I'm so sorry i haven't updated in a while!!! X( my computer had a horrible virus and i had to delete everything. Ugh i feel so rusty i haven't written in so long. I really hope you enjoy this chapter I'm sorry if it's not as good as my others but they will get better as i become more in tune with the story again :) please tell me if you like it i love your reviews.

Slowly my eyes blinked against the bright light. Am I dead? No, god isn't that kind especially to the abomination that was me. Ian's soft lyrics sent waves through my heart. I tried to stay perfectly still concentrating on nothing but his fingers running gently through my hair as he rocked me back and forth singing my lullaby; his lullaby? I didn't care, I refused to care anymore. It was, he was the only thread that held me here. His tight grip around me held me together as I yearned for something so much more. "Bells, do you know how much I love? Do you even care how much I need you?" My eyes shot open he knew I was awake. It was like he could read my heart. I was too shocked to hold in the next strangled sob. He only gripped me tighter as the waves ripped through me. "How could you do that? Do you know how horrible, how painful it was for me to be able to do nothing as you fell? To just sit here…and beg and plead for you to wake up!" His words were strangled as they worked their way out of his pretty lips. "Damn it! Don't you ever do anything so pointless and stupid ever again! Do you hear me?" His fingers painfully dug into my shoulders making it impossible not to look at his blurry red tearing eyes. "Oh Fuck it!" Something in my face made his iron grip falter as he scooted me aside and covered his stressed face with his two rough hands. That was so much worse. I reached my hand out to trace his cheek bringing his face close to mine I kissed his nose, biting my lip to hold back the sadness. His eyes held mine with such warmth. How could I have ever thought of doing something that hurt him so much? His beautiful face was right next to mine his breath tickling my cheek sending warmth spiraling through me. "So the Angel fell in love with the Monster." He breathed leaning his forehead to mine. My eyes fluttered shut the floor made an inaudible creek as he pressed his lips to mine.

"BELLA! GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF HER YOU TRASH!" Edward fought against his capturers' hands reaching out for me. Why? I didn't want to but I was drawn to him. I felt shaky as I crawled over to him. Emmett and Jasper stopped feeling his resistance drop. I crawled farther and farther my eyes hazing over with pain. I felt Ian try to grasp my ankle but stop as my beautiful little pixie Alice held him down.

Is it possible to love both sides of the war? Even though you know your place? What if the one side fired away at you with no mercy breaking you apart, why would you continue crawling across the battle field? My hand trembled as I brushed my fingertip against his cheek. His face as if by reflex curved into my touch. Why? Why? Why? WHY? He looked up feeling my hand go rigid as I tried to keep myself in. How could I be mad at him? It was simple I couldn't. It was physically impossible for me to be mad so what replaces all that pain and betrayal? I couldn't cry anymore, I couldn't hide anymore, I couldn't run anymore. So I did the strangest most inappropriate thing I could have done. I laughed. My timid tinkling bells laugh bounced around the room. No one laughed along.

His battered yet of course still beautiful face stared back at me with scared worried eyes. He was scared of me! Now that was something to laugh about. I doubled over laughing and rasping as I gripped my chest where my shriveled up heart lay. Emmett and Jasper left Edward forgotten as they ran over to support me. By now I couldn't breathe the rasping sobs and laughs broke through me it was sickening. Alice sprinted calling for Carlisle and Esme. My nails dug into my arms making long thick trails of red.

Finally, Cassidy walked in followed by Carlisle and Esme. Whack! The sound of her slap ripped through the room. "We just keep ending up like this don't we Bella?" My laughs halted to a stop all I could do was nod. She pulled me into a quick tight hug grasping my wrist and pulling me up. "Will you excuse us for one second?" She inquired giving a small guarded smile.

"I think that would be a good idea Cassidy thank you for your assistance." Carlisle said Ian opened his mouth ready to give a sarcastic come back when Cassidy in the blink of an eyes slapped her hand over his mouth.

"Come on Ian we don't want to start anything with our wonderful guests now do we?" His eyes narrowed into a permanent scowl

"Of course we don't." Edward hissed as Ian through his arm around me guiding me to the door. Hello Hell it's me Bella.

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