A/N: Sorry for the delay! Enjoy!
A couple of hours later Juice and Sara walked into her family home. Sara said, "It won't take me long. I just want to get our stuff and get out of here. Coming here was such a bad idea. I don't know what I was thinking."
She went to climb up the stairs when she heard hurried footsteps approaching them. A raven haired Livvie Reed walked over to the staircase.
"SJ, you had your daddy and me worried. We've been calling your cell phone. We didn't know where you were or even if you were okay," admonished Livvie.
It was then she turned her attention to Juice. She said, "Well, you must be Juan. It is a pleasure to meet you."
Sara said, "I left my cell phone here at the house. I think it is best that Juan and I just get a hotel room for the night. Coming here was a bad idea on my part. And he goes by Juice, not Juan."
Juice said, "Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Reed."
Livvie shook her head and said, "Well, that is just nonsense. No daughter of mine is staying the night at the hotel like some trollop. You'll stay right here in your room, and Juan can stay in the den. I know you had words with your daddy, but I am not about to let that ruin our only night with you."
Sara started, "Mama..."
Livvie cut her off. "I mean it, SJ. We haven't seen you in months. And you are only here for one night. I won't have you running off without spending some time with your family. I just won't have it. Beau had every right to say how he felt about Juice. He feels like he's already made his position clear. He thinks you are making a mistake... but we don't want you to go."
Sara sighed a moment and rubbed her temple in frustration. She finally said, "Alright, Mama. We will stay for dinner. But we won't stay here for the night. I won't have Juice feeling unwelcome. Not for anyone. I am going to go upstairs and get washed up for supper."
Livvie frowned but relented, "Supper will be ready in thirty minutes. Don't take too long." Livvie turned and walked back down the hallway to the kitchen.
Sara sighed heavily and trudged up the stairs. The weight of being back in her home town was too much for her to bear. It was like a weight on her body and her heart. As many good memories as home held for her they also held some horrifying ones as well.
Juice followed Sara into her bedroom and closed the door behind them. He took her into his arms and looked into her eyes.
"Are you sure that you can do this? If you want to beg off of this dinner, you can just blame me. Your parents already don't like me. I can play the scapegoat for you."
He didn't like how stressed out all of this was making Sara. And now, more than ever, he truly understood her pain.
Sara shook her head and said, "I'll be fine. Let's just get through dinner and then get the hell out of here. Why don't you go to the bathroom down the hall and get washed up for dinner. I'll slip into my parents' bedroom."
Juice nodded and said, "Alright, I'll meet you downstairs." He grabbed his overnight bag and carried it down the hall to the bathroom.
Sara sighed in relief when Juice left her alone. She picked up her own bag and went down the hall in the opposite direction to her parents' bedroom.
Mostly Sara just needed time to herself. She needed to breakdown, and - as much as she loved Juice - she didn't want to do that in front of him because he would want to make her better. Only this was something that he couldn't fix. She needed a time machine to take her back to the day she met Willie Rabeaux. Or perhaps go back even further in time and make sure his miserable life never began. Sara leaned against the vanity in the bathroom feeling guilt for what she was thinking.
Sara started the shower. She was in desperate need of a shower to relax her nerves and to get rid of the sweat that was currently running down her back. Sara stepped into the shower and stayed there longer than she had intended, letting the hot water take her to another place - any other place than where she was right now.
Reluctantly, Sara pulled herself out of the shower knowing that dinner would be ready soon and her mother was sure to come upstairs looking for her. Sara dried off and started to get dressed when the bathroom door swung open.
"I'm in here!" exclaimed Sara in a frustrated tone, as she struggled to pull her shirt over her head.
Livvie clicked her tongue disapproving of Sara's tone of voice. "I know that you are in here. I came to see if you were feeling better. Obviously not," said Livvie.
Livvie gasped softly and grabbed Sara's arm, turning her around to view her back. "My word... what have you gone and done to yourself?" asked Livvie as she stared at Sara's crow tattoo.
