A/N: Sorry I kind of disappeared on you guys! I haven't forgotten about you or this story! This story is not going to go unfinished because I do have the last chapter written already. it's just the in between's that might take a while. It's not as long as the other chapters but I hope you still like it! Don't forget to review!
It must be the middle of the night, Emma thought. Her eyes were closed yet she could feel the darkness of night. Her eyelids were heavy and she couldn't open them, nor did she want to. She hadn't had a goodnights sleep in months and that night seemed to be going undisturbed.
Emma turned to lay on her side and instinctively reached out to snuggle close to her husband but her hand fell on an empty bed. She furrowed her brow, forced her eyes to open a crack and sure enough Will's side of the bed was empty. However the sheets were still warm so he must have gotten up recently.
Emma slowly sat up, squinting into the darkness. "Will?" She called out sleepily. She waited for a response but received none. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and glanced over her shoulder at the time and then groaned. 2:27. Why did she have to be up? Her body was begging her to fall back into bed and go back asleep. But her curiosity as to where her husband was got the better of her.
Emma crawled out of bed and slipped into the slippers by her bedside. She grabbed her robe off the back of the bathroom door and headed towards the door. It was left a crack open and she could faintly see a light coming from outside.
Emma pulled the door open and peered outside, waiting a moment for her eyes to adjust. She then tightened her robe around her and padded out into the hallway. The light, she discovered was coming from the kitchen.
She came to the kitchen doorway and her face lit up. Emma leaned against the door frame watching adoringly as her husband swayed around the kitchen floor, humming quietly and staring lovingly at the small bundle in his arms. Will was so absorbed in his daughter that he didn't even realize his wife standing in the doorway.
From where Emma was standing she could see that their daughter was also staring, wide awake at her father. Ever since she was born, Will always had the same look whenever he looked at her. Emma's heart swelled whenever she saw Will and their daughter bonding. She was so happy that she was the one to give Will his dream.
Emma continued to watch the adorable sight before her and Will remained oblivious to her presence for several minutes. Emma just didn't have the heart to disturb their moment.
Emma's hand flew to her heart when her little girl lifted up her chubby little arms and Will extended his hands toward her. Her whole hand could wrap around Will's pointer finger. As the their daughter held onto his finger a smile that lit up his whole face appeared.
Then Will brought the baby towards his face and pressed a light kiss to her forehead. The baby let go of Will's finger and grabbed the first thing that was closest to her which happened to be Will's nose. Will's face scrunched up in a funny expression and a high pitched tinkling laugh emitted from the baby. Will's chuckle soon followed and then was proceeded by Emma's who couldn't help a small giggle at the sight.
Will lifted his head, the tiny hand releasing his nose as he sent a surprised look towards the sound of the laugh. "Emma. How long have you been standing there?"
Emma gave him a smile as she stepped into the kitchen. "A couple of minutes. You were so absorbed with Jenalyn I didn't want to disturb you." She approached him slowly, glancing at their daughter tightly nestled in her father's arms. "I didn't hear her crying. Or you getting up."
Will's lips twitched in a small smile. "She wasn't crying. I couldn't sleep and got up to watch her sleep. What a surprise it was to find that she was awake too making cute little baby noises." He said the last few words in baby talk, looking down towards Jenalyn and tickling her belly. Jenalyn grinned up at him, two little white teeth poking out of her toothless gums.
"Look Jen, mommy's here." Will said sweetly to the baby and tilted his arms up so Jenalyn could see her mother.
Emma's heart leapt when the word 'mommy' escaped Will's mouth. She was still not used to the word being applied to her.
Jenalyn squealed in Will's arms and started wriggling around. Will chuckled and glanced at Emma. "Looks like someone wants her mommy."
Emma simply smiled and held her arms out. Will walked over to her and carefully handed the 3 and a half month old to Emma. Emma glanced lovingly down at her daughter once she was in her arms. As nervous as she was during her pregnancy she was pleasantly surprised that she didn't mind holding her daughter. She didn't even mind changing her diaper that much. She would prefer not to and luckily her sweet husband took care of most of the dirty diapers but she wasn't absolutely repulsed. Emma could handle cleaning up the spit up on that would dribble onto the little one-sies that her daughter was dressed in but it was when Jenalyn spit up on her that she had the problem. The first time it happened Emma sat there for a good five minutes with a screaming two day old baby girl in her arms frozen to the core. Will finally realized what was going on and cleaned up Jenalyn and put her in her crib and then helped to calm down his wife. The times after that were much the same although not quite as extreme.
