[A/N!]
Steph: Hey Dana.
Dana: Hey Steph =]
Steph: We should update "HFO". The retarded one.
Dana: Oh right! So you mean that original one, right?
Steph: The really stupid one we're co-writing.
Dana: Oh! Riight. Hmmm. It's been a while. What like two weeks? Two months?
Steph: Two years.
Dana: Oh. Well then. We should probably get on it then, yeah? People are gunna thnk we lost our minds then disappeared. When in reality we only lost our minds. O.o
Steph: If they weren't lost before, they certainly will be now. We are 18 and writing about cartoon characters and their sexual problems!
Dana: Ha! This is true We must be sexually frustrated ourselves still. Seesh. Its amazing what two years CAN'T do to us O.o.
Steph: Well either way, lets update. I think I miss the absolute retardedness.
Dana: I agree =D
Steph: Update of two years, here we come!
Enjoy =D
Chapter five.
The pizza came to the tower and the four friends devoured it in about two minutes. Each had two slices and almost swallowed them whole.
"Hey, were we supposed to save some for Raven?" Robin blinked at the empty box.
"Yea…I think so." Tofu mumbled.
"Snooze, ya lose." Cyborg crunched the box into a small piece and threw it away.
"Hey guys, do you that pizza you were talking about?" Ravens black ghosty zombie thingy stood in the corner of the kitchen.
"We didn't get any pizza!" Star cried, obviously lying."
"Sure. Whatever." And Raven floated/drifted/slunk away.
"We have frozen pizzas, my dear friend!" Star flew next to Ravens moving figure.
"You ate all the pizza so I'm not going to tell the group my secret." She glared at Star.
Tofu ran up with a bottle. "We have alcohol!" he desperately squeeked.
"Give me that." Tofu gave her the bottle expectant but he expected the wrong thing. The bottle came flying down and smashed on his head. He slumped down on the ground unconcsious.
"Raven!"
"Cyborg!"
"Raven!"
"Cyborg!"
"Stop it!"
"Stop it!"
"Go to your body!"
"Go get a body!"
"That's cold man. Real cold."
"Not my fault the car crashed."
Robin spoke up. "Raven, you're being totally ruthless and cruel for no reason. Go back to our body and stay there. Im putting you on lockdown so you can't mystically leave your body again."
"Sure DADDY." Raven steamed away to her room.
Star flew to Tofu. "Green midget? Is thoust alright?"
"Oh where art thou Juliet?" Tofu sat up gently, eyes blurred.
"These people are so stupid." Robin hung his head in despair.
"How they ever became fighters, I don't know." Cyborg agreed.
"Don't look at me. I am from Tamaran. I like to learn about your peoples past and history. He is the 'weird-o' I believe as you say, that spoke like that?" star ratted him out.
"Ok, I have news to tell." Raven came out of the closet.
(Not THAT way.)
Tofu was up in an instant.
(Not THAT way.)
"You're telling us?!" Cyborg said.
"Yes."
Robin looked at her with big expectant girly eyes. "Do tell! Spill your dirty nasty little secret!"
The four Titans looked at him.
"What? I wanna know."
"So to begin, Slade tied me up by my hands and feet to the bed posts where he ravashed me everyday."
Tofu collapsed.
"HAHA, jk jk. But he gave me some alcohol, and I got drunk off of the one bottle."
"Damn girl, you some lightweight!" Cyborg said.
"Well, I actually wasn't drunk…"
"Damn girl, you some brains!" Cyborg said.
"Well what happened? Did you get secrets of his? Where he keeps his machines and ideas? Where he trains? What's behind the mask? What his-"
"No Robin. We hooked up."
Tofu collapsed.
"Yea, umm, Raven…Slade…hooking up… ummm… Who's up for a movie night?"
"Me!" Cyborg said.
"Ooh, can we get Titanic?" Star flitted out.
Raven looked at Robin with hurt eyes.
"Bitch, go find your real man."
Robin left.
"Tofu? Will you stay with me?" Raven pleaded for him.
