A.N.: Well I haven't been struck down by lightning yet. I only hope that means that God has a sense of humor. I have always liked to think so - after all, we are created in His image and we have a sense of humor.
Plus, the platypus.
Anyway. I finally start to get into the real meat of how this story relates to Easter at all. I sincerely hope you have borne with me through the thicket of drama, because now you shall reap the sweet reward of puns!
"But this time, I'm going to let Mike deliver the news in whatever order he thinks is best," Harold said, stepping aside and motioning to Mike.
"Well, the good news is that he is willing to help you guys out. The bad news is that he won't until I take care of the thing I was supposed to take care of anyway. So I guess that's mostly my fault."
"Huh, what thing?" Justin asked.
"I have to fight, defeat, and re-imprison the Ether Bunny for another year."
"What? The Easter Bunny?" Harper cried.
"No no, the Ether Bunny," Mike said, emphasizing 'Ether' so that she would, hopefully, get it.
"I'm kinda lost - I think I need some context."
"Oh, right, no problem. In fact, never having heard of the Ether Bunny probably means I'm doing my job well," Mike said. He began to pace around the room a bit. "All right, so where should I begin?"
"In the days of yore?" Harold suggested.
"Hmm, yeah. All right, so before Christianity even existed, and back when Judaism was just a small cult, everyone else was pagan. Everyone non-Jewish, you know," Mike explained. "They worshiped animals and rocks and plants and junk, right?"
"Well not all of them - some had false gods," Harold interjected.
"Yeah yeah, I said 'and junk.' I mean basically, non-Jews worshiped things they could see. Some thought that the sun and moon were gods, some thought the stars and planets were. I'm speaking of before things like Zoroaster, mind you."
"Ah right, I see," Harold said. "You were back farther than I thought."
"Right, anyway. So they thought that the coming of spring was an important and sacred time. Don't get me wrong, many Christians today find it a good reminder of how good God's work is, how the whole cycle of nature works in harmony to sustain us. But back in the day, the pagans would use it as a time to make bloody sacrifices to their heathen gods."
"But didn't Jews offer sacrifice?" Justin asked.
"Well yeah, but to Yahweh. Not pagan gods," Mike said.
"What's all this got to do with the Ether Bunny?" Alex asked.
"I'm getting there, hold your horses," Mike said. "One entity worshiped by many cults was this being that lived on the Astral Plane and appeared to people as a giant rabbit. Hence, the Ether Bunny. Eventually, as the Church spread, the pagans began to adapt their rituals to a more Christian theme, which is part of why we celebrate Easter when we do - Jesus' story of death and rebirth is about His death for man's sins, but it also reminds us of the death and rebirth that the world seems to undergo each year from the changes of the seasons. Now, they tried to change the Ether Bunny to something more innocuous - the Easter Bunny -"
"But English wasn't even -" Justin began to say, but Mike cut him off with a wave of his hand.
"Completely coincidental that they sound so similar in English. As I was saying, they tried to change the Ether Bunny to the Easter Bunny, but that proved to be a really bad idea. See, the entity took strength from belief in it, so when people began to follow Christ instead, he grew less and less powerful, eventually growing dormant. But then, when he was reintroduced as the Easter Bunny, he suddenly gained a massive amount of power. Moreover, he was extremely angry that he was no longer being worshiped, and as such, grew violent."
"So God sent Mike here down to kick his ass," Harold picked up. "And bind it in an etheric prison. But every year near Easter, the secularism surrounding the Easter Bunny gives it enough power to break free of his bonds, and Mike needs to kick his ass again."
"So yeah, I still have to do that this year," Mike finished.
"Is there anything we can do to help?" Justin asked.
"Ugh, this isn't another Holy Mission from God that doesn't do anything for us, is it?" Alex asked, collapsing back into the chair.
"No, this time we know what we're getting out of it. We know that this wouldn't directly help us, but it might save Michael some time and allow him to get to helping us sooner," Justin explained.
"Meh, I think you're still upset that you didn't get to fight a demon last Halloween," Alex chided.
"Well maybe I am," Justin said, sticking out his lower lip.
"Yeah, I suppose you guys could help," Mike said.
"Wouldn't it be terribly dangerous for a regular mortal like me?" Harper asked. She looked alarmed that she might even be considered for this mission.
"Oh, I didn't think you were volunteering," Mike said. "But your selfless offer of help is appreciated, despite it being dangerous, as you surmised."
"I wasn't -" Harper began, but then thought better of it. "All right, just tell me what to do," she sighed.
"That's the spirit," Harold said. "One might even say the holy spirit."
"Speaking of God," Justin said. "Couldn't He bind the Ether Bunny permanently? He is omnipotent, after all, and then Michael wouldn't have to fight it every year."
"Well, think about it like this," Harold said, closing his eyes and taking a big drag of his cigarette. Meanwhile, Michael took Alex and Harper to the side to prepare them. "What's the one thing God never fucks with?"
"Er... lacking both gender and a material body I-"
"No no, not literal fucking. I meant the colloquialism meaning 'mess with, mess up', etc."
"Oh, huh. The only thing I can think of is free will."
"Yeah, exactly," Harold said, pointing his cigarette at Justin. "If God were to bind the Ether Bunny into place permanently - or hell, destroy it - then it would deny both the people of earth their choice of worship as well as deny the Ether Bunny himself his own free will. It is still a sentient being, after all."
"Confusing. If that is so, why send Michael to defeat it at all?"
Harold shrugged. "That I couldn't tell you. My personal theory is that since people think their stories of the Easter Bunny are harmless, they're not making an actual choice there - but where it goes from there, I don't know."
"Does it ever get frustrating to not know the will of God?" Justin asked.
Harold smirked. "Does it?"
"Yeah, that's what I asked," Justin said. Harold sighed.
"My point was," the angel said. "You don't know the will of God either."
"Yeah, but I'm a human. A wizard, granted, but still just a human. You're an angel, don't you kind of need to?"
Harold shrugged again. "Not really. Angels and humans aren't that different, in some respects. We both worship the same God. We both serve that God. And most importantly, we both must have faith in that God, that He knows what's going on and won't fuck anything up in the long run."
"But I thought that as a human, were I to achieve the kingdom of God, I would be in His presence for Eternity."
"Yeah, that's true," Harold agreed, nodding.
"I know that in my current form, I could barely stand to be on the plane of angels, so I don't know how I could stand to be in God's presence for Eternity. And, if there is some sort of transformation I go through first, it seems unfair to you lower-grade angels. Can you ever achieve the kingdom of God? Is there some sort of advancement through the hierarchy?"
"Sort of. The thing is that we are free-willed beings too. We were given a choice. Mike and I kinda like keeping our heads down and keeping out of trouble. But eventually even we will have the chance to be forever in the presence of God."
"That's good to know," Justin said. "I always found the position of angels kind of confusing."
"Well don't worry, God takes care of His own."
Michael was just about wrapping up with Alex and Harper, so he came over to Justin and Harold after this.
"OK guys, you ready to head out?"
"Yeah, probably," Harold said.
"Where are we going, anyway?" Justin asked.
"Well, first we're going to stop by my office," Michael explained.
"Makes sense," Justin said. Alex and Harper were slightly confused about why Justin would think an angel having an office makes sense, but they weren't too confused, since it is Justin.
"So, the quick route!" Michael said. "Everyone hold hands."
They all did so, Justin and Alex naturally opting to stand next to one another in the ring. They grinned at each other as though they were the only two people in the world, and everyone else tried to ignore it, uncomfortably.