Sara brushed off her mother's hands and finished putting on her shirt. "It is a tattoo, Mama. It is one of two that I have now," said Sara. She brushed her hair in the bathroom mirror before pulling it up into a ponytail.
"One of two? What else has this new man in your life convinced you to do?" asked Livvie sarcastically.
"He convinced me that I could be happy. He convinced me that my life is not defined by one horrible relationship. You should be happy for me, instead of judging the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Being with him has made me realize that I have not been living. I've just been going through the motions. I am not willing to do that anymore," said Sara as she walked out of the bathroom.
"Horrible? What was just so horrible about William? That boy loved you with all of his heart, and you broke up with him anyway. He was drinking that night because he was depressed that you had brought home a new boyfriend," said Livvie.
Sara stopped in her tracks and spun around on her heels. "Are you seriously standing there saying that what happened was my fault?" Her usually light blue eyes turned dark as she stared at her mother waiting on an answer.
Livvie frowned slightly. "No, you know that isn't what I meant, SJ. I am just saying that William isn't some monster. He made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Like that tattoo that you will be carrying around for the rest of your life. Don't go making a bigger one by marrying some man that you hardly know. That certainly isn't of the type of moral character that your father and I raised you to have."
"Well, I'll be carrying around scars from my relationship with Willie for the rest of my life, so I guess this is just par for the course," said Sara.
She walked out of the bedroom, walked down the stairs, and dropped her bag off next to the front door. She wanted a quick exit once dinner was over.
Livvie walked down the stairs and asked, "Would you mind setting the table, or has California changed you too much?"
Sara took a deep breath and said, "No, I don't mind at all."
Sara went about setting the table almost on autopilot. She just wanted to get this dinner over with.
Zeke walked into the room and leaned against the wall. "I don't know why you let them get to you. My brain is like a big sieve. The things that seem pertinent get held back, but everything else just passes through." Then he helped his sister set the table.
"It isn't that easy for me. It never has been. And they want to know why I never come home. I can't handle Willie's shadow looming in the background. He is in prison and somehow he is still controlling my life," said Sara with an exasperated sigh.
It wasn't long after they finished setting the table that dinner was brought in and positioned down the middle of the settings. Sara's mother had gone out of her way making a seafood feast for dinner. Everyone sat around the long table in almost complete silence. Juice sat next to Sara. He hated seeing her so tense.
Livvie couldn't stand the awkward silence at the table and said, "So, my husband mentioned that you are a biker. That must be interesting."
Juice nodded, not sure where to go with that comment. "It is interesting. There is a nice family feeling. Sara spends a great deal of time with the wives and girlfriends. I work as a mechanic in a garage. I spend a lot of time working on my bike as well."
Zeke smiled and asked, "SJ, do you ride on the back of his bike?"
Sara smiled for the first time that evening and said, "Yes, I do."
Livvie said, "Oh! That sounds so dangerous though. You do where a helmet, don't you?"
Sara laughed and said, "I always wear a helmet. And Juan is a great driver. I feel safe when I am riding with him. We've been talking about taking the bike and heading down to Death Valley for a weekend. I'd love to see it. Coming from a place with such a lush wildlife, I think going to the dessert would be amazing."
Beau had been particularly quiet the entire time. "So when is this wedding supposed to be? And are you coming back home for it?"
Juice spoke up and said, "Uh, we've set a date for June of next year."
Sara added, "But the wedding will have to be out in California. I really hope that you and Mama will be able to make it."
"Why on Earth would you want to have the wedding in California away from your family and friends?" asked Livvie incredulously.
Sara said, "California is where we live. The people we see on an everyday basis are there. And there really isn't a middle ground. Juice's family is in New York, and you guys are here in Louisiana. This way both of our families have to travel. But if you can't make it Juice has an alternative idea. Babe..."
Juice said, "I am actually really good with computers, and I was thinking that if any of our relatives couldn't make it to the wedding we could just live stream it on the Internet so that everyone can be there in the moment and not miss out on it."