"Fuck no bitch. You hook up with *gag* him but not with me? Jeez what am I? Not good enough?"
"You're green."
. Tofu morphed into a bat and flew out of the room.
-028
He smiled. The four fags were getting a movie. He'd now act the RAPE OF RAVEN.
DUH DUH DUHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ;)
The end until next time.
NOT.
-300
They walked by each self, catergorized by genre. Horror, drama, romance, science fiction…Adult picks. Cyborg stared with his mouth open and drooling. Tofu ran in circles around the section screaming, "I found it! I found it!"
"What did you find?" Starfire asked, holding "Titanic."
"The Rape of Raven!"
Robin blinked once in Tofu's direction and then turned away talking to himself. He wanted Naploean Dynamite. It was absurd stupid and pointless.
Cy stared drooling at the porno.
:)
They ended up getting all four.
But then,
"Raven's gone flatline!" Cy stared in gaping horror at his meter.
Tofu looked at Cy and blinked.
"C ya." Robin left.
"Peace, y'all." Star skipped away singing "I'm a gummy bear cuz I'm a gummy bear… I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear. Cuz im a jelly bear. I'm a gummy bear. I'm a moving grooving shaking belly gummy bear!"
"Yea, bye." Tofu left.
Cy ran after them. "Wait, what?"
"Dude, we have a movie."
"I have Titanic! They diiiiiiie…. I'm a gummy bear cuz I'm a gummy bear… I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear. Cuz im a jelly bear. I'm a gummy bear. I'm a moving grooving shaking belly gummy bear "
"I miss Raven."
"YOU DIPSHIT- WERE GOING BACK TO RAVEN."
"Oh. Then lets go!"
"YES, LET'S!"
-69
Slade stood in Raven's room. She had her sheets wrapped around her thong, He raised one eyebrow in question.
"Whaaaaaat? Let's see you wear a thong."
"I do."
"Like I needed to know that…" She looked at the monitor. "Well what are you here for?"
"To fuck you."
"No seriously."
"Stand up." Raven stood up.
"Now put on the cuffs." He handed her a pair of pink cuffs with purple fuzz.
She raised her eyebrows in question.
"A little kinky, huh?"
"Only hard core kinky sex."
!!
"You heard me?!"
"I've been eavesdropping the whole time."
-.-
"So what are you here for?"
"To kidnap you. And you in my life!"
"Awww! That's so sweet!"
Raven laid in his arms as he took her away. She thought about how she couldn't even stop thinking about him for days on end. Is he sedeucing me? she thought. She had completely fallen for him, through and through. No joke.
-loz
The four friends burst into the room where Raven lay.
"Nooooo!!!" Tofu yelled. He grabbed her sheets were she did lay and inhaled. He cried and inhaled. "She's gooooone!"
"Get a life and grow up." Robin sneered at Tofu. "And you left the movies at the store!" He whacked Tofu on the head.
Cyborg looked at her empty bed in despair. "Why did we leave her?"
"ITS YOUR FAULT YOU TIN CAN!"
"My fault?" Cyborg retorted, offended. "You're the one who constantly tried to hit on her and make your move!"
"Dude. The bitch is hot, okay? Don't blame me, blame my hormones!" Tofu defended himself.
"Okay, cause that's totally rational. I'll get all up in your bodily chemicals."
"Dude. Leave my chemicals alone, yah? Dude."
"Dude."
"Dude."
"Dude! Stop saying it!" Tofu raised an eyebrow. Robin rolled his eyes and hung his head in the background. He grabbed a bag of opened stale chips.
"Who could have taken her...," he pondered aloud.
"I do have a guess, but I am afraid it is quite obvious."
"DUDE. I totally know who it is!" Tofu exclaimed, throwing his arms up.
"If you do know who, then I will be quite worried," Star pointed out.
"It was totally Edward Cullen." There was a long silence as Cyborg, Robin, and Starfire exchanged looks.
"What?!" they all said in unison.
"Who the hell is that?" Robin asked.
Tofu's jaw dropped.
