my book bag up, cursed in my head, and hoisted myself into the kitchen for breakfast.
Hiashi raised a thin, stern eyebrow.
"You expect me to drive you."
I nodded, my head feeling like it was spinning.
"Walk."
I bit the inside of my cheek in frustration and turned my heel. If I ran fast enough I could forget about him.
I flew.
XxxxxXxxxxxX
Everything passed in a blur. No one talked to me at all. If I hadn't said a single word - which I didn't - no one would confront me, say anything. Could you ever imagine everything ignoring you at school?
People milled around me, talking about summer tans -
"...Yeah, and the price there is, like, a few hundred dollars..."
"...Did you see me at the beginning of the year? I was, like, black."
I opened my journal for condolence. The first words that caught my attention were:
Future Aspirations: Let's just say I want to be Ms. Hinata Uzumaki in the, hm, near future, shall we?
The tears started, and overflowed. The flood inundated all five of my senses. All of sudden I just couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything. I clutched the desk with white fingers and just gasped for air.
"Hinata? Ms. Hyuuga? Would you like to go to the nurse' office?"
I jerked my head in what I hoped to send the message.
All around me people were finally taking notice, but I didn't want them to. They whispered about how weird I was, I knew it.
Before I managed to get out the door I caught sight of Sasuke's eyes.
They were worried.
XxxxxXxxxxxX
The nurse wasn't in her office. I figured I could cut. It was my first time, but I wasn't feeling much guilt, and I was feeling a huge burden of sadness and necessity, so I wandered the halls.
I reached the curve of the hallway, and, before I knew what I was doing, trashed the journal into a niche by the lockers.
Future aspirations: Let's just say I want to be Ms. Hinata Uzumaki in the, hm, near future, shall we?
Ms. Hinata Uzumaki my ass.
XxxxxXxxxxxX
Needless to say, I was in a stupor for the rest of the week - October flew by, and it was in the second week of November when I realized that I was slowly killing myself.
There were black and blue shadows underneath my eyes, and my skin had a dull look to it.
I was conveniently surprised when I received my progress report -
B, B, B, A, A plus;..
and a 100 in Kakashi's class. It would have possibly been 101 percent, but the progress reports didn't go above one hundred.
"One hundred?" came a voice suspiciously close to my ear.
Virtually no one had talked to me during the whole week. TenTen trailed along Kiba, leaving me alone and saturnine.
I jumped.
"One...hundred?"
"Y-yeah."
Sasuke squinted. His nose gauze had come off a few days ago. "Impossible. Give me that."
I let him take it. "W-what do you have?"
He failed to answer, but stood up immediately. His foot brushed mine as he strode over to the teacher's desk. The class's eyes were trained on him like predator stalking prey; it was rather rare to see Sasuke confronting the teacher.
"Kakashi."
"Sir."
"Kakashi, sir."
"Oh - no. I was calling you sir."
A few girls giggled, much to the silver-haired teacher's delight.
"One hundred," came Sasuke's stoic and un-lengthy reply; he promptly shoved my progress report into the teacher's arms. "One hundred in this class. One hundred when you virtually failed eighty percent of the students here."
"That I did," Kakashi sighed mildly.
"One hundred, and from - " Sasuke broke off and gave me a frustrated glance. He turned back around quickly. "Sensei, one hundred? I didn't get one hundred. I - "
Now everyone was actually leaning in, their faces coursing excitement.
"Never mind," he muttered, seeing that Kakashi wasn't going to give a satisfactory response. Mainly because my one hundred involved teacher-student bribery, which could be considered illegal and unconstitutional. Funny how Kakashi taught U.S Government.
Sasuke returned to his seat and slouched, looking distinctly ruffled.
Class resumed; worksheets galore. Worksheets were easy. Most of them asked your opinion.
The bell pealed and I gathered my books, feeling slightly better in a long time.
"So how did you?"
"W-what?" I looked at him. His eyes appeared mad in the bright light.
"Your grade..."
"..." I shook my head, words failing me. Staying away from everyone in several weeks made me talking-unable. He continued to stand there, with a confused, exasperated expression.
"You haven't been yourself," was what he finally said.
"M-me?"
"Since last week...or even earlier...come to think of it, the dance. And - " A few people turned to assess our situation - "Naruto. Where's he? Weren't you guys - weren't you - ?"
"N-never mind."
"Weren't y - "
I was rapid to change the subject. "I - I s-said never m-mind. What's...your grade?"
He paused. If this weren't Sasuke, I would say he was making a face.
"Ninety...six."
"Oh."
I hadn't dressed up in decent clothes since the dance. I just couldn't drag my body to the closet to pick out clothes. But this afternoon I did. Sasuke's words made me feel better, I didn't know why.
I did something else that astonished me. I called TenTen.
"TenTen here."
"Hi. It's Hinata..."
"Oh...Hi, Hinata. What's up?"
"Nothing much," I said quietly.
"Have you been absent for the last few days?"
"No. I was here."
"You must have been very quiet then," she laughed slightly, but my feelings dropped.
"I suppose I was..."
"Well, Kiba's calling my name. Is there, um, anything special ya wanna tell me?"
My stomach churned. Should I tell her or not? I had debated for hours. They said if you told someone, the problem would be cut in half. I wanted so badly for the pain to be lessened even a little.
I shut my eyes. The pain that Naruto had inflicted on me, unknowingly by him, still affected me. I couldn't talk, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat without thinking about it. Whenever I did, tears started instantly.
Should I tell her?
"You know, Kiba's waiting...anything you wanna...??"
"No," I whispered. "Nothing."
And then there was the dead, quiet click of the phone as she hung up. I sat on the floor, cradling the phone, overwhelmed by the sense of losing my best friend.
My emotions hung low in the next week. I couldn't imagine myself as smart or bright; I was just another drone in the school of drones.
Which was why I was astonished when I found the contents of my gym locker overturned. I examined the lock. It was picked.
The tag clearly was labeled, "Hinata Hyuuga." Who would do this? I had nothing of importance in there, no jewelry unlike the other girls.
I shoved my sneakers aside, and that's when that familiar black cover caught my eyes.
Shaking, I turned the journal. My journal.
It was my journal. Impossible! - I hadn't - I hadn't put it here; I'd shoved it in that deep corner where no one sane would find it - how did it get here? I surveyed the room anxiously, but no one paid any attention. As usual.
I lifted the cover and ran my fingers over the coarse paper. My fingers gripped the pages, and flipped them.
Nothing unusual.
Towards the end there was dark blue ink.
I always wrote in purple.
Feeling horrifically apprehensive, I pulled the journal into the light and examined the writing. The handwriting was slanted and refined, looking as if the person who wrote the message ltook his or her time.
You always seem so quiet in class.
I swallowed, shivering. Who would write this...and why?
It will be clearer later...! I promise I will update faster! -Takes oath of liberty-
Sorry for updating never. Thanks for reading and please review!!