Episode Seven…
A long time ago, in a galaxy very, very far away…
A pregnant girl in a black cloak walks to the Titan's laundry room in Studio B also named the Titans 'O' shaped Tower. It is Raven. And she is pregnant.
Raven sends out her dark shadowy ghost thing to tell the others she has news to tell. She knows that within seconds of hearing gossip from Raven, they will come running, flying, slithering and stomping to the laundry room.
"Friends… You have stood by me for years… Now I ask you to stand by me for a little bit longer…" Raven rehearses to the empty room.
Her friends come in to the room, all agog and astounded with breathless intakes of air as they await the profound news from their six month pregnant friend.
"Raven! What is the matter?" Starfire asks.
Raven gaped her mouth open a few times like a fish in air. She was nervous about telling them about her pregnancy. Suddenly, she rushed it all out. "Friends…. You have standed by myself for ages. Now I require you stood by my body for a few moments longer… Shit… that didn't come out right. How do I say it….?"
"Just say what you need to say. We'll understand." Cyborg said.
"Well …friends… I'm pregnant."
"So you FINALLY decide to tell us. Don't you think it's a little late?" Beast Boy cried.
"How did you know?" gasped Raven.
"Right, like it isn't OBVIOUS!" Cyborg growled loudly.
"How is pregnancy obvious? You don't about my other secrets! How should you know about this one! It's not like it's staring you in the face!" Raven protested.
"Umm.. Raven…If I may point out…" Star quietly mumbled, "The secret isn't exactly staring us in the face… we've been staring at it for the past three months." Raven narrowed her eyes and flew away. "But we are happy you've finally told us!" Star called to her friend.
-xXx
Slade sat in Raven's bed naked. He had a blanket wrapped around his hard penis and looked all sexy in his oiled body. He accidentally put too much oil on and glistened a bit too much. He reminded himself of Edward when he looked in the mirror before crawling into Raven's bed.
Raven came into the room upset. As she was deciding when to journey back to the laundry room so as to avoid he obnoxious and obvious friends, she caught a glimpse of Brad Pitt lying on her bed.
She gasped and turned around, realizing it was Slade.
"Slade!"
"Come and make love to me, baby!" He said, failing to be sexy.
"Slade… Honey…*cough* I'm PREGNANT"
He looked down at her enlarged belly. "Oh yeah… Hey raven… sweetheart…. When do you turn legal?"
"Why does it matter? We fornicate regardless."
He sighed. As if something were truly bothering him. "I know…But well… I can't help but to think about marrying you. And If I want to do that… Well… You have to be legal."
"How old is legal?" She eyed his hidden penis.
"19? 18? Actually… I'm not really sure. I've been legal for so long, I can't remember."
"Well, I turn 18 soon. Hopefully then. What was it about being legal you wanted to know?"
"Oh, because I figured we might get married. You know, you're knocked up… and I believe you when you say the child is mine, even though you have YET to take a paternity test…" He huffed a sigh.
"Right… because I have been screwing your understudy all the time."
"You might be!"
"You are so naïve."
At this point, Slade kidnaps Raven. However, she willingly went. So… define the kidnap part of that…
-hst
The Titans were sitting in the living room, eating the quail Tofu flew with the day before. Cyborg had followed him and set up traps from him, but Tofu evaded them all. They were all bored.
"Friends! I am here!" Raven said to the oblivious crowd.
Star exclaimed "Raven! OH good! I have missed your delightful pregnant belly! How are you!"
Raven hugged her friend. "I am even larger than I was a month ago!"
"Well duh, Raven…." Robin said.
Raven looked upset at the comment.
"Hey look! It's Slade's slut!" Tofu called out. "Oh, happy birthday!"
Raven looked at Tofu and Robin. "What is his problem?"
"Ignore him. He is jealous. Of what, I don't know." Star shot Robin a look.
"Seriously Star. You better knock of this jealousy thing." Robin left the room, with Tofu waddling out, transformed as a duck. He was clearly failing in his attempt to be regal as his butt waddled more than usual.
"Raven, what did you want?" Cyborg asked.
"Well, I was hoping to get Star to be my witness for my wedding tonight." Raven said.
"Wedding? Who are you marrying? Since when are you getting married? Can I come! I want to wear a tux!" Cyborg cried out.
"Oh. A wedding. HEY ROBIN! They're getting MARRIED. HINT HINT!" Star yelled so he would hear.
Robin called back, "Who would I marry? Raven? She's already knocked up!"
"Why all the emphasis on my pregnancy?" Raven said, saddened.
"They're just jealous" Cyborg said, indicating both Robin and Tofu.