Jenalyn furrowed her little brow and waved her hands up and down as she stared into her mother's eyes. She started to whine and fuss, her tiny mouth opening and closing.
"I think she's hungry." Emma said observing her daughter's behavior.
Will lifted his brow and headed towards the refrigerator. "Do you want me to get the bottle?"
"No." Emma whispered, smiling down at the baby. She moved towards the table and took a seat, Jenalyn still fussing in her arms. "Shh, shh baby it's okay. Mommy's gonna feed you."
Will leaned against the refrigerator, his arms crossed over his chest, watching mother and daughter with a surprised yet pleased look on his face.
Emma pulled open her robe and slipped her shirt down her shoulder so Jenalyn could get access to her feeding area. Jenalyn latched on eagerly and Emma tried to ignore the odd feeling it gave her. Emma preferred not to breast feed even though the doctor told her it was what was best for her daughter, it all depended on her mood whether or not she was willing to do it. Jenalyn loved it though and preferred it her bland baby formula which helped persuade Emma into feeding her the natural way.
Will walked away from the fridge and towards the table, taking a seat across the table from her. He rested his arms on the table and watched his wife and daughter together. Emma was oddly relaxed as their daughter fed and she even had a loving smile on her face.
"You are amazing." Emma lifted her head when she heard Will's voice. She cocked an eyebrow at him with a small smile.
"How well you're adjusting to her and to the messes she creates." Will went on. "It's amazing."
Emma smiled sheepishly and glanced down at Jenalyn who's eyes were starting to droop as she still suckled gently. "I have to. I can't let her suffer."
Will's brow furrowed. "Suffer? Emma...what are you talking about?"
Emma sighed quietly and turned her attention back to Will. "Just because you can put up with my crazy doesn't mean everyone is able to."
Will stared at her incredulously. "Em, that's ridiculous she loves you!"
A small smile tugged at Emma's lips. "She's three months old Will, she loves anything that moves."
Will's face fell in exasperation. "You know that's not true Emma. You are her mother, your relationship is special. She's connected to you in a way that no one else can understand."
"Now she does but Will, I see hundreds of kids who tell me that they hate their parents, that their parents are ruining their lives." Emma looked down at the little girl in her arms again. "She's going to be one of them one day. I don't want her to hate me anymore than she already will. I don't want her to think that her mother is crazy. I don't want her to be crazy." She shook her head, biting her lip lightly. "Will I've lived like this my entire life and I know how difficult it is. I have been shunned by people my entire life because of this." Emma lifted her eyes to meet Will's. "I was lucky enough to find you. Someone who accepts my problems and loves me anyway. I don't want her to have to go through that pain of being rejected just because of me." Her voice started to shake and her brown eyes filled with tears. "I need to do the best I can for her." She lifted her hand to caress the soft skin of her daughter's cheek. Jenalyn instinctively leaned into her mother's touch as her eyes fluttered closed. "I love her so much."
"You see." Will spoke, the awed, loving expression still on his face. "This is exactly what I mean about you being amazing. You're willing to put yourself in a position that your uncomfortable with to do the best for her. That is real love Emma."
A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked at Will, a hopeful smile on her face. Will returned her smile. "And besides that look how far you've come. Years ago you'd never be able to go near a baby none the less her dirty diaper. Nor would you be able to feed her like that." He motioned to Jenalyn resting against Emma's chest. "I am so proud of you Emma. How you're handling everything to do with her is just amazing."
Emma's face lit up though her eyes were rimmed red from her tears. "You helped a lot with that Will. Just by being with me it helps me. No one else would get me to hold a baby. No one else would be able to even come close to making me have a baby."
"No one else better." Will threatened jokingly and Emma grinned at him.
"Believe me Will. You are the first and only one who I let, and not only let, longed for something more than hand holding to occur." She blushed lightly as a shy smirk crossed her face. "You are the only one who actually makes me want to to get messy."
Will smirked and waggled his eyebrows up and down a few times. Emma chuckled and shook her head quietly, Will's soft laughter soon joining hers.
Jenalyn detached herself from her mother and her tiny mouth opened in a yawn. Emma fixed her shirt and then carefully lifted the three month old up and started to gently pat her back. The little baby let out a quiet burp and Emma and Will shared a small smile. Emma brought Jenalyn back to rest in the crook of her arm and she stared up at her mother with wide blue eyes and started gurgling.
