Finding Love: Chapter 8
Edward Cullen

"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."

I tried. I told her how I felt and nothing. The only good thing to come from it was that she did not laugh in my face, but I did try. My feelings for Isabella is something I didn't anticipate happening, they came quickly, appearing from the dark like a shadow, but once the light was turned on they went away; the shadow, not my feelings. No, they're still here, burning me deep to my core. No she did not laugh, that would have been something…something amazing. Isabella did something far worse, she killed all hope.

As we walked from my car, towards the glowing fire, in silence, I felt an abrupt urge to reach out and take her hand. I fought against it, knowing that my heart just couldn't take it. Who knew falling in love with a woman who deems herself unfixable would actually impair me this much?

I expected hurt, pain, but this, this feels like some one has taken apart of me and ran over it with an eighteen wheeler, twice. I feel broken and lost. Like I'm dying slowly and only with time it will end, not my love for her, but life.

"Bella!" yelled Seth from across the fire, waving his hands above his head. Once her name left his lips everyone around the circle looked over, their heads lowering. Bella paused, as if not expecting to see them act this way. I stopped as well, my motions unknowingly synced with hers.

"What's wrong?" I asked curiously, watching her as she glanced at each person around the fire. Her eyes holding unshed tears.

"They're honoring my return. I can not- Edward I want to leave."

"No," I said firmly. She looked at me, pleading. "No more running, Bella, no more."

I grabbed her hand and gently led her reluctant body towards the rising fire. Everyone rose, stepping in line behind each other and waited until we were three feet away to approach us, one by one.

"Ecawe, wa oalo Isabella." Whispered the first man in line. He was around '5'2', his black and gray hair long and flowing. His facial hair covering most of his face, but something told me underneath it he was kind. "Welcome back Isabella." He translated.

He moved to the side, heading back to the fire and allowing the next person to take his place. I took his lead and stepped to the side of Bella, allowing room for the people before her to welcome her back. Seth saw me, and left the line to stand beside me. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke.

"Thank you for making her come."

"She almost walked away when she saw the people bow to her. Why are they bowing for her anyway?" I asked curiously.

"She didn't tell you?" I shook me head no, and motioned for him to continue. "Jacob was our tribe leader."

"Tribe leader?" I asked; my disbelief clear in my question.

"Yes, tribe leader. Look, I know what you're thinking, 'no one has those anymore,' but we do, and Jacob was ours. It wasn't a choice at first, he was born a Black and it was our great grandfather who founded the Quileute. He was the Chief and his blood line and his alone, are the only ones allowed to carry on the tribe. Dad retired and Jacob had to take it."

"What about now? Who's leader now?"

"I am, or I will be officially after tonight. Because of what happened to the baby, I'm next in line. If he would have survived he would have taken his fathers spot when he grew older. But now I must, and if I produce an off spring then he or she will be next, if not, then Emily, and so on."

"Wow," I said in awe. "Okay, but why tonight? You said tonight it would be official, why now and not sooner, like after the accident happened?"

"Bella disappeared after the accident. You didn't know? God, she really hasn't told you anything. After like a week in the hospital she just disappeared. It took Charlie, my dad, Ben, a few of Chicago's finest and a few private investigators to find her. She was somewhere down south locked up in some rundown hotel room killing herself slowly.

"When she was found they had to rush her to the hospital and hook her up to a few IV's. She was suffering from a severe case of dehydration and starvation. She went there to die and she was doing a great job at killing herself. That's why it took so long to bury Jacob. Bella was MIA and Charlie wanted her to be there, he refused to let her miss saying goodbye to Jacob.

"Once they got her on a plane here, everything started to fall into motion. But now that she's here on the reservation we can finally finish things completely. No one told mom, that's why earlier when she was saying no one told us anything about the accident she was kind of peeved. I knew of course, I knew everything."

"I'm sorry."

"For what, did you kill my brother?" He asked bluntly.

"No, but, this should not have happened to her, to any of you." With a sigh I decided to change the subject. "So why do you need her for this?"

"She was Jacob's wife," Seth said, following my lead and changing the subject. "and that makes her his beta, our beta. She's our version of England's queen Elizabeth. Once the King is dead, it's up to the queen to pass along the torch, but when the queen is MIA the torch must wait until she returns, meaning the ceremony was put on hold until we found Isabella. Now that she's here…."

