Chapter Five:

Unbalanced

LILLY

I felt bad about Miley and I missed her. I realized that this meant we couldn't be friends. But man all of that disappeared when John kissed my neck, when he held me, when he picked me up.

"I don't think we should tell anybody about us," I said one day when he was at my house and I was making dinner for us.

"Really? Why?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Just…because," I said sweetly, smiling at him and leaning over the kitchen counter to kiss him.

He smiled. "Whatever you want, babe."

The truth was, I didn't want Miley to see John and me at school together. She already hated John and I'd broken up with her for him. If she saw us together, it would hurt her so badly. I bit my lip and smiled, guilt building in me. I kissed John again and let it slowly subside.

--

MILEY

"Over the phone?" Oliver asked incredulously.

I nodded. I had cried and cried and cried. And cried. Now I was just sitting on my bed, wrapped up in a blanket. "Thanks for coming, Oliver."

"I was worried. You missed a week of school."

"I have so many classes with her. I don't think I can see her yet. We…we can't even be friends anymore. I didn't think this would happen. I lost my best friend."

He stroked my head and said, "I'm so sorry, Miles."

I gave him a small smile. "It's not your fault, Ollie."

--

LILLY

A knock came on the door. "Coming," I said, setting down my biology book and opening the door. I was expecting John so I smiled widely as I opened the door but my smile faltered when I saw who it was.

"O-Oliver. Hi," I said quietly. "What's up?"

"Not much," he said easily.

I bit my lip, the tension so thick I could nearly see it. I knew was coming. I just knew; I could see the words around him.

"What happened?" he finally asked.

Should I lie? Should I tell the truth? Should I combine those two in some way?

"I…I don't know," I answered dumbly, going with avoiding the question.

Oliver sighed, exasperated. He ran a hand through his hair. "I talked to Miley. She said everything was going fine. What happened, Lilly?"

My eyes widened. "You talked to Miley? How is she?"

"Well, Lilly, not as happy as you. You broke up with her over the phone. And now you seem so…carefree. What the hell is that?"

As soon as he said that, John pulled into my driveway. I buried my face in my hands and groaned.

Oliver's jaw dropped and he turned to me, saying, "Now I get it. Well. Congratulations, Lilly."

He turned and walked away.

At that moment, I felt like the worst person in the world. But then again I was the worst person in the world right about then.

--

MILEY

When I saw Lilly at school, it was hard. It hurt like hell and I missed her. I missed her as my girlfriend, but I missed her as my best friend so much more. Lilly knew everything about me. And now it was so weird, so hazy without her.

At home, my dad was so understanding. He wouldn't say anything if I just came home and stayed in my room the whole day. I didn't want to be like that, so dramatic and broken, but I felt so off-balance without Lilly.

Even after two months, nothing was right. But at least summer vacation was in less than a month. I was excited that I could just get away from everything and relax.

Somebody knocked on my bedroom door. I looked up from my history book and said, "Come in, Daddy."

He peeked his head in and said, "Hey, Bud. Up for a Hannah interview this weekend?"

"Sure," I replied immediately. Diving into somebody else's skin might be nice.

--

"Thanks for coming with me, Oliver," I said.

He smiled at me. "No problem. I like your Hannah stuff."

I took a deep breath and stepped out onto the stage, smiling and waving at the crowd. Applause filled my ears and the host walked me over to a chair.

I answered the obligatory question about my music and my aspirations. I was half-asleep for most of it.

But then they asked me the question. The question that they all asked, the question that had never stopped me before.

"So, Hannah, how's the love life?"

My mouth opened and closed. The interviewer smiled and said, "Oh, I see. What about that fella you brought with you?"

I was confused. Did he mean my dad? Then I remembered Oliver. I laughed quietly. "He's a friend."

The interviewer winked at me. "Whatever you say, Hannah."

"No, really, he's just a friend."

He smiled. "Right. So, next question."

Why didn't he believe me? I could feel myself building up, becoming angry. "What the fuck? If I say he's just a friend, he's just a friend!" I blurted it out and as soon as I realized I did I covered my mouth and ran off stage.

I ran into the limo and laid across the backseat.

My dad soon came into the limo and rubbed my back. "Bud?"

"I'm so screwed up, Daddy. Lilly just…she caught me so off-guard. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel anymore," I said, the words muffled by my tears.

He didn't say anything. There really wasn't anything to say.

"That was bad," I said after a stretch of silence. "I'm sorry."

"I'll worry about it. You just worry about school for now, okay? We'll save Hannah stuff for later." He kissed my head and stepped out of the limo.

I sat up on the seat and pulled out my phone. I tapped in the number before I could think about it, before I could stop myself.

"Miley?" Lilly answered, sort of breathlessly.

"Lilly," I breathed. "Hi."

"What's…up?" she asked awkwardly.

"Nothing," I said. I realized I was whispering but I couldn't really control it. "What's…new with you?"

She took a while to answer. "Oh, n-nothing."

LILLY

I bit my lip. Shit. Did Miley really have to call now? Not that I'm not ecstatic, but it's just really bad timing. I tried to resist laughing as John tickled me. "Oh, n-nothing," I said in reply to her question.

She was so quiet and it sounded like she'd been crying. I got up off of John's lap and walked up to my room, mouthing to him that I'd be right back.

"You okay?" I asked tentatively.

She sniffled softly and I heard her inhale shakily before she said, "Can you tell me why, Lilly?"

And there it was. The question. Oliver must not have told her. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't going to tell her it was because of John. She would never talk to me again. At least if I lied I would still have a chance of some kind of friendship with her.

"I was scared," I finally answered.

"Sc-scared? Why?"

Shit. Crap. Fuck. I didn't know what to say. "I just was, Miley, okay? I have to go!" I hung up quickly and ran back to John, cuddling up to him.

"Who was that, baby?" he asked.

"Miley," I mumbled into his shoulder.

I felt him bristle. He knew that Miley didn't like him. I kind of stiffened. This situation was a huge mess. But, as per usual, I forgot about it by melting into John.

--

MILEY

"Summer vacation!" Oliver said, flopping down onto my couch. "Watch TV all day, sleep in, eat junk food!"

"Sounds like your regular weekends," I said, setting the bowl of chips on the table. I sank back into the couch and fiddled with the hem of my shirt.

"Penny for your thoughts, Miles?" Oliver said.

"After that Hannah interview disaster, I…I called Lilly," I answered slowly.

His eyes widened. "What happened?"

"I asked her why she broke up with me."

His mouth formed into a crooked line, the corners pulling down a bit. "What did she say?"

"That she was scared. Then I asked her why and she just hung up."

He exhaled loudly and ran his hands through his hair. He seemed agitated.

"What, Oliver?"

He looked me straight in the eyes. "I know why Lilly broke up with you. Why she really broke up with you."

"You do?" I gasped and leaned towards him. "W-why?"

"John."