Chapter Seis.
"Okay," Robin sighed, "now that we're done with the weirdest thing of my freaking life...."
"Dude. That was Edward Cullen.... I should have gotten him to bite me!" Tofu exclaimed.
"What? And be like the fourteen year old girls and boys that run around scratching themselves on the neck so that an ACTOR, mind you, can ... lick it?"
"Totally! I mean, he might be disgusted cause I'm green and all...."
"I think the green skin color wouldn't be a problem after getting past your personality." Robin jabbed. Cyborg joined in and gave Robin a high five.
"You guys are totally rude," Tofu exclaimed and then strutted off.
Starfire sat in the distance watching the three go on about Edward when all she could think about was the obnoxious main character, Bella. Then, she remembered a distant character in her own life.
"Hey! Where's Raven?" she called to them, "aren't we looking for her?"
"WE WERE TALKING ABOUT EDWARD!" Tofu calls from the room over. Star rolls her eyes.
"I mean, I guess we should. She is apart of our team." Robin said.
"What team? Raven is always off fornicating with Slade, Tofu is...tofu, you're not much a leader, Star is off finding her sexuality, and I'm stuck in the middle of this freak show!"
"Well boo hoo. Go cry me a river and rust your parts for all I care."
Cyborg starts to shed a tear. "I wish someone would care!" He runs off to his room.
"We should look for Raven," Star reminded Robin.
"We could. But we could also have sex."
"Robin our parts don't...."
"Oh right. We don't match. But I'd go gay for you."
"Would you?" Star's eyes twinkled, "but I do prefer the va--."
"Please Star...for me. I'm giving up my manhood for you."
"After we find Raven. I'll consider it." Robin stood up...literally...in both ways..., and headed for the door. Star smirked and ran after him to find their "lost" friend.
Meanwhile.....
"Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh..." (the mask and condom are on, mind you)
"Oh oh oh Slade...oh oh OH!"
"Rachel!"
Raven stopped him. "Rachel?"
"Sorry, after you die, I'm going to forget about you and go have a Rachel fling."
"Oh...well in that case... Tofu! Tofu! Oh you beast!"
Slade now stopped her. "Tofu? Oh all people, you had to give me the most smallest pipsqueak joke of a man? He doesn't even deserve a penis."
"Well Rachel can go suck your cock in twenty years but for now, give me the attention."
"at least I have twenty more years of sex ahead of me."
"Shut up and fuck me."
"Rawr!"
A tapping tapped on the tap-worthy window. A bird just ducked out of sight and then Tofu's head popped up. He smiled and waved exuberantly like a pedophile.
"What the hell is he doing?" Raven said, again stopping the insemination.
"Shut up you whore. You're the one who called him." Slade sniggered.
"Hey guys! Whactha doin? canoodling, eh? Well aren't you two peas in a pod!" Tofu smiled widely.
Slade glared at the window and immediately stripped the covers off his body. He stood up to his full massive six feet four height and strode to the window. Tofu gasped in slight awe and fear of the mask and his manhood. Slade looked at him sneered and said, "get lost you pipsqueak. I'm inseminating her!" and he pulled the shade down.
Tofu blinked in disappointment. "Well. that was rude." He flicked his hand like a gay and morphed into a bird a flew away.
"Hey guys! I found them! They're in-SEM-in-ating!!! Whatever that means."
"They're what?"
"Idk. Google it."
"Well, considering we don't have a computer here to do so, so --"
Cyborg's eye started to blink, and his facial features became lucid as he rattled off the definition from google, "Inseminate. In-sem-i-nate. Verb (used with object), -nat⋅ed, -nat⋅ing. One: to inject semen into the female reproductive tract; impregnate. Two: to sow; implant seed into. Three: to sow as seed in something; implant: to inseminate youth with new ideas."
"Well thank you Mr. Webster! Now that we have a wonderfully detailed picture of Slade and Raven...let's go acquire her.
"Like right now....while she is sweaty from procreating." Cyborg paused to process the request. "Are you insane? Why don't we just park it outside and wait until they decide to leave."
"Wait. The definition that Cyborg read. The seed. What does that seed mean?" Star asked, perplexed.
Robin bluntly said, "When you jiz? That stuff."
"The seed is where babies come from!" Tofu gleefully shouted.
"We DON'T need a bunch of Tofu bunnies running around," Robin said.
"They'd be cute."
"They'd be everywhere."
"They'd be adorable!"
"They'd be annoying!"
"They'd be sweet."
"They'd be terrible!"
"Sweet!"
"Terrible."
"Sweet as Easter candy."
"Well. I'll eat the chocolate bunnies."
"You're a sick man, Robin...."
Robin lifts an eyebrow in confusion. "Okay. Well, we'll follow Definition Man's idea and park it. [in the rear! tee hee]
The four lean against the front of the house waiting for Raven. It appropriately fell back and broke under their heavy weight.