"She knew, didn't she?" I asked as I glanced over at her.

"Yes, but like everything else that has to do with Jacob, she wants no part of it. I hate this." He exclaimed fiercely. "I hate having to put her through this. I hate that my brother isn't here to pass the torch. I hate that this is the way I have to receive it. I hate that I can't go to my parents house without thinking about my brother or seeing his face everywhere.

"I don't blame her you know, the way she's acting. I would act the same way if it were me. Sometimes I wish it were me instead of him. I mean, I have no one, my life's been great, but I wouldn't have left anyone behind. He had her, and she needs him, because if you care to know it or not, she wont make it without him. I mean you should have seen them together. They were like, the northern lights. They were a spectacle of color and light and magic. They made everyone take a second look at their own relationships or marriages. They were it…but then you come alone, and you begin to make me think about something else, something unexpected. You're in love with her aren't you?"

My head turned around so fast I believe I got whiplash. "I…um…"

"Don't, you are not a good liar. I see the way you look at her, the way you touch her. Jacob was the same way with her. I'm sure she has realized it already, and if I know her at all I know she is not ready for you, for what you have to offer her. She feels marred and misplaced and she does not understand your feelings. You can not push them on her or she will run from you, Edward. And I am afraid that if she runs this time, we will never find her."

I looked away from Seth, my eyes finding Bella. I never even imagined the possibility of her taking off on me. I mean, what Seth said, is obviously too late. I'd already declared my feelings for her and yes, she ran, but that was on emotionally. Would she even consider taking herself away from me physically? The thought had never crossed my mind until this very moment.

After I told her and she rejected me I'd assumed I had time. Time to think, time to reconstruct a new plan, time to be with her at the very least, but this…Seth is right. I forced my feelings on her and now, I don't even know what she's thinking.

After a few minutes of silence Seth rejoined the line. It was moving quickly now so it was not long before his hand was touching hers, but unlike everyone else, Seth gave Bella a hug, then gently lead her to the fire.

I followed behind them, my thoughts still unfocused, and distant.

"Tonight," said the man with the facial hair that was first in line to greet Bella. "we are here, not only to see the future Alpha be initiated, but we are here to welcome our lost Beta back and give respect to our past Alpha. Our tribe has been through a great deal this year, but tonight we can finally put ourselves back on track. Let's begin, shall we."

He sat back down, opening the floor with a gesture of his left hand. Seth stood, pulling a white red and brown candle from on side of him. He walked closer to the fire, tilting the stem of the candle over it and letting the flames rise and ignite the small string. He stood straighter, his eyes scanning the circle as the candle burned bright.

"My brother loved his heritage, he loved his people. He took great pride in what we've accomplished throughout the years and he never once said that he took all the credit. He always dotted that upon us, making sure that we were recognized as well as our people. For that I am proud to say that he was a true Quileute Alpha, like our father before him, and his father before him. Now, it's my turn to continue that legend, and I accept the duty with open arms. Isabella Marie Swan Black, please stand and accept the candle of purity, of love, and of our people."

I glanced over at Bella, her frame shaking, her skin covered in goose flesh. She stood slowly, her fist clenched tight at her sides, her head down. She reached a blind, shaky hand out towards Seth and he grabbed her hand, placing the candle in her hand and closing her fingers around it.

"By blowing out this candle you will be acknowledging the ending of one rang and the beginning of another, do you understand?" She nodded slowly, the candle shaking violently in her hands. All my being was screaming at me to go to her, to protect her from this exposure. She was so bare up there, standing alone, but I couldn't. She had to do this unaided.

"Take your time, Bells." Seth told her, his voice traveling through the still silence.

She took a deep breath and blew out slowly, the flame flicking, but never going out. She savored every moment, letting her breath touch the flame, but also keeping the flame alive. When finally, without and warning, it was out and not only her flame burned out, but so did the raging bonfire behind her. We were consumed in darkness.

I would have be scared shitless if not for the circle of people who each pulled out a white candle and light it with a lighter or match. They knew what was going to happen, and they were prepared.

Bella was seated, once again, when a proper glow from the candles light the area we were seated in and showed her whereabouts. I was stunned. The ceremony continued another thirty minutes, Bella only having to get up twice more. She had parts that I knew, just from seeing, were major to them more then they would have been to an outsider.