"Watching it on the computer?" asked Livvie looking heartbroken."You know I saw Grace Rabeaux at church this past weekend, and she asked me about you. She said that the last time she went up to Angola to visit Willie, that he is still carrying the biggest torch for you. In fact, I have a couple of his letters here somewhere..." Livvie got up from the table to go and get the letters.
Beau looked at his wife and shook his head. "Just stop it Livvie..."
"It will only take a minute to get the letters. I think SJ should have them. I think she is moving too fast in this situation. Maybe if she sees how much he loves her, she might put the brakes on... whatever this is. We didn't raise her to be a biker's girlfriend. That is not the future we had imagined for her, Beau." said Livvie exasperated.
She walked over to the buffet in the corner and opened the drawer pulling out a small bundle of envelopes. She walked back over to the table and set them in front of Sara.
Sara got a sick look on her face.
"Just read them, and, if you don't love him, then go on with this travesty, but..."
Beau slammed his hand on the table. "Damn it! I said stop it!" Beau paused to calm his temper and added in a still strained voice, "Just let it go, Livvie. She doesn't want anything to do with Willie. You need to respect that, even if you don't like where she is headed now."
Livvie frowned at him. "I am not about to let my daughter make the biggest mistake of her life without trying to stop her first. You should be doing the same instead of sitting here not saying anything. You are her father. Tell her what a fool she is making out of herself bringing home a tattooed biker that is capable of God knows what. That has her out there in California doing God knows what. She has tattoos now!"
Turning her attention, she added, "Just read the letters, Sara." Then she opened of one of the letters and read aloud.
My Darling Sara Belle,
I write you every week hoping that one day you will write me back. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you. And I know that there isn't a day that goes by that you don't think of me.
"Mama...," Zeke interrupted, speaking for the first time. "You complain that SJ won't come home. Well, maybe it is because you keep trying to force her to love Willie. He hurt her really bad. More than you will ever know. Why can't you just let it go?"
Beau said, "Zeke, what do you know about that?"
Zeke said, "I know enough to know that Willie is right where he belongs. And I am glad that SJ doesn't love him."
Sara looked at her brother. Fighting back tears, she asked, "How did you know?"
"Archie told me the truth a long time ago... because I said I wanted to be just like Willie. I thought he was so cool. But then Archie told me what he did, and... I... I felt ashamed for ever wanting to be anything like him," Zeke said, shaking his head in disapproval of his past thoughts.
Sara couldn't take anymore. She got up from the table and rushed out of the room before she started crying in front of her family. "I am ready to go, Juice."
Juice stood up and said, "Thanks for dinner..."
He followed Sara out, grabbing their bags on the way out of the door.
"SJ!" exclaimed Livvie, running after them.
Sara stopped when she made it out to her car. She shook her head and said, "I can't do this with you, Mama. Not tonight. I just can't."
"Explain it to me, Sara. What does everyone else know that I don't?" Livvie asked, truly confused.
Sara laughed and shook her head. "You don't see it because you don't want to. No one but you thinks that it is romantic that, after five years in prison, Willie is still sending me love letters. That's stalking or at least harassing communications. In his letters he tells me how I should feel about him. What I need to do to make things right. He's abusive. He always was."
Sara paused and shook her head again. She looked right at her mother and continued, "But you were soconcerned with me marrying up in life. Never mind that he was a terrible person with a rotted soul. I am not saying that you knew what type of person that he was... because I don't believe that. But I believe that you never cared to see who he really was. No one in the family liked him... not even Zeke... and he was kid. And even if he wasn't abusive, why would you keep pushing me toward a man that I don't love?"
"I want you to have everything this world has to offer," said Livvie in tears. "That is all I want for you."
