Chapter Four
Two days Later
Seeing Owen and Tosh return from their morning visit checking on Ianto's progress Jack went to join them. Normally so decisive he was at a loss of what to do. Should he try and see him, stay away, offer to help, declare to Ianto how much meant to him, say nothing?
"How is he today?" Jack asked as he went to stand next Owen's desk.
"A lot better he had a good sleep last night and I made sure he had breakfast," Tosh told him.
"Does he need anything?" Jack asked. He saw Tosh shake her head.
"No we've seen to everything," Owen told him firmly leaving no doubt about how he felt about Jack's supposed concern.
"What do I do to fix this?" Jack asked them honestly. "I don't want Ianto to leave."
"This is not fixable. Ianto's moving on and after the last few months as much as I'm going to miss him, I'm happy he is going. And to be brutal I don't blame him. I would have walked out months ago if you had treated me like you treated him," Owen starkly pointed out.
"What's so sad Jack is he believes he has failed in some way, failed us and you," Tosh told him.
"He is not the failure here," Jack told them sadly.
"That's not how he sees it. He always feared that he wouldn't be enough and he was right." Tosh added.
"He was, he is enough," Jack reiterated.
"If that's true it's a shame you didn't show him that before it was too late then," Owen snapped back.
"Is it really too late, is there no way back?" Jack asked.
"Do you want the truth?" Tosh asked him bluntly and saw him take a sharp breath and nod his head.
"You sure Jack?" Owen checked.
"I can't fix this if I don't know," Jack told him as Tosh started to speak.
"After all that's happened I think Ianto still has feelings for you, but he is so hurt, because your every action has demonstrated how little he matters to you. From what he tells me all the feelings are on his side anyway because you've made it pretty evident who you would rather be with. So why should Ianto stay where he has to face you and Gwen every day?"
Owen took over. "None of us gets away with what Gwen does. She snaps her fingers and she gets whatever she wants whenever she wants it. She argues with you and you give in. Take the last couple of days for example, she's at home with Rhys because she stamps her foot and demands time off to look after him. I've never had a week off, neither has Tosh or Ianto, and what does she get? A bloody trip to Paris, courtesy of Captain Jack Harkness as an engagement gift." He took a deep breath and Tosh continued.
"You plan a weekend away with Ianto to attend some conference, when she finds out she storms into your office and makes a big fuss about how she should be there as your second in command and you throw over Ianto for her."
"Just so you know Ianto had plans that weekend, a surprise for you," Owen told him. Jack looked startled.
"What!" Jack burst out.
"He had found out there was a 1940's big band concert happening in the same city. He wanted it to be a surprise, to thank you for taking him away. He knew how much you would appreciate a real live band. He showed us the tickets and told us how he was going to spring the surprise on you," Owen explained. "We tried to persuade him to put tickets on eBay to recoup the cost. I asked him later if he had managed to sell them and told me he just tore them up," he added as he saw Jack's shoulders slump. Tosh now spoke.
"You know what makes this so sad Jack? Was that he appeared to have wanted so little in the first place. He told me recently that he would settle for the two of you just talking to each other over a coffee somewhere. So whatever you are thinking is too little too late," she said.
"You need to talk to him Jack, but to be quite honest I'm not sure anything you do or say is going to make any difference," Owen told him.
"Thank you," he said taking a sharp breath then turned and headed back to his office and closed the door.
"He had to be told," Owen said as Tosh nodded.
"It's just so sad," she said.
"I think he's a self-absorbed prick who's getting a long awaited comeuppance and to be honest I'm sick of the way he constantly favours Gwen. Much more and I'll fucking resign," Owen said as he turned toward the medical bay.
Moving slowly Ianto made his way across to Jack's office. It was his first day back and he knew this was not going to be easy and be braced himself for the confrontation. In truth he didn't understand Jack's anger. He had made it very clear to him his value here and he couldn't see any point in remaining. He couldn't imagine what he had to say other than to lecture him about his responsibilities and ensure that Ianto left everything in good order before he left. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
Standing as he entered, Jack pulled out a chair so that Ianto could sit down but to his dismay Ianto chose to remain standing.
"Ianto, somehow you have been left with the impression that you don't count, that your work here is not valued," he said. He saw Ianto nod.
"I and everyone here appreciates what you do. I assure you that the work we do would not be possible if not for your continued excellent efforts. No one works harder than you do and I'm sorry that I have not made it clear how much I and everyone here values what you do," Jack told him.
"Not everyone here appreciates what I do Jack. I know you don't and I think Gwen just considers me part of the furniture," he said. He saw Jack looked saddened as he realised his declaration had had no effect. "I don't count. I'm not important enough for you to bother putting yourself out for because that takes effort. It takes effort to look across a warehouse and see the person you're supposed to care about has been injured and might actually require your attention and help," Ianto said barely managing to keep his composure.
"You're right. I should have checked. I've spoken to Owen and from now on every field trip we will both ensure that no team member is left in such a situation again," Jack told him as he saw Ianto glare at him. "I don't know what else to say. I failed you, I should have checked you were okay and I want to assure you this will never happen again."
Ianto remained silent not trusting himself to speak at this point.
"I don't want you to leave is there anything I can do or say…?" Jack asked him after several uncomfortable moments had passed.
