Finding Love: Chapter 9

Isabella Swan

"It is neccessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live."

"You're killing me Rose." I whined, pouting.

"Izzy, come on. We've only been at it for like what, four minutes? Get in the groove momma to be."

"The groove hurts. My back is killing me."

"Well you are a seven month pregnant lady attempting to do yoga…in a jogging suit." She laughed. "How about we take a break, I want to call my man anyway. He's going through withdrawal."

"I didn't know Emmett did drugs." I said confused.

"He doesn't. He hasn't gotten any in almost a week. He's being starved." She winked and headed towards the gym office.

I met Rosalie McCarty and her husband Emmett at a party that Jacob and I attended during college. Jacob and Emmett had a few of the same classes as they were both going for the same degree. Rosalie and I instantly connected, Emmett almost like a brother to me, like Jasper was to me.

They moved up North after college, Rosalie longing for the small life and mountains. We lost touch, but they welcomed me with open arms the day I showed up here almost eight months ago. No questions asked. They allowed me to go to them in my own time and it helped me a lot….

I'd left him. I woke up and he wasn't there. I was scared that he finally got what he wanted, after all the conversations and the long night promises, he'd gotten what he wanted and left. He used me. I told him everything, he knows about every inch of my life and he used it against me. He used my condition, the last of my sanity for his own personal sick use. And I stupidly fell for it. I fell for him. So I left, with no promise to return and I don't plan to, ever.

"Izzy, do you feel up for dinner at my house tonight?"

"Sure, if you call yoga quits right now!"

With an exaggerated sigh she nodded her head and headed back into her office. I squealed in delight and began to pack my things.

After a few months in the McCarty's guess room I ventured out and brought my own home in the small state of South Dakota. I moved two streets over from Rose and Emmett, wanting to stay close to the only people I knew here.

I was amazed at how welcomed Rose and Emmett made me feel after not seeing them in so long. I wasn't sure where I was headed when I left, but when I got to the airport and saw that the only flight that was boarding at the time was to North Dakota I took my chances and boarded it. Who would have known a week or so later I would find out that I was once again pregnant?

This pregnancy, unlike my first, seemed to be going great. I was right upon the seventh month stretch. I've been stress free during the entire pregnancy, and I haven't fallen or even put myself in a position to fall. But sometimes those things are dimmed when I think about whom this baby belongs to. This child, also unlike my first, was conceived during a moment; a moment of confusion and lies. My child will never know that, but I always will.

This child will only know love and honesty. People that it can count on throughout life will surround him or her. This child will know the beauty that humanity can hold and I will shy it away from the dangers and the less polite things for as long as I can. Unfortunately he or she will not get to meet its grandfather. I haven't spoken to Charlie since the last time I saw him- the night Edward took me out. And when I caught wind of him trying to find me, sending posters to the local police station, I paid some young cop off to throw away the lost posters with my face plastered about. Of course using a portion of my late husbands' money for such a thing was just deplorable of me. But it was the only thing that actually followed me to my new life, besides the life within me.

"Bella, are you ready to go?" Rose called from behind me.

I was more than ready. I'd been packed and sitting in the oval chairs a few minutes after she'd went back into her office. "Yeah, come on Rosie; let's go see your starving man." I wiggled my eyebrows in a very Emmett way and smiled as she rolled her eyes. Emmett and Rosalie were perfect for each other; her broad, blunt personality combined with his humorist, lighthearted out look on life mixed well, extremely well.

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

"So Emmet and I are going on a vacation next month-" Rose began before Emmett interrupted.

"And it would be totally badass if you would come with us." I bit my lip contemplating.

"Where are you guys going?" I asked suspiciously. They never asked who the father of my child was, knowing Jacob passed away, so of course it couldn't be his. But I knew they had ways of contacting my old life and as much as I loved and trusted them, I was still worried about them doing so.

"Visit some of Emmett's family in Tennessee and then my family in Texas. What do you think?"

"I think that I would just get in you guys way. I mean they're your family and I'd just be the odd girl out. Or should I say the pregnant girl out. Thanks, but no thanks."

"Please Izzy. I'm begging you. I need someone with me when I'm with Em's family, they're nuts."

