The morning stretched into afternoon and Susannah had already unpacked all the items that had been carefully tucked into her allotted boxes. Everything she and her son possessed were now strewn throughout the suite into her bedroom, her son's bedroom, the living areas, and now finally her studio. Her mind had been racing chaotically and she was finding it difficult to focus on making things neat and orderly. Her senses were overwhelmed with her new surroundings and her heart was overwhelmed with pangs of bittersweet memories.
The airy studio had large open windows and an even a balcony overlooking the ocean. She could hardly believe this apartment was now her home. It was austere. Metal walls surrounded her and she could only smile. Atlantis was a city beckoning to the soul of an artisan, particularly one who was fond of working with metal. Now, an array of acrylic paints, inks, artisan papers and mediums covered her desk. Her metal working materials and metallurgy research were waiting to be unpacked in the lab space that had been allocated to her newly assembled team.
A subtle masculine smell dusted across her nose and her body stilled. Her skin sizzled and her mind again became jumbled with evocative images of the time they'd shared. She needed fresh air, needed to knock away the haze clouding her heart before she faced him. The door was open to the balcony and she moved before it, releasing her long hair from the clip and allowing the ocean breeze to blow through her already wild strands of hair. She heard his breath catch behind her and she smiled ruefully. John had always been enchanted with her frustrating tangles of hair. She pictured his own thick shock of hair spiking wildly and smiled. She was probably one of the few people he knew that could commiserate with trying to manage uncontrollable locks of hair.
He cleared his throat. "Westley is having dinner with Elizabeth." There was a silence and she heard his footsteps move slowly across the room. "If that's all right with you, of course."
"Why Elizabeth?" Susannah stared into the sunset.
"Well… "John cleared his throat again and she could almost envision him pulling uncomfortably at his collar." Elizabeth sort of insisted we talk after I asked her why you were here. She said that was your story to tell, not hers."
Susannah nodded inwardly. As much as she didn't want to, she already liked Elizabeth. She could see them being good friends in a different life. But now, she questioned the wisdom of developing such a friendship. Elizabeth was very close to John, Susannah had seen the surprise in her eyes earlier. It had been four years. Just because she'd not moved on didn't mean John hadn't.
"Susannah, why are you here?" His footsteps crept closer behind her.
She glanced over her shoulder and immediately regretted the weakness. She'd needed to see his eyes. It hurt to find them shielded and indifferent.
"It was classified-"She started.
"You can do better than that."
Susannah winced, diverting her eyes and moving towards her art table. "I wasn't finished, John. It was classified. Still is. At McMurdo, you didn't have clearance. I couldn't tell you what my day job consisted of and you never seemed to doubt that my life could have consisted of anything beyond the dreary administrative position you thought I held."
John didn't speak and the following silence panged at her heart. She hadn't meant to slight him, but she'd always been a little disappointed he'd never imagined she could have been more.
"I told you I was an army brat, but I never explained that my father was never actually enlisted. He was an arms dealer, or manufacturer, rather. We followed the contracts. Over the years, he taught me. I was his only child, his apprentice. Yes, I am an artist, but, I earn my living building guns and weaponry. I also seem to have a knack at analyzing tactical plans. Hank seemed to think it was my background. Art school and gun building seemed to create a permanent blue screen in my mind. I can look at a battle strategy and often I just "see" a methodology that is anything but textbook, but just seems glaringly clear to me. Maybe I've just been lucky, but Hank called it a gift."
"You do….what?"
Susannah glanced back over her shoulder to find John dragging his fingers through his hair.
"Hank….as in General Landry?"
"I went through school with his daughter Carolyn. I've known him a long time. He brought me to McMurdo before he was even stationed at Cheyenne Mountain."
"You should have told me."
"John, I already told you. You didn't have clearance."
"I had clearance enough to be intimate with you, to have a son with you, but throughout all of that, I never really knew who you were. That's bullshit and you know it!"
John jabbed his finger towards her, causing her anger to flare once again.
