I hate myself. I also hate schoolwork, people who don't review (haha :), and above all, procrastination.

Chapter Ten

Step All Ova Me

I ran after Naruto - my heart was suddenly that much more lightened. You know what? I used to laugh at Ino back in 6th grade when she was obsessed with that new student, but now I understood her thoughts exactly.

My heart just - it just got so much lighter and airier, and...happier...when I was with him.

It wasn't just his looks; his 100-watt smile and those white teeth, his bright golden hair - saving the best assets to last, those cerulean sapphire eyes.

But it wasn't just that.

He had charisma - the way the lion did, prowling around and having prey insufferable to him. He had this sort of air, the air of being purely Naruto, and that was what I loved. He never brooded about things and he never second-guessed things. I suppose, because of his unlikeness to me, I...was attracted to him.

The bag nearly ripped at my shoulder when I hurtled myself to the spot next to Naruto. Sakura, I say with grim satisfaction, was gone. No doubt she was trying to mooch a ride with Sasuke.

Naruto smiled at me - me! He actually smiled downwards, because I was met with his mouth; five-ish inches shorter than he was. It was a position perfect for dancing, I mused, because he could just bend down a little and we could -

The happy thoughts whirled inside of me. All reflections and doubts that Sasuke had created were erased effortlessly.

Gone was the inhibitions that Naruto never noticed me. No, that was false. I had direct evidence; Naruto was standing RIGHT HERE, wasn't he? He was; he was a corporeal human - I could touch him. He didn't ignore me. He completely fit with me.

"Uh, Hinata?" He cast me a strange look. "What are you doing?"

I looked down hastily. In trying to prove to my Inner Voice Full of Doubt, I had squeezed his arm, checking if he were, indeed, real.

I flashed a cheery smile that wasn't the least bit faked. "Sorry," I said, almost chirped, then my head swam giddily.

Oy, Hinata. Get a grip of yourself, please. Don't embarrass yourself like this.

But I ignored the voice. I had been in hiding for so long - among the shadows, among the quiet people - I was just so relieved to break out into the open.

Or maybe, you know, it could have just been the endorphins.

And then a voice in my head started chanting randomly, Necrophobia, which is the fear of death or something.

Oh, why does my Inner Voice of Doubt always surface when I have a perfectly happy, sane moment? It's like it's trying to counter my happiness or something. I fear I'm going bipolar.

It continued to chant Necrophobia.

"Uh, Hinata? Are you sure you're okay?"

I guess I had been staring straight ahead with sort of a glazed appearance.

Fear of insanity: Agateophobia.

"Uh, yes. I'm okay."

Fear of pain: Agliophobia.

"Okay, then." He continued to stride along, with every one of his strides matching every two of mine. It was awkward, one might say, but it was adorable. I had to physically stop myself from admiring his cross-country gait.

We walked passed the intersection of the school, and he leisurely crossed the road. Because of my perpetual cautiousness, I hung back, checking carefully both ways.

(Agyrophobia, the Inner Voice of Doubt whispered. Fear of crossing the street.)

He didn't really wait for me, but I caught up to him doggedly. Maybe something was on his mind. He seemed a little...detached.

"Hey," I managed breathlessly.

He looked down. If I didn't know Naruto, I'd have said his expression was startled. As if he hadn't known I was there. (But that's just foolish).

"Oh, hi," he said cheerfully. It seemed...forced, almost. Fake.

"So, are you, um, going to join the Dance Committee? They made a big deal out of it on morning announcements." Honestly, Hinata. You get the chance of your freaking lifetime, and you choose to talk about something so inane and profitless.

"Uh, I don't think so," he responded, scratching at his (gorgeous) hair.

Fear of choking. Anginophobia.

"W-why not? Uh, my friend - said it was really fun!" (A complete lie. I had practically no friends these days, and the friend that I had was too busy trying to inform me of reality. (Well, too bad, Sasuke, because THIS is reality and I'm walking home with the man of my dreams, and you were wrong. So there.))

Antlophobia- Fear of floods.

"Huh." He continued to walk. I was getting a little tired, but I was determined not to show it. "Maybe I'll join," he said rather absently.

Now I was really worried. This wasn't Naruto at all. It wasn't the Naruto I knew. The one I knew - or the one I idolized in my head - was cheerful and brought the sunshine in my life. He always smiled affably and laughed and acted clownish and was nice to everyone, even little-shy Hinata.

There must be something on his mind.

"So, yeah. Have any, um, plans for this weekend? Anything fun?"

Apotemnophobia- Fear of people with amputations, whispered the voice in my head. Why, voice, why? (SHUT UP!)

"Uh...maybe. I was hoping to go to the movies with someone," he answered.

My heart

Cardiophobia- Fear of the heart

bba-bbumped.

