The Life We Always Wanted
Set during Syd's missing years. This fic follows the show's timeline up until Syd goes to see Kendall after escaping from the Covenant. She goes to see Vaughn, and things go differently… (so, no waking up in Hong Kong finding Vaughn married, just to clarify)
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.
Chapter 2 – The Hardest Mission Ever
Our meeting with Kendall shattered my illusions of perfection.
"Absolutely not – there is no way I can keep dating that woman. I was going to break things off even before I knew Sydney was alive and Lauren was evil. I CAN NOT date her."
"Agent Vaughn, you don't have a choice." Kendall replied in his most authoritative voice "The Covenant is extremely dangerous and must be stopped. You are in a position to influence what information they receive. And you can gather information as well. We can use this to bring them down."
"But I can't do it – I can't be intimate with her."
"You can play her just like she's playing you."
"But-"
"If she suspects anything suspicious it could be dangerous for Agent Bristow. They might realize the brainwashing didn't work and that she contacted you. And I know you wouldn't do anything that would put her life at risk."
He got me there. I could never knowingly endanger Sydney. She had agreed to keep pretending to be Julia Thorne, and work for the Covenant. We weren't going to tell anyone else that Sydney Bristow was still alive, even her father.
"I know, but I wasn't ready to move on – I can't do it."
"Do it for me Vaughn" Syd had been silent during this conversation "we need to end this as soon as possible. So we can have our lives back."
"You know I would do anything for you Syd, but this?"
"I know you love me, but you need to do this. Whatever it takes."
"Okay" I finally gave in
Kendall seemed pleased "Agent Vaughn, you'll tell Ms. Reed that I set up a meeting with you to convince you to come back to the CIA, but you don't know what to do. She'll talk you into it; it will help her feel successful. Agent Bristow, you need to establish your life as Julia. Make it convincing. Agent Vaughn will be your handler, he seems to have some experience with that. Just don't have face to face meetings too often, remember they can be dangerous. Do not contact me or each other without using this secure phone." He handed us each a cell phone. "I'll leave you two to your goodbyes." With that, Kendall walked out of the warehouse, leaving Syd and I alone.
"Remember all the time we spent here?" Of course I remembered, we spent so much time in this warehouse when she was a double agent at SD-6.
"Yeah. It was the one meeting spot we had that I could actually look at you." She smiled "Syd, this is going to be the hardest mission we've ever had."
"I know Vaughn – but when it's over we'll have our lives back."
"I have to pretend to be in love with another woman"
"I have to pretend to be a cold-hearted assassin"
"I have to work with your dad while pretending to be moving on with my life."
"I have to— OK, you've got me there. My dad can be pretty scary." She added with a smile
"I'll have to have sex with her."
"I know. I have a part to play too. I may end up in a situation where I'll have to have sex with someone else too. Most assassins I know don't worry too much about who they'll sleep with. If it will help the mission, we'll have to do it."
I could see the sadness and pain I felt mirrored in her eyes as she spoke. But I could also see hope.
"We've got our phones, we can talk."
"And we'll meet up occasionally, in other cities and countries."
"Good, because I don't know how long I can go without holding you in my arms." With that, I pulled her close to me. We stood there just holding each other for what felt like hours, neither of us wanted to let go. Finally she pulled away.
"I need to go, I have a plane to catch. Remember, it's just another alias, we can do this."
"I love you."
"I love you." We shared one more kiss, then she walked away. I watched her leave, but I knew that it wouldn't be forever.
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Syd's POV, 6 months later
I woke up in bed with him, feeling claustrophobic. His arm around me always gave me the feeling of being trapped, like I couldn't get away. But instead of giving in to the panic and running from the room, I calmly did the same thing I did every time I spent the night with Simon Walker – I got up and went to the bathroom, being careful not to wake him.
I suppose you could say Simon and I are colleagues. He's freelance and will do whatever job is offered if the pay is good. He and his team have worked several Covenant jobs with me. He turned out to be a great source of information about the Covenant, so I had to keep him close to me. Unfortunately, keeping Simon close means sleeping with him.
