Finding Love, Chapter 3: The Blackouts

Bella Black
"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend"

I awoke to a dim light, my head killing me, my body feeling like a heavy weigh. For a second I was frightened, the light didn't rise from the west like it always did, instead it rose form the east. That's when the events of last night came to me. They weren't rushed, like nothing these days were, but they were clear and heartbreaking and they answered the question of why I was in someone else bed, in someone else's clothes.…

I was sitting in my room and Ben and Angie came in to say goodbye to me. They were heading home to be with Julian; their two year old son. I was perfectly fine as they said goodbye, I was happy, well has happy as I could be for them at the moment, but then they showed me; they showed me a nice little picture of the two of them and Julian; sitting on the porch in the porch swing like a nice little family. Ben had his arms protectively and lovingly around the two most important people in his life and Angela had a beautiful motherly smile as she looked down at her beautiful little boy and Julian looked like the happiest little boy in the world, as if nothing could go wrong to ruin his little bubble and I hated it.

For the first time in my entire life I hated my best friends, I hated my brother and my sister. I hated that beautiful little boy that had a living, breathing father and a mother who was whole. I hated the smiles on their happy little faces and then all of the things about them that I hated came back to me. I hated myself for being so weak. I hated the little thing that was inside of my body that was taken from me. If I wouldn't have wanted it, if he wouldn't have wanted it, then Jacob would be here, but most of all, I hated him for leaving me like this; with broken memories and an unwanted reality.

I wanted to scream, and kick and break something and curse them for being so happy and for having each other and that beautiful little boy. I wanted to blame them and tell them to go to hell. I wanted to die and bring them with me. I wanted to continue to remember my broken memories, but most of all I wanted to forget….

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"So, what's my surprise?" I asked excitedly. Jacob looked at me as if I was insane.

"Do you honestly think I'm going to tell you that? I thought you knew me better then that." He feigned disappointment. I grabbed his waist and pulled him to me, holding him tightly against my frame.

"I know you better then I know anything in this entire world, Jacob Black. Now give me my goddamn present." I ordered in my serious tone that he refused to take serious.

"No ma'am. This is a surprise Bell, please let me have this one?" He begged jutting his bottom lip out, mimicking my pot. I hate that I taught him my -tricky-get what I want- pout. He uses it against me all the time.

"Fine, if you wont tell me my surprise, then I won't tell you yours." I turned from him, about to start my walk towards the kitchen when he pulled me to him, his chest against my back.

"And what might my surprise be?" He asked his voice dropping to that low, sexy murmur that always gets me.

"Well, that's for me to know and you to find out, which you won't because you suck at finding things out." He snorted and twisted me in his arms.

"Really? Than how did I find out you had a pair of SpongeBob panties in your top drawer, left corner at you're dorm, or how about your sailor moon wands in the back of the closet at your fathers house?"

"Okay, okay, you win, I'll show you, but only if you promise to show me mine, and never bring up the wands again, our daughter may want them one day then you'll be sorry, deal?" He pretended to think about it, but then suddenly a Cheshire smile smeared his face and left me confused.

"Fine," He caved easily, too easily.

"What are you up to, Jacob Black?" I asked suspiciously.

"Oh you know, just the perfect gift." he retorted innocently, too innocently.

I rolled my eyes as he took my hand and led me out of his dorm room. We walked down the barley populated hall until we came up on the stairs. We took them down two to three at a time, he was excited.

When we made it to the car he practically threw me in and ordered me to buckle up before he was even on his side and buckled in. I laughed at his enthusiasm, knowing this was a great prize if he was this animated about it.

He drove and drove, not telling me where we were going. He took street's I had no knowledge even existed. But then he came upon a road I knew all too well. I knew this road because this is where my present for him is.

"Jacob, what are we doing here?"

"This is where my presents are. Why are you so panicky?" e asked confused by my sudden fidgeting.

"Because this is where my present for you is." His eyes widen just and bit then he looked as me in disbelief. I stared into his eyes and busted with laughter. No way in hell? "We did, didn't we?"

"Yes, I think we have." He laughed and what do you know, Jacob pulled right into the driveway of his surprise for me and my surprise for him. "How did you find is?" He asked quietly staring at the beautiful home before us.

