Narrator: The sun is high in the sky and our three heroes are still hobbling away in the hot, hot sand, feeling…well…hot. And sweaty. Very sweaty.
Fangirls: *start squealing excitedly about two certain shirtless characters*
Narrator: SHUT UP!THIS ISN'T A TWILIGHT MOVIE! YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING! THIS IS A DAMN FANFICTION!
Fangirls: *fall silent and wait to see what else the Narrator will say, but they bored very quickly, so they skim down the page to read about where Kurogane and Fai start stripping and then proceed to make out*
Narrator: Hmph. Psychos.
Anyway, now that Splashes of Madness has sent our three heroes out into the desert, what shall become of them now? What insanity will occur?
*BACK TO OUR HEROES*
…
Kurogane: oh GOD WHEN IS HE GOING TO STOP SCREAMING? :C
Fai: *crawling in the sand and frothing*
Syaoran: A better question would be where he gets all that energy from. It looks like he could keep going for another couple hours.
Kurogane: Ffffffffffffffff…
Fai: *suddenly stands up and grabs Syaoran's shirt collar* I CAN'T SEE!
Syaoran: *wipes the spit off his face and finally loses it* JEESH! DAMMIT FAI! YOU ALMOST FREAKIN BLEW MY EARDRUM! WOULD YOU CHILL! I'VE BEEN BLIND IN ONE EYE EVER SINCE I WAS BORN! SO SHUT UP AND CALM DOWN FOR ALL OF OUR SAKES OR SO HELP ME KUROGANE AND I WILL BURY YOU A MILE DEEP IN SAND AND LEAVE YOU! *picks up his sword (still sheathed, of course) and clobbers Fai in the head with it*
Fai: *falls flat on his face* Ouchie! Syoaran is scary! *looks up and blinks* Hey! I can see! HALLELUJAH! I'M NOT BLIND ANYMORE! YIPEE! LET'S CELEBRATE WITH CORN DOGS AND LUCKY CHARMS!
Syaoran: Well, he's not freaking out anymore, but his sanity is still a problem. Lord help us before we all go insane and shoot ourselves, because it's bound to happen the longer we're with him.
Kurogane: Hey, wait a minute. You said you were blind in one eye. So are we dealing with the clone here?
Syaoran: Hmm… I think so.
Kurogane: You think so?
Syaoran: I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. Splashes of Madness said that she stays up nights driving herself crazy about it. I made a clone, which went on adventures with my girlfriend, went insane and ran off, killed loads of people, got practically killed by me, got reborn, married Sakura who gave birth to me. So now my clone, the one I CREATED is my freaking dad. It's like the chicken and the egg philosophy. Who the hell came first? Not only that, but I rewound time. And have another soul in some other dimension who is the subject for lots of yaoi fanfics with somebody who has pretty much no personality. My life is confusing.
Kurogane: No shit.
Syaoran: I think I need therapy.
Kurogane: Forget the therapy; you need a theorist, you freaking walking paradox.
Syaoran: Yeah… if only Sakura- *freezes*
Kurogane: …
Syaoran: *quiet*
Kurogane: …Uh…What-
Syaoran: JUST FOR THIS MOMENT AS LONG AS YOUR MINE I'VE LOST ALL RESISTANCE AND CROSSED SOME BORDERLINE AND IF IT TURNS OUT ITS OVER TOO FAST I'LL MAKE EVERY LAST MOMENT LAST AS LONG AS YOUR MINE!
Kurogane: Shit, the crazy writer-witch wasn't kidding. From now on, no one mention Sakura. *listens to Syaoran some more and grimaces* And why is he singing the girl's part?
Fai: Fai thinks that Syaoran-kun is funny in the head! :3
Kurogane: And you aren't?
Fai: STOP HURTING MY FEELINGS, KURO-BUNNY!
Kurogane: *begins to spazz*
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
Fai: So…thirsty…
Kurogane: We all are, you stupid mage.
Fai: …I have an idea!
Kurogane: What ideas can you have? WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FRIGGIN DESERT. ALL WE CAN DO IS WALK YOU IDIOT.
Fai: I was going to say that maybe, if we appease the readers enough, they'll convince Splashes-sama to give us water!
Syaoran: That…That could actually work, Fai. I'm impressed. You're actually talking in full, intellectual sentences that we can seriously use.
Kurogane: Hmph. But how are we supposed to please them?
Fai: Well duh. The narrator said it in the beginning! Me and Kuro-baby start stripping while Syaoran-kun here takes lots of pictures and then we start rubbing ourselves against ea-
Syaoran: *blood starts coming out of his nose and he runs away screaming*
Kurogane: NO. AND NOW, UNLESS YOU CAN USE YOUR MAGIC FAIRY DUST TO SPROUT WINGS OR MAKE WATER, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ONE MORE PEEP FROM YOU.
Fai: …
Syaoran: *still fleeing over the horizon*
Kurogane: … *turns away*
Fai: *giggles* Peep.
Kurogane: FFFFFFFALSDKFHAISOHDFOASDCHL; *begins to strangle Fai*
Syaoran: *magically reappears* NO! Kurogane-san! You need to calm down! I know just as well as you do how annoying he is, but we need him in order to escape the fanfiction! Madness-san would never forgive us!
