Chapter Four:

Suddenly, Horribly

MILEY

Lilly pouted up at me and I caved. "Fine. We can go for ice cream."

She smiled happily and kissed me on the lips. I felt myself blush, even though I was pretty much used to mine and Lilly's relationship. It had been two months, and things were better than I thought they could ever be.

As we were walking down the beach, eating our ice cream, Lilly glanced at me and said, "Are you going to tell your dad?"

I looked at her and shrugged. I had thought about it and I didn't really know how to even begin to tell him. I tried to imagine his reaction. Would he smile at me and say, "That's great, Bud. I just want you to be happy"? Would he get angry and forbid me from seeing Lilly, would he shun me and think of me as something wrong, something dirty?

"I don't know," I answered quietly. "I…I don't know what he would do."

"I think he'd understand."

"Did you tell your mom?"

Lilly nodded.

"So?"

"She's…not talking to me," she said softly, laughing a little bit. "I think she's coming around, though."

I nodded. If Lilly had the guts to tell her mom, I should be able to tell my dad.

I went to kiss her but she backed away and I remembered that we were in a public place. I sighed and wished I could just kiss her whenever I wanted to.

--

I sat on the couch and absentmindedly flipped through the TV channels. My feet tapped nervously on the floor and I screamed when my dad came in through the back door.

"Bud? You okay?" he asked worriedly, stopping short of coming in.

I nodded and motioned for him to come sit next to me. "I…I have something to t-tell you. It's kinda b-big."

"Okay, Miles. I'm listening."

"Don't hate me, Daddy."

His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes flashed. "What happened, Miley?"

Tears welled up in my eyes and I realized that if he reacted badly, he might think of me as something disgusting.

"Miley, baby, what happened? You can tell me. I could never hate you, darlin'."

"Daddy, I…I…I love Lilly. I'm with Lilly," I blurted out, tears rolling down my cheeks in torrents. I buried my face in my hands, not able to look at him.

"Okay," he said after a while.

I wiped my eyes and glanced at him from under my bangs. "O-okay?"

"Yeah, Miles. Of course okay. What am I supposed to say? That I don't approve?"

I nodded.

He laughed and moved my hair out of my face. "Bud, I can't tell you whom to love. I can't judge. I love you, Miley. Nothing will ever change that." He opened his arms for a hug and I gratefully jumped into them.

--

Lilly sat cross-legged on my bed and I sat across from her in the same way, our knees touching. She held up her left hand and I held up my right and our fingers intertwined. Our connected hand dropped slowly.

"What is it, Lilly?" I asked, sensing that something was on her mind.

"It's so weird," she mumbled.

"Us?" I clarified.

She nodded slowly. "I never imagined it, you know? A little while ago, I thought I was in love with John."

I bristled at his name.

"And now, I'm here with you, holding your hand, telling you I love you, k-kissing you," she said shyly, smiling cutely.

"Speaking of kissing," I said, leaning forward and doing so. She pulled into her and we fell back onto my bed, her hands in my hair and hands on her hips. She sighed contentedly as my hands settled on the skin of her waist and I pulled away from her. She smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Weird?" she asked.

"Not at all," I whispered, kissing her lightly. "It feels just right."

Her hands traveled up my back, rubbing circles into my skin.

I bit my lip. "Lilly," I breathed.

"Hm?" She took my bottom lip into her mouth and I shivered.

"God, I love you so much."

--

LILLY

I got up and rubbed my eyes and stretched my arms. I looked to my left and was surprised to see Miley, laying in my bed, her eyes closed peacefully. I laughed as I remembered Miley climbing onto my balcony, knocking on the glass, smiling, like my female Romeo.

"Wherefore art thou, Lilliet?" she had said, kissing me as I let her in.

I kissed her quickly and got up to brush my teeth. When I got out of the bathroom, Miley was sitting up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. She saw me and patted her lap. I raised an eyebrow. "Come on, Lilly," she said cutely. I went over and sat on her lap and she kissed me deeply.

"You're so romantic, Miley," I said quietly, blushing. I felt like a little kid, sitting in her lap like this.

"Beautiful girl like you deserves romance," she replied, kissing my neck. My back arched and I realized that we were pressed together tightly. Miley's hand found its way to my stomach and I involuntarily tensed. "Sorry, sorry," she murmured, her hand escaping.

"For what?" I said shakily.

"I don't want to p-push you, Lilly."

I found myself straddling my best friend, my girlfriend, and saying, "You wouldn't be pushing, Miley."

"Lilly, I-" she started, but I cut her off with a passionate kiss.

"I love you." I leaned into her and she laid on the bed, her hands on my skin again.

"I love you, too," she whispered into the kiss.

--

Two months later…

I kissed Miley goodbye and watched as she walked home. I had tried to convince to stay the night, but she had to get up early for an interview as Hannah.

I turned to the kitchen to make myself a snack and the doorbell rang. I assumed it was Miley coming back for a final kiss, like always, but I turned around and gasped.

It was John, standing at my door, looking apologetic, holding flowers. I slowly opened the door. "W-what do you want?" I whispered, shocked.

"To say I'm sorry, to talk to you," he said, holding out the flowers. I took them hesitantly. "Can I come in?" he asked solemnly. I nodded numbly and he came in.

"Sit," I said. He sat down on the couch and I sat next to him. "So…what did you want to t-talk about?"

"Us," he said simply. He suddenly took both of my hands in his. "I'm sorry, Lilly. I'm sorry for everything. Those girls, none of them are like you. God, they're so superficial and vapid and annoying. I'm sorry, Lilly. I love you. I really do."

I took my hands back and clenched them. I scoffed and said, "Yeah. Why should I believe you?"

"Because I'm here, because I'm apologizing. I've never done this before. But you, Lilly, you're special. God, you're special," he mumbled, leaning forward, cupping my cheek with his hand. He kept getting closer and closer and I knew that I should stop him, I knew that I should get up and yell at him, but I couldn't. He kissed me and put both of his hands on my cheeks and I reveled in the feel of his strong palms, in the warm smell of him.

He pulled away and grinned and I opened my eyes lazily and I knew that I should feel bad but then I realized that I liked his strong hands. He kissed me again and pressed against me and I suddenly loved the feeling of his broad chest, I suddenly loved the feeling of him holding me, I suddenly loved being the smaller one. I liked him, him, him, a boy, a man.

I leaned forward and I…I put my lips on his.

--

MILEY

My phone rang and I smiled widely as I saw Lilly's name flash on my screen. "Hi, Lilly!" I answered cheerily.

"Hey, Miley," she replied, somewhat emotionlessly.

"What's wrong?"

"Miley…I…I don't know how to say this."

Fear went through me for a moment but I managed to say, "W-what? Say what?"

"I…I think we should…take…a break," she mumbled, so quietly that I barely heard her.

I couldn't reply. Why? Why should we take a break? Everything had been going so well? What had happened? Oh, God, I thought. I hadn't only lost a girlfriend; I'd lost my best friend. I'd lost Lilly.

"I'm sorry, Miley. Truly."

When I didn't reply, Lilly hung up.

The phone dropped out of my hands. My eyes clouded over with tears and I felt like vomiting. It had been five months, and everything had been going great.

So…why? Why?

Why had Lilly just broken up with me? And over the phone, nonetheless?

"God fucking damn it," I said horribly.

Why is the one thing I want the one thing the world won't give me?