Loki

1. Walk up to him and make very cheesy hissing noises. In fact, don't even hiss at all, just say the word hiss.

2. Treat him like he's an actual dog.

3. Tell him that Jacob is SO much better.

4. Bring your pet boa constrictor, Fluffy, over whenever talking to him.

5. Speak to him. In parseltongue.

6. Ask where he keeps the razor blades he uses for cutting himself.

7. Set him up on a blind date with Maddy.

8. Spray him with a fire extinguisher.

9. Call him a poser emo wannabe.

10. Ask him if he dyes his hair.

11. Call his signature purple.

12. Tell Maddy he stole her blueberry gluten-free muffin top made by the company eggo that doesn't even make very good waffles or pancakes and the accompaning blueberries.

13. Hit him in the face with kaen.

14. Throw flaming nets at him.

15. Sing the song "Cartoon Heroes" extremely obnoxiously around him.

16. Dress up in a trench coat, dark shades, and a fedora. Follow him around, call him the subject, and record everything he does into a notebook.

17. When he asks why you're doing this, tell him "your brother told me to".

18. Set him up on another blind date. With Nat Parson.

19. Tell him he should've just not accepted when Balder gave his life for him, Balder was such a better person.

20. Get Skinnamarink stuck in his head.

21. When a bunch of people are around, shout out loud that you know about his sexual activities with the goblins.

22. Introduce him to Legolas.

23. Then, grab Legolas and run, screaming "I must save the pretty people before Loki kiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllls them like he did to Balder!"

24. Say that he's not even that great an evil villain.

25. Give him several parenting books.

26. Write an extremely detailed Loki/Odin fanfiction. Make him read it.

27. Scream "JACOB!" and run at him and tackle him.

28. Get some really caffeinated energy drinks. Convince him to drink them. Run.

29. Say that he killed Mufasa.

30. Call him Dogstar all the time.

31. Get him really high, then push him onto Maddy. Watch from afar.

32. Kill Maddy, and replace her with Max from Maximum Ride.

33. Get Loki and Maddy/Max married.

34. Watch them name the children: I'mnotMaddyI'mMaximum, 'msogladyou'realive, Youknowyou'realotlikeIggy, and WhothefuckisIggy?.

35. Tell him his hair is actually pink.

36. Convince him that his TRUE name is Roger.

37. Convince Balder that he should get revenge…

38. Shout out random, personal secrets about Loki when a bunch of people are around.

39. Call him Alan.

40. Put him in a box and mail him to China. Watch China send him to some other country, until all the countries are mailing a drugged half-demon around and World War III starts.

41. Then, accuse him of starting the war.

42. Ask him what the answer to life, the universe, and everything is.

43. Do the Peanut Butter Jelly Time dance until he commits suicide/homicide.

44. Tell him that when he had children with Angrboda, you tested him for HIV and he was positive.

45. Make Justin Bieber's next concert in World Below.

46. Say "You looked a lot better in the anime…"

47. Refuse to explain what the anime is.

48. Tie him to a giant snake.

49. Tell everyone in Thunderclan that he was stealing prey from them, and that they have to go after him and get the prey back.

50. When he's typing something really important, delete it all.

Yay, paragraph time!

Maddy was standing near World Below. A tall, blonde, hot guy was standing next to her, aiming arrows around. Loki came out of the tunnel to World Below, his hair streaked with the colour of his signature.

"Hey, who's that?" He asked, pointing at the blonde.

"I am Legolas. Who are you?" The blonde asked.

"Loki. Um, hate to be rude and all, but what in Hel's blue fingerless fishnet glove are you doing here?"

"We ran into each other around Malbry. Adam Scattergood was being a bastard, so Legolas followed me up here. He's looking for someone called Eowyn." Maddy said, smiling.

"Oh, okay. So, who's Eo-"

"I must save the pretty people before Loki kiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllls them like he did to Balder!" Maddy started trying to drag Legolas away.

"What? Maddy, I would never- Why did you have to bring up Balder? Now all the readers will be expecting some angsty crying scene!" Loki looked offended, and the streaks in his hair turned red with anger and blended into his hair.

"Who's Balder?" Legolas asked, trying to fight off Maddy.

"He- Look, you're not going to judge me for it, are you?"

"No, of course not! Unless you did something like kill him, but I'm sure it was nothing like that!" Legolas said cheerily.

"Uh, yeah, that kinda is what happened, actually..." The redhead said sheepishly. (Not sure who the redhead is? Read that paragraph just above "Who's Balder?")

"Well... I'm sure it was just an accident, and you didn't mean to kill him!" Legolas laughed.

"Er, yeah, all an accident that we can all forget about *cough*Maddy*cough*." Loki glared at her.

"No! It was not an accident! You planned it all out, then made poor Hod take the blame!" She screeched, trying to drag Legolas away.

"Sen tir?" Legolas' eyes widened.

"Wha?"

"Is that true?" He clarified for the confused trickster.

"Well, yes, it is." Loki laughed nervously.

"Then I have to get revenge for Balder and Hod!" Legolas broke free of Maddy's grip, and chased Loki around the hill. Loki's streaks were now silver with fear.