Kurogane: *grudgingly lets go of Fai* This is so stupid. *kicks some sand*
Syaoran: *solemnly* Yes, I know, but we need to keep going. Madness-san probably will supply us with water somewhere along the way. She can't thirst us to death, can she?
*silence*
Syaoran: …Can she?
Kurogane: We are going to die.
Fai: Die~!
*And yet more hours later*
Kurogane: I'm starting to miss the point of why the writer witch sent us all out here.
Syaoran: I don't think this is even funny anymore.
Fai: *giggling manically*
Kurogane: *points behind them* What's up with him?
Syaoran: Well… I don't know much, but since I'm obviously the smartest of the group, I'll try and come up with a theory.
*Syaoran stares at Fai really creepily for a few minutes. Kurogane shifts uncomfortably, feeling seriously awkward. Finally, Syaoran turns to Kurogane with a knowing look on his face*
Syaoran: Well, this may not be entirely accurate, but I think that since Fai is clearly the most deranged of all of us, the high temperature from the desert along with the dehydration is causing an effect which…
Kurogane: …
Syaoran: *finally resigns himself to the fact that his entire group is insane and speaks very slowly* Heat make Fai go cuckoo.
Kurogane: Ohhhhhh.
Syaoran: *sighs and begins to walk again* Why is it that everyone I associate myself with is always retarded in some form?
Kurogane: Then what do you call the way you were acting last chapter?
Syaoran: What are you talking about? I have been acting completely rational this entire time.
Kurogane: You had a freaking sun staring contest with Fai for fifty hours.
Syaoran: Don't exaggerate. It was forty-eight hours, twelve minutes and twenty-nine seconds. Jeeze, retard. And I was only acting like that because Madness-sama changed my personality. Again.
Kurogane: So that's why you're acting like Mr. Snooty Pants right now?
Syaoran: Precisely. It seems to me that Madness-sama is not entirely sure on how to display my character while still making it simple to poke fun at me. If my estimations are correct, then I shall soon change once again into a personality that in all probability will resemble our incoherent friend Fai here.
Kurogane: So you're gonna go cuckoo too?
Syaoran: It is highly probable. I calculate that I shall probably change at least once every two chapters.
Kurogane: …#$%. Will you be mad if you go back to normal sometime and find yourself neck-deep in quicksand with the magic lunatic?
Syaoran: I will try not to take any offense. But in return, please do not feel insulted if I try to run you through with my sword.
Kurogane: Whatever.
Syaoran: And pound out your insides.
Kurogane: Fine.
Syaoran: And dance jigs upon your organs.
Kurogane: Okay…
Syaoran: And drink your blood in a ceremonial cup.
Kurogane: …
Syaoran: And offer your remains up to the sun God-
Kurogane: I think the readers understand, you traitorous brat.
Syaoran: I'M NOT DONE YET, YOU MOTHER#$%&$# ASSHOLE!
Kurogane: …
Syaoran: FIHSZAJSIDYR;FUAIOWEHOHASDOFHAI;JSDKFCA
…
Kurogane: What was that.
Syaoran: *humbly* Sorry. Spaz moment.
Kurogane: Are you done.
Syaoran: Yeah.
…
Syaoran: I'm starting to feel twitchy though-
Kurogane: ALL RIGHT lets keep moving. If we don't get to our destination fast enough, we're all going to either end up killing ourselves or eating each other.
Syaoran: Or maybe pedobear will come and eat our brains out.
Kurogane: RIIIIIIGGGHHHT, going to ignore that. Do you two idiots still know how to walk, or am I gonna have to drag you? Because, honestly, I'm not about to do that.
Syaoran: *eye twitches*
Fai: AHM A FREAKIN MAGJIC SORCAHRAHR!
Kurogane: You know what, screw this. *walks away*
Fai: NO WAIIIITTT! COME BACK MY BELOVED! THE FANS HAVEN'T GOT TO SEE US STRIP AND PUT SMOOCHES ALL OVER EACH OTHER'S FACEEEESSSS!
Syaoran: *still twitchy* What about me?
Fai: Go jump in a nuclear lake, Syao-kun nobody likes you.
Syaoran: *goes to cry in his emo corner*
Fai: *jumps at him* HEY! THAT'S MY EMO CORNER! I'M THE GUY WITH THE PAINFUL AND DARK TWISTED PAST! GO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR PRETTY LITTLE SAKURA OR SOMETHING! *starts to wrestle with Syaoran until he realizes that Kuro-puu is still leaving* GASP! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! THERE'S STILL A CHANCE TO SHOW OUR APRECIATION TO THE FANS! KURO-RHINOCEROS! I'M COMING! *drops Syao-chan while he's still singing showtunes and runs after Kurogane screaming other sexual and perverted things, but since I'm the writer, I can decide about whether or not I want you to hear them, and so for the benefit of everybody I won't. Trust me, you don't want to hear. You really don't.*
Syaoran: AS LOOOONNGG AS YOUR MIIIIIIIINNNNNNNEEE!
Chapter 2, DONE! X) What do you think? What do you think? Huh huh huh huh *gets shot in the head by a pissed off Kurogane*
Kurogane: *turns to audience, ignoring the blood splattered on his face* Review or I keel u 2.