"I was driving around aimlessly Tuesday and ended up here. Its perfect isn't it? I could just see us living here, Jacob. I could see us growing old here, and having Christmas dinner here with our family. This is our house."

"I know; I brought it completely yesterday." My eyes widen as I looked at my beautiful boyfriend beside me.

"Y-you really brought it?" He nodded, watching me cautiously. But there was no wrath for him not letting me pay half like he knew I would have insisted on until he broke. I only felt so joyous and whole in that one moment that I threw my arms around his neck and held on for life. I felt tears run down my cheeks as I clung to my future everything.

"This isn't it. The most important present is inside, so come on." He jumped out of the car, coming around to get my door. I took the hand he offered me and allowed him to pull me out of the car. He led me into our brand new home and led me into the living room. Once we entered my chin hit the floor.

On the floor, over the beautiful brick fire place mantel were maybe hundreds of burning candles; tall, short, medium, it was the most spectacular site I have ever seen in my entire life. "Jake, this is-this is wonderful. When did you have the time to do this?"

"I did it while you were at school. I was hoping the candles wouldn't burn out, or burn down the house, thank god they didn't. Do you really like it?" He asked nervously.

"Like it, I love it Jake. You are the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world. I love you so much, baby. I can't wait to move in with you."

"That's great, but I want to do this the right way, Bell. I don't want to live out of wedlock with you. So…" she said trailing off and bending down on one knee. My breath caught and my eyes blurred, my head was light and I swear to the moon I swayed. He pulled out a little black box, opened it up and flashed a very beautiful, very medium, platinum antique engagement ring. "Will you, Bella Swan do me the honor of becoming my beautiful wife, the mother of my future children, the head of my-our new home and the completion of my life?" I stared, open mouthed at my amazing fiancé. Yes, I just said that word, that six letter word, 'fiancé'. "Bell?"

It took me a moment to realize that in order for him to be my 'fiancé' I had to actually say, "Yes! Yes, a trillion and one times over. I love you so much babe."

He jumped up, lifting me in his arms and spinning me around. "You said yes!" He exclaimed happily. "You beautiful, wonderful, amazing, talented girl; you said yes to me."

"I'll always say yes to you Jacob, always."

"And forever?" he asked rhetorically, but of course I didn't know that until later.

"There are no forever's Jacob." I stated stupidly, probably ruining the moment.

"Of course there are, Bell. We're going to get our forever soon, because you said yes."

"I'll say yes to you until the day I no longer have air in my body, 'til the day I leave you here on this earth, Jacob Black."

"If you should die before me Bella, ask if you could bring a friend."

"Will do, so forever?" I asked surrendering to him.

"Forever." He promised…

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He lied. He lied about forever, he lied about everything. I jumped from my bed, knocking Angela and Ben out of my way, as I ran out of my room and down the stairs. I didn't grab anything as I ran out of the front door. I just ran, not heading in any specific direction, just running, for the freedom. I was never good with equilibrium, though, so of course I fell a few times, but I kept going, not wanting to stay in that house any longer.

Sixteen falls, two scrapped palms, and a head injury later I was somewhere in the woods. I walked around aimlessly, my feet killing me, my muscles sore, my head slaughtering me, my hands stinging, and my memories taking over my mind. I just wanted to rest, but I was lost. I shouldn't have ran, that was so stupid, I should have just asked them to leave. I shouldn't even be blaming them, they didn't do anything wrong. They did just we all planed to do, have a family, live their life. I shouldn't hate them because their plan succeeded and mine died. I shouldn't hate them, but I do, I can't help it.

I walked a good twenty feet through ferns and moss when I saw a pebbled path. It stretched out to my left and my right and I had no idea which way to follow it, so I just went right. It has to end somewhere sooner or later. I just hope its sooner.

I must have been walking for almost an hour when I felt the first drop of water land on my forehead. I cussed the heavens and anyone else that listened. Can my life get any worse? Just then a bolt of lightening wiggled in the sky, making me cringe and flinch. I'm afraid of lightning.

I walked, nearly running in the direction I'd chosen. I didn't want to be out here any longer. I want to go home. But where is my home? It's not my dad's house; it hasn't been there since I met Jacob. It's not in La Push; because I won't dare taint his childhood memories by bring myself there. It's not our home in Vancouver. And I certainly can't go to Ben and Angela's; I'd destroy everything they worked so hard to build. I can't go back to that life; I'd spoil everything that's left, everything he loved.

