a/n: I swore it wouldn't happen again…and would you look at that, it did. I fail.
I received a wonderful, wonderful review from someone named Yourgreatest-dream. They were anon, so I couldn't reply to tell them how much they are loved, but they requested a specific character have a part. They were so wonderful, that character gets a part. I hope you like it, Yourgreatest-dream!
There will be singing in this chapter. Except not. Most of their lines are from their obnoxious song, and they kinda rhyme. And who they are is really, really obvious. Unlike the Mouse, apparently. (Hint: Chibitalia's boss, but not a chibi himself. Also married to Hungary.)
Disclaimer: WHEN~ First you write a fanfiction of caliber and class/You don't claim that you own it all, that's callous, coarse, and crass/The owner of these characters is someone other than me!/So please read through and give a review/To this my sto~oryyyyy~!
x.x.x
"Oh, how do you do?" the people Romano and Feliciano had collided with greeted them, springing to their feet and each of them offering a hand to shake.
Romano stared at these strange new people. Unlike most of the weirdoes they'd encountered thus far, these people weren't dressed in animal costumes. They looked like twins, both blonde and blue-eyed, though one had longer hair than the other. They both had strange curls, one short and straight, one longer and spiraling.
"Who the hell are you?" Romano demanded, pulling himself and his brother to their feet.
The one with shorter hair (and shorter curl) smacked his forehead. "Oh dear! I've forgotten my manners!" he exclaimed. "My name's Tweedle Am, and this is my brother—"
"—Tweedle Can," the other one finished quietly. "How do you do?"
"Be~ Quite well, grazie," Feliciano answered, taking Tweedle Can's hand and shaking it vigorously.
Romano scowled. "Not very well at all," he grumbled, smacking Tweedle Am's hand away. "Now let us pass, dammit."
Tweedle Am shook his head. "Nope! We haven't had a proper conversation yet!" He held out his hand again. "Now, let's try this one more time. How do you do?"
"I already told you!" Romano shouted, feeling his face heat up in anger. "Not very well!"
Tweedle Can sighed. "What my brother means to say is, when you answer a how-do-you-do, you shake hands."
"That is such crap," Romano muttered.
"It's manners, fratello," Feliciano lectured. "When first you meet someone, you say 'How do you do?' and shake hands. Basic etiquette—Grandpa would be so disappointed in you!"
"It's just a handshake," Romano growled, not understanding why they were making such a big fuss over it.
"Every little thing adds up, and if you're polite to someone, it could brighten up their day!" Tweedle Am said cheerfully.
"I don't give a flying flip," Romano snarled. "Now would you two go away?"
Tweedle Can poked his brother's arm. "Maybe we should leave off, Al," he suggested. "I mean, if he's just going to yell, there's no point, eh?"
Feliciano tugged on his brother's sleeve. "It's just one handshake, fratello," he pointed out. "Let it go."
With a final glare, Romano stalked off in a direction at a slight angle to their previous one. Feliciano trailed behind him.
After a while, they came upon a little house that was about three feet tall.
"We'll frighten them if we try to talk to them at this size," Feliciano observed.
Romano sighed and pulled the piece of mushroom that made them grow shorter out of his pocket.
Once they had reduced themselves to a more respectable size of about twelve inches tall, they made their way over to the little house. They stopped a hundred yards or so away to listen to a very strange conversation.
"An invitation from the Queen for the Duchess to play croquet, da?" one said. He was very tall and bulky, dressed up like a fish, and presenting a white envelope to the other.
Said other nodded. "From the Queen, to play croquet, for the Duchess, an invitation," he replied slowly. He was dressed up like a frog, and from the crown of his head there protruded a curl shaped like a double spiral.
"For the Duchess, to play croquet, an invitation, da, from the Queen," the fish-footman clarified.
The frog-footman nodded again, slowly. "To play croquet, from the Queen, an invitation for the Duchess."
The fish-footman nodded happily and gave the envelope to the frog-footman. He then spun on his heel and left, his long scarf trailing behind him.