"Wh-wh-who?" I managed. Oh, please, voice, just this once. Don't betray me. Don't let me appear too wishing it, or he won't take it. Please just let me be subtle.

Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.

Too late to be subtle, I thought, as Naruto's face (finally) turned to look at mine.

"Why?" he asked. "Did you want to go?"

Oh, God. Did he just ask? - Did he mean it as a joke, or as sympathy, or just a random question?

I couldn't look at his expression, though, because I was blushing madly and becoming suddenly obsessed with my dirty gray sneakers.

"I - I - I - I - " (Oh God, just let me stutter on, why won't you?)

(Just let me this once, have enough confidence to ask him. Just this once. Don't let it turn out like last time, when he probably thought I was too quiet. Speak up, Hinata! Grab the wheel. Drive, Hinata, drive! O why can't i just - )

"N-no," I stammered. "No! Of course not. I was just - just wondering."

The flower child had gone to seed. I wallowed in my misery, on the brink of bursting in tears. I had ruined it. I hadn't carpe-diemed, hadn't seized the day. Miserably, I hugged my arms closer to my body.

(Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.)

"Oh, okay, then," said his voice, completely natural. Did he not just realize what I had gone through? But then again, I thought wistfully, this is Naruto. He might be my soulmate, but he is a little slow on the uptake. Just on this one, at least.

Agraphobia- Fear of sexual abuse.

Oh, why had the Inner Voice of Doubt just spurted that out loud? I didn't need to know that -

"What are you doing, then?"

"M-me?" Oh God, did he just ask me? Stay calm. Stay calm, and stay normal. Don't burst into tears, don't get all flustered.

"O-uh, um, I'm going to the library (would he think I'm a nerd?). I mean, I'm going to go to the mall (with no one else?). With a - a friend. Yeah."

"Huh. Sounds like fun," answered Naruto noncommittally.

"Oh, and - I'm going to ask about the Dance Committee...I'm interested in, um, decorating the gym and things like that." There. That should be okay. Just so he wouldn't think I was a cliche girl who went to the mall all the time.

Oh my, I was really having a conversation with the man of my dreams. And, okay, it was more than five years overdue, and school was almost over, but still.

I was so glad about getting to know Naruto better.

"Oh, so you're going to join?"

"Y-yeah. I'm definitely joining. Oh, uh, you should, too." I laughed nervously. What had the Teen Magazine said about repeating things? I'd already asked him this! Sweat was pouring from my forehead and I knew, my shirt would look wet and dark with sweat splotches.

Very attractive, I mentally groaned.

"Huh...maybe I will." He was sounding bored, even more than before. It was like he was on robot-control mode, auto-airplane mode.

I fought the waves of panic. I had done so many steps wrong. This was the man of my dreams. I was messing this all up.

What had the magazine said? Say something to surprise him when the conversation begins to grow mundane.

Okay. Okay. I got this.

"Oh-uh-uh, Naruto, would you like to g-g-go to th-the..."

This was the complete opposite of before, when he'd asked me. Somehow asking him seemed...right. Maybe he had dumped me because I wasn't assertive enough. Yes. That was definitely it. Well, here I go. Be assertive, I coached myself. Be assertive, Hinata!

"...Would-you-like-to-go-to-the-dance-with-me?" I squeaked. I hung my head, as if he'd hit me or something. Oh, Hinata, sighed the coaching voice in my voice.

There was a silence. I imagined him in the worst scenario. He'd shake his head a little mournfully, because, oh I don't know, maybe he had another date or he had other plans. My heart plummeted at the thought. At least he'd be sad about it. That was Naruto.

But at this worst-case scenario, I also thought about the best-case scenario. How he'd sweep me off of my feet, and (possibly!) kiss me. Not that I'd had any experience, haha. I'd never been kissed in my life before, and I knew that Naruto would be my first.

The silence stretched even farther. I hadn't expected it to go this long. Maybe he was being uncertain, vacillating between turning me down nicely or accepting with a bright smile.

Maybe he hadn't even caught my words. I knew that I tended to speak a lot softer than usual around him.

I chanced a hesitating glance upwards.

He was...

He was sneering.

My heartbeat raced onwards, pumped with adrenaline and nor-adrenaline and cortisol. Oh, Gods, pretend I never asked, okay? He's sneering because he thinks I was joking.

Maybe he's not even sneering. I'd never seen a sneer one Naruto's face before. Maybe it's...it was a yes-holy-cow-I-want-to-go-with-you-to-the-dance-Hinata expression.

"You're kidding. Right?"

Relief surged through me. He wasn't turning me down. Yes, he thought I had been kidding. No, it wasn't over yet. I just needed to talk louder.

"No," I said lightly, hopefully. "Naruto, I want to go with you to the dance."

His sneer turned to a look of outright malice.

Shock exploded inside of me. I hadn't thought that that expression could be rendered on his cherubic, smiling face.