"Hey!" Em exclaimed. "At least my family doesn't try to molest you. Your uncle Clive really does have a thing for me. I don't know how many times I bent over to retrieve his glasses from under the table."

I chocked on my water, my eyes tearing. When I settled I burst into laughter. "You guys, I don't know. I'm not really up for traveling and this is your families, not mine."

"You're a part of our family Izzy." Emmett guaranteed me.

With an ambiguous sigh, I told them I would think about it.

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

At home I flicked on the lights in my house and made myself comfortable in the living room. I grabbed a random book from many on the bookshelves that lined the living room wall and settled in on my couch. I turned the television on, background music and began to read.

It was about two hours later and I was a seventy-five percent of the way finished with 'The great Gatsby' when I heard a name that I wouldn't miss for anything in the world, being said on the 11o'clock news.

I put the book down, my hands trembling as I found the remote and turned the volume up on the screen. "Tonight on the scene we are joined by deputy Dallas Howard of Forks PD. Deputy, could we ask you what happened tonight that resulted in the death of four hostages and the injuries of Officer Lisa Blake and Chief Charles Swan?"

My heart stop and the Asian reporter on the screen went out of focus. I had to go back. I had to make sure my father was okay. I dropped everything and fumbled with my cell to get it open. "Rose," I called as someone picked up on the other end.

"No, Emmett. What's up B?"

"I need you guys to get to my house right away. I have to go and I need help getting back."

"Hold on there B. Where do you have to go?" Emmett asked, a small amount of panic sleeking into his voice.

"To him. Please can you guys just get here?"

"Ten minutes."

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

"So you left him? But you didn't know you were pregnant with his child until you were actually here?" Rose asked, understandingly. I nodded with a short sigh.

I'd told them everything. About what happened to Jacob, about meeting Edward, about what I'd just seen on the news. And they'd taken most of it in stride so far but now they had questions.

"And why didn't you tell him after you found out again? Why are you here hiding out?"

"He used me Rose. He played on my emotions and got exactly what he wanted from me. He won't get that chance again and he will never know my child." I said forcefully, placing a soothing hand over my round belly.

"Okay, what do you want us to do?"

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

We were in Seattle sooner than I would have expected. The preparations were quick, according to Rose who'd made them. We had a plan and it was easy; get me in there undetected, which might be difficult considering whom my father is. However, we were determined to do it. Then get me out before they could call Edward Cullen.

We arrived at the hospital around noon on a cloudy Thursday. And as expected the hospital was a mad house. The shooting was only two days ago but civilians and the media were still lingering around.

With my blond wig and ball cap firmly in place, dark glasses attached to my face, and Emmett firmly by my side he walked me unnoticeably into the hospital. I knew the blueprint of this hospital, like I knew the blueprint of my fathers house. I had practically grown up in this place.

We bypassed the nurses station headed to the back of the hospital. Of all the officers that were ever hurt on the job in Forks there was only one room ever used for them. It was a room, on the first floor, the only room that wasn't a supply closet on the hall. And it was two hallways over from the nurses station.

I peeked around the corner once we reached the hall, noting the three officers stationed there. I could do this. I repeated in my head, than I turned to Em. "I can get us passed them, but it'll have to be quick. They'll try to distract us so one of them can run off and get him but as long as we lock the door behind us and get out of the exit before they notice it'll be fine."

"Well lets do this than." He took my hand, lacing his fingers with mine and we walked determinedly towards my fathers' room.

"I'm sorry, but no one other Doctors are allowed on this hall folks." Officer Jonathan Malik sated as Em and I mover forward.

"Of course, but I'm sure the Chiefs daughter is allowed to see her father, am I not John?" I asked taking off my wig, hat and glasses.

"Isabella Swan, where in the hell have you been?" he asked with relief in seeing me safe.

"Trying to survive. I want to see my dad John."

"Of course. Come on, he'd be happy to know you came." I noticed the quick motion of his eye, as he glanced at on of his deputies. They were going to call Edward. That was way sooner than I expected. "He's um…not woke. They had to sedate him, put him an medical induced coma. But they're going to take him out of it soon. Not today, but soon. Maybe you'll still be around when they do." He hinted.

I smiled sadly at him, before taking Em and walking into my fathers' room. I asked John to wait out in the hall and he agreed. As soon as the door closed, Em locked it. "Ten minutes, no more." He warned. "And you probably don't have that."

