a/n: As I write this, I am eating pocky. Be jealous.
Anyway, this is the second chapter of Hetalia in Wonderland. I KNOW THAT THE TITLE IS SUPER UNCREATIVE. I DON'T GIVE A CRAP.
Since I can't exactly track down anon. reviewers and answer them that way, I'll have to reply here: InsertNameHere, no I did not get the idea from Ciel in Wonderland, Austria will NOT be the Caterpillar, and England will NOT be the Mad Hatter.
Had to up the rating. Lovi, you foul-mouthed piece of adorableness.
Without further ado, onto the chapter! [eats pocky]
x.x.x
The rabbit-hole seemed to go on forever. The twins fell, and fell, and fell, and fell, until Romano wondered if they might come out on the other side of the world where people surely went walking about on their heads,
"I wonder if Gino would like it here," Feliciano mused aloud. He spoke of their cat, who loved pasta almost as much as Feliciano did.
"I doubt it," Romano shot back, folding his arms and crossing one leg over the other—he didn't really care that there wasn't any solid ground under his feet. "There's nothing for him to eat, except possibly bats. Do cats eat bats, I wonder?" Sleepily, he repeated the question to himself several times, occasionally mixing up the words so it became "Do bats eat cats?" Since he could answer neither question, it didn't really matter which one he asked.
As they fell—floated, really—down the rabbit-hole, Romano spotted several odd things on shelves around the walls. Books, maps—he snatched a jar labeled "TOMATO PASTE" off a shelf, only to return it to the next available one when he discovered that it was empty.
"Fratello…" Feliciano whined, "I'm bored…"
Romano sighed. "We're falling to what could possibly—no, probably—be our deaths and you're bored? No, don't answer that," he said hurriedly as Feliciano opened his mouth to speak.
The younger twin pouted. "So mean, fratello…"
"Whatever," Romano muttered.
They fell in silence for a while more, until they crashed abruptly into a pile of leaves. They weren't hurt, more startled, but Feliciano started crying anyway.
"Damnit," Romano muttered, patting his brother awkwardly on the back. Eventually, Feliciano's sobs dissolved away into sniffles, and the pair stood.
Before them, a hallway stretched on. The floor was black-and-white checkerboard, the walls striped in black, red, and yellow. Their footsteps echoed softly as they made their way down the seemingly endless hall. At the very end, when they finally reached it, there was a door.
Romano tried it, and found it unlocked. Beyond it was a round room lined with doors. In the center there was a small glass table with a tiny gold key on it. The White Rabbit was nowhere to be seen.
"The White Rabbit must have gone through one of those doors," Feliciano deduced. "Let's see which one, be~!" He raced about the room, trying every door—they were all locked.
Less enthusiastically, Romano took the gold key from the glass table and went to try to the key in each door. It fit none of them.
"Be, fratello, what about this door?" Feliciano called, waving from beside a curtain that covered a portion of the wall. It lifted, revealing a tiny door.
"Whatever," Romano called back, making his way over. He tried the key in the lock—and, miraculously, it worked. The tiny door swung open.
Feliciano bent down and stuck his head through the door to see what lay beyond it. "Wow, fratello, you have to see this!"
Shoving his little brother out of the way, Romano ducked to take a look.
Beyond the tiny door lay a beautiful garden, approximately on the same scale as the door. White rose trees were scattered everywhere, interspersed with the occasional red one. Hedges outlined clearings in fantastic shapes, and the soft splashing of a fountain could be heard in the distance.
Romano would much rather be out in the garden than in this stuffy hall with his idiot of a brother, but he could not even fit his head through the door—when he tried, the doorframe bumped up against his hair-curl and he had to retreat for the sake of his dignity. Even if I could get my head through, it would be useless without my shoulders, Romano wailed inwardly. He wondered if he could shut himself up like a telescope—so many peculiar things had happened already, he was nearly certain that it was possible.