"It isn't the olden days, Mama. I am capable of taking care of myself. I don't need a man from a prominent family. I never wanted that. I wanted happiness. I wanted what you and Daddy have. A loving marriage that has lasted for 30 years. That is what I wanted. And that is what I am getting with Juice. He loves me and respects me. I trust him completely, and I haven't been able to do that since Willie. There is a list of reasons why your beloved Willie isn't a good man. But chief among them is that car accident was no accident. Willie purposely ran us off the road that night because I was with Emerson."
"Why didn't you ever tell me? I wouldn't have kept trying to push you to be with him," said Livvie, truly distraught.
"I love you, Mama. But I need to go." Sara climbed into the car and looked at Juice. "Let's just go please..."
Juice didn't argue. He started the car and took off toward the downtown area where he remembered seeing hotels earlier. When he saw one that looked decent, he pulled into the parking lot.
"I just need a minute to myself. I will be in shortly," said Sara.
Juice nodded and said, "I'll go in a rent a room for us."
He kissed Sara and then climbed out of the car. Juice grabbed their bags from the back of the car and walked into the hotel.
Sara sat in the car and broke down into heaving sobs. Tonight had been too much for her. She wanted to be back in Charming right then. She gave herself a few minutes and then went into the hotel to find Juice waiting for her in the lobby.
She smiled and said, "Sorry it took me so long to come inside. Let's go up to our room. I could use some alone time with my fiancé."
Juice smiled, put his arm around her, and said, "Let's go."
They walked to the elevator together and took it up to their floor. Juice unlocked their hotel room. He turned on the light, walked over to the bed, and set their bags down. He had a seat on the bed and pulled her onto his lap.
Juice looked into her eyes and said, "I know tonight has been hard for you, baby."
"It is my fault. I should have come clean with her years ago. I just didn't want to deal with it. It was my own personal nightmare, and I wanted to keep it that way. I guess I figured that if I kept running from it... eventually it would stop chasing me," said Sara, resting her head on his shoulder.
"That is the funny thing about ghosts... they don't go away until you confront them. Otherwise, they are just lingering in the background. This might not have been the best time for this to come out, but it is good that it did," said Juice, trying to comfort Sara.
"I am just sorry that I subjected you to the drama of my family," said Sara, making a sour face.
"I'm not sorry. I got to come here and see where you come from. I got to meet your family, which is very important to you - flaws and all. And your father isn't completely wrong for what he is feeling. I think most fathers would be concerned about their daughters dating a man like me. I respect his view, but that isn't going to change the fact that I love you and that I am going to marry you," said Juice.
She laughed and kissed him. "How come you are so cool calm and collected?"
"That is just my style, baby." He smiled and said, "Listen, we aren't getting married until June of next year. There is a chance that your parents will have come around by then. They'll see that we've been going strong for an entire year."
"They don't have to be there..." said Sara shaking her head.
He smiled at her and said, "Try as you might... you are an old fashioned girl. You want your parents there, even if they don't approve of who you are marrying. I know that, and so do you."
Sara smiled sheepishly at Juice and said, "Maybe... but I don't want to think about that right now. I just want to focus on you and being happy. And I don't know if I've said this to you before but you do make me very happy. For so long after Willie I wasn't sure that I'd ever let another man into my life or my heart. And somehow you slipped through my defenses without me knowing it."
Juice chuckled looking into her eyes. "It was easy. We just sort of connected. Though I often wondered if you could take living in the uncertainty of my world."
"I wondered that myself. The things that you do for the club... they are so far off my moral compass. But at the same time, I see you guys with each other and with your families, and I see just how honorable all of you really are. It's great, and I can't wait to be your wife. And I have a lot of fun the other old ladies. I can't wait to help Gemma out with the 'Taste of Charming' next week. She's got me doing face painting and caricature portraits."
Juice laughed and said "Yeah, that is Gemma putting everyone to work. It'll be fun though. Everyone comes out for it, and the money goes to the schools. Just a little bit of SAMCRO community service." He smiled, then added, "So do you want to go out for drinks or something tonight?"
