A/n: I know I know, I have talked a lot about this chapter, so he comes the tears.
I cried writing a part, but I took it out… You might see it in later chapters.. I don't know yet.
The Ten Thing I Hate About James Harold Potter
I hate the way you make fun of me.
I hate that you don't have to worry about being alone
I hate when you have someone and I don't
I hate when I tease you, it does nothing.
I hate the way you only you can make me want to die and live
Not a list, not a poem, a reality.
The reality of Sirius Black:
I hate you James Potter. You tease me with the kiss on the ear, you tease me when you are with Lily, and you tease me when you blow me kisses. You. You James, are the only person that makes me want to die and live at the same time.
I want to live because, there is always that damn hope that all those notes and letters and secret smile might all be real, that you may really want to kiss me in front of people. That you could want to hold me in your arms at night, the hope of you wanting to sit next to me anywhere and laugh and joke with me. One day, you James Potter, will hate to love me as much as I hate to love you.
I want to die because I know it is all in my fucking head. I know it is all a joke to you, all your fake notes and the whispers in my ear. The smiles for "me" that I keep thinking you are smiling to someone around me. You'd never want to kiss me, much less in front of your friends. You wouldn't fucking touch me, so you would never hold me at night. You would sit next to me, but all your jokes wouldn't be with me, they'd be about me. I want to die. I wish I had the strength to pull a blade across my wrist, or the strength to pull that fucking rope a little tighter, or even the strength to down the rest of the pills. Because I know that, the one day you will hate to love me, you will be busy.
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"Sirius!" James called after him.
"What the fuck do you want James?" Sirius yelled back a James as he turned around
"I wanted to say sorry, I know we were talking, and she walked in, I couldn't have helped it. I'm sorry."
Sirius rolled his eyes, "You didn't have to kiss her that you could have helped! James, you're a tool, a no good tool!"
"Yeah, well so are you, you act like you don't like the attention I give you, and then you flirt right on back, you're so damn confusing Sirius Black!"
"I'm confusing? You're confusing! You blow kisses at me, you wink, but what ever you do to me, you do ten times better to Lily fucking Evans! You don't even care, it is all a game to fucking Potter!"
They were both shouting in a lone hallway, and both were red faced.
"Me? What about you and Gabrielle? You couldn't stop eating her face!"
"Fuck you. You don't give a shit about me and you know it!"
"Because," James said very calmly and walking up to Sirius so close their noses were touching, "Sirius Black, I do care, you hate me though."
a/n: Short, I know… but I am in a shitty mood, which helped the chapter out, and I wont be updating until I am in a fluffy mood…. Reviews would be nice…
Authors Drabbles: People say cutting is not healthy, what they don't realize is that to me, watching the blood fall out, is like watching the problems roll away.