A.N.: This story in no way reflects the author's actual views on angels, especially the specific, real angels mentioned by name. In real life I harbor nothing but the utmost respect for them. (You may not believe in angels, but to be on the safe side, you know, I figure I would clarify this.)
This story also does not reflect my belief or disbelief in reincarnation. The answer to that is long and best left to private inquiry if you are interested.
I also throw in another joke about Catholics here. Damn, I bet Bieber isn't this offensive.
"Yeah, sure thing Mike," Harold said, digging into his robe and pulling out a box of cigarettes. The other person - well, angel, apparently - took one out and lit it with a snap of his fingers.
"Who are they?" Mike asked, nodding toward Justin and Alex.
Before Harold could respond, however, Justin cried out.
"Wait, your superior is the Archangel Michael?"
"Yep," Harold said.
"That's me," Michael agreed.
"But - he's awesome! He's like, the Archangel! He's gotta be way powerful and awesome!"
"Ha, you're funny, kid," Mike said after a long drag. "Archangels are way low rung. Almost as low as Harold, here."
Harold nodded. "It's true. I'm pretty low. I mean, there are even guys under Mike with more superiority, but I'm pretty much just a lackey."
"But I thought Archangels got all the important, cool jobs. Aren't you the angel who will one day defeat Lucifer?" Justin asked. Alex rolled her eyes. She didn't care much for angelology.
"Meh, I guess. Lucifer was an Archangel too, you know, so it's kinda fitting."
"But then, what makes you so low on the hierarchy?"
"Ah, well, see, Archangels are the highest level that actually intervenes in mortal affairs, but that basically means we're still field agents. I guess an analogy that might suffice is to think of me like a Sargent."
"But that's not even an officer!"
"Yeah, exactly," Mike said, giving a big nod to show that Justin was getting it. "We're still pretty much among the enlisted men. It's why Harry's being so informal with me," he explained.
"Is it like that for all Archangels?" Justin asked.
"Oh, hell no. Gabriel demands huge respect and formality from his subordinates. And even if you're around him - if you don't act formal enough for him he'll whine to higher-ups. He's got a bit of an ego. I guess it's from the whole Annunciation thing. 'I'm Gabriel, I told one of the most important figures of Christianity that she was going to give birth to the most important figure of Christianity!' Well, I guess vice-versa if you're Catholic, but still."
"Well to be fair, Mike," Harold interjected. "Gabe thinks you're kinda narcissistic too. He's all like, 'Michael is an pretty cool guy, eh fights demons and doesn't afraid of anything.'"
"Eh, yeah, I guess I do sometimes get a bit carried away with trying to be bad-ass, admittedly."
"Well that's the thing," Harold said, blowing a puff of smoke out. "At least you admit it."
"OK OK, not that all this isn't fascinating - which it isn't to me, by the way - but we do have business here," Alex said.
"Ah, right," Harold said. "These Wizard kids are dating, God wants 'em to stop, they think that's not fair," he summed up.
"Eh? Why would God want them to stop dating?" Mike asked.
"They're siblings."
"Ah, that'd do it. Also, gross."
"Ick, tell me about it. But they claim to be deeply, madly in love and I haven't seen any evidence to the contrary."
"Hmm, did you consider them for enrollment in the Next Lives program?" Mike said after thinking for a moment.
"Ah, no. Damn! I wish I'd thought of it."
"It's all right, it rarely comes up anyway."
"Er, what's the Next Lives program?" Justin asked.
"Basically it's like this - if you two stop dating and generally live a life free from sin, and are repentant and all, we can set it up so that instead of going to Heaven when you die, you'll both be reincarnated as people who can be together."
"But I didn't think there was such a thing as reincarnation," Justin said.
"Eh, not usually. Just in special circumstances," Mike explained.
"How could we guarantee we'd get together, though?" Alex asked quietly. Justin looked at her in confusion and alarm. Her tone of voice sounded wrong. It wasn't like Alex normally spoke, but it was like how he'd seen her a few times before.
"Destiny would lead you together, and then if your love is as real as you say it is, it would do the rest."
"But wouldn't we be entirely different people?" Alex asked. Justin continued to watch her. He was sure of it now - tears were welling up in her eyes. She rarely cried, although of the few times she did it was often over Justin.
"Your circumstances, knowledge, experiences and situations would change, certainly, and while it is true that this plays a part in who you are, the important thing is that your souls would remain the same."
Alex merely nodded, ever so slightly. She was in no mood to argue, and tears began to flow freely. Justin approached her and wrapped his arms around her. He had never seen her like this. Usually when she cried, she managed to speak, albeit in a sobbing voice, and communicate why she was crying. For now she couldn't speak, she couldn't do anything but cry and cling to Justin.
"Isn't there anything we could do?" Justin said, pleading.
"You know, if you had the right point of view, you'd think that the Next Lives program was more than fair," Mike said. "Sure you don't want to learn more about it?"
"I dunno, Mike," Harold said. "This almost looks like a failure of the Westermark Effect."
"I've heard of that!" Justin said. "That's the thing that makes siblings not usually fall in love, right?"
"Yeah. Apparently it didn't work here, or your love is stronger, or something. I mean, God made it specifically so that this kind of thing wouldn't happen. And it's not likely God made something incorrectly," Harold said.
"Huh, I thought it evolved," Justin said.
"Hah, please," Mike said. "You wanna see what the world would look like with just evolution?" He dug into his robe and pulled out what looked like a small, black crystal ball. "Look into that," he said, tossing it to Justin.
Justin peered at it for a while. "I don't see anything," he said, frowning.
"Exactly," Mike said. "Anyway, the thing is - we can't assume that the Westermark Effect failed, just that there's something we don't know about God's plans."
"But aren't you guys angels?" Justin asked.
"Really low-grade angels, remember," Mike said. "And not even the highest ones know the full extent of God's plan. That would require literal omniscience. And probably omnipatience, too."
"Omnipotence?" Justin asked, not quite sure he heard right.
"No no, omnipatience. 'All-patient.'"
"Oh. So, uh, what do we do now?"
"Well... take your sister home. We'll check into a few things," Mike said. He and Harold blinked away, disappearing. Justin took out his wand, waved it, and did the same thing to Alex and himself.
A.N.: Poor Alex! You may be wondering, when did this story take a turn for the dramatic? Why can't you get back to the puns? And what's it all got to do with Easter? Well, for the answers to those - and more! - you'll have to keep reading.