After the ceremony Bella was bid farewell by everyone in the same manner that she was welcomed, and shortly after, we were on our way to Jaspers. She was silent the entire ride, and I didn't dare break the still air that surrounded us. But I knew, I knew that as soon as we were back at Jaspers she would lock herself away in her room and she wouldn't submerge for sometime. And I also knew that I would not, could not be there and watch her do it again.

I pulled up in front of Jaspers and put the car in park, killing the engine as well. She made no move to leave and neither did I. We sat silently in the car for over twenty minutes before she spoke.

"You're not coming in are you?"

"No, I'm not." I said, my fist squeezing the stirring wheel tightly. "You should go, I'm sure Jasper is up waiting for you to return."

"I'm sorry I can't love you like you want me to Edward." She whispered, opening the car door. "Like I want me to, too." She said and let the door close behind her.

I opened the car door, jumping out and running over to her. I grabbed her by her waist and spun her until she was facing me. With one confused glance from her I smashed my lips to hers. She struggled against me for a few seconds and when I finally let her go, backing away like she wanted, she clutched on to me and kissed me with as much vigorness as I'd did to her.

I pulled her back to me, tightly, and held on for dear life. I don't really remember what happened after that, I just remembered waking up in Bella's bed with her hair sprawled across my chest, my left arm squeezing her tightly to my body and her lips pressed delicately to my throat. I smiled contentedly as certain things from the night begin to surface….

I remember walking through the front door to see that it was empty, which was unexpected. I remember looking at Bella across the room and rushing to her as she rushed to me with a tight fist and smoldering, lust filled lips. I walked her backwards to her room where we shared something, something so surreal that it had me clutching to her tightly all night….

Bella stirred, her left arm moving up and down my bare chest. I kissed the top of her head, and she settled down. Last night was striking, Bella was just unbelievable and I wanted her, not just for that one night, but for forever, for always. Apart of me, a ghost in the back of my head told me that I was wrong. I was wrong for what transpired last night knowing she was anything but ready. But when she kissed me back, when she pulled me to her I just knew she couldn't fight it anymore. She couldn't fight what's been happening between her and I any longer. I know now that there is only one thing left for me to do, well two, but one couldn't take place for a few more months.

I gently removed Bella's arm from around my waist, kissing her head once more before slowly removing my body from beneath hers. I found my boxers, which were across the room and slipped them on quickly. I dressed soundlessly, glancing at Bella every so often to make sure that she was undisturbed.

I quickly found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote her a lengthy letter telling her when I would be back and what I was going to do and that I loved her. I sat it on the pillow that I had moments ago occupied and with one last kiss and glance, I walked out of her room door and into the hall way.

No one was up as I walked through the house to get to the living room. For some reason that made me feel just a little bit grateful. I don't regret what happened between Bella and I last night, but I knew that Jasper, or Charlie for that matter wouldn't understand. They might think, like I do myself sometimes, that I'm taking advantage of her, but if only they knew that was not my intention.

I drove home in silence, a huge, canary smile on my face. I was in bliss, but when I pulled up to my house and saw a red 'Tahoe' in my driveway my smile fell and it was replaced with a sudden need to vomit.

There is only one person in Forks that drives a red Tahoe and let me tell you exactly who it is, the pizza boy. Now I knew that deceit ran deep in Tanya's veins, but god I hope she has enough decency to not do the pizza guy in my bed. God please….

I cut the engine, taking my time to reach the door. I was not looking forward to finding the two of them naked at all. I stuck my key in my door, making as much noise as possible. But when I could hold off no longer I turned the key and the door flung open, Tanya standing on the other side with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Where have you been all night, Edward?"

"Who's here?" I asked, my finger pointing behind me to the red 'Tahoe'.

"Are you going to answer my question or not?" She demanded.

"Are you going to answer mine?" I cornered. She scowled, but took my hand and dragged me to the living room.

"Edward," she said loudly as she entered; me right behind her. "I would like you to meet Eric. He's Irena's boyfriend. Eric this is my fiancé, Edward Cullen, he's a Doctor."

I stared at the poor kid who couldn't be more than nineteen and flashed a quick-none interested- smile. "And where is Irena?" I asked Tanya as I gestured for her to follow me.

