A.N.: A Holiday Special for Easter? Can it be done? Well, so far my Holiday Specials have been at least somewhat religious in nature, and there's no Holiday more Christian than Easter. If this seems particularly sacrilegious, don't worry, it is.

Copyright Disclaimer: No ownership of Wizards of Waverly Place is implied through the writing of this parody. Wizards of Waverly Place is (C) Disney Corporation, 2000-something thru 2011.

Content Disclaimer: Rated M for a reason. Contains references to incest and suicide, as well as blasphemy, sacrilege, and foul language. Likely to include references to alcohol, drug use, and human sexuality. This work is not guaranteed to be free from references to interspecies sexuality.

Justin and Alex were painting Easter Eggs together in the lair one day, some unspecified time before Easter.

"Huh, what's that symbol on your egg, Justin?" Alex asked.

"Ah, it's the symbol for the Nuclear Emergency Search Team," he explained.

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"So I could have a NEST egg," Justin said, grinning. Alex groaned.

Suddenly, there was a puff of smoke. Justin and Alex turned to it, not feeling particularly surprised.

"I just got the strangest fucking sense of deja vu," the familiar voice of their angel "friend" Harold said as he appeared from the smoke while lighting up a cigarette. "I mean like, as though something just happened that had already happened almost exactly the same way."

"Weird, I have no idea what that could mean," Alex said. She picked up an egg and examined it.

"Aw, this one is broken," she said, showing it to Justin.

"Huh - I don't remember writing 'Fourth Wall' on an egg," he said.

"That's creepy - wait!" Alex cried. Suddenly, all three of them looked in a direction almost perpendicular to how they were arranged.

"Oh good, false alarm," Alex said, content that nothing was there.

"Anyway, what can we do for you, Harold?" Justin asked.

"Ah, well, I come bearing both good and bad news," he explained. "The good news is -"

"Wait - can I have the bad news first?" Alex asked. "I like to get it out of the way."

"Um, OK. The bad news is that God, you know, the Big Guy, wants you two to stop dating."

"What!" Alex cried, jumping up and throwing her hands in the air, knocking over some egg-painting supplies while doing so.

"Careful," Harold admonished. "You'll kill the eggs. Oh wait, you can't kill them - they're already dyed."

Alex glared at him. Justin stood up.

"Er, I don't think she's in the mood for humor right now, Harold," Justin explained. "But I mean, you did say He was considering granting us leniency if we performed that job last Halloween."

"Yeah, I know. That's the good news. He's going to forgive you if you repent and don't do it again."

"Ouch, sheesh," Justin said, looking dejected. "I'm no theologian, but we shouldn't have to perform a service to get that much. I thought that was just, you know, part of the whole deal."

"Oh, no, yeah, you're right about that," Harold said. "I guess my wording misled you. Your service had nothing to do with it. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's appreciated, but ultimately it's your eventual repentance that would save you. God doesn't normally cut deals or make exceptions, remember."

"But you said that that service might persuade Him to do so!" Alex cried.

"Ah, yeah, sorry," Harold said, beginning to look a bit apologetic and even nervous. "That was misleading again. That job didn't come from God Himself, but slightly lower-down. He had nothing to do with it, but an angel thought it might be helpful."

"So all this time we've been carrying on like we were OK, spiritually speaking!" Justin said. "Well I have - I don't think Alex ever cared. And it turned out to all have been a misunderstanding. Now we're in huge trouble we couldn't have prevented!"

"Well it's not that big of a deal," Harold said, hoping to console them. "Because God is very forgiving! He'll forgive everything if you stop now."

"Hmm," Alex said, beginning to grin devilishly. "Then we can just carry on and stop eventually, and we'll be OK. The important thing is that you stop, as far as I understand theology."

"Ah, no, sorry," Harold said. "That won't work, because you have to actually mean it when you change. You can't plan to stop later, like that."

"That's not fair! I can't just stop being in love with Justin! Why the hell is it like this?"

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I don't fucking know, I'm just a fucking herald."

"Well, who would know, then?" Alex insisted.

Harold shrugged. "I dunno. We could talk to my superior? He probably doesn't know either, but he might be able to find out."

"What, God?" Alex asked.

"Ultimately, yeah," Harold said. "But you know that there's a hierarchy of angels."

"Oh. Actually I don't think I did," Alex said.

"Forgive her," Justin said. "She knows not what she does."

"Ha," Harold replied. "All right - you wanna see him now?"

"What, God?" Alex repeated.

"No, no, my superior."

"Oh, all right."

"Mkay." Harold snapped his fingers and all three of them disappeared in a puff of smoke, only to reappear in a rather familiar location.

"Hey, this is Central Park," Justin pointed out.

"We could have just taken a cab," Alex reminded them.

"Ick, no. What if we got some cabbie who didn't speak English?" Harold said.

"Well I suppose we could - wait a minute! You're an Angel!" Justin cried.

"Yeah yeah, that was the joke. I'm fucking hilarious, ha ha and all that."

Harold looked around a bit, then started walking. He motioned Alex and Justin to follow, and they obliged.

The park was rather quiet. There weren't too awfully many people there. There was, of course, the general collection of oddballs feeding ducks and the sort. Harold ignored everyone and continued walking on.

Alex was beginning to get fed up. "So when do we meet this superior of yours, Harold?" she demanded.

"Right now," a voice said. Alex looked up to see a slightly haggard thirty-ish-looking man speaking. "Hey Harry, can I bum a cig?"

A.N.: Who is Harold's superior, and why is he just as informal? Are all angels like this? Keep reading to find out!

P.S.: I also apologize - I realize that this may delay further chapters of Adventures, but I am also working on that alongside this one.