Vindication

Chapter Three

Seven years ago…

It wasn't fair, damn it.

The railing of the balcony was frozen with snow and the stones rough, but that did not deter Schwann from leaning on it, no matter how much he despised being cold. He moved a bit to the right, such that he was out of view of the door and any that would disturb him. Reclaiming the rail, he displaced another bunch of snow into the courtyard below. The powder fell and splashed onto a small, dirty, drift dusting it back to white. He watched this with more interest that it deserved and knocked some more off the railing to add to it. Behind him, in the warmth of the castle's ballroom, his classmates reveled and danced. He wanted none of it, though.

Commencement. That's what the celebration going on behind him was; the beginning of their careers as military officers. There was so much more to come, so much more to do. But it all seemed pointless now.

Dusting off the sleeves of his uniform, he crossed his arms over his chest in an effort to warm up. It did not work. Steps approached him and from the sound of the stride he knew it to be Casey.

"Well, there you are," she said, moving to stand next to him. "I thought for a moment that you'd found a lovely maiden to take into one of the dark corners of the castle."

He didn't even glance at her. Normally her wit would at least produce a smirk or a retort. Not this time.

"You're going to catch your death of cold out here," she sighed, offering a heavy fur cloak she carried on her arm.

He shook his head at it. Damn her for having to come out. He just wanted to be left alone.

She placed the mantle over his shoulders. "Did you have too much wine?"

"No," he said, drawing the cloak around him. She knew how much he hated the cold. He was thankful for that, at least.

"Were the daughters of the ranking knights bothering you?" she asked, folding her arms into her own cape.

"No."

She tried the most direct approach, pulling on his arm and grinning at him. "Do you want to go to bed?"

"No," he said, tiredly rubbing his hands together for warmth.

"Well, I honestly wasn't expecting that answer."

He said nothing.

She leaned her back against the balcony in an effort to force him to look at her. "You aren't drunk. You aren't tired of girls trying to whisk you off somewhere. You don't want me. So, then, why are you standing here, all alone, freezing your ass off?"

He waited a moment, considering the best way to say this. All he managed was, "It's not fair, Casey."

"What's not fair?" she asked.

His eyes trained off somewhere in the middle distance between her and the star sprinkled sky beyond. "Well, Captain Louis told me today that he thought I would make Lieutenant in a year."

"That's good news," she said, reaching up to pull out the series of plaits that held her long blonde hair in an intricate formation on her head. "Damn this thing. I am never doing this to my hair again."

He muttered, "Good. It looks awful."

"Well, at least I got a reaction out of you," she teased. "Anyway, isn't that what you wanted? You've been talking about how you want to advance, how you want to prove to those who said you were nothing but commoner trash—"

He turned to face her and assisted with the braids, removing the tiny hairpins and delicately freeing her hair from its temporary prison. "That's not it, Casey."

"Then, tell me," she touched a hand to his face. "I hate to see you so miserable on what should be a happy day for both of us."

Placing more pins into her hand, he said quietly, "Captain Louis had me reassigned to him. He's taken a liking to me, I guess. So, I won't be going with you and the Rosalind Brigade."

"Oh," she sighed, trying not to pull away as he tugged on a particularly obstinate part of her plaits. "Well, look on the bright side; at least you won't be with Cumore. I heard he made Lieutenant. I may have to take orders from that asshole."

"Probably bought the rank," Schwann said, taking a quick glance towards the door make sure no one had appeared while he was distracted.

She shook her hair out, letting it fall around her shoulders. "Definitely."

He just stood there, looking up at the barrier in the sky.

"Please say something?" she begged, slipping her hands around his waist and resting her head on his chest. "You scare me when you're like this. It's as if all emotion is drained out of you."

He drew back, ever so slightly. "Keep your hair down or in a ponytail. Stay away from those stupid things the noble women do. They don't suit you. At all."

She slid herself up to sit on the frozen rail, being careful to tuck her cloak underneath her bottom. "Thanks for that advice, but not really what I had in mind."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Say what's bothering you. Aside from us being assigned different brigades. You knew this was a possibility. It shouldn't be too much of a surprise."

He turned around, took a long breath and then admitted, "I don't think I can survive if I'm away from you."

"Oh, please, Schwann. You'll survive," she said and he could hear her rolling her eyes at him. "True, you'll need someone to tell you if your socks match since you seem to be colorblind in that department, but I'm sure someone will step up the cause."

"I'm not kidding," he spun around. Lines of serious tension pulled on his face. "No, I don't mean like that. I love you and I like who I am when we're together." He paused, then added, "And, I'm afraid of who I'll become when we're apart."

"You think you'll change just because I'm not around? That's ridiculous." She shook her head.

"No, it's not," he said, stepping closer to her until he was standing just in front of where she was sitting. He rested his hands on the rail near her thighs and spoke with complete, devoted sincerity. "You keep me honest, Casey. That month you left for your mother's funeral, I felt lost. I didn't like who I was those four weeks. I wanted to be there with you."

"You know that was impossible," she sighed, her warm breath forming a puff of vapor in the freezing air. "Schwann, no matter where I am, you'll still be you and I'll still be me. You'll always be the guy who can go from serious to playful in the space of a sentence. You'll still be the same self-absorbed jackass that I love. The same guy who looks down the dresses of the barmaids and pretends I don't notice. The guy whose voice jumps two octaves when he gets nervous."

He frowned at her assessment of him. It wasn't quite the romantic answer he was hoping for, but it was honest, raw and sincere—and that's what he loved about her the most.

Brushing his long, dark bangs out of his face, she kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear. "You'll always be the very same man who can make me feel better even when it seems like the end of the world has hit me. You'll always be someone who cares enough about other people to do what's right even if it's not popular. You'll always be my best friend, my closest confidant and the person I want to see when I wake up in the mornings. No one can change that about you."

He smiled at her, watching her brown eyes dart over his face as if trying to read his mind.

Casey slid off the balcony and wrapped her arms around him. "I've seen you grow up. I've seen you do all these things—become all these things. You won't lose that just because I'm not there. You can't."

"And what about you?" he asked, resting his chin atop her head. "What if I lose you?"

"You won't," she answered, leaning her cheek on his chest. "I swear that on the honor of my family and Altosk."

He held her like that for a long moment, their cloaks keeping the wind at bay just enough. Cheeks red with cold and emotion, he smiled down at her. She was right, even if it wasn't fair.

She murmured into his chest, "Besides, what woman would have you? You're skinny, you haven't grown into your shoulders, your eyes are a funny shade of green and you let your straggly hair hang in your face."

"Well…when you put it like that…" he laughed.

Kissing his flushed cheek, she said into his ear, "We have four weeks before we're shipped out. We should make them count. Anything in particular you want to do?"

He lifted her chin tenderly. "I want to go to Dahngrest with you."

"No. You can't," she drew back, slightly but still remained in his arms.

"Why not?"

"It's not a good idea, okay?" she said, glancing down as if studying the tracks their shoes had made in the snow. "Things aren't good between the guilds and the empire right now. I don't want to go back now. Let's just leave it at that."

"You don't want to go back?"

"No," she said, burying her face into his chest. "I don't want to cause any more trouble for my father. Not right now."

"Trouble?"

"Let's not talk about it, not tonight." She looked up at him with a raised brow. "Besides, I think you owe me a glass of wine or two. It will get the cold out of my bones since you insisted on having this little chat in the snow."

He offered her his arm. "Fair enough. And then I'll take you up on bed."

"Figured you would," she said, giving him a wink and taking his arm. "Daddy told me once that women want everything from one man and men want one thing from every woman."

"Can't say that's false."

"Neither can I, actually."