Sara said, "I know that it is early, but I really think I want to get some sleep so that we can pull out of here first thing in the morning. The sooner we are back in Charming the better. I miss our house and our bed. And I miss Lola."
Juice smiled at her and nodded. "Alright, we'll stay in and leave at first light in the morning. And three days from now, we'll be back home in Charming."
She smiled and said, "That sounds great to me." She kissed him. "I am going to go change and brush my teeth for bed."
She climbed off his lap and took her overnight bag into the bathroom with her. She came out 15 minutes later and climbed into bed. She chuckled softly seeing Juice with the laptop sitting on the bed in his boxers.
"What are you doing?" asked Sara with a laugh.
"Plotting out our trip back home. I figure we will drive non-stop tomorrow until we reach Las Cruces. We can stay there for the night. Should take us about 12 hours to get there. The next day we'll drive until we reach L.A."
He had plans to take his lovely lady for a night out on the town in Los Angeles. But for now he wanted it to be a surprise. He figured she could use something special right about now.
Sara peered at the screen and said, "And the third day we make the five hour trip home. Smart planning. What did people do before computers to help them map out trips?"
Juice laughed and said, "They used paper maps. You know Clay still does that when he is planning a run. He breaks out the maps and his reading glasses. Better to use a map for that sort of thing than leave a digital trail on the computer for the cops to find if they ever seize our computers - which has happened before. We've had more than a couple of search warrants executed on the club."
Sara said, "Really? What was that like?"
Juice chuckled and said, "Amazing for the most part, as long as you don't mind the fact that you are going to be cleaning up after they leave. They really like to turn the place inside out. Partly to look for stuff but mostly to fuck with us."
Sara shook her head and said, "And to think that is legal to be spiteful."
Juice shrugged and said, "You get used to it and consider it the price of doing business." He kissed her and said, "We should turn in if we are going to pull out of here at 6 in the morning."
He turned off his laptop and put it in the bag beside the bed.
Sara nodded and said, "Good idea."
She got up turning out the room light and grabbed her cell phone. Sara climbed back into the bed with Juice and set the alarm on her cell phone. She leaned over and kissed him.
"Goodnight."
"Night."
Sara laid in the dark quietly for a moment before saying. "Thank you for being so supportive today. I couldn't have gotten through all of that without you."
Juice wrapped his arms around her and said, "I am always here... and there is nothing that you can't tell me."
Sara nodded and said, "I know..."
Juice closed his eyes and ended up drifting off to sleep after not long.
Sara on the other hand laid in the bed unable to sleep. She finally climbed out of the bed and pulled on some pants and shoes. Sara grabbed her cell phone, her purse, and the room key and left the room so that she didn't disturb Juice. She went outside and had a seat on one of the benches and called Lola.
Lola answered, "Hi Sara! How was dinner with the parents?"
"A colossal disaster. I am talking the Hindenburg sort of disaster," said Sara.
"Oh the humanity!" quipped Lola. "What happened, doll?"
"What didn't happen? My dad hates Juice. My mother tried to read a letter from Willie to me at dinner. And I finally blow up at her and told her the truth at least part of it."
"Wow... I knew I should have came along for the trip. I missed out on fireworks," joked Lola. "I know that you are upset, but honey how long were you intending to keep that secret. It has been eating at you for years now. That is no way to live, and you know it. You are finally happy with Juice. It is good that you let all of that bullshit out. Maybe you can stop holding on to it. And you can take solace that Willie is probably getting butt raped in Angola. At least that part always makes me smile when I think about it."
Sara groaned and tried not to laugh. "You remember when I told you that you were a sick woman? I am standing by that statement. I just wanted this trip to be great. I wanted Juice to see my family and see why I love them so much. And I wanted them to see why I love Juice so much. Instead I don't even know if my parents will be coming to my wedding."
"First of all, you are their only daughter. Barring you becoming a polygamist... I don't think there is anything that would stop your parents from attending your wedding. And once your mother gets over her shock she will be all over you about planning your wedding. She's been dreaming about this day since you were how old?"