Cautiously, Feliciano and Romano approached, ready to employ at any moment the technique that had been passed down in their national heritage for centuries—the tried-and-true tactic of running away. When they arrived at the house, the frog-footman was sitting on a bench by the door, petting a gray cat that was sitting in his lap.
"Hey~! Frog guy!" Feliciano called.
The frog-footman blinked slowly at them. "Oh," he said eventually. "Did you…want something?"
From the house the came a loud crash, followed by a bang.
"Eh…perhaps we should check on whoever's inside," Feliciano suggested worriedly.
The footman sighed. "No point, really. They're always like this."
Romano went up to the door and knocked loudly several times.
"No point to that, either," the footman offered, scratching the cat's ears. "They won't be able to hear you." The cat mewed and jumped off the footman's lap, going over to nudge Feliciano's ankles.
Feliciano picked it up immediately and rubbed its head. "Be~ it's so cute!" he exclaimed.
"Che," Romano muttered. "It's just a cat." He kicked the door, causing it to rattle slightly in its frame.
The noise seemed to remind Feliciano of his previous objective. He handed the cat back to the footman and slammed the door open. "Be~ Is anyone there?" he called. A frying pan came flying out through the door. It would have decapitated Feliciano if Romano hadn't pulled him out of the way.
"That's it," Romano muttered. "They're so going down." He strode inside the house, ready to wreak havoc on whoever dared to harm his brother.
The very first room in the house was the kitchen, which seemed very odd to both brothers. There was a cook standing at the stove, shouting at yet another of those people in animal costumes—this one was a cat, and he was grinning widely.
"My dear cook, do not put any more pepper in zat soup!" the Cat ordered. The cook ignored him.
In another corner was someone who was clearly a Duchess—if the absurd headdress didn't give it away, the regal bearing would have. He had thick eyebrows, dark hair, and a blank expression, and was holding a bundle in his arms.
"More pepper!" the cook shouted, upending a pepper shaker over the soup pot and shaking it vigorously. A gray cloud spread out over the room and Romano sneezed violently.
"Goddammit, no more pepper!" he yelled. "Achoo!"
Romano's shouting drew the attention of the Duchess. "Oh, hey, you there!" the Duchess called. "Catch!" He flung the bundle in his arms at Feliciano, who nearly dropped it.
"Be!" Feliciano yelped. He examined the bundle a bit more closely. "Hey, it's a baby! You shouldn't throw babies around like that! It's dangerous!"
The Duchess made no response, simply stared at Feliciano like he'd never seen anything like him before—which, granted, was fairly likely, given how strange Feliciano was.
"Hey, you, why does your cat smile like that?" Romano asked. "It looks really stupid and kind of creepy!"
The Cat chose to answer for himself. "I am a Cheshire cat, my dear," he answered, sidling closer to Romano. "And I am certainly not creepy. Romantic, oui, but not creepy."
Romano yelped and fled, trailed by his brother. Once they were out of the madhouse, the door slammed shut behind them.
"Be~" Feliciano said. "That place was scary!"
Romano nodded. They left the courtyard, passing the frog-footman (who was staring up at the sky and petting the cat in his lap absentmindedly) and entering the forest.
"Which way do we go from here…?" Feliciano wondered.
x.x.x
a/n: Whew! Finally, this chapter is done! It gave me some serious writer's block and then I kinda forgot about it for a while, and then I couldn't get their characters right and then TVTropes ate my soul…
And I'm making excuses. Although the "TVTropes ate my soul" bit is kinda true.
I don't think the scene with the Duchess, the Cook, and the Cheshire cat was in the movie, and I'm pretty sure the Tweedles didn't show up in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (they were in Through the Looking Glass instead). Thus, I am mixing and matching book and movie here…I think the Cheshire cat gets his own scene in just a bit, and then we'll have the Mad Tea Party. I am greatly looking forward to the Mad Tea Party. And then after that, we have the Queen and the Royal Rose Garden, and then the Trial, and then we're done.
Please review and tell me what you think! It does mean a lot to me and I reply to every review I get!