"Heh, oops." Tofu shrugged.
"Uhm yah I have other things to do...," Robin rubbed the back of his neck and ran off.
"Yeah! Like downloading more definitions from Google."
"Hmm. Maybe Bella is around here somewhere...."
"If you can get past Edward!" Tofu screamed after her.
"Getting around Edward won't be too hard. After all, he let her mess around with Jacob."
WTF.
INT. SLADE'S TRAILER - MIDDAY
SLADE
You know we've been breeding quite a while. You sure you're not knocked up?
RAVEN
Yes. I think I would know, after all I'm kinda psychic.
SLADE
You are?
RAVEN
...sure.
Slade gives her a dismissive look.
SLADE
Well go home cause I'm tired, and there is no way in hell that I'm going to be a baby's daddy.
RAVEN
So you're abandoning me and my baby?
SLADE
(in excited astonishment)
So you are preggo?
RAVEN
(nonchalantly)
Sure, we'll go with that.
SLADE
So is there a bun in the oven or not, bitch?
RAVEN
No.
SLADE
You sure?
RAVEN
No.
SLADE
How about now?
RAVEN
Probably not.
SLADE
When will you be sure.
RAVEN
In about nine months.
SLADE
Isn't it a little late by then?
RAVEN
No, that's when you'll get the phone call.
SLADE
That's the wonderful thing about phones; you can hang up and never talk to the speaker again.
RAVEN
You're a terrible sire.
SLADE
I'm NOT a father.
RAVEN
How do you know if I don't even know.
SLADE
Well I don't. But I'll push you down the stairs if you are.
RAVEN
I'm leaving.
SLADE
So soon?
RAVEN
I'm protecting my unborn child.
SLADE
So you're pregnant?
RAVEN
...Maybe.
Slade punches himself in the face, and when he regains consciousness, she is gone. He walks outside and sees the destroyed porch of the set.
CUT TO:
LOL
Raven walked into the Titan's "O" Tower. "Hey peeps. Whats poppin?"
The foursome looked at her in open surprise.
"Raven, dear friend , you are back!"
"Yea?"
"We found you at Slade's house, but then we destroyed the screen porch so we peaced out."
"Oh that was you?"
"Yuppers."
"Hmm."
Tofu looked at her. "So you preggo yet?"
She looked back at him slightly hurt. "Why must everyone assume I am pregnant?"
"Cuz' it's not like you haven't been propagating with our enemy!" Robin glared.
"At least I am getting some." She snickered at Star and walked into her room.
"Why must they assume I'm not getting some?" Robin stated.
Cyborg muttered, "Cuz she has a dick, you dumbass."
Tofu got up and ran to the fridge, grabbed two cans of soda and ran into Ravens room.
INT. RAVEN'S ROOM - NIGHT
RAVEN is reading when SLADE comes in through the ceiling.
RAVEN
What the hell? Why did you drop in through the ceiling?
SLADE
I needed to do something different. The window was just so...cliche.
RAVEN
Well you definitely achieved different. Now go away.
SLADE
What, I can't see the mother of my unborn child?
RAVEN
No. She doesn't want you. Besides, there is no child.
SLADE
Are you sure?
RAVEN
Not entirely.
SLADE
How about now?
RAVEN
Possibly....
SLADE
(pauses)
How about now?
RAVEN
(yells)
Would you just shut the fuck up and go away?
SLADE
No.
RAVEN
How about now? Is that convenient for you?
SLADE
No. I want to stay with you.
RAVEN
Shut up.
SLADE
Anywhere you are, is where I want to be.
RAVEN
Like oh my god, get out of here.
SLADE
(like a monologue)
You may wish me away, but I will always be the sun in your day and the moon in your night.
RAVEN
Oh, so you mean the annoying light that won't turn the fuck off? That's totally adorable.
SLADE
Oh Juliet, please let down your defenses for this Romeo.
Raven suppresses a laugh.
RAVEN
If you're Romeo, skip the drama and go kill yourself already.
SLADE
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun--
RAVEN
(cuts off Slade)
If you say that, then I'm going to say I am Tybalt And I kill you, Mercutio.
SLADE
Why do you wish me dead?
RAVEN
You are so freaking annoying.
SLADE
(with intense emotion)
But, I love you.
Raven looks in to his eyes and sees his seriousness. As if his warm feelings melted her cold heart she let her shoulders drop as if defeated. She stands and walks in a direct manner to him.
RAVEN
O Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy leader and refuse thy name,
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Titan.
Intense passionate love ensues as they look at each other and he gingerly wraps his hands around her and pulls her in for an intense kiss on the mouth.
CUT TO:
SOMETHING YOU'LL NEVER SEE!!!
INT. RAVEN'S ROOM - NIGHT
Tofu wipes away a tear from his eye.
TOFU
That was more beautiful than Edward and Bella.
He then walks out of the room sobbing.
THE END...
FOR NOW....