"Maybe it was bullshit that you could run off to an assignment that would take you off the grid for years without telling the woman you were involved with. Yes, we were casual. No, you never made any promises- nor did I. But, John, had I left on a mission anything like what you embarked upon, I promise you I would have found a way to say goodbye."
His body grew rigid and he pivoted harshly on his heal. She watched him head for the door. She knew she should just bit her tongue and rise above, but she couldn't help but lash out again.
"I wasn't the only one who kept secrets was I, John? Though I do understand why you wouldn't want everyone to know you were born with a silver spoon. I tried. You will never believe how hard I tried to find you. I needed your support. I missed you…"
John paused and then surprisingly turned back to face her.
"I've met your brother. Finding him was easy. Surprising, but easy. I could never find you, though." Cursing inwardly, she swiped a hot, angry tear from her cheek. "You are the last person I expected to encounter on this mission."
John's hands planted on his hips, his body rigid. There were emotions running through his face she couldn't read.
"I can't read you anymore, John. You're...different. I show up here and, astonishingly, you are getting along with your boss and you are the military leader."
His lips pressed together and his brows furrowed. She was over his silence.
"Come on, John. I don't want to fight with you and I don't know how to cut through your moods anymore. Back at McMurdo, I could drag you out for a beer and some darts. I don't know the subtle little tricks to make you relax and smile anymore, I don't even know how to talk to you. That leaves me with nothing, unless you want me to throw some paint on you again. That night turned out pretty well, if I remember correctly."
The corners of his mouth had edged up when he turned back. His shoulders noticeably relaxed and he walked slowly towards her. As he closed in, she noted the subtle changes she'd overlooked earlier. A smattering of silver laced through his hair and gentle creases had formed at the corners of his eyes. Dark circles had laid claim to the space under those hazel eyes and she instinctively reached her hands towards him.
This had been a ritual when they'd been together. He'd never wanted to talk about his missions, but she'd always been driven to understand what he'd endured. For some reason now, he let her fingers begin the haphazard trek down his neck towards his chest seeking out new scars of battle. It only took a moment to discover the first. Susannah had never been one to indulge John with patience. Her fingers raced to grasp the hem of his shirt tugging it insistently from beneath his BDU's.
He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside, allowing her hands to continue down his chest. His skin was hot beneath her fingers and her breaths grew ragged. John's chest had ceased to move at all, it was as if he was holding his breath under her touch. She found the next scar a moment later and winced, not wanting to imagine how he'd acquired it.
"We're not safe here, are we?" John's eyes pressed shut and his head fell towards the floor. "I should have never brought Wes, I never dreamed they'd resort to allowing a child come here just to get me to commit to the contract if there was this much danger. Can I protect him here, John?"
"Not alone. Maybe not at all. But I promise you, there isn't a single person involved with this mission who wouldn't die trying. "John suddenly twisted uncomfortably wiping his hands across his lower back.
Susannah realized she'd wrapped her arms around his waist. She released John and brought her hands up for examination. "Just a little paint, John. It'll wash away in a few days."
He swiped his paint smudged hand across her nose. "Feel so ambivalent now?"
"John!" The door swished open and McKay burst in seemingly oblivious to the fact he had neither knocked nor been invited inside. "She builds guns. Did you know that?"
She found it amusing Rodney had expected to find John here. Susannah was surprised to find John's face morphing into a bemused expression. His eyes crinkled and a sly knowing smirk crawled across his face.
Rodney's head swiveled back and forth between their bodies. "Oh. I see. I almost feel like calling you Major again, John. I haven't seen that Kirk smirk crossing your face since…..and where is your shirt! Just wait until Elizabeth hears about your behavior. She'll- wait. What is that all over you both? Did you roll in paint?"
Susannah turned to grace John with a wicked wink before facing McKay. She'd always loved screwing with his friends. "You could only be Dr. Rodney McKay. It is a great pleasure to meet you."