"Bathroom. Come on, I made breakfast for the four of us. I thought we could have breakfast with my sister and then you and I could have the rest of the day to ourselves to go over a few wedding arrangements and then maybe a little fun afterwards."

"I'm not really up for that today Tanya, besides, I want to talk to you about something important. Can't Irena and Eric wait?"

"They're already here Edward. It would be rude of us to send them away now. We'll talk later about whatever it is, after they've left."

"Tanya-" I begin to argue, but was quickly interrupted by a sick and twisted pitch.

"Edward!" Irena greeted from behind us.

I cleared my throat and turned to greet the original succubus herself. "Irena, it's nice to see you again."

"You too. It was super of you and Tanya to have us over this morning. I've been dying to show off Eric."

"I'm sure…" I whispered quietly. "We're happy you two could make it." I assured falsely, reluctantly gesturing towards the living room.

"Well it was sort of last minute, but of course Tanya won me over with her talk of food. I love her meals."

We entered the living room, Eric still seated in anxious silence. I would be anxious too if I were seated between two women I've slept with while also thinking one could be carrying my child. God, the poor kid actually had me feeling sorry for him.

"Irena, why don't you and Eric go on to the table while Edward and I grab the food?" Tanya said, gesturing towards our dinning room.

"Sure." Irena agreed, taking Eric's hand and heading towards the room.

I followed behind Tanya silently going over the things that needed to be done today. I felt like I was going to burst waiting to tell her that I no longer wanted to be with her; that I wanted Bella, and anything besides her would leave me unhappy. I was egger to get back to her, to be with her. But Tanya was making it impossible.

"So Edward," Irena begin as I helped Tanya into the seat at the other end of the table. "I've heard you've been hanging out with that girl a lot lately, that Isabella girl; you know, the one hat killed her hus-"

"Shut up!" I ordered fiercely, interrupting her. "Is this the reason you asked her over?" I demanded of Tanya. "So she could grill me on Bella? Well you know what, you nor she knows anything about that girl and I be damned if I sit her and listen to Irena fucking Denali talk shit about her."

"Is this the way you talk to the woman who's carrying your child you fucker?" Irena yelled across the table. "You know what, my sister deserves better. I don't know why she's wasting her time with a small town doctor in the middle of nowhere Forks when she could have anyone. And then you're cheating on her with a fucking Witch who killed her own husband. Yeah, you're a fucking stand up guy! Eric lets go."

"No," I said, my voice quiet but menacing. "You know what you succubus, who gave you the goddamn right? You're a fucking vampire and you think I'm going to sit here and let you talk shit about someone as amazing as Isabella. You have got to be fucking kidding me. There is nothing in this world that would make any of you more amazing then her. Yeah, I fucking spend time with her, and I'd fucking spend each and every day with her if I could, but you learn the facts before you fucking come into my home and judge me on some second hand information. The reason I spend so much time with that amazingly beautiful girl is because I fucking lo-" I was abruptly interrupted by the sound of my phone going off.

I quickly grabbed it, hoping for it to be Isabella. I would love nothing more then to hear from her right now. But it wasn't, it was Jasper. "Hey Jasper, can I-"

"Where is she?" he asked quickly. His voice cracking, and heavy, as if he were about to begin crying.

"Where is who, Alice? She's at my mom and dads. I'm sure she'll be home later or call you. Look I have to-"

"No, not Alice, Bella! Where the hell is my sister Edward? Is she still with you? I came in this morning and I thought I'd check on her, but when I went in her room her bed was made and there was a letter… from you, but at the end…at the end was Isabella's hand writing. From what I could muster from her words she's gone Edward."

"What do you mean she's gone?" I yelled angrily. "I just left her Jasper. Not even an hour ago."

"I can't fucking find her anywhere Edward."

"She couldn't have just left. She wouldn't have just left me like that. I don't believe you." I told him weakly, grasping on to the table as the room around me began to circle.

"Look, I know you two have been spending a lot of time together, but what happened last night Edward? What happened to make her want to leave?"

"Everything was perfect last night. I took her out, we went to the reservation and then went straight back to… the… house …." Oh god. "I'm on my way over Jasper, call Charlie and my dad. We're going to need all the help we can find. I think she's running again."