"Hey! Fratello!" Feliciano called. Romano's head snapped up. Feliciano was holding a clear bottle filled with some sort of unidentifiable and strangely coloured liquid. "This bottle says DRINK ME! Can I drink it, fratello?"
Instantly, Romano was on his feet and hurrying over. "No, idiot, you can't," he snapped, snatching the bottle from his brother. "It could be poison, and it you eat or drink something poisonous, it's definitely going to disagree with you sooner or later."
"Be~ fratello, it doesn't say Poison on it," Feliciano protested.
"Of course not! What kind of sensible poison bottle is marked as such?" Romano shot back. "That defeats the entire purpose of poisoning someone!" He paused. "I…I'm gonna have to try it first, just to make sure," he said hesitantly. "J-just a precaution." He uncorked the bottle and took a swig. "Doesn't takes poisonous," he muttered doubtfully, passing the bottle over to Feliciano, who took a swig himself. "In fact, it tastes like basil—" The room abruptly grew— "tomatoes—" The room grew again— "parmesan—" The room grew once more, and Romano realised to his horror that it was not growing—he was shrinking! So this is what it feels like to be shut up like a telescope, he wondered, before naming the last flavour that appeared on his tongue— "and…sunshine." He surveyed the room from his new, much lower vantage point.
"Be~ fratello, why did everything get so big?" Feliciano asked, staring around in wonder.
"Idiot," Romano growled. "We shrunk." He realised something else. "And now we're just the right size to get into the garden!" he finished triumphantly, marching off to try the tiny door.
It was locked.
"Dammit!" Romano cursed, kicking the door in his fury. Instantly, he winced in pain and clutched his injured foot, hopping about on the other. "Stupid—fucking—door—"
Feliciano was no longer shocked by his brother's foul mouth, but he sighed anyway. "Fratello, you really shouldn't use language like that," he scolded. "We'll just have to try the key again." Then he remembered that he'd left the key on top of the now very tall glass table. "Be~ on second thought, never mind…I left the key on the table…"
"You idiot!" Romano shrieked, waving his fist angrily. "You utter moron! I—you—argh!"
"Be~ I'm sorry, fratello!" Feliciano sobbed, dissolving into tears.
Romano sighed. "It's all right, Feli," he soothed, patting his brother's shoulder gingerly. Glancing about the room in an attempt to stave off embarrassment, his eyes fell on a box under the glass table. "Hey, what's that?"
Feliciano perked up right away and trotted right over to the box, which turned out to be full of little cakes with EAT ME picked out in currants. "Hey, fratello, let's try these!" he suggested, waving one in the air. "If they make us grow larger, we can reach the key, and if they make us grow smaller we can fit under the door—either way, we'll be able to get into the garden!"
Grudgingly, Romano agreed, and took one of the cakes. They both took a bite, wondering, which way, which way?
Nothing happened.
"Eh?" Feliciano squeaked.
Romano was equally confused. So many odd things had happened already that when things went the ordinary, dull way it was a bit of a shock.
Seeing no harm in it, the brothers finished off the cakes—it had been a while since breakfast.
x.x.x
a/n: Aw…all the pocky is gone. [sad face]
CLIFFHANGER! (Not. Y'all know what happens next, right?)
In this chapter, a TON of the language is copied directly from the book. Speaking of…
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia: Axis Powers, nor do I own Alice's Adventures in Wonderland or any adaptation thereof.
Eek! I tried to update on a weekly schedule, but I was without internet for five days! (OH THE HORROR!) And that included Friday, which was going to be my day for weekly updates. I'M SORRY, GUYS! I'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME!
You know what motivates me? Reviews. They seriously make my day, to know that someone cares about my story enough to tell me about it. Not that I'm suggesting anything.
Speaking of reviews, I got this really nice review from this really nice anon. reviewer on my RussAme oneshot Candle. I can't reply to them via ffnet's usual pathways, so I'll just say this here: StrawberryPanicthedisco, if you're reading this (which is pretty unlikely), know that I really appreciate your words!