3 Feb 1996
Dear Diary,
Mommy fell over in the kitchen one day and she had to go to the hospital. We visited her and she didn't look too good. Daddy said it's because of her leukemia. Is that like a bone or something? The doctor came in and talked to Daddy and Daddy looked kind of sad, and then he told me that Mommy wouldn't be coming home for a long time. Why are they keeping Mommy so long? I want her to come home soon and be at my birthday party. Mommy makes the best cakes ever. I think that's where I got my cooking skill from. I hope she's okay. Daddy looked really worried. I hope everything's going to be okay.
12 Mar 1996
I think this is bad news. All of Mommy's hair fell out and she looks really sick. Mommy missed my birthday party—it was two days ago. We had to buy a cake from the store. It was good but it wasn't the same as having Mommy's cake. Daddy got me a new sweater. It's light blue and I really like it. I think he's trying to be nice to me because Mommy's sick and couldn't get me anything. He only let me have six friends over so I invited Anabel, Saori, Vivian, Whitney, Daisy and Sabrina. I was the only boy at the party! It was fun, but I still wish Mommy had been there. I hope she's okay.
2 Apr 1996
I'm really, really scared this time. They wouldn't even let us see Mommy when we went to visit. I saw through the window she had a bunch of tubes hooked up to her. What are they doing to her? I hope she's okay. I cried when we got in the car and Daddy had to hold me until I stopped, which was a long time. Daddy says if the worst happens that he'll take care of me. I don't wanna think about the worst. Mommy's going to be around forever. She promised forever and ever. It's all going to be all right…
27 Apr 1996
I wish I never woke up. Daddy got a phone call in the middle of the night and then we drove out to the hospital. The doctors said that Mommy had wanted us to be there in her last moments so we went in the room and talked to her. Daddy looked almost angry but I could tell he was trying not to cry. She said some mushy stuff to Daddy and then she told me "Don't be afraid, Harley. Don't hide yourself from the world. Just follow your heart and be who you are inside." And then one of the doctors came and took me out of the room and sat me down on this bench and just started talking to me about how sometimes people have to go to a better place and I wasn't really listening, I just wanted the world to open up and swallow me and just be done with it. I couldn't stop crying so Daddy didn't bother to try to send me to school. All I could do was sleep all day.
2 Jun 1996
The funeral was two weeks ago. I was too upset to write about it until now. Everything's so different with Mommy gone. We have to either eat out or have microwave dinners, and all Daddy wants to do with me is watch football. Mommy would play dressup with me or brush my hair or play with my dolls with me. She didn't care if I played with girl's toys. Daddy keeps trying to get me to play with boy's toys. I wish he'd leave me alone and let me play with my stuffed animals and Mister Poofy. Mister Poofy doesn't like him very much.
7 Sep 1996
Summer was really boring so I didn't write anything about it. We just stayed at home most of the time and watched TV. School started again. My teachers are really nice like they always are but some of the boys are mean. Boys are always mean. The girls aren't mean to me because we like the same stuff. I don't like math class, though. It's hard. I'm not all that great at dividing and multiplication hurts my head. Some boy took my milk money yesterday. He said I was a sissy. I still don't know what sissy means but I don't think it's a good thing.
28 Oct 1996
Halloween's in two days. I wanted to go as a dancer but Daddy says I can't. He got me a Spider-Man costume. I hate it. It's really ugly. I'm going to go as a dancing Spider-Man because I still have the pretty ribbon I was going to put in my hair and the jingly scarf. All my friends thought it was a great idea and said I was really funny. I'm not going to tell Daddy because he'll make me take off the dancer stuff. I make a pretty stupid looking Spider-Man anyway because I'm kind of short and I'm pretty skinny and my hair is down to my shoulders. I would probably look better in the dancer costume.
15 Nov 1996
The whole fifth grade went on a field trip to the Styrofoam factory. It was kind of boring and I don't know why Styrofoam would relate to anything we were doing in class, but then they let us play in the packing peanuts and everyone was happy. I think we should have more field trips because everyone was too busy having fun to be mean. It seems like almost every day that some kid calls me a name. Sometimes I wish everyone was the same so nobody could be mean to other people. Because everyone's a person, and it's not OK to be mean to them.
22 Dec 1996
Christmas just won't be the same without Mommy around. Daddy will probably try to get me another stupid boy's toy or a video game or something. I miss Mommy. Maybe I'll go ask Daddy to let me use the real oven and make gingerbread cookies. I love cooking. Mommy used to let me help out by bringing her flour and sugar and stuff from the cabinets. I just wish Mommy were still around to cook with us. This year we're going to Grandma's because she's going to make a big holiday dinner. I hope she doesn't think I'm a little girl like she did at Thanksgiving last year. And I hope she likes the cookies I'm going to make!