"Well, Star? Will you watch me get married?" Raven pleaded.
"As long as I don't have to participate in the wedding night." Star replied.
Raven smiled and they left to go to the court house.
Tofu looked into the room when he hadn't heard voices for a while. "Robin. They left."
Robin looked up from what he was doing. "I hate Slade! F-first, he takes *hic* Raven…and now Star….Oooh! Tofu! I don't know what to doooo!" he sobbed. "Our team is getting smaller and smaller….!"
Tofu hugged his upset friend. His hand may have slipped and his eyes may have dropped… but Robin was too upset to notice. Cyborg saw it though.
"We're going to pieces…." Robin mumbled.
-g6
Raven and Slade are happy.
-mgw
Raven and Slade are not happy.
"Mofo! Git off my lawn! Yo' crazy dawg got in my yard las' night and I ain't takin' it no more!"
"Yew shut yo crazy mouf you mofo! I kin do what the hell I wanna!"
"I is trying to prep for the next scene! Yo' BITCH is distractin me!"
"My BITCH is doin what she wants to because I said she can!"
"Slade and Raven are in a fight in the next scene and you makin me so mad, I won't have to ACT!"
"You making ME so mad, I may shoot you for real!"
"You making threats to me?"
"I tellin' you how mad you make me!"
"Suck it!"
"Suck THIS!"
"Suck what?"
"Suck THIS!"
"Suck what?"
"Suck THIS!"
"Suck what?"
"Suck THIS!"
"I cain't see nothing!"
"Thas cuz you BLIIIIND!"
"I am NO BLONDE!"
"I never said you wuz!"
…This goes on for a while. Raven and Slade are clearly not happy, and nor are the actors. They haven't been inseminating enough.
"I don' wan no SEX! You bad at it!"
"I ain' bad! You just diseased!"
Raven and Slade's fight was a little different though. They fight about normal things. Like how Raven is missing her friends too much or she wants her old life back. That stuff.
Slade got out of his trailer and stormed over to Studio B. The Titan's Tower. He tore down the green screen fabric for the Communications to the Outside World computer screen and stood in front of it as if he would be there on camera. "Robin, Raven wants to see you all. Here is an invitation."
-dgr
"Ugh, I'm so mad that I got only one R.S.V.P. to my party," Raven huffed.
"Yeah, but within that one R.S.V.P. ALL four of your friends said they could go," Slade snickered, behind her back with an eye roll.
"You always say the more the merrier though."
"This time all the "merry" was in one shot!"
"You make no sense. Even still, whoever did R.S.V.P. will be here in like-."
The door bell cheered.
"—Now."
"Your timing is impeccable…like I thought your period would have…."
"Oh hush. Just get the door and I'll set the table."
Slade slumped over to the door. Once there, he opened it to four teens staring wide-eyed.
"No." Robin muttered.
"Yes?" Slade questioned.
"It can't be…" Star mumbled.
"He's…." Cyborg started.
"Handsome!" Tofu exclaimed.
All four people slowly cranked their heads towards the green buffoon.
"Really Tofu? Really? We've only been here like five seconds and you already spit out, "handsome" to a man?
"Can I be blamed?" Tofu blatantly pointed to Slade's naked, one-eyed, face.
"Uh, thanks. I think. Wait, what? How can you see my face? You see my face? How is that possible?" Slade frantically plastered his hands all over his face at frightening speed. "YOU CAN SEE MY FACE!" He sprinted, leaving the guests and door unattended, to his mask stupidly placed on the floor by the bed. "You really just can't adhere to my face can you?" Slade talked to the mask sitting smugly on the floor.
Meanwhile, Raven heard the racket, and waddled over to the door.
"Friends!" Raven and Star yelled simultaneously.
"Woah. You're like a ball with limbs." Cyborg jabbed.
"You're like a computer with appendages."
"Ha. Ha. Ha…."
"Oh come here guys and give me a hug!" Raven oozed. No one moved. "No one? Not even Tofu?"
"Let's just get this over with," Robin said and pushed into the doorway and entered into an immaculate house.
"You clean this mansion?" Starfire asked.
"Oh hell no. The cleaning crew comes twice a week. Slade had robots for it, but they malfunctioned and started to clean the dog."
"You have a dog?" Tofu burst into happiness.
"No. It died. It was cleaned to death." The look Raven gave was so serious the others had to laugh.
"Anyways," Slade interjected. His mask was on, fit with a protective cushion for his abused right temple, which he just battered with a punch. "Would anyone like some rum?"
(Jack Sparrow: "Why is all the rum gone?")