Will observed in happy amusement and Emma smiled widely down at her. "I think she's talking to you Em." Will laughed.
"Are you talking?" Emma asked sweetly to her daughter. "Huh? Are you talking?"
Jenalyn stared up at her curiously, continuing to gurgle. From across the table Emma could hear a high pitched voice, obviously trying to make it sound like it came from the baby. "Mommy I love you."
Emma lifted her head and glanced lovingly at Will. Will grinned at her in response. "Don't look at me, she said it."
Emma slowly shook her head, a smile glued onto her face. "Thank you." She whispered and he shot back a quick wink.
Jenalyn started waving her arms up and down, gently slapping Emma's hand that was rested on her belly. Then she grabbed hold of Emma's finger and pulled it towards her mouth, then she put the tip of Emma's finger into her mouth and looked innocently up at her. Emma froze at feeling the slimy, wet drool around her finger. Her eyes widened and her breaths started coming out short and quick and the baby continued to suck innocently on her finger. "Oh Gosh." She muttered.
"Emma?" Will asked in concern.
Emma took a few deep breaths and slowly pulled her finger out of her daughter's mouth, trying to ignore the trail of spit that came with it. "N..No, its okay...I'm okay..." Emma swallowed hard and looked up at Will, trying to push back her anxiety. "Can you take her?"
"Of course." Will answered quickly, rising from his seat and carefully lifting Jen out of Emma's arms and into his own. Jen stared at Emma, her mouth in a small "o" shape and then slowly lifted her gaze to Will and kicked her legs playfully.
Emma closed her eyes tightly for a second and then got up and walked over to the sink, washing her hands for almost a minute and then grabbing the nearest hand towel. Emma slowly placed the towel down on the counter and slowly turned to face Will. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen, bouncing Jen in his arms, staring at his wife in concern. "Emma..." He started and Emma sharply shook her head to stop him from continuing.
"This is exactly what I mean Will." Emma spoke flatly. "I can't even let my baby suck on my finger without having an anxiety attack." She buried her face in her hands and then slipped her fingers through her messy red hair, letting out a deep breath as Will furrowed his brow in sympathy.
"Em...it doesn't matter."
"Don't." She whispered. "Don't say it doesn't matter Will. It does matter, I can't give my baby what she needs."
"No Emma." Will protested, walking towards her. "Look at her." He turned Jen in his arms so she could look at her mother. Jen, upon seeing her mother again, gurgled happily and a smile lit up her chubby face. "She loves you Emma. She's always going to love you whether she acts like it or not. She's not going to care what you do or what you don't do. You are her mommy, she's going to think the other mommy's are weird because they don't clean everything."
Emma tried to hide a smirk as she looked down at the ground.
"The love between a child and her mother is the truest love of all. You don't need to get to know her and she doesn't need to get to know you for you to love each other, it happened instantaneously. It took me years to finally admit to myself that I had feelings for you and I love you more than anything, imagine how strong her love is. She's not going to hate you Emma, she's going to love you for who you are just as I do." He shrugged lightly, "And so what you can't put your finger in her mouth? How long is that stage going to last? A year at most? The most important things you already know how and are comfortable with doing. You can hug her, you can kiss her, you can change her diaper, you can love her and that's that most important thing."
Emma bit her lip and tearfully looked up at Will. He gave her a sure nod and looked down at Jen who was sucking on her own thumb, looking around the room with her wide blue eyes. "Tell mommy how much you love her Jen." He pointed towards Emma with his free arm and curiously, Jenalyn followed the direction of his finger and her eyes landed on Emma. Emma gave the baby a small smile and Jen stared at her for a few moments and then a small smile spread across her face. She flapped her arms again and made a loud squeaking noise.
Emma smiled warmly and slowly walked over to her husband and daughter. She gently reached out and stroked the soft red curls atop the small child's head. Then she leaned down and kissed her forehead. Jen squeaked again and then yawned, her eyes fluttering closed and she cuddled instinctively into her father's chest.
"I love you too baby girl." Emma whispered to her. Emma gently ran her finger down the soft skin of Jenalyn's arm. When she got to her hand Jenalyn stretched out her fingers and wrapped them around Emma's, squeezing it tightly. She started to bring it up towards her face and Emma felt her heart drop, closing her eyes tightly. She was waiting for the slobber on her finger but it never came. She peaked open one eye and smiled warmly at seeing her daughter holding Emma's hand to the side of her face.