"Jules babe, where are you?" I him ask, still sounding half-asleep
"Bathroom."
"Come back to bed"
"You know I can't; I have a plane to catch." I replied, coming out of the bathroom fully clothed in Julia's trademark black leather ensemble.
After my first time with Simon, it took every bit of strength I had not to run to the bathroom and be sick. Just two days earlier, Vaughn had reminded me I had to do whatever it took to get information from Simon. And in Simon's case, whatever it took was sex – rough sex. Supposedly that's what Julia liked as well; it fit her persona – a tough girl without close ties to anyone. As soon as I'd left the motel room, I dialed Vaughn's number almost in tears.
"Vaughn here"
"It's so good to hear your voice. Can you talk now?" He must have heard the stress in my voice, because his reply sounded especially concerned
"Yeah, I can meet you in an hour." That meant that he couldn't talk now, but he'd call back in an hour.
"Is she with you?"
"No, I'm at the office."
"I'll be waiting for your call."
"Come alone." Our code word for I love you. Our conversations had to be phrased so if anyone was listening, they would think he was just meeting a contact, not talking to his "dead" girlfriend.
"you too." I dissolved into tears as I hung up the phone. I think I cried the entire hour I waited for his call.
I picked up the phone the second I head it ring.
"Vaughn."
"Syd, is everything OK? You sound awful."
"I just…I don't think I can do this"
"Simon?"
"Yeah, I finally gave in and slept with him. It was awful."
"I'm so sorry."
"How do you do it Vaughn, have sex with someone you don't love?"
"You just have to do it – don't think about it or analyze it – just do it. You have to disconnect."
"You make it sound so easy"
"It's not. It's a struggle every time. You could try my other tactic."
"What's that?"
"I pretend she's you."
"Does that work?"
"Sometimes, as long as she doesn't talk."
"I don't think I can pretend that Simon's you – you would never treat me like he does. He's so rough with me."
"He's rough with Julia."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Syd, I have to go. I have to get back to work."
"I know. I just needed to hear your voice."
"I'll see you soon."
"Two weeks. I love you Vaughn."
"I love you too Syd."
"You could always miss your flight." Simon's voice jolted me back to reality. There was no way in hell I was missing this flight – I was meeting Vaughn in Paris.
"Our employers won't be too happy if they don't get their artifact." OK, so I had to make a dead drop in Barcelona first, but I was still going to Paris.
"I could come with you." Not a chance of that happening.
"I'll only be gone a few days."
"Yeah, I know. I just wish you needed me as much as I need you." He pulls me to him, kissing me hard.
"I'll call you when I get back." Quickly, I turned and walked out the door.
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I flew from Rome to Barcelona, made the dead drop, and checked into a hotel. Then I quickly changed into a new alias and left. Julia would have to return here to check out in a few days before the flight back to Rome. But for now, I'm free. I smiled – probably my first real smile in weeks – as I headed back toward the airport. The disguise I wore would fool any facial recognition scanners that either the CIA or the Covenant would use.
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This was the best place in the world, the only place I ever wanted to be, lying in Vaughn's arms. He was waiting for me when I got to the hotel in Paris. We needed each other so much that we were kissing before we even spoke a word.
Our meetings always started the same way. Maybe it was all the time we spent apart, maybe it was because we were both sleeping with other people, but we couldn't get enough of each other. We touched and kissed each other on every inch of our bodies, as though we were claiming each other as our own. But even more than I needed to touch him, I needed him to touch me, and I think he felt the same way.
After making love came the regret and guilt of our lifestyles. Sometimes there were tears, but we always soothed each other. I'd remind him that Lauren was just a mission, nothing more. He would say the same to me about Simon.
Next came our fantasies – that we could disappear forever, that no one would ever find us. We could be together.
Then, we could sleep. And then we could act normal – discuss our missions and just enjoy each other's company. All too soon, our brief time together would be over, and we'd have to go at least another month before seeing each other. Anything more than that is just too risky.
But for now, I just want to enjoy the feeling of falling asleep in his arms. There's no where I'd rather be.
5/5