(It's Captain Jack Sparrow. They always forget the Captain)
"Oh! I'll get the appetizers!" Cyborg ran past the crowd and found his way into the kitchen.
"Well isn't he the delightful host?" Slade commented.
Tofu started in on a conversation starter. "So…Raven…any good in bed?"
"So instead of wanting the ice broken, you want your face broken?" Slade growled.
Robin narrowed his eyes. "Back off my team members."
"Then tell your team member to back off my wife!"
"Back off your wife and stop knocking her up." Robin mumbled.
"I believe it is perfectly healthy that Raven is pregnant. A couple that exerts that much effort into the "love making" must bear a child, or five hundred." Starfire validated Raven's situation.
"Are you serious? You're defending this sick pedophile?" Robin questioned angrily.
"If there is love, then there is no pedophile."
"I believe you mean pedophilia…." Slade arrogantly corrected.
"Well I think it is pedophilia and you are a pedophile!" Tofu accused.
"I don't think you're a fit match for my team member then!" Robin scowled.
"I believe Raven is free to choose for love!" Star intervened.
"But I believe we should be concerned with Raven's legal safety and SUE HIM!" Tofu said.
Raven rolled her eyes, and turned her attention to the tuna rolls that Cyborg was relentlessly burning in the oven.
"Yeah!" Robin agreed.
"No!" Starfire disagreed.
"YES!"
"NO!"
"WE'LL BE ABLE TO LOCK THIS GUY UP FOR GOOD."
"HE DIDN'T COMMIT A CRIME."
"Stop talking like you left the caps lock on!" Slade said. "I could buy out the courts in my favor anyways. Once again, you lose."
"Lose? Lose like we lost Raven to you?" Robin
"We never lost her, you womanizer! She left…for good," Star said getting all up in his bodily chemicals.
"One day she'll see the bright light and come back to us," says Tofu.
"Exactly. Wait, womanizer? What the hell do you mean?" Robin turned to Star.
"You just want her back so you can screw her!" Star cried.
"But…but..that's what I want to dooo… ," Tofu sobbed.
"Ha. That's what I already did," Slade smirked.
"Screw you and your knocked up wife. I'm done."
Robin turns to leave, and Tofu follows. Star stands sad and stiff (tee hee), unwilling to process the dismissal Robin dealt.
Cyborg bounds in with the plate of charred tuna rolls and shoves them in Slade and Star's faces. "Want some fresh tuna? Tofu swam with them yesterday! They're delicious! And I made them myself!"
Slade palms his forehead, and then regretfully punches himself in the temple before exiting stage left.
-xXx
"PUSH! PUUUUSH!" Tofu yelled at Raven.
"Push! You can do it!" Robin supported Raven.
"Come on Raven! Just a little bit more!" Cyborg yelled.
Raven looked down at the TROUBLE board game and as she reached out her hand, she pushed the middle of the game board and the dice went Pop!
Oh, by the way, Raven's baby had been born about three weeks prior.
-xXx
A Thief In The Night
He looks down at door handle and inserts a picklock. The lock was easy but it was only the first of many traps to the final destination. He opens the door quietly and gingerly steps inside. On the balls of his feet he carries himself up the flight of stairs in a swift motion. It lands him in a grand hallway that boasts three doors on each wall that face the solid wood table set in its center. It has flowers.
He knows the task ahead of him may be the last mission he leads, so he suddenly becomes religious and prays. He focuses on the window at the end of the hallway, and in his peripheral view he tries to sense the danger. Behind four of the doors, large robots equipped with instant termination reside. In another, lay the dangerous man, Slade. His door is just as lethal as the other four. However, the sixth door holds more value to all the jewels and wealth in the world.
There is no obvious door, no sign or marking of the right path. Five out of six doors certain mean great peril. He walks to the center, rationalizing that the farther doors from the center would most likely hold robots set as guards. He looked left and glanced right. The front of the house is too vulnerable for such a precious valuable. He shifted his weight to the left and began to walk toward the center door on the far side of the hallway. His motion would not brake as he entered the room, realizing that in facing death, he could not fear it.
He opened the door, and squinted waiting for death to strike…but it didn't. As he opened his eyes he saw in the corner the treasure he had been seeking. He quietly and gently cradled his new possession. He then exited the house on the opposite stairwell, and raced to his motorcycle.
Two hours later he reaches Plainville and finds a pretty and well kept house on the edge of the city. He then takes his priceless bundle and places it on the doorstep. He lingers for a moment, but then starts his engine for home.
The next morning the patriarch of the home opens the door to leave for work. "Hey," he calls to his wife¸ "when was the last time you had your period?"
"Uh, a month ago?"
"Well that's funny. The stork arrived this morning."