"See." Will whispered.
Emma lifted her head to meet Will's gaze. Her smile widened and she lifted herself onto her toes to kiss him softly. "I love you." She whispered against his lips then opening her eyes to look at him. "You always know what to say. I don't know how you do it."
Will smirked smugly. "Guess I'm just good like that."
Emma smirked shaking her head at him and he chuckled, leaning forward to kiss her head. "I just know you very well."
"I thought someone knowing me that well that they'd know exactly what to say to me would be a little scary but you change everything Will." Emma responded. "I really don't know how to thank you."
Will shook his head slowly, a small, genuine smile creeping onto his lips. "You don't need to thank me Emma."
"I do though." She sighed contentedly. "For everything. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to find someone who could not only understand my problems but love me with them. I never thought I'd find someone who made me want to have a baby. I never thought I'd meet someone who could calm me down just me giving me that smile, just by one touch."
Will flashed her a heart melting, butterfly inducing, head spinning smile and moved his free hand to brush the back of his hand along her cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed, she leaned into his touch and giggled. "Exactly like that." She whispered. Emma reopened her eyes and caught Will's loving gaze. "You're amazing too Will."
Will shrugged and she nodded. "You are Will. No one else was able to deal with my crazy the way you can."
"You're not crazy Emma. Everyone has their fears yours just happens to be of germs and since germs are everywhere you constantly need to clean. I deal with them because I love you and its more than just dealing with them. I don't mind it because its who you are and what makes you special. I fell in love with all of you Emma, including your mysophobia. You wouldn't be my Emma if you didn't clean your grapes before eating them." He joked but there was still a seriousness under it. Will was a very sincere man, he always meant what he said and said what he meant. Emma trusted his word like she didn't trust anyone else. She even trusted him more than she trusted herself which is why she was able to live through her pregnancy and the first three and a half months of her daughter's life.
Emma smiled sweetly up at him and then looked down to Jenalyn who had fallen asleep and loosened her grip on Emma's hand. Emma slipped her finger out of Jenalyn's hand but her tiny hand still remained at her face. Emma chuckled at how adorable her daughter could be.
"Let's put her to bed." Emma suggested quietly. Will nodded in agreement and the couple walked slowly and carefully to the nursery.
Will lightly kissed Jenalyn's forehead, whispered, "I love you" and placed her in her crib. Jenalyn let out a little sigh and her hand fell to her side but she didn't awaken. Emma moved to the other side of the crib and pulled the little pink blanket over her.
Will and Emma stared at their sleeping daughter for a minute or two more and then shared a loving and tired look. Emma walked around the crib and towards Will who reached out his hand and took hers. They intwined their fingers together and slowly walked out of the room, Emma closing the door behind her.
They walked back to their room and never letting go of each other's hand, collapsed onto their bed. Emma groaned and curled into Will, gripping onto his shirt and closing her eyes. "Why did you get up again?"
Will chuckled softly and kissed her head. "She would have woken us up anyway. She was hungry."
Emma moaned sleepily in response and her eyes fluttered open as she turned her head up to look at him. "I don't want you to go tomorrow." She mumbled.
He smirked and pushed a strand of her hair out of her face. "Tomorrow's Saturday Em, no school."
A small smile tugged at her lips and she cuddled her head into his chest. "Good." She sighed.
Will chuckled again and flipped onto his back, pulling Emma along with him so her head was using his chest for a pillow. Emma, with her eyes closed, felt around for the blankets and then pulled them up over herself and Will.
"Emma?"
"Hm?"
"We left the light on."
"Don't care." She mumbled sleepily and then groaned when Will got out from under her. "I'll be back in a sec." He reassured her and went to turn off the light and then returned to his space in the bed. Once he was settled, Emma returned to her place on his chest.
Will closed his eyes, sleepiness finally taking over his body. He wrapped one arm around Emma, holding her close to him.
"Will?" Emma whispered, her voice laced with heavy sleepiness.
"Yeah?" Will muttered in response, starting to drift off to sleep.
"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?"
The corners of Will's lip tugged up in a small smile. "I think you've said it once or twice."
"I love you." She repeated, letting out a sleepy, happy sigh. "Very," She yawned, the yawn slurring the words, "Very much."
"I love you too Em." Will whispered. "Very..." His voice started to trail off as he fell asleep. "very..." He let out a quiet breath and finished barely audibly, "..much."
Review if you liked this chapter and/or you liked Hell-0.