The world tipped. I barely hung on.

"Well, the answer is: hell no."

I wanted to vomit from sheer astonishment. This was a side of Naruto I hadn't known, never had known. What the fuck just happened? my brain screamed silently while the lacrymal ducts started to stream. My god.

"Do you think I want to go with a girl who hangs around in the library all day?"

So he had been listening to me. Funny, at his absent, monotonic answers, I hadn't known.

"A girl who's completely silent? I mean, Hinata - "

So he said my name, I noted dully. It's been exactly two months, three weeks, and five days, noted the working part of my brain.

" - seriously, but how many times do I have to dump you?"

He's not the innocent young boy that I've known, I thought hazily. Why, he's grown up. To be...this person.

"Honestly. Can't you spell? I... D-O...N-O-T...L-I-K-E...Y-O-U. And I'd taken you to be one of the smarter students, too."

The tears imploded. I pressed my hand to my mouth. What had gone wrong? My heart was breaking all over again. The careful stitches I'd made over the last several months were unraveling again. Oh god, what's happening to me?

I can't breathe.

"If you'd taken one clue..."

I felt the feelings from that last dance come forth again, as if from a broken dam. How'd I ever managed to convince myself that it would be "o.k." to love him again, that he'd love me back? How the hell did I think that I could get him?

"...into that thick head of yours..."

And above all, how the fuck would stupid-idiot-stuttering Hinata get popular-class-clown Naruto?

"...you'd know that all these times, I've been trying to get you to be a friend."

I managed to stagger to my feet.

Sasuke had been right.

I managed to hug my book bag to myself, managed to walk a few steps, totter, managed - barely - to not fall. Behind me, Naruto was still asking rhetorical questions. Each word cut me deeper than the last.

Something huge and angry and scaly erupted inside of me that moment. Perhaps it was the feeling of knowing that, Honey, your Prince Charming hadn't exist. Maybe it was the feeling that, Cinderella, all the glitz and glamour will turn into mediocre, dusty pumpkins.

"Naruto - you're a - "

How I hate him for leading me on, how I hate myself for leading myself on, how I hate him for laughing and smiling with me all those times and how I hate him for being alive and existing and breathing and oh, I wish he were dead I wish this never had happened to me why Hinata why do you expose yourself to be broken like this why -

" - piece of - "

Why did it turn out like this there were supposed to be rainbows and unicorns and strong horses and gallant princes -

" - shit."

I turned around and streaked down the street, away from the school and the Dance Committee and Naruto, Naruto, Naruto -

Leave him behind, oh please, I can't take it anymore -

I was in a daze the whole time I ran. A while later, my chest just hurt so hard it could barely gasp out breaths, and my legs were scraped as if I'd been in a car crash. (which was better than what just happened, oh god) -

It was growing dark. I stumbled along, book bag ragged, along the sidewalk. There were no people, and if there were, I would never notice them.

My life was over. It was. I knew it know, better than anyone else -

My name is Hinata Hyuuga, I'm sixteen years old, and my life is already over.

Oh Gods, what a waste, what a goddamn waste.

The street turned in a bend and I followed it in a sleepwalk. The lights were on now, the night was pitch black. Hiashi would be worried. Somehow that worry just amounted to so completely little in my mind and I ignored it.

A figure on the driveway - I couldn't see clearly because of the tears -

"Hinata!"

I had no strength to brush away the tears. I just couldn't. I was so absolutely, positively weak. It hurt to think.

"Hinata, are you - "

Dimly I recognized the voice. When I saw his feet, those comfortably well-polished shoes, I knew that it was Sasuke.

"You were right," I mumbled thickly. I needed to lie down, I felt faint. "You were a hundred percent right. You should be valedictorian, or a seer, you can really tell the future, Sasuke."

I heard the sarcasm in my weary, acidic voice.

"I wasn't good enough for him," I heard it say. It was so distended, so faraway. "I wasn't good enough for him."

"No, Hinata," Sasuke said strongly. He held my chin up. I was so messed up I could barely see him. "I'm sure that the only reason God made Naruto discard you..."

He bent down.

"...was so I could have you, instead."

He leaned over and kissed my passive lips.

A/N: It was a rather rushed chapter with Hinata's cartwheeling, uncertain thoughts. Oh, Hinata.

I hadn't meant for Naruto to be so full of...a tendency to hurt feelings, but then again, he can be rather callous sometimes. I don't think he's mature enough to build a real relationship. At least, not yet.

This chapter had a major decline in the bits of NaruHina, and a major rise in SasuHina, even if it was just towards the end.

Also, I has a LiveJournal, so you may add me there, too.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT!

If not, I'll go crazy with wondering if my writing is horrible or not.

I'm also thinking to quit fanfiction. I really don't know if I enjoy it as much as I did.