Sorry for the delay in posting, have been very busy and have to admit, I lost my flow with everything else that has been going on, and hit a bit of a brick wall. Two more to come after this one.
Disclaimer: I do not own City Homicide or its characters.
10.
The next morning, Nick woke early and he lay looking at Jen. It felt so good to have her next to him again, he wished it could be this way always.
He wanted to lean into her, hold her close, kiss her, but he knew that he couldn't; he shouldn't.
Under the cover, his hand reached across, trying to find hers. He clasped it tightly, his fingers rubbing against hers. She squeezed back.
In the silence, in the dark, he heard her breath quicken slightly.
His other hand reached out beneath the doona and rested on her stomach, feather light caresses.
She turned to him, and he moved closer towards her. He pulled the cover up higher, their heads partly obscured. It was dark, it was late. How much notice would they be taking?
She reached out to touch his cheek, and leaned in to him for a small kiss. His lips hungrily crushed hers, and she responded by moving his hand to her breast, in a ritual that was now repeated night after night.
After the 'incident' in the bathroom, when they had stopped themselves from making love, they had been unable to contain the attraction, the passion that had been aroused in them from their earlier digression.
Each night, they would pull the covers up, hiding their faces from the camera, making out like a couple of teenagers at a drive-in-theatre.
They both wanted more, but knew that it just couldn't happen, not here in this house, not on this assignment; but each night, it was harder to hold back. He thought that he would go crazy with desire for her. She would bite her lip to try to keep from crying out, as his hands explored her beneath the covers, gentle caresses that drove her to the brink of ecstasy.
They couldn't deny the feelings that they had for one another, but they also found comfort in each other, the physical closeness helping to make them forget about the danger they faced on a daily basis; comfort that was helping them to relieve the stress and tension they both felt, all of the time.
When Jen woke up, it was oddly awkward between them. Although nothing had happened, it was almost as if she were embarrassed by their closeness; she had to go home and change before work, so she refused Nick's offer of coffee and breakfast, and left.
Later, at work, Nick sat at his desk thinking. She was obviously uncomfortable with the fact that they had been so close, four years ago. She had told him as much, stating that she didn't know how to deal with the situation, with the fact that they were now working together.
He was still so attracted to her, but he knew that if it came down to it, he would have to be satisfied with having her friendship only. He didn't know if that were possible; could two people who had been so close, just be friends?
They hadn't slept together – well, they had really, they just hadn't completed the act, so to speak. His hands had explored every part of her body, his lips had been places that he could now only imagine. Her fingers had felt him, caressed him, teased him.
He remembered the arch of her back, the softness of her breasts, the tautness of her stomach. He had seen the scar on the inside of her arm, the result of a childhood accident in a cubbyhouse. He knew about the beauty spot that was just below her left breast, the small birthmark that was on her inner thigh.
Were these things that friends should know about each other? He thought not. He didn't want things to be awkward between them. He felt such love for her, he couldn't stand it if she were to pull away from him completely.
Jen was in the break room, making herself a cup of tea. She felt exhausted. Even though she had slept better than she had in a long time ( four years to be exact, if she were being honest with herself) she felt tired; tired with the constant struggle that was going on inside her; she felt as though she were fighting to keep things under wraps, her feelings under control.
She hated having to constantly think about what she said to Nick in front of the others, always being so careful to not slip up, not say something that would indicate that they knew each other so well. She had to pretend that she didn't know the things about him that she did, and it was tiring, this constant having to pretend.
A slight smile came across her face, as she thought about him. His little habits and nuances, the way that he did things. He had always been incredibly tidy, almost to the point of fussiness. She also liked to be tidy, but seeing it in a man, it made her laugh.
He had always been fastidious with his washing, his ironing – he was better at ironing that she was, she remembered with a chuckle.
He loved to read his papers, and he loved watching the news. It was almost an obsession with him, keeping abreast of what was going on in the world.
She thought about how he had comforted her, every time that she had been scared, or upset. His gentle touches on her face, her light caresses on her back, his strong arms encasing her, making her feel safe.
She knew that somehow, she had to wipe these memories from her consciousness, if they were to continue working together, if they wanted to remain friends. She had to try to forget everything that had happened between them.
No-one could ever know. If it ever came to light that they had worked undercover together, they would have SIS to answer to. They were signatories to the Official Secrets Act, and Jen knew that because of that, they never stopped working for SIS.
She knew that she could never stay away from Nick, that he was too important to her for him to not be in her life, on some level; but they needed to keep things in perspective. They could only ever be friends and colleagues, but she knew that they would have to fight a constant battle to keep things that way. Jen would have to talk to him, she decided. She had to let him know that they needed to forget, they needed to put the past behind them, and move on.