She saw John throw a shrug towards McKay while she took slow languid steps well beyond the acceptable limits of the scientist's personal space. "I must say, Rodney, I have been greatly anticipating meeting you. You are a noted scientist after all. Sadly, John was able to make a persuasive case to remind me of his own merits." She winked at John again and tossed his shirt towards him.
She moved so close she could practically feel the scientists skin prickling. She shifted, bringing her mouth level to his ear. "By the way, Sam sends her greetings." She said and firmly grasped his rear.
"What, I….what?" McKay sputtered and spun wildly when she released him.
"Susannah, love, what's going on?" Carson breezed into her quarters looking bewildered at the state of her company. "How are you feeling, my dear?"
"I feel fine, Carson, thank you." Susannah turned towards John. Her heart hummed with pleasure when she found his eyes shining warmly upon her. "I think John and I are about to go flying. I can't wait to try out these Puddle Jumpers."
McKay recovered quickly now. He straightened and jabbed a finger into the air. "Of course, you understand you won't be able to fly them. Training notwithstanding, you need to have the ancient gene to use that technology."
"That won't be a problem, Rodney, Susannah was a natural carrier." Carson grimaced, seeming to already anticipate Rodney's displeasure.
"I suppose that means I need to work on childproofing the city?" McKay scowled fiercely at John. "Unbelievable."
John's stood up and tugged on his shirt. He strode over to Susannah. "We probably should have McKay go over some safety protocol with you and Wes regarding Lantean technology. The kids a natural."
Susannah's head cocked sideways with surprise. John's chest had noticeably puffed outwards with pride when he spoke of Wes. John had matured in ways she would have never dreamed.
John caught her staring and cleared his throat uncomfortably. "So…ready to fly?"
"I hate to admit it, but my license lapsed. I haven't really gotten enough air time since Wes was born."
"I can imagine. Well, don't worry. The ancient gene is the only license you need to fly these ships."
McKay started tapping his foot. "Unbelievable. Four years, Carson, four years and I've dated what, one woman since I've been posted here. A botanist at that. Sheppard's got a gun building, pilot undressing him within minutes. And she has the gene!"
Carson blinked wildly. "They're standing right there Rodney, be quiet. Besides, she's the mother of his child."
"Who also has the gene, don't remind me. Where's Zelenka? We should have been warned. Do you know what that kid could do to Atlantis? I'm not going to sleep for weeks."
John placed his hand at the small of her back and began steering her firmly away from the room.
"Wait. I forgot to deliver the rest of the message from Sam." Susannah turned back to grab McKay, giving him a firm hug before planting a kiss on his cheek. "I think she misses you, Rodney."
She moved back towards John glancing over her shoulder to find McKay with his mouth wide open sputtering intelligible noises.
"Perfect. Just perfect. "Carson wailed."I'm scheduled off duty tonight and she's gone and given him a stroke. "
Her eyes darted to John who was turning red trying not to laugh.
"You're still wicked." He whispered appreciatively before grasping her hand and pulling her into retreat. "Sam never told you to do that."
"Maybe not. But it had to be done. Sam shared enough with me that it just seemed deserved. It's almost like he asks for it, isn't it?"
"You haven't even seen him on his best behavior yet. So, you really want to fly now?"
"No. Not really. I'm guessing there are probably a lot of crew members around those ships." She didn't think she was really up for a high visibility night.
John bit down on his lip frowning. So she hadn't been wrong in her assumption. For a large city, Atlantis probably operated like a small village when it came to hot gossip. News of Wes had probably reached every earbud in the city.
"You'd be guessing correctly." John looked thoughtfully towards her. "Still like golf?"
"You've got to be kidding me. Seriously?"
His eyes twinkled in confirmation and her stomach rolled deliciously.
"You'd better have some decent iron, I didn't bring mine."
John's face molted into one of sheer childlike delight and she couldn't help but yelp at his eagerness. With that heart melting smirk, he grasped her hand tighter and tugged her into motion.
TBC...