"Daddy," I cried as I wobbled to his bedside. "Oh dad, what have you done? God old man, you're never supposed to be the hero. Get your men out and get yourself out. That was the promise you made to me." I lifted his left hand, placing it lightly on my ball, which was formally known, as my stomach. "This kid, it's going to need its pop, so you can't keep doing crazy things old man. I want you to meet your second grandchild okay. It needs somebody to teach it how to fish, because lets face it I sucked. I love you so much dad. Oh my god, did you feel that? It kicked for you daddy. It never kicks for anyone, but it did for you. I'm going to carry to full term this time daddy. I'm going to have my baby." I assured his sleeping form tearfully.

"Bell, I can hear them. You don't have any more time. We have to go."

I watched as Emmett made his way over to the exit door, pulling out his phone to call Rose and tell her where to meet us. I quickly pulled out the letter I'd written for my father with an ink pen and a sonogram of my baby as well. I wrote the letter knowing that only he would know how to decipher it. I placed it along with the picture under his pillows. I took the pen, uncapping the cap and drawing a heart in the middle of my fathers hand. Coloring it in with messy wiggles. I placed a single kiss in his palm before the banging on the door began.

"Isabella!" I heard him scream from the other side. "Go get someone to open the door. Hurry." He urged someone outside with him. "Please Isabella, please open the door. Baby please, god Isabella please. I need you so much." He cried from the other side.

"Izzy, we have to go." I nodded my tear stained face, but my body wouldn't move. "Izzy." Em called again.

"Move!" I heard Edward shout from the other side. "Get back, I'm going to kick it in. Isabella, if you're by the door, baby please move." I didn't.

"Izzy!" Emmett yelled. "Get your ass away from there." He grabbed me, pulling me away from the door as the first blow sounded. "We're leaving." Em stated, half carrying, half dragging me towards the back exit. "Rose." He called as we pulled us through the door.

The next pair of arms around me was Roses and she was pulling me into the back of the car while Em took over the driver's seat. We were halfway across the lot when the exit door swung open again and Edward came barging out. He seemed to grab his chest at the exact same time I grabbed my abdomen. After that I couldn't see him clearly, he was just a picture against a darkening frame. And as Em drove further away he became a distant memory.

"I can't believe we just came out of that undamaged." Rose commented as we drove out of town.

I just cried. I don't think all of us came out of that undamaged at all, not at all.

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

18Years later

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

"Mom come on!" Nathan called from downstairs.

I was stalling, my son was leaving me today. He graduated high school two months ago and today he was off to UCLA. I didn't want him to go. I have never been more than a few blocks from him his entire life.

"Bell!" came my fathers' fragile tenor. "Would you come on, the kid has to go."

My father…he found me three weeks after I'd visited him. He told me, as soon as he could, why it had taken him so long. He'd said he'd woken up three days after I'd visited him, confused. He said a day later he was told that I'd visited. 'Once my room was empty I searched it feverishly. I found it twenty minutes later under my pillow. Just like when you were a kid.' He'd told me. 'I read it six times trying to decipher your message. Than I read it once more. The memories you wrote about all lined up with numbers. When you lost your first tooth, you were seven. The first number in your old address when you lived with Jacob seven. It became easy after that. So I took more time off, with my injury that was possible. And I came right here.' I'd never been more proud of myself when I opened my front door and saw my father standing there. Finally, we were a family again.

"I'm here," I murmured sadly as I stepped into the living room.

"Mom, don't be like that. You know I will miss you most of all." Nate whispered as he pulled my frame to his. "I'll miss you so much mommy."

"No you won't," I cried. "you'll get out there and forget all about your poor mother. You'll become one of those crazy surfer boys and I'll never recognize you."

"Mom…."

"Okay, okay…so let's go over this once more. If you need anything?" I quizzed.

"Call you, but call pop first because he's closer."

"If you don't like it?"

"It doesn't matter if I don't because I have to stick it out."

"Good boy, and last but not least?"

"Call you every chance I get. Mom I know the list. It'll be fine, you'll see. Besides, you'll get so busy you won't even have time to miss me."