Sara laughed a little and said, "A minute old... as soon as they knew for sure that I was a girl."
"Exactly, there is no way in hell they are missing that. I mean and you did drop a doozy on them. You are engaged to be married. Give them some time to get used to that idea. Maybe invite them out to visit for Christmas or something. Let them get to know Juice..."
"My dad thinks that I don't really know Juice... what do you think?" asked Sara seriously.
"I think you know Juice in a way that no one else does. And I think he knows you with the same depth and clarity. You and Juice have walked through fire these last few months. You have gotten to experience almost every facet of being his old lady with the exception of him going to prison. You know him better than I knew Jared, and I was with Jared for... far longer."
"You're right... I know that you are right. I just feel so messed up right now. All the emotions of having to tell Juice about what happened to me and dealing with my parents. I feel fried..." She paused and said, "I feel bad I haven't asked how you are doing?"
Lola didn't won't Sara to worry from so far away. And this wasn't the type of thing you told someone over the phone. She figured that she'd wait til Sara was home to tell the truth. "Don't be silly you had a traumatic day. I am fine. There is nothing awesome to report other than the fact that I have been sick to my stomach all day. And spent most of my evening in bed. I finally found a space to lease to open my office. So when you get back you can help me decorate it. Oh! And yesterday I did tell Uncle T.O. about me being pregnant. I swear I think he wanted to shoot Tig in the face. I told Tig we should have waited. Until..."
"Until when? After you gave birth?" asked Sara laughing.
"That had crossed my mind. I am only two months pregnant. I could have waited longer. Now he's just got longer to be pissed about this," said Lola laughing.
Sara said, "Your life... I tell you it would make for a good script."
"Haha!" said Lola.
Sara looked up seeing a familiar face approaching her and automatically shivered. "Uh Lo... I've got to go."
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" asked Lola detecting something strange in her voice.
"Sure, I'm fine... I just see an old friend." said Sara ending the call. She stood up.
A tall blond man approached Sara with a dark smile on his face. "Well, I was beginning to think you'd never show your face here in Lake Charles again. You've got a lot of nerve after what you did to Willie... his own girl testifying against him in court. Speaking at his sentencing hearing..."
Sara said, "He was drunk and he killed someone. He almost killed me. He deserves to be in prison, Franklin. I hope that when he gets out he can do better in life. I've got to go."
"You aren't going anywhere," hissed Franklin, grabbing her arm and pulling her against him. "I never knew what he saw in you. You hardly seem worth the time of effort. But he's my best friend, and when I heard that you had been seen here in town... well I decided it was high time I come and see you and remind you that Willie is sitting in prison because of you. The least that you could do is go see him, you ungrateful bitch."
Sara struggled. "Let go off me, Franklin! I've got nothing to say to you or Willie. How did you even know where I was staying?"
"My girlfriend works at the desk. She recognized you and called me," Franklin gloated.
Sara said, "I said let go of me, you crazy son of a bitch."
Franklin said, "Where are your manners."
He pulled back like he was about to punch her in the face when a strong hand gripped his wrist from behind.
Juice spun him around and punched him repeatedly in the face.
Sara let out a scared scream and moved out of the way as Juice pummeled Franklin relentlessly.
Juice stopped kicking him and spit on him. "Get the fuck out of here before I kill you."
Franklin struggled to his feet. His face was bloody and he was missing a tooth. He staggered to his car.
"How did you know that I was out here?" asked Sara.
"Lola called my cell phone and said you might be in trouble. I came down here to find you," said Juice.
"My hero!" said Sara kissing him. "But... we should get out of here."
"Yeah, let's go back to the room. Are you okay?" asked Juice looking her over worriedly.
"No... I mean we should get the hell out of dodge. Franklin could go to the police. The last thing you want is to be locked up down here waiting on arraignment for assault charges," said Sara seriously.
"Good point... let's go," said Juice.
They rushed back into the hotel and didn't bother changing out of their pajamas they just grabbed their belongings, checked out, and got on the road headed out of Louisiana.
Around 4:00 in the morning, Lola awoke to heavy footsteps in the living room and someone bumping around. She figured that it was Tig, so she climbed out of the bed and padded down the hall to the living room. As soon as she saw Tig she realized that he was covered in blood.
"Oh my God! Are you okay?" asked Lola rushing over to him. She looked him over trying to see where the blood was coming from.
Tig groaned seeing how worried Lola was about him. He shook his head and took a step back.
He said, "The blood isn't mine, Lola. I didn't get hurt. You should go back to bed. After the day you've had, rest might be good."
"Then where did all of this blood come from? There is so much of it," said Lola, looking at her hands that were now stained with the blood that was currently drying on Tig's clothes.
He looked at her and said, "Do you really need to ask that question? You are smart Lola. I don't need to spell this out for you in essay form do I?"
He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He needed something right now.
Lola followed him and leaned against the kitchen counter. "I am not stupid. I know you killed Darby tonight. But that doesn't explained why you look like you just walked out of a slaughterhouse. What the hell happened tonight?"
His face hardened and he asked, "Do you really want to know what I did tonight?"
He stared at Lola. His eyes narrowed as he looked at her. He could see the worry in her eyes but he couldn't deal with that right now. He walked over so that he was standing in front of her. His hand rested against the countertop, and he leaned in so that they were face to face.
"This life isn't for you. What the fuck are we doing?"
"I asked you what happened. I want to know, Tig. I can handle it. If you don't want me to know say that. I know that there are certain things that you just aren't going to tell me. I understand that in club life women have their place. So if I am overstepping... just tell me and I will drop it and go back to bed. But don't make it seem like I'm too fucking fragile to handle it. Don't disrespect me that way," said Lola hotly.
"We found Darby at his house outside of St. Helena. He was in the process of packing his shit. He saw us coming so he took off on foot into the woods. I chased him down and caught up to him after maybe 300 yards." said Tig.
He leaned in closer and said, "I took out my Ka-Bar and I slit his fucking throat from ear to ear. When my knife sliced through his artery his blood sprayed all over me. I watched him lay on the ground choking on his own blood until he died. That is how I got covered in his blood. Then we dug a hole and we rolled him in. I doused him with gasoline, and we set him on fire. That smell on my clothes is burning flesh."
Tig watched her. He expected her to get sick or to shrink away from the horrible thing he had just done.
Lola listened to Tig's story feeling his hot breath on her face as he spoke. Afterward Lola said, "Well, you should get out of those clothes. Do you want to wash 'em or burn 'em? If you want to wash them, you need to strip now."
Tig stared at her a moment and said, "Wash..."
He walked into the laundry room and stripped out of his clothes. Tig tossed them into the washer and walked back into the kitchen and looked in the refrigerator for something to eat.
Lola walked into the laundry room and took the clothes back out of the washer. She used stain remover on his clothes and took her time scrubbing the material by hand in the utility sink. She knew a washer wouldn't get all of the blood out.
Tig grabbed a slice of cold pizza and stood at the laundry room door watching Lola scrub his bloody clothes for all she was worth.
He finally spoke up. "You are going to bust up your knuckles doing that."
Lola said, "My hands aren't so delicate. I am fine. You should go get a shower before I start your laundry." Lola looked over her shoulder seeing parts of his skin stained with Darby's dried blood.
Tig stripped off his boxers and tossed them in the washer and then walked to their bedroom to get a shower.
Lola spent 30 minutes scrubbing Tig's clothes. She finally shut off the water in the utility sink and tossed his clothes in the washer. She poured in more detergent than she needed, hoping that the blood would be gone. Lola walked into the kitchen and washed her hands in the kitchen sink before heading to their bedroom. She climbed into the bed and waited on Tig to come out of the shower.
A few minutes later Tig walked over to his dresser and pulled on a pair of boxers. He climbed into the bed and laid there staring up at the ceiling.
"Listen, I'm sorry for yelling at you in the kitchen. And I'm sorry about what happened today. You could have been killed for just standing next to me. You could have miscarried and I wasn't even there. I know that you think that you want to be with me, but... look at us, baby. We can't even make it an entire month without something fucked up happening. You've had one too many close calls on my watch. And when it was just you I could reason that you know the danger. But what about this kid? This life isn't safe for the two of you. I mean what the fuck are we really doing here? You are a good kid. I don't want to hurt you." He watched her eyes.
Lola said, "Don't do that... don't make it seem like I am too young for you or this situation. Because we both know that is a bullshit cop out. You're feeling guilty right now. Don't... you saved my life. And Darby's gone now... right? You don't have any current feuds on tap right?"
Tig groaned knowing that she was right. He was looking for a cop out at this point.
"Is this really what you want out of life? Sure Darby is gone. But there have been years where we've been at war with other MCs. Prison time is a fact of life. Even if we aren't together. I am always going to be here for you." He kissed her forehead.
Lola looked at him and said, "Being here with you is the first time in a long time that I have felt like I belonged. I've been fucked up a very long time. When you come from a fucked up place, it is hard to imagine that anyone anywhere can truly love all of you. All of your quirky, fucked, misdirected, misguided, inappropriate ways. I say things that feel completely normal to me, and I see the way people look at me or recoil from that. But I feel free with you. If I say fucked up things, you just laugh or agree with me. You don't make me feel like there is something wrong with me... even though I know there is. With you or without you I'll never be normal, Tig. This is me. When you walked in tonight covered in another man's blood I wasn't disgusted or put off. I wasn't afraid of you. I knew you did what had to be done. And if you took pleasure in it... well all the better. Because a man that does not enjoy his work is a man that does not enjoy his life."
Tig chuckled listening to her. "You are willing to fly into the sun... even though you know it burns?"
"Nothing wrong with a little pain," said Lola looking at him. "You are not going to scare me off, Tig. Your life doesn't scare me. And for all of the possible downsides there are upsides too."
"Name one upside..." said Tig seriously.
"Having you love me," said Lola. "And really good sex," she added with a chuckle.
Tig shook his head and kissed her softly. "We do have really good sex, don't we..."
"Yes, we do," said Lola with a laugh. She pinched his nipple and chuckled.
Tig laughed and asked, "Why do you like messing with me?"
"I don't know. It is fun to rile you up. The looks you give me just make me smile," said Lola seriously.
She rolled on top of him and rested her head against his chest. "You used my body wash again. You smell like vanilla bean..."
"Better than burned flesh." Tig kissed the top of her head. "You do things to me."
Lola laughed and said, "Oh yeah... I do a lot of things to you."
Tig laughed and said, "No... that's not what I meant. I mean... normally... I do my job. I'm a killer. I take people out and move on from it. Rarely is there any emotion behind it. But tonight when I slit Darby's throat... it wasn't to kill him. I could have shot him while he was running. Then I wouldn't have had to chase him into the woods. But I wanted him to suffer because all I could think about was you and the baby. That I could have lost both of you." Tig silently wondered if that was a weakness.
"Tig, I'm fine... and I'm not going anywhere," said Lola looking into his eyes.
"I know. I know that." said Tig.
"There was something that I wanted to show you earlier..." said Lola.
She rolled off of Tig and onto her side of the bed. Lola grabbed the sonogram picture off of her nightstand. She rolled back over so that she was nestled up against his side. She lightly tapped the sonogram picture against his chest.
"What is this?" asked Tig chuckling since the picture was turned backward.
Lola turned the picture around. "They did a sonogram when I went to the hospital, and here is our very first picture. A little grainy. Not entirely sure what the fuck I am looking at. But Tara swears that those circles there... twins," said Lola pointing it out for him.
Tig stared at the picture and then laughed. He couldn't think of anything to say so instead he just kissed her.