The rain came down, finally. I was beginning to think someone was just messing with me with the lightening, which did not give up. I was cold and wet and alone, all things that I distaste very much.

Thanks to the rain the clouds got darker, effectively hiding the little sun that stuck around during the storm. It was dark, and shadows from the trees and small animals were beginning to frighten me out. I held on to my midriff tightly as I walked, focusing only on the road before me. I was so focused that I didn't even realize the sudden light that came from behind me, a car. Two bolts of white light spread out behind me, making me glance back. I would have stopped walking and asked for help, but from what I could make out there was only one person in the car, and it was a man. I'm not in to trusting men I don't know right now.

I moved to the side, walking into the grass so that the car could pass me, but it didn't. I continued to walk a little further, not giving my attention to the car, but still it never passed me, it followed me. Panic began to form in me and so I picked up my pace, so did the car. My pace moved from a walk to a run instantly, self preservation making itself known inside of my body. I 'm not one to let someone take advantage of them, especially not some sick Frikk in a expensive car.

I wind up sprinting; only tripping twice. The car, are better yet the person inside of the car begin to blow his horn, which only made me run faster and trip more. I suddenly found myself at a cross road, turning right there was nothing, but left there was a house about a hundred feet or so away. I went left, screaming for help as I went. The car behind me must have stopped, because I heard the slamming of a door, which only edged me on.

As I approached the house a sensation of familiarity washed over me, a safe and tranquil feeling that only impelled me on more. I reached the door quickly, quicker then I would have imagined, only looking over my shoulder once to see the figure still coming for me. Before I could knock on the door, it swung open and I was instantly met by a pair of green eyes, staring dazzlingly into mine. I took a quick look behind him, noticing two women, one I'd seen before, her short hair and frame, very familiar…Jasper, she was with Jasper. I took a quick glance at the house before me and knew exactly where I'd run to. Without even knowing it, I'd run home.

"Jasper," I managed between clinking teeth. "Please help me?" After the words escaped my lips, I felt extremely light headed, and knew what was coming for me know, and not to my surprise at all, everything went black…

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I stood; my head still light from yesterday's activities. I was warm, which was new, and my hair was dry. I felt soft fabric slid across my skin and looked down. I was in a nightgown, yellow with blue flowers around the bust line, it was nice, and soft. I walked over to the room door, opening it and knowing exactly where the living room was. I was not wrong, and I was not dreaming. I was home, but it was damaged; walls being repainted, pictures gone, Jacob gone.

"Bella?" a velvety voice murmured. I jumped, my body swinging around in reaction. I almost fell, my feet tangling together, but a pair of strong, warm hands encircled my waist and held me up. I leaned into the body, mechanically breathing in the scent of frame against mine. The smell of sweet nectar and a woodsy aftershave admittedly caught my attention, Jacob smelled like woodsy aftershave.

"Bella," a familiar tranquil voice called. I admittedly snatched myself away from the arms the held me and ran towards the voice I knew so well.

"Jasper," I whisper, as a tear fell down my cheek.

"Bells, what are you doing out here?"

"I ran away. I just couldn't be there anymore. I didn't know I was coming here until I was at your door. Someone was following me." Jasper cleared his throat nervously. "You were following me. I stated already knowing it was him in the back of my mind.

"I was on my way back from taking a dive when I was saw someone walking onside of the road. I couldn't see your face through the rain, but I saw it was a woman. I speed up to get onside of you, to offer you a ride, but you began to run. When you fell, I knew it was you so I got out of my car to come after you, but you just ran here, I followed. Are you okay, you don't have a cold are anything?" I shook my head and assured him I was fine.

"So you ran away? Why Bells, Charlie must be worried sick right now and Billy…" he trailed off, squeezing my stiff frame.

"I just couldn't be there anymore." I croaked out, more tears falling. There was a throat clearing brought us out of our embrace and made me a wear of others in the room. There were two women and the man with the green eyes. I looked to Jasper, wiping my eyes as I did. "Who are they?"