"I doubt that kid. Have lots of fun, but also study. I'll see you for thanksgiving. Oh, and don't forget to stop by aunt Rosie's and uncle Em's'. Emmett and Skylar wants to see you before you head out. I love you. Now go before I change my mind."

"I love you too mom. Come on pop, we have a long drive ahead of us. I'll call when we make it mom, I love you."

"Love you too…." I whispered as he and my father walked out of the front door that has been there protecting him from the outside world his entire eighteen years of life.

The first month was the worst. My father visited as often as possible, but my home still felt hollow. Nate called every Friday at ten, as promised, but it wasn't the same as having him home. Rose tried to keep my spirits up but without my son near nothing seemed to work. And Skylar, god bless her soul, tried in vein to replace Nate's absents with plenty of smiles. Somedays it worked others it didn't.

By late October, my spirits were lifting. I was practically skipping, knowing that my boy would be home in less than a month. I had it all planed out, our thanksgiving. My father was coming over. Rose, Skylar, little Emily and Em were all coming over and I was excited. It was going to be a huge family affair.

On November tenth Nate called me and after our usual greetings and Q&A session he went silent. "What is it Nate?" I asked as the silence began to worry me.

"Um…it's about thanksgiving beak-"

"What about it?" I asked suspiciously.

"Mom, please don't get angry." He begged.

"What's going on Nathaniel, tell me this instant?" I demanded.

"My friend Leo asked me over to his families place for the holiday break and I want to go." I wasn't angry. I was extremely disappointed, but I was not angry. I haven't seen him properly for nearly four months and he doesn't even want to come home. "Mom?"

"Sure honey. You go to your friends. We'll see you for Christmas. You are coming home for Christmas, right?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. I love you ma."

"I love you too, kido. Behave and ring me when you've finished class for the week. Good-" He hung up his phone before I could finish. "night." and again, my mood had shifted. Another month.

"So how has Sky been doing in school? Is she enjoying her last year?" I asked Rose as she popped her famous blueberry pies into the oven. They were the very last things to be prepared for our thanksgiving dinner.

"She loves it, but she's already looking at colleges. I hate it. I think she's going to follow her hero to UCLA though. You know those two were always mimicking each other. I always thought that they would hook-up. I thought that we would be in-laws. But they were always like 'ew' and 'no way'. Still, they gave each other those looks. But I guess they meant those 'ew's' and no way's, they both took someone else to prom."

"I know," I conceded. "But Nate came home and all he could talk about was how beautiful Sky looked. I asked him what Sky was wearing and he described it in detail; her canary yellow dress, her silver heels, her yellow diamonds. Then I asked him what his date was wearing and he said, 'I think she was wearing something blue.' I told him she sounded beautiful. And with a wistful smile he said, 'yeah, she really was.' You know, maybe they still might end up together. They have plenty of time." I assured her.

"Yeah. It sucks that he's not going to be home today. How are you doing honey?"

"Fine, okay…I guess. I don't know. I miss him, you know. He's my little boy and I was looking forward to seeing him, but I guess he's growing up and he doesn't feel the need to spend every holiday with his mother. I guess I should get used to it. I mean…he's going to meet someone someday-hopefully Sky- and he's going to want to spend the holidays with her and her family and I'll see him every now and than, but it won't be the same. He'll have his own family and start his own traditions. I'll just be here alone."

"Hey," Rose spoke as she came closer to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "if we're lucky, he and Sky will really end up together." We giggled like world known schoolchildren and hoped for the best, because if they did end up together, nothing would change.

The month of December was rolling in beautifully. The snow had yet to fall, but the wind didn't wait on it to blow fiercely. Emmett, the amazing friend that he is, helped me put up all my outside Christmas decorations. With the outside down it was time to focus on the interior.

I'd found the perfect tree almost instantly. I'd went to Lows and walked through the garden section for all of two minutes, when I saw a real, full, evergreen tree. I brought it instantly and decorated it the next day with all of Nate's ornaments, the homemade ones and the ones he brought when he was old enough to buy them. The star, as always, remained untouched. Of course, that was always left for pops or Nate. The only two men in my life.

The days leading up to Christmas day were dull, uneventful and tiring. However, all the plans were set in stone. Rose, Emily, Sky and Emmett would, like thanksgiving, join me, my father and a promised to be here Nate. I was ecstatic….

AN: I hope it was worth the wait...