"You obviously don't read." Tofu stated with a "duh, you fucktard" attitude.
"You obviously haven't read the script!" Cyborg bellowed.
"Correction, you obviously haven't read the script."
"I am worried about you," Star silently stated.
"Worried is an understatement," Robin said rolling his eyes again.
"Honestly!" Tofu pleaded. "There is tiny subtext that says that the Edward Cullen scene could and possibly may be used in the final production!"
"Then why weren't we informed, yah bucket of--."
"Ad lib."
"Ad lib? I'll ad lib something...." Cyborg went to go pummel Tofu in to yesterday when the tower's doors slid open.
In walked in pale perfection. A tall, slender male with broad shoulders appeared. His eyes were richly amber, and his messy, unkempt looking hair was a semi dark brown with light golden blonde highlights. His jaw was pronounced, his most noticeable feature, and his fourth best feature. His shoulders and chest area, his hands, and eyes, were his third, second, and first features respectively. His hair was also uncannily attractive. He was beautiful. He was a mixture of all the world's most wanted features put in to one heart quickening god-like creature. As one looked upon his beautiful body, one could barely resist the fierce urge to rub one's hands on every inch of his nearly translucent skin.
"I am Edward Cullen." The words filled the stagnant air. Starfire released her breath in a long stream. She was mystified by this creation that was sinfully hard to ignore. He looked around at each of them, and pursed his lips. He read their minds, and while he was flattered, he was horrified at the complexity of their simple mindedness.
"Oh my demi-god…" Star gazed in breathless wonder.
"Who is he?" Robin said.
"EDWARD CULLEN!!! …This douche better not get with Raven too…" Edward heard in Tofu's head.
Cyborg demanded, "Who are you?"
Edward Cullen spoke again. His voice was full of dark godliness and was the definition of absolute sex. It was so mysterious and masculine. It was a breathtaking sound of magic and fulfillment. "I told you who I am, you imbecile."
Cy looked at him angrily. "Yo man, who the fuck do you think you are?"
Edward muttered, "Stronger than you, that's for sure…"
"I am a machine! Nothing beats me!" Edward's gorgeous chest rumbled from a quiet animalistic growl in self satisfaction that knowing that the Cyborg was wrong. Edward knew that he, in all his amazing-ness, awesome-ness, godliness, gorgeousness was the strongest organic anomaly on the planet. Tofu ran in to interrupt. And talk to EDWARD CULLEN!!!
"Eddie!" Before Tofu could flinch, Edward had Tofu suspended in the air by the collar. Tofu squeaked and morphed into a mouse. Edward laughed, and bells rang! As frightened as Tofu was, he fell in love with his bell-like laugh.
"Even a human with non-human qualities is still incredibly...stupid. I could crush you right now...."
Tofu winked. "Sure ya could!" and he morphed in to a gorilla, barely fitting in to the room.
Edward sneered a gorgeous sneer when a man and a wolf walked into the room. Tofu immediately morphed into a wolf and sniffed the other wolf's butt. Star headed towards the woman. Robin went to Edward Cullen.
"Why are you here?"
Edward just stared quietly.
"You're in my tower! Why are you here?" Even though he was speaking, Robin couldn't stop thinking about Edward bulging muscles…the curve of his figure as his Armani clothing fitted to him perfectly. His dark hair fell just perfectly to this side, and his hands…Oh how they could grasp Robin's own-
"Dude, could you just please stop thinking about me? It's rather disturbing." Robin gasped, and blushed in full fledged embarrassment.
The two wolves continued to sniff each other's butts. Apparently something smelled pretty good, since they hadn't let go yet.
Star looked at the woman. "You are very peculiar."
Taken aback, the woman retorted, "You're face is from a different world."
Thinking it was compliment, Star exclaimed, "Oh, thank you! I am from Tamaran, and I am pleased to meet a friend who knows I am not from this planet!"
"Fucktard." And Bella walked to Edward and took his hand, which was ice cold. Smiling sweetly at him, she half jokingly said, "God damn you, yea damned vamp."
"Let's not get personal…"
The wolf Tofu was sniffing looked up and ran to the couple. Tofu morphed into human and joined the Titans.
Edward spoke, in his godly, oh so godly voice. "My friend wants to know how you morph with clothing." There was a bit of sting on the word friend, as if he was disgusted from associating the word with the wolf.
"Until he sniffs my butt more, I'm not telling." Tofu protested.
"What are you doing here!?!?" Robin exclaimed, truly upset with the disturbance of the .. odd but amazingly hot.. visitors.
Robin looked at the three and glared. "Who-"
Tofu interjected. "You don't know who he is?!"
"NO I FUCKING DON'T."
"He's EDWARD CULLEN!!!!! Of the Twilight series!"
"Oh those stupid books you keep drooling over."
"They're not stupid!"
"Ha. Ha. Haha. Hahaha! Those books…"
"They're not stupid! Its amazing, it's magical, it's a wonder, it's-"
"Those books are some woman's sick fantasy of a story that should not have been published. She didn't give any character development, she wrote Bella too weak and too in love. And, ridiculously selfish! She is just about to get over Edward and finally fall in love with the other perfect guy and then dumps him for the first one. There is a stupid love triangle that is just…so far fetched I don't even think the werewolf could retrieve it. Vampires are bloodsucking fiends and she makes them pretty. What kind of monster sparkles?! There is minimal true violence, no graphic sex scenes...of which I'm still not sure how the hell the author got away with that..... Those books are the stupidest thing I've ever read. And what's even worse? They have so much potential of being the best romance novels ever written but they're muddled by senseless crap. And who the hell wanted to read Ja...whatever's point of view?! Isn't Edward the main squeeze and Edward the father of Bella's child?! So don't talk to me anymore about your stupid Edward Bella and Jason …Jaden …James…Jared…Jefferey…Justin…"
"JACOB!" Jacob screamed in frustration, squeezing into clothing, trying to stand up in defense of Bella and himself. He flopped over pulling on his pants.
"Yea, him."
Edward's right corner of his lip was pulling up and trembling, and a growl was ripping through his chest. In a blink of an eye had Robin at the throat. The superhuman stood no chance against the fictional vampire.
"Edward!" Bella gasped. "Don't!"
"Talk about Bella that way again and I'll be sure to leave you immobile for the rest of your short, meaningless life...." Edward snarled. He let him go, and Robin fell to the floor clutching his neck.
"You're not...not even real!" Robin wheezed. Edward turned. Robin gathered his courage and yelled at Edward. "How did you even find your masculinity through all that whining in your fourth installment. A real man would have gotten rid of Jacob... permanently."
"You're lucky I'm selfless."
"Bella is lucky she is selfish. She gets the best of both worlds! Infinite unwritten sex with a sparkle-y vampire and a best friend with benefits!"
"Stop critizing my life! Jeez! You're being so rude!" Bella exclaimed.
"You're life?! It's a stupid book! Im still trying to fathom how you're here!" Robin cried.
"Stupid book?! Thank you for saying my life is stupid!" Bella protested.
"You're life? HA. If that's your life then I'm a fairy."
"do not criticize the fairy for she has powers too." Star smiled demurely at Robin. "Robin, we should make friends with our guests. They might have important connections."
"Yea, to the morgue." Robin glowered.
"Or a blood bank," Cyborg snickered.
-?!?
Raven and Slade sat behind the cameras watching the set as the intensity ensued.
"I am so glad that our author allowed us to express ourself sexually."
Slade laughed. "Either way, sex complicates everything."
Raven paused.
"I'm in the mood; wanna go do it in the trailer?" she asked, jumping to her feet.
"The faster we run, the quicker I'll be able to inseminate you."
"Insem...inate?"
"Why doesn't any of the cast read the script?" he moaned.
"Because technically there is none. So...what does inseminate mean?"
Slade grinned.
"Give me ten minutes and I'll show you." Delighted, Raven immediately ran to the trailer to be inseminated.