"Oh, sorry." He stepped away from me, heading to the shortest of them all. She was a small girl, five foot-five foot two no taller-short, black, neck length hair sticking out in every direction- and a transmittable smile. "Bell, this is my girlfriend Alice Cullen. Alice this is one of the most amazing girls I know in this world, my second best friend Bella Black." I flinched when he said my married name. I'm not sure if that's who I am anymore. Jasper didn't notice, but Alice did. "You might have met a few times briefly, but I don't think you were ever properly introduced."

She reached out for my hand and I grabbed hers half-heartedly. "It's nice to have met you properly Bella." I nodded my head, words stuck in my throat. After second of silence there was another throat cleared, a women. She was blond, her skin glowing to a certain degree that I'm not sure is natural, her face beautiful, and her body fat- no, not fat- pregnant. I turned away from her, memories threatening to escape. She must be right around the time I was, or a little further.

"Sorry," Jasper murmured moth sounding sorry at all. My lips turned up at the edges just a bit. "Bell this is Tanya Denali and this is Alice's brother, Edward Cullen." I glanced quickly at the girl and nodded before turning away, but when I turned my eyes met Edward Cullen's vibrant green ones and for the first time since I've seen them I noticed they were actually emerald, not just green. He held my gaze and in that second I realized I'd seen those eyes before.

I don't recall how long we stared at each other, I just recall the bond walking beside him and wrapping her arms-as far as they could go-around his waist. I turned my head from the act of affection, my heart lifelessly aching.

"So you're the girl with the dead husband?" the blond asked spitefully from across the room. A sob escaped my throat at her words that made me crumble to the floor. I only remember the darkness…

I awoke in the same room as before, the same bed, and the same people I saw before I blacked out, everyone, but the fat girl. "Bells," Jasper called as he kneeled at my side.

"What happened?" I asked through the dryness of my throat.

"You fainted, Bells. Are you okay?" I nodded my head, feeling a dull, but building ach at my left temple.

"Do you have a Tylenol, or Aspirin?" he nodded and looked over to the short girl with spiky hair, Alice.

"Bella," Jasper stared once again. "I called Charlie, he'll be here soon." My head fell back to the pillow when his words escaped his lips, and my vision began to blur once again, but not before I heard the velvet voice I'd heard earlier speak.

"I think I'll call Carlisle as well, she doesn't look to well."

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"…la…ella…Bells…Bella, Bella." I heard the panicked voice of my father as I stirred. He was beside me while unfamiliar hands probed my face and touched my skin with cold objects. I willed my arms to move so my hands could knock the objects away, but that only cause whoever the attacker was to chuckle.

"She's fine, Charlie. She just needs to eat something, and drink liquids, pure water is best, but vitamin water would do. And let her get some rest, her mind needs the time to be patched up, to mend.

"Thank you Carlisle. Thank you so much for helping my baby girl. She's been through a lot you know, she's still going through a lot and I just…I don't know how to help her."

"Charlie," I whispered. Wanting to tell him I loved him, but there was nothing he could do. There's nothing no one can do. The only person that could help me is gone.

"Charlie?" a much stronger voice called out. I admittedly knew it was Japers. "Can you for I speak to you for a moment?"

"Of course, excuse me Carlisle?"

"Of course." The man replied, his voice soothing as well, but it also held in it care and respect towards my father. His voice was also familiar, I'd heard it before and a memory of my childhood jumped to the front of my semi-conscious mind, but I pushed it away by focusing on the new voice that began talking when my father left the room.

"Dad how is she?" the velvet voice of the man I remember as Edward Cullen asked.

"She's fine, Edward. Just a little dehydrated which I fixed, but she still needs to drink some. She needs to eat as well, maybe you can go-"

"Alice is fixing her something to eat." Edward said cutting his father off.

"What are you doing out here anyway Edward, and why would you bring Tanya, she's supposed to be in bed."

I heard a long sigh before Edward replied. "I came out here to talk to Jasper, about Bella actually, and Tanya just wouldn't stay home. I had no idea she would say what she said to Bella. I sent her home after I carried Bella in here. What Tanya said is going to hurt her for a while, isn't it?"

There was another sigh then a very low, 'yes'. I felt myself slipping deeper, their conversation now tedious. The last things I heard was a door closing and Edwards voice beside my ear. "Sleep my Bella," He said. "and dream of me as I have of you."

That was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen….

A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter...I didn't, because there wasn't a lot that happened, but I had to put it so she could meet Edward face to face. UGH!!! Sorry.