"Sir, what size shoe do you wear?" the clerk asked Jacob, who looked to me. Really, was I supposed to know his shoe size? Who am I kidding, of course I knew it.
"Fifteen," I supplied, leaning up against the wall. The man didn't seem convinced but went to go look in the back for the size.
"Bells," Jacob nudged me, "You know that a man's shoe size signifies his... mhm size too?"
I looked around, hoping to God that Patrick hadn't heard that.
"Really, Jacob? In the mall of all places? And with your son just around the other isle with your mother-in-law?"
Jacob nodded animatedly. "They can't hear us, y'know."
"Still, you just don't go talking about your p---"
"Hello!" the clerk announced, turning the corner with a box of size fifteen shoes. He placed them in front of Jacob and stood back, beaming.
Jacob, smirking slyly, pulled the shoes on. "They say that shoes signify the man."
The clerk nodded gleefully. Was he high?
"Size, too," he added. I almost face-palmed right there. He really had no idea what Jacob was pertaining to!
"Yes, size," Jacob chuckled, "does add on to it."
I was starting to turn red in embarrassment. He wasn't actually doing this, was he?
"The bigger they are, the more of a man you are," he continued relentlessly.
"Oh, I wouldn't think so," the clerk argued, "just because someone has a smaller size doesn't make them any less of a man."
Jacob was grinning like a fool now. "But you just said size signifies the man."
The clerk shook his head. "I'm supposed to agree with the customer, sir," he reminded my husband.
"Anyways, how do those fit?"
"They're big, but they fit nice."
I was crimson by now.
"Ma'am?" the clerk asked, "are you all right? You look hot and wet. Do you need a towel?"
Jacob started to guffaw, but tried to hide his face with his shirt.
"I'm fine," I assured him, but stared down at my feet as I said it.
"These are good. I'll take them."
The clerk smiled brightly and walked over to the counter, Jacob following him. He paid for the shoes and decided to wear them out. I placed his old shoes in the box and closed it shut.
"Mommy?" Patrick asked, now beside me.
"Yes?" I looked down at him.
"If shoe size sig-nuh-somethin' the man, what size are you?"
Jacob's laugh could be heard for miles.