"I made it very clear in my letter why I can't work here. You say things will be different but I know the reality, in the long term nothing will change. Part of the problem is knowing that you say a lot of things, but then for one reason or another you never follow through. You say I'm valuable and essential to running operations when you and I both know the truth. I'm on the bottom on a long list of priorities here in the Hub with Gwen at the top. I finally got the message, I don't matter. I'm not someone you care about as a member of the team, a friend or as a lover," Ianto told him.
"It's not true you do matter," Jack told him struggling to cope with Ianto's words.
"You may not want to face the truth Jack, but whoever you need it's not me, on a professional or personal level. The person you want you can't have. As a consequence you overcompensate by consistently favouring her over every staff member especially me," Ianto told him sighing out loud.
"You are important to me," Jack stuttered. "I don't want you to leave; I promise I will do better, a lot better."
"You forget I've had the 'I pledge to make you a priority in my life' speech. I know that any words you say are basically meaningless. I can't imagine your actions being any clearer," Ianto said struggling to breathe. "Now I need to go because I'm beginning to lose it. Gwen will be in soon and I just don't think I can handle being round either of you, so have we finished?"
"There really is nothing I can do, is there?" Jack asked quietly.
"No," Ianto added as he turned and left.
Evening, a few days later.
Watching from his office Jack observed Ianto has he moved around, picking up files in preparation of returning them to the archives. Jack glanced away, not wanting Ianto to see he was watching him.
He never appreciated just how much he had come to rely on Ianto's company. No matter how early he woke Ianto would appear with a fresh of mug of coffee. Often it was accompanied with some tasty breakfast roll or cinnamon swirl from the bakery across the Plass. It was just one of the many small things Ianto had done for him during each day, making his life that much more bearable. So when had he stopped acknowledging the special nature of this element of Ianto's personality that drove him to show he cared in little moments like that?
Now he recognized he had drawn back unconsciously a fragment a time until he had just seen Ianto as just there as if his actions were some sort of obligation rather than the special tokens they were. Ianto had treated him like a lover making sure Jack knew how much he had cared for him. In return he hadn't even taken the man on the date he had promised.
He saw Ianto move to the coffee machine and knew he was setting up to make Jack a final drink before he departed. It was seven in the evening and Owen would eat his hide if Ianto became overtired. He had taken a half day starting later and Jack hoped to take the opportunity to see if there was anything he could to stop him leaving.
Jack looked up as Ianto entered and placed a file on his desk followed by a mug of coffee. He reached out but Ianto moved his hand away quickly to ensure they didn't touch.
"Please don't go," Jack begged as Ianto let out a huge sigh.
"I need to go Jack. I have no reason to stay. I wasted months in the hope things would improve but now I know there's no future here. I need to move on to somewhere I'm not constantly being taken for granted, and I want a life Jack; going out, seeing people…" he trailed off.
"Everyone here respects what you do," Jack said looking up.
"You know full well that's not true," Ianto told him directly.
"You are vital to the operations of this facility. You are the heart of what happens here," Jack told him.
"Janet's further up the food chain than I am. Even Myfanwy had more time with you that I have had over the past months and anyway I'm replaceable," Ianto told him.
"You are not replaceable!" Jack said struggling not to break down.
"So let's say I stay," Ianto suggested as a flash of hope crossed Jack's face. "I can't handle being around Gwen, the flirting and looks between you along with the favouritism are a constant reminder that I can't compete and she's won. Aside from that just knowing she is who you really want is hard to take. If I remain what do I have to face next? Walking in on the two of you fucking? Christ Jack how much do you think I can take?" Ianto cried out.
"I'll ask her to leave if that's what I need to do to get you to stay," Jack offered desperately.
"What possible kind of future could we have built on knowing I was the cause of you losing the person you really want?" Ianto told him.
"I don't want Gwen," Jack tried to argue.
"You know I don't believe that," Ianto burst out.
When he saw Jack was not going to argue he continued, "Secondly, your suggestion is not fair on Gwen. It's not her fault you constantly favour her over everyone here, that's your fault. The best thing for everyone is for me to remove myself from this situation. Once I'm gone you're free from any obligation. There will be no ex- lover or whatever it was we had, holding you back. But I do have one request," Ianto said. He took a deep breath.
"Anything if it's in my power to grant," Jack said honestly
"Over the next few weeks, I'll try and stay out of your way as much as possible. If you could hold off on moving in on Gwen until after I leave…?" He caught a sob in his throat. "I know it's hard to ask considering your past behaviour but if you could just tone it down in my presence until after I leave, so I don't have to face a constant reminder of how complete my failure actually is?" Ianto told him as a traitorous tear rolled down his face and he hurriedly wiped it away.
"I promise and for what it's worth Ianto, I'm sorry that I have failed you so badly," Jack managed to croak out.
"Thank you Jack," Ianto replied ignoring the second part of Jack's statement. He spun on his heel and he left to continue his preparations for leaving.
Jack felt tears dripping down his face on to his desk but made no move to wipe them away. He listened as he heard main Hub door roll as Ianto left. After a few moments he pulled the keyboard of his computer towards him. There was nothing he could do to change the terrible circumstances of the tragedy he had wrought but he could do one thing. He would ensure that the staff at Torchwood House knew what an amazing and incredible human being they were taking on.