Sorry this has taken so long. I've had a pretty horrible week and I've not had much time to write, so this chapter's very short, but I wanted to get something up for you. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far, please keep reading and reviewing, and I promise to get more written when I can. Sorry again, blame exams, dance competitions, younger sisters and family issues!
Love Flossie xxx
Sheila goes out with her mate Stella,
Gets poured all over her fella,
Because she says that he ain't no better,
Than the next man kicking up fuss,
Drunk, she stumbles down by a river,
Screams calling 'London',
But none of us heard her coming,
Guess the Carpet weren't rolled out.
The rain is starting to drive you crazy; the way it's pounding on your back, turning your once carefully straightened hair to a mess of frizz and running in cold streams down your cheeks, mixing with your tears. You're tired of this now, tired of staying out in the cold, waiting to prove something to yourself. 'It's not going to happen, Nikki,' a small, shaky voice in the back of your mind is trying to tell you. 'Nobody's coming. So come on, get up and go home. There's no point waiting out here for someone who's not going to come.'
Sighing, you climb to your feet, wobbling slightly as you try to balance, realising the alcohol is still very much in your system. Do taxis run at this time of the morning? You're not sure. But you know you can't stay here, not when you've got work tomorrow. Oh god, work tomorrow… you're going to be shattered. You're going to be practically falling asleep over the PMs tomorrow, not to mention the hangover you'll be suffering from, but there's nothing you can do about it now. The only think you can go is head home, try and get some sleep and pull yourself together before work tomorrow. Although how you're going to manage that when you feel so alone and abandoned is anyone's guess. Still, you'll get through it, you tell yourself. You've got through all the other hardships you've faced in your life; why should this one be any different? Except… you've never actually felt this alone before; there's always been someone there to keep you company. This time though, the whole problem is that there isn't anyone. You're all alone in the world, and there's nothing you can do about it.
You've only taken a few shaky steps before you realize that you don't know where you are. It wasn't quite this dark when you first came down here, and you were so panicked and concentrated on getting as far away from Andrew as possible that you didn't pay the slightest bit of attention to where you were going. Needless to say, you're starting to regret that decision now. You're starting to regret it hugely.
You stop and look around slowly, trying to adjust your eyes to the light, or lack of. You know you're by a river, presumably the Thames, because you can see the moonlight reflected in the water, the soft white light strangely calming for a moment, until it sinks in just how lost you are. Squinting, you can just about make out the towpath ahead of you, but as you turn around to face the other way, you realize it goes both ways. Which direction did you come from? Panic sets in as you try in vain to think, but you can't remember. All you know is that you collapsed down onto the grass at the side of the river the minute you were sure Andrew had lost your trail, sobbing violently as the emotion of events overwhelmed you. You don't know how long you sat there like that, but you do know that you didn't move an inch until the tears dried up, that and the excessive amount of alcohol you've drunk tonight leaving you feeling exhausted and dehydrated. You just want to sleep, that's all you want. You just want to find your way home, to dry off and curl up in bed, that's all you want. But you can't go home. You don't know how to find your way there.
You want to cry again, to let all the emotion out, but you find that you can't. The tears have long since dried up, and there's no outlet for it all anymore. So now you find thoughts from earlier drifting back into your mind, refusing to leave you, no matter how hard you try to push them away. You want Harry, your brain is telling you. You want Harry to come and rescue you.
But he's not coming. Your phone confirms that you've called him 24 times and left almost as many voicemail messages, but still no answer. You've just got to accept it now; you're going to have to survive without him. He can't always be your knight in shining armour; sooner or later he's going to get tired of coming to save you. Maybe he already has.
Frantically you start to think, trying to come up with a plan B, a plan which doesn't involve Harry. Maybe it's best to stay where you are, you decide. Normally you wouldn't think it advisable to stay in such an isolated part of London in the middle of the night, but it beats the alternative, which is to wander on through the night, with no idea where you're going and not even able to see the path in front of you. You'd rather stay here, you decide, you'd rather take your chances down here. When morning comes you'll walk back down the river, find where you came from and get back home. You'll probably be late for work because you're going to have to go home and change, but you know that Leo won't ask too many questions.
Thinking about work, about Leo and Harry, causes all the bad thoughts to come flooding back once more. Because in your current state, convinced that neither of them care in the slightest, that nobody really does, the thought of going into work just makes you feel more alone than ever. It's like Pandora's box, you muse; it's like someone has opened up your own personal Pandora's box and released an army of bad, soul-destroying, unpleasant thoughts into your head, tormenting you, refusing to let you believe any different. Desperate to stop feeling so alone and afraid, you curl up into a ball at the side of the river, burying your head in your knees as your whole body shakes with tears. And then it comes; a tiny ray of hope in with the misery and self-hatred, a reassurance that maybe someone does care after all. Because your mobile screen is glowing brightly in the darkness, two words displayed across the screen which fill you with hope like no other words ever could. 'Harry calling.'