A/N: Hey guys, it's been a while! I'm sorry; I've been super busy. I'll try to update some of my other material soon, but I just had to write this one-shot after hearing the song, "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. It's beautiful, and I only hope that I can face death in the same way as the girl in this song did.
I suggest watching the music video, I was inspired in part by the video as well.
Disclaimer: I own nothing
If I Die Young
I blinked, confused by the sudden change of scenery. For the past six months, four white walls imprisoned me from the outside world. I could recall every crack and tile in great detail. However, I found that I no longer was there. Instead, I was standing by the shores of a mighty river that was surrounded by countless majestic sequoias. I stood there, allowing the beauty of nature to overtake my mind and soul.
In the midst of my admiration, a persistent thought crept into my brain. Reflexively, my hand flew to my skull. I gasped as I felt the soft curls that had been lost ages ago. How I had missed my hair. I never thought I would feel it again.
A second thought occurred to me. Hopeful, I felt my body. It felt smooth. I couldn't believe it. Lifting my yellow tank top, I looked at my midsection to verify and sure enough, my pale skin no longer bore scars.
How was this possible? Was this a dream? Was I going to wake up and find myself back in my sterile prison? Something stirred within me, and somehow I knew I wouldn't be waking up. I didn't know how I knew, but at that moment I realized why I had hair again and why my skin was unmarred.
I was dead.
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
It didn't feel real. I was dead? I was only nineteen; I had my whole life ahead of me. My family…my friends…him. I wasn't supposed to lose them yet, and they weren't supposed to lose me. Death was for old people, those who were already at the finish line of life. Not people who were at the starting line.
It was then I realized that I wasn't upset. All the fear and anger I had this whole time had vanished. I was at peace. I couldn't explain why I felt this way; all I knew was that I did.
The only concern I had was not for myself, but for my loved ones. How were they? Did we get to say goodbye? More than anything, I wanted to reassure them that I was fine, that they could move on with their lives.
Suddenly, the once still forest became alive with the movement of the wind. The gust picked up greatly, causing leaves and dirt to fly upwards. I covered my eyes instinctively and closed them.
The gale ceased just as quickly as it had begun. I opened my eyes and saw that I was no longer standing by the river. I was inside a very familiar house,
looking at the face of a very familiar person.
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
She was standing in our living room, looking at the table situated near the window. On the table was a beautiful vase filled with equally beautiful pink camellias. Her face was gaunt, and her eyes hollow. She had her arms wrapped around her thin frame, as if combating a winter storm.
She remained frozen for several moments, her eyes trained on the pink camellias. Then, as if she had awoken from a daydream, she moved toward the table. Picking up one of the camellias, she brought it to eye level, twirling it slowly, as if she were studying it.
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time
Her eyes filled with tears, the lone camellia shaking in her hand as her body shook. Roughly, she firmly placed the camellia back in the vase as she fell into a nearby chair. Putting her head on the table, she wrapped her hands around her head and began to weep. Through her sobs, I heard her choke out one word.
Camille!
My heart broke watching my mother cry for me. The phrase "no parent should have to bury her child" was well-known to me, but for the first time I truly understood why it existed. Her brokenness was almost too much for me to bear. I walked over to the table and sat in the chair next to her. I placed my hand on her head, but she did not stir.
"Mom, it's okay," I said, even though I knew she couldn't hear me. "I'm okay. You don't need to cry for me anymore. I'm in a better place. And even though I'm gone, I will always be your little girl.
Her cries subsided slightly. I beamed at her, even though I knew she couldn't see me. I could only hope she felt my words and smile. I leaned toward her and kissed her on the cheek. She shivered and lightly touched where I had just kissed her.
Camille? she repeated, her voice raspy.
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
I wanted to reach out to her, to let her know I was there. But the room began to fade away, along with my mother's face, and suddenly I found myself in a graveyard. The sky was a cloudy grey, and the trees were covered in red and yellow leaves. The color of the trees contrasted greatly with the hundreds of grey tombstones in front of me. The cemetery was completely empty, save for one being I saw in the distance. I watched the figure for several minutes, but he did not moved.
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time
And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger
I felt compelled to approach him. I couldn't rationalize why I felt such a yearning to do so, and yet the sensation grew with each second that past. Overwhelmed by these emotions, I quickly walked to where he stood. With each step I took, his countenance became clearer. By the time I reached him, his face was crystal clear.
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town who says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had, just enough time
Logan's tear stained face only was enough to make my cry with him. He looked so sorrowful, so lost. As if his whole world was taken away from him. I wrapped my arms around him and embraced him as tightly as I could. Like my mother, he didn't respond to my touch. Instead, he fell to the ground, as if the act of standing was too much for him.
I sank to my knees as well and glanced at the tombstone in front of us. Reading the epigraph made me shudder.
Here lies Camille Roberts. Loving daughter and friend. Beloved actress.
1991-2010
I didn't have much time to contemplate being in the presence of my gravesite, for Logan began to speak.
You were supposed to live, Camille. You were supposed to beat it. We had our whole life planned out. I can't live without you Camille. You're all I have. I—
He stopped speaking in attempts to choke back a sob. But the task proved too great, for he began to bawl uncontrollably.
I reached out to my fiancée once more and hugged him as tightly as I could. I knew he couldn't feel it, but it was all I could do for him.
"You were my one true love, Logan," I told emphatically, "I wanted to beat it more than you could possibly ever know. I wanted to get better and start our life. Start our family. But the numbers were against us. You knew that from the very beginning."
I paused, remembering how he tried to hide how dismal my chances of survival were. He was in studying medicine and was brilliant with all things concerning the medical field. I knew as soon as he learned of my diagnosis how much research he did. He was diligent, finding all kinds of statistics and innovative procedures. But it simply wasn't enough.
So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
"We didn't get our dream life," I continued quietly, "But that doesn't mean you can't find a new one. Logan, I'm happy. I'm no longer in pain. I want you to be happy, too. You need to live your life, find your happiness. It's out there for you, I promise. And I swear I'll be with you every single step of the way. I love you and I always will."
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Logan composed himself, brushing away the stray tears that fell down his face. He inhaled deeply and exhaled deeply. He repeated this breathing pattern for several minutes before a small smile formed on his face.
It's crazy, Camille. It's almost like you're here with me. I will always love you, Camille. Forever. I don't know how I can live without you, and yet it's because of you that I know I will live. I don't know how I know, but I can feel it in my heart that you're watching over me and the others. We will never forget you, my darling.
Oh oh
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh
I smiled brightly at my love. I knew he would be okay, too. They all would be. I would be there for them until the end of their days, watching over them. It was the least I could do. Fondly, I ruffled his hair like I used to. He didn't flinch, but it was okay. Now that I got to see him and my mother for the last time, I was at peace.
Suddenly, the sun broke through the cloudy sky. It's radiance shone brightly over us, covering us in its warmth. Its light became so bright that Logan had to shield his eyes. As I watched the sun, I felt in my heart that it was time to go. Just for a little while. Somehow, I also knew that I would be back in the company of my treasured ones.
I stood up and faced the sun. Its glow enveloped my being, and with one last look at Logan, I was gone.
But I would be back.
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time
So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
A/N: I really hope you enjoyed reading this. I actually began to tear a little as I wrote this, and that doesn't happen to me often. I would like to dedicate this to all the people who have died before their time. It truly is sad w hen someone full of such potential is extinguished before he or she can cultivate his or her gifts. And I would also like to dedicate this to those who have lost someone at a young age. I can completely commiserate, and I hope we all can find peace one day.
Thank you so much for reading.