Gannicus

Note: Sorry for the delay, but I promise I'll post the last chapter very soon. And again, special thanks to my beta, MelittaGannicus!

Gannicus was sitting on his bed, his eyes lost in the candle light. The whore he was done with moments ago was putting on her dress, getting ready to leave. He had let her go earlier than usual. He could sense the disappointment in the woman; but did not care. He was bored… of everything, of the very breath he was taking. "Women…" he thought, "they used to bring much happiness and excitement." Now, all he was looking for was being alone in this room and watching the eternal dance between the candle light and shadows on the dirty walls. There was nothing to look forward to for tomorrow, or the day after. He was not to fight in the arena, not to taste the victory, and most importantly not to see Melitta.

He had never thought that he would look forward to the games for a reason other than the fight itself. Now, he wanted to be back in the arena just to see her one more time. By the gods, it had gotten harder and harder to meet her! He knew that it was intentional; he knew that she did not want to see him, let alone talk to him. As much as he needed to lay eyes on her, she was avoiding him. And he could not blame her for doing so. He was trying to seduce his brother's wife! What kind of woman would like such a person? A gladiator without fucking honor!

The pain was bruising his heart deeply. Every footstep brought him hope only to crush him more with its departure… she was not coming. After bringing such dishonor to her, hurting her, violating her; was he really expecting her to be kind to him? But Gannicus needed her approval. The champion needed her soft voice to tell him that everything was fine. He needed to hear the fact that it was not his fault, and most importantly, that she was not blaming him for the deed.

Oh, she was blaming him; Gannicus knew it as a fact. He was supposed to protect her when she needed him the most. Even the dogs of Capua could protect her against a useless slave, the act she had thanked him excessively in the past. But when she needed a real champion, Gannicus had let her down. How could he? How did he raise his cock while she was shedding tears like Aurora in the break of day! He needed to tell her… tell her that it was not to secure the fucking primus; but only because of her touch his heart had escalated. He needed to tell her that he had not been deaf to her pain; but it was beyond his power not to react her beauty. And he needed to tell her that he would rather have been dead than done such crime against his beloved if it was not for her approval. "See it done…" she had told him. And he did what he was told… as a slave must do.

The memory of the night was still fresh; he was living each moment in his mind every night, again and again. Her tears had been falling down one after another hastily; but finding sympathy nowhere. The thought of her tears was torturing Gannicus, but he was helpless against her image regardless. The memory of her body was still bringing him immense pleasure as much as he wanted to hate himself for it. How warm she was; her skin blushing in the sweetest pink as if suffering from fever… shaking like an autumn leaf under his touch. He could feel her heart beating hard against his flesh as if he was holding a frightened bird in his hands. And when she finally raised her eyes to look up to him while he was inside her warmth…the blessing he felt when she held him tight against herself, pushing him inside her even more! He had rejoiced beyond his own pleasure when he heard the sounds of ecstasy escaping from her sweet mouth… her face raised to touch his…her hands were seeking to grasp more of him…

But all was for a cursed show, should be forgotten "as do all things born of misfortune". She was a dutiful wife to his brother; she would not seek small entertainment over her beloved husband. That was all Gannicus, the man-whore of the ludus, was; a momentary pleasure, nothing more! He was no Oenomaus whose love was filling Melitta's heart and leaving no space for another man. Gannicus wished that he could hate Oenomaus' guts; the shame he was feeling would, for sure, lessen than.

He remembered the first time he had realized Oenomaus' passion for Melitta. The rain had been pouring hard that day, so hard that even Doctore had surrendered and let the gladiators to rest; but not the recruits. Gannicus had been training under the heavy rain, lifting the fucking log for the thousandth time. Then he saw Melitta entering the ludus, her head was high despite the falling water, her eyes were not lingering on any of the men but focused only on Doctore for whatever reason she was sent. Gannicus watched her; hoping dearly that this time this beauty would meet his gaze. However, she passed by without recognizing his presence, as she had always done. He did not mind; after all she was the most valued body slave of the Domina whereas he was just a new recruit, a worthless slave. Gannicus eagerly watched her walking by; he could swear that he saw a beam of light glittering around her beautiful face. His intentions were to draw every detail of her on his memory to keep that sparkle with him for the nights to come. But his eyes suddenly caught Oenomaus' gaze, locked on Melitta. The champion's eyes were singing like Orpheus' lyre, but Oenomaus was utterly silent, completely lost in the moment. Gannicus did not require more than one look to recognize the depths of the feelings he came across. With that look he understood that Melitta was lost to him. He knew that a recruit's chance in this matter would be even less than his chance in the arena when he was against the champion of the house. Even at that moment, when he realized his hopes were to perish before blossom, he could not hate Oenomaus.

The night Gannicus became a brother to Oenomaus; Melitta became the champion's wife. While all ludus was celebrating new brothers' joining the ranks and drinking the wine Oenomaus treating them as a part of his wedding; all Gannicus could think was how that sweet slave girl, who had stolen his heart without acknowledging his existence, was about to share a bed with another man, with a brother… forever lost to him. Not even that night, when the champion had retired to his room with Melitta on his side, Gannicus could hate Oenomaus. Surely, he was not going to hate him today, not after screwing his wife to please a fucking Roman…

He sent a heavy curse under his breath to all Romans between Gallia and Mesopotamia, especially his Dominus. Now, that was a man Gannicus could truly hate! If it was not for his Dominus' treacherous thirst for more power, Gannicus would live with his love buried deep inside, preventing even a glimpse of light to shine on it, away from even his own reach. He would have continued to enjoy his brother's company and savor Melitta's friendship. But after that night, after he had brought his feelings up from the depths of his heart, after forging them with the flames of lust, after seeing her pleasure as a result of his touch, after feeling her tremble under his body…there was no return. He did not have the strength to bury his passion back; Hercules himself would fail under such task.

Now, he was a stranger to his brother, the most honorable and closest friend; he could not even face the man. The shame he was feeling was only comparable to his love for Melitta who now was avoiding him by all means. Gannicus had lost everything dear to him. He was sure even if he could fight in the arena; he would find that the meaning of it was erased from his heart. Melitta took the taste of all the pleasures away with her when her eyes had sunk in sadness to avoid his gaze. Now the only thing he was longing for was a sign from her; kind words to sooth his aching heart, a soft touch to relive the pain he was suffering so deeply… Oh, who he was trying to kid? He wanted her to love him; it was all he has ever wanted. He wanted her to love him instead of his brother!

He remembered the question Melitta had asked "What happens brave Gannicus when presented with circumstance you cannot laugh or fight your way clear of?" How foolishly he had teased her in response. And yet here he was, as Melitta had prophesied, unable to clear his way out. Brave Gannicus, the fiercest warrior was incompetent to save himself from this mire he was buried deep. There was no way out but… Suddenly, as if a curtain was removed from his eyes, he finally diagnosed the alien feeling constantly stirring inside, giving him no rest. It was something he had not dealt with before: defeat... With a bitter smile he realized that he finally, after years of blood in the arena, learned the bitter